


Wedding of the Year

by ArrowheadProductions



Series: Milestones [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Babysitting, Barbara Gordon is Batgirl, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Batkids Need to Get Their Shit Together, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne Just Wants to be Married, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Dad Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne is Robin, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd is Red Hood, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, No Masks, No one has their shit together, Picking Each Other Up, Protectiveness, Romance, Selina Kyle Just Wants a Drink, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry, Stephanie Brown is Spoiler, Tim Drake is Red Robin, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, Wedding, teen drama, there's a lot going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2018-12-15 05:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 90,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11799756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowheadProductions/pseuds/ArrowheadProductions
Summary: It seems as Bruce Wayne finally gets it together enough to settle down, his kids all simultaneously choose to fall apart. However, their tight family always finds a way to stick together.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place almost entirely in a 24 hour period on Bruce and Selina's wedding day/night.

If Bruce had it his way, they would have eloped on a private island, far away from the darkness and drama that was and always will be, Gotham City. He would bring only Alfred as a witness (and also because the butler would kill him for not inviting him) and send the kids a proper "Just Married" video email. He figured that would have been appropriate enough. Maybe some of them would have been irritated by the lack of notice, but everyone knew they were engaged and the older ones especially understood why time and discretion were so crucial to the secret lives they led. They'd eventually offer their support.

However, he did not get to have it his way at all, which was incredibly ironic given it was his wedding day. Selina would have likely opted for a more private affair as well, but apparently the public needed to know they could trust Bruce Wayne as mayor and sneaking away to have a quick and secret wedding seemed suspiciously like something the playboy they assumed he was would do. Nobody wanted  _that_ Bruce Wayne to protect their city from corruption. No one trusted  _that_ Bruce Wayne could. So, he was offered counsel by Lucius and Alfred along with statistics drawn up by Tim and Barbara that he should have a more public wedding. 

It wasn't open to the public, but it would be in Gotham and he knew they'd be floored with photographers when they left the church. He still wanted it to be a small get together, as small as possible, but Alfred insisted he actually enjoy the most important day of his life and invite friends. Bruce didn't enjoy having other heroes taken away from the homes they protected to see him stand on an alter and say "I do", but Selina agreed that if they were going to do this, they might as well go big for once in their lives. 

"You've got your vows, right, Master Bruce?" Alfred straightened his tie as he had the first day he'd taken him to school after his parents died. He'd been straightening his tie, even if he didn't need it, ever since. He wondered if that was a tic Selina would take over from now on. Silently, he hoped not. His oldest friend and mentor-- neigh, father figure, stood before him and looked up at him with hopeful and kind eyes as he always had. He remembered a day when he was a foot smaller than Alfred Pennyworth, but in Bruce Wayne's eyes, he would always be lesser of a man. Everyone would. 

Bruce smiled and patted his chest, indicating he had the note in his breast pocket. 

"Very well." He nodded. "The boys are all ready. I might say, they all clean up quite nice when they want."

"They're doing it for me. They hate dressing up, well, except Dick. He loves hamming it up."

"Ah, yes, Master Richard has always had a propensity for flair."

"And always will. Although, I'm still unsure about Harleen and Pamela being in my wedding."

"You don't exactly get much reign over the bridesmaid choices, sir."

"At least Barbara, Cassandra, and Stephanie are there as well. Hopefully they'll keep them straight."

"How do you think I feel, Master Bruce? I've got to walk down the aisle with Poison Ivy. Are you absolutely sure about having me as your best man?"

"More sure than I am of most things, Alfred. You're the one person in this world that's always been beside me, through thick and thin. You've raised me from a small and defenseless boy to a dark and delusional man to a..."

"... Less dark and delusional man?"

"Self-assured?"

"Perhaps as Master Jason would say "less pissed off", sir?"

"That seems appropriate. Anyway, it would be blasphemous not to include you in my wedding, let alone as my best man, because you've always been the best man in my life."

The old man's eyes seemed to glisten as he blinked furiously and nodded. "Yes, well, I will try to keep Poison Ivy in line, but no promises towards Harley Quinn. Master Jason was an interesting choice as a pair."

"We were hoping crazy outweighs crazy sometimes. If Jason's got Harley next to him, maybe he won't try any funny business, because he'll be too worried making sure she doesn't blow anything up."

"Ah, that seems like wishful thinking to me."

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Damian promised me a safe and violence-free wedding as his gift to me, despite his vehement disapproval of my choice in bride."

"He'll come around."

"I hope so." Bruce sighed and turned away to look in the mirror. He realized how much older he looked, the years of carrying guilt-ridden burdens taking their toll. However, in his eyes he looked younger than ever. No longer were they dull or absent of light or hope. He knew there was more than the mask now and although he sometimes still believed he didn't deserve such love and affection surrounding him, he knew he had to embrace it to continue being better at what he does. Part of him still felt trying to have it all was a setup for failure and further heartache, but he was wise enough to know that trying in itself was worth it. 

"I never thought this day would happen. Not in a million years."

"I always did." Alfred's voice was soft like silk and delicate as a feather, a smile playing at his lips. "I wanted nothing more for you than to find the love you deserve and to let yourself really be happy. Your parents always wanted that too. They'd be very proud of you, sir."

"And eternally grateful to you. As I am. For being my father, teacher, and friend."

He stuck out his hand. "It has been my honor. Now, I believe it's time we go get you ready to meet the new Mrs. Wayne."

"That it is."

Bruce ignored the hand and pulled him in for a firm embrace instead, patting his back and wishing he could somehow properly thank him for all of his years of loyalty and getting him to this point of self-actualization in one hug, but he knew he couldn't. He would owe Alfred for life, even if he didn't see it as such. Still, the excitement that bubbled up inside him at the thought of Selina Kyle becoming Selina Wayne dissolved much else thought. He knew it was foolish to be overly optimistic when it came to getting the entire Justice League together for a romantic event. Dinah and Ollie's previous weddings have been anything but smooth in the past, but as long as the kids didn't do anything too stupid and he got to walk away with Selina as his wife, it would be an alright day.

Really, what could go wrong?

* * *

 

_Five minutes later..._

"UNHAND ME, TODD OR I WILL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE AND HANG YOU FROM THE ROOFTOP FROM IT!" Bellowed Damian Wayne as he attempted to fight his way from Jason Todd's grip. Jason was showered and clean-shaven, dressed in a tuxedo that seemed out of character especially as he carried his little brother over his shoulder effortlessly. Damian's attempts at escape were futile, though, as Jason was the most physically strong out of all of them and his wiggling, biting, and scratching only tightened his hold.

"Ooh graphic, I like."

"YOU ARE THE MOST VILE AND POOR EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING I SWEAR ONCE I INEVITABLY BREAK FREE FROM YOUR PUTRID CLUTCHES I WILL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!"

"Get in line. A lot of people have already made me feel that way. And here I thought you of all people would be game for a little fun during this wedding, considering you're the only one who doesn't want this to happen."

"HOW BADLY WAS YOUR BRAIN SCRAMBLED IN THE LAZARUS PIT TO MAKE YOU THINK I WOULD EVER IN A MILLION YEARS AGREE TO THIS?"

"Really shouldn't have forgotten the gag at home." He sighed wistfully. "Oh well. At least no one's here yet, right?"

Well, that's what he thought, because shortly after he said that, one of Bruce Wayne's sports cars pulled up in front of them. This obstacle didn't erase the seemingly permanent smile that was etched on Jason's face. 

"Damian!" Dick slammed his car door shut, dressed in a tuxedo of his own with his hair combed neatly for once. "I got your distress call. What the hell, Jay?"

Jason groaned. "Really, brat? You  _told_ on me?"

"I had no choice. You kidnapped me and planned on defaming my character by unleashing me to the public like this-- like a wild dog or something!"

"Dogs don't wear that, dummy."

"Jason, come on!"

"Well excuse me for trying to liven this wedding up by filling in some missing parts."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" 

Jason finally placed Damian down and held him back from his head as the boy tried to swing at him.

"Bruce and Selina don't have a flower girl."

Dick's eyes widened and he fought to keep a smile off his face for Damian's sake, who was already bright red in anger and shouting obscenities. Not to mention, he was starting to succeed in his backlash at Jason, drawing blood on his left cheek. The fact that the young boy had a fluffy and very pink floral dress on top of his tux made the violent reaction all the funnier though, so he had to cough to hide his own amusement. Unfortunately scuffles with Damian don't take long to transform into involving swords and Jason rarely ever left home without a weapon of his own (his father's wedding not being one of the rare occasions he forgot one), so the day started off promptly with a call to the GCPD from a bystander that three of the Wayne boys were "playing with sharp knives" in St. Peter's parking lot.

May the games begin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce is 45, Selina is 40, Babs is 25, Dick is 24, Jason and Cassandra are 21, Stephanie is 17, Tim is 16, and Damian is 11.


	2. A Binding Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babs makes a vow she isn't sure she can keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little harsher language in this one and brief mentions of canonical sexual assault (I think you know which I'm referring to), but it's still fairly light and breezy.

“Why do ya think I’m the only one who didn’t get a plus one?”

“You can’t be serious.” 

“I am! I’m in the bridal party. Doesn’t that give me some kind of importance?”

“Offense intended, but your dating history speaks for itself. There are too many people here that have suffered some sort of casualty as a result of your boyfriend.” 

“ _Ex-_ boyfriend.” 

“Like it matters.” 

“Mistah J didn’t mean no harm. He was just tryna be funny!” 

Barbara Gordon bit down on her tongue until she swore she almost drew blood. It was tempting to jump into the conversation and lose her temper on the ditzy blonde two mirrors down from her. God, she really believed it too. She really felt that evil bastard was merely trying to induce laughter. More than anything did she want to say, _“Really? Because he crippled me and tried to do so again after I recovered. Am I laughing? Was Jason Todd laughing when he was beat to death? Was Tim Drake laughing when he was brainwashed? No? So maybe it’s time he change his comedic act.”_

Ivy must have given her some sort of look or nudge that reminded Harley that Barbara was in the room, because the former criminal grew silent and shot her a glance that was truly apologetic in nature.

“Sorry there, BG. Hey! At least your legs are all working and what not again. How about that?”

_“That doesn’t just erase what happened. The sadistic fuck you call “puddin” broke into my father’s apartment, shot me, paralyzed me, sexually assaulted me, and documented it so others could watch.”_

“It’s fine.” She replied curtly. Deep down, she understood that the biggest victim of Joker’s cruelty was none other than Harley Quinn and that despite her problematic actions and sayings, had good intentions beneath the exterior. Joker was the one she had beef with, not his ex-girlfriend. She had to remind herself of that. 

Any frustrations she’d had previously melted away for the time being as Selina walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed in her wedding gown. She was incredibly stunning and while Babs was admittedly hesitant about her and Bruce’s union in the beginning, seeing her dressed to the nines was a reminder that this was a happy occasion and that everything else was just a detail. 

“I can’t breathe.” She groaned and placed a hand on her stomach. 

“Are ya pregnant?” Stephanie laughed harder than one normally might when proposing this thought to a woman of Selina’s history. Barbara raised an eyebrow at the blonde and Cassandra took a wise step away from her after the suggestion was made, even if it was a joke. 

Selina narrowed her eyes at her, but realized she had bigger fish to fry when she actually _looked_ at Stephanie and Cassandra.

“Why the hell are you two covered in grime?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to be mean, but you guys smell like shit.” Harley shrugged as she popped her gum and spun around aimlessly in her chair.

“Kidnapping at sewage dump.” Cass sighed. “Very messy.”

“Shower. Now. There are two stalls in there. Had I known you two were going to show up like Pig Pen, I would have gotten ready out here… God, I’m hungry.”

“You sure you’re not pregnant?” Steph muttered grumpily as she and Cass marched into the bathroom to hose off. On their way in, Cass could be heard mumbling “Bridezilla”.

Selina looked like she really was about to kill her for a moment, but Pamela and Harleen distracted her by turning her around and prompting her to uncharacteristically twirl in her flowing white dress.

“How do I look?”

“Is this how men feel when I unleash my pheromones on them?” She purred. “Because I understand how it’s a dangerous tool then.” 

She grinned. “I don’t exactly want Bruce to drop dead.”

“Maybe not, but you are, for the record, drop dead gorgeous, kitty cat.” Harleen beamed.

“Babs!” The sudden outcry of her name caused the young woman in question to smear lipstick across her cheek and then glare pointedly at the bride to be. She didn’t really have a moment to think about how annoyed she was at being messed up, because she was grabbed by the arm and dragged into the hallway, a difficult feat to accomplish against Barbara Gordon unless completely surprised. 

“What did I do? I’m almost ready.”

“I need a favor.”

“Okay?”

“Look, I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye. In fact, I’m not even certain if you like me or not most of the time, but I know you care about Bruce and you care about his family. That means we have a common interest.” 

“You want me to make sure shit doesn’t hit the fan.”

“If it does, just… Just please keep it away from us.” She sighed. “I have enough to deal with as far as the guests go and Bruce’s moodiness about having this very crowded wedding. I really don’t care what happens, just keep it away from us. I know this is something someone usually asks the maid of honor, but let’s face it: Poison Ivy doesn’t exactly spell stability.”

“And the adrenaline junkie that leaps around rooftops dressed as a female bat does.”

“It’s more normal than most things in my life. Please, Babs? Can I count on you to do this? Consider it a wedding gift.”

She sighed. “I mean, I did already get you guys the embroidered batarangs, but this can be part two.

She didn’t expect to be hugged. The two women never hugged before, but she went with it as best as she could. When they separated, Selina looked at her funny before licking her finger to wipe the lipstick off the younger woman’s face.

She wrinkled her nose and slithered out of her grasp once she finished. “Okay, not sure we’re _there_ yet, but yes, I’ll try to keep things as lowkey as possible.”

“Thank you.” She smiled before going back inside. Babs was about to follow her when she got a call from her father. 

“Dad? What’s up? Are you almost ready—They _what_? Where are they? Yeah, yeah okay… Yes. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She groaned as she tilted her head back. Evidently, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, and Damian Wayne were all taken into police custody by her father. She looked at the clock on her phone.

“God, it’s only 10 am.”

* * *

 

Dick, Jason, and Damian were actually lucky to be picked up by Jim Gordon, who only took the call on his way to get ready for the wedding, because he knew just who the perpetrators were. Jim convinced those on site that nothing of real danger was taking place and that the boys were just fooling around. He wasn’t that far off.

To satisfy the scared locals, Jim simply took them downtown for “questioning”, which was really just the three tattered-looking boys sitting with Dick positioned in between the bickering Jason and Damian, waiting for their ride.

“This is all your fault.” Damian grumbled to Jason.

“My fault? If you hadn’t thrown such a fit-” 

“You kidnapped me!”

“Both of you shut it!” Dick snapped and crossed his arms. “I shouldn’t even be here.”

All were relieved when Jim told them it wasn’t Bruce coming to get them. However, the relief didn’t last long when Barbara walked through the front door of the GCPD and gave them a piercing glare that would have given Bruce’s a run for his money. Her striking beauty in that moment intensified her fierceness, leaving them (well, at least 2 of them) scared yet aroused to be in her presence. Even in his utter embarrassment and dread for the car ride home, Dick still had that look in his eyes that was unique to when Barbara Gordon walked into the room. Only now, with her hair carefully pinned in loose waves to the side, makeup that accentuated her already alert green eyes, and a lavender dress that more than did her figure justice, he was left downright sweating in addition to his love-drunk gaze. Jason merely rolled his eyes at his brother's obviousness while Damian groaned in annoyance. 

Jim smiled at his daughter. “You look beautiful, sweetie.”

She softened a bit at her father and hugged him. “Thanks, Daddy. You’re coming, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ve got a suit with my name on it.” 

“Good. I’ll take the idiots home. If it’s all the same, Dad, could you not mention this to Bruce? He’s got enough to worry about.” 

She diverted her gaze back to the three disheveled individuals that all sat in a line. If she weren’t annoyed at her father having to informally save her ex-boyfriend and his two little brothers from arrest on the day of their father’s wedding, she would have laughed at how pathetic they looked in that moment.

“Fine by me. Go easy on them. They were just rehearsing.”

“Rehearsing?”

Jim’s eyes twinkled and looked back to Dick, who seemed to sink down in his chair a bit and avoid eye contact with Barbara. 

“We were rehearsing a Shakespearean act for the reception.” He muttered. “That’s why our clothes are torn, swords were involved, and Damian’s in a dress.”

Jim was visibly trying not to laugh and Barbara had to work pretty hard at maintaining a disappointed stare, but admittedly, Damian in a dress was making that difficult enough. Still, she raised an eyebrow at Dick with a challenging smirk on her face. 

“Oh really? I can’t wait to see that. What show?”

His mouth grew dry and looked to Jason for an answer. Jason was always the most educated on literature and would have a better answer.

“Well, it was Jay’s idea.”

“Oh… Uh, _Romeo and Juliet_.”

“That explains the dress.” She nodded at Damian, who shot her a glare of his own. “So who’s Romeo?”

Jason and Dick both said each other’s names at the same time.

“I’d say this is a pretty creepy play to do with your brothers, wouldn’t you?” Her voice was dripping in sarcasm.

“Yeah… Good point. I say we do another play another time! Maybe it wasn’t an appropriate gift. Thanks for looking out, Babs!” Dick said hurriedly as he jumped to his feet and began to guide them out of the station. 

“Oooh, you should do _Macbeth_! Damian would make an exceptional Lady Macbeth.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He gritted and they all left quickly, giving Jim a wave of thanks as the Commissioner shook his head in amazement at them. 

“What a weird family.” 

* * *

 

 

“Thanks for looking out on the whole Bruce-thing.” Dick said as he buckled his seatbelt.

“Oh no, that was not for you. Selina Kyle just made me promise to keep _any_ drama from her and Bruce today.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, and I got to believe that wouldn’t be completely impossible for a split second, because I figured you’d help me keep things chill.”

“I will!”

“This is not chill, Richard! Why the hell were you three morons fighting with swords in a church parking lot, in broad daylight, on Bruce’s wedding day?” 

“Ask them! It’s not my fault. I was just trying to break it up.”

She looked Dick up and down, taking note of the various cuts and bruises along with his ripped tuxedo. 

“Ah, yes. Good job!” She replied sarcastically while giving him the thumbs up. “You did so well that the entire GCPD wanted to personally commend you.”

“Uh-oh.” Jason whispered aggressively so they could hear him. “Mom and Dad are fighting.”

“Shut up!” They both yelled at the same time before turning back to each other to continue bickering.

“You’re an idiot.” Damian huffed. 

"Am not."

"Are too."

" _Boys_." Barbara's voice was lethal. "Do not make me turn this car around."

“Where are we going? The Manor’s that way.” Dick asked.

"Well, you certainly can't show up to the wedding looking like that."

"I think I look good." He dignified. "Ruggedly handsome, even."

A wry smile graced her lips. "Don't push your luck."

 

 


	3. Superstitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are they unlucky? Or do they have a tendency to make life much harder on themselves?

There were three types of middle children. There were the Cassandra’s, who deliberately slipped in and out of the scene without anyone batting an eye in notice of their absence or presence. There were the Jason’s, who were loud and obnoxious in their attempts at proving just how different they were from all the rest. Lastly, there were the Tim’s. Tim wasn’t silent like Cassandra nor was he loud like Jason. Despite being the youngest “middle” child, he fell somewhere in the middle of these two on the personality spectrum. Quite frankly, he was the reliable one and this fact was accentuated as his other siblings were off playing their part.

To be fair, Cassandra was most likely getting ready with the girls, if she hadn’t already vanished to fight crime and appear without anyone noticing.

No doubt Jason was off somewhere attempting to pull off some elaborate prank that somehow tangled their equally troublesome and even more violent youngest brother, Damian Wayne. This certainly caused their oldest and boldest brother to go off and try to yank them out of trouble only to fail miserably and be saved by the actual oldest, Barbara Gordon, who wasn’t exactly a direct member of their adoptive family, but was very much like a big sister to Tim.

So, that left Tim to be the sole recipient of Alfred’s long and drawn out speech about the importance of responsibility. By the way he stressed this buildup, Tim expected a job of an unimaginable magnitude.

“I’ve received reports that Miss Kyle is officially in her wedding dress, Master Timothy. I trust you understand what that means.”

“The dress is a bright white, right? That makes her an easier target. Do we believe Deadshot or Deathstroke is out to get her or interrupt this wedding? Because if so, we need to keep her away from all windows-”

“-No, young sir, this isn’t about an outside threat.” The butler corrected him as if this were a ridiculous idea and that crime just took a break for the day because Bruce Wayne decided to get married. Yes, they had military-grade protection guarding the entire thing, but that tended to attract the sickos of Gotham all the more.

“What is it, then?”

“Master Bruce can no longer look at her until the moment she walks down the aisle during the ceremony.”

Tim blinked. “Wait a second… You’re making me _babysit_ them? That’s just superstition!”

“And while I concede I don’t entirely believe in good or bad luck, it can only help to insure all of our eggs are in a secured basket.”

“You seriously think they can’t keep their hands off each other for the next…” Tim checked his watch. “Hour and a half?”

Alfred looked both ways. “I believe Miss Kyle is growing quite antsy that this whole event could fall apart. You know the two of them would have much preferred a private ceremony with minimal outside involvement. I think she’s afraid it’s going to implode and I don’t want her running off out of fear and breaking Master Wayne’s heart.”

“Wow. That’s even worse.”

“I know that! I have been waiting a long time for this day and I refuse to have it taken away because of internal anxieties and foolishness. Do you hear me?” There was a sternness to Alfred’s voice that meant he meant business and while he didn’t pull out that tone too often, that made it all the harder to say no to him when it happened.

Tim’s shoulders sagged as he agreed. “Alright, fine.”

He still wasn’t sure this was even going to be hard at all. Alfred wasn’t giving Bruce or Selina enough credit. Sure, they had issues in the past with running in the opposite direction of commitment or seeking immediate physical comfort in each other when times got tough, but surely as grown adults they could keep it up for the next 90 minutes, right? 

He turned around to see none other than Bruce Wayne walking rather briskly down the main staircase. Tim shared a brief, but knowing glance with Alfred before beginning his duty and following his father. 

“Hey, Bruce?”

Bruce turned around quickly on his heels, startled for someone that was a master of surprise and utilizing the shadows. Tim was unsure he’d actually ever seen him taken off guard by something so trivial. He was on edge and tense. 

“Yes?”

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” He tucked his phone into his pocket. Tim noted the movement in his head.

“Dick and all of them should be back soon. Alfred’s got some small appetizers downstairs. You know him, nothing too messy.”

“He really thinks of everything.”

Tim nodded. “He sure does.” 

After a moment of awkward silence and the two of them standing on the top step, nodding at each other like idiots, Bruce sighed.

“Well, I think I’m just going to get some air.”

“Great, I’ll come with you.”

“Oh, sure.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Just give me a moment.”

Tim narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to ask what was really going on, but before he knew it, Bruce was barreling down the rest of the stairs and threw down a smoke pellet so he could disappear out of sight. 

 _“Damn_ ”.

 

* * *

 

 

“Who’s giving you away?” Harley asked abruptly.

If Selina was being honest, staying locked in this dressing room for the past hour was intoxicating enough. She’d never expected herself to be so eager on her wedding day that she got ready before literally anyone else, or that she would even have a wedding day, but here they were and it was more stressful than she’d like to admit. It didn’t help that her bridal party along with her husband-to-be’s groomsmen weren’t exactly the most relaxing bunch. Vigilantes were curious by nature and each came with their own package of problems. She loved them for it, but it didn’t quell her nerves on this monumental day.

Who needed anxiety when Harley Quinn was around to remind you of all the loose ends in your life without even knowing it?

“Selina is far from the type to have any man _give_ her away.” Luckily, Pamela chose a particularly fine moment to go on an anti-patriarchal rant. It wasn’t the true reason she didn’t have someone walk her down the aisle, but it would suffice and she would definitely use it. 

Harley pouted. “Aw, come on. I get that we aren’t men’s property and all that crap, but I always liked seeing daddies walk their baby girls down the aisle and passing them off to the man of her dreams. I think it’s sweet ‘n stuff.” 

“Of course you do. If we were giving out superlative awards right now, you’d be a shoo-in for “Most Likely to Have Daddy Issues”, okay?”

“You don’t think I know that? I’m a psychiatrist for God’s sake! Of course I’ve got issues with my old man, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a little tradition. At least I don’t project how I was mistreated as a child onto every other man I come into contact with. That’s called misandry, right?”

Pamela narrowed her eyes at Harley in contemplation, but a slow smile crossed her lips before it broke out into a full-out grin. A while ago, the blonde never would have stood up for herself in any capacity.

“Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Harleen.”

Selina massaged her temples before leaning on the desk beside Stephanie Brown’s workstation. The blonde had already completed her own hair and makeup and currently dusted a light layer of blush to accentuate Cassandra’s cheekbones. Despite meticulously wielding the brush as though she were Picasso, she still appeared incredibly distracted and distant. Selina wished she could be distracted too.

“No one to give you away?” Cassandra asked softly so Harley and Ivy couldn’t hear over their own conversation.

Selina breathed out through her nose. “I grew up on and off the streets. What do you think?”

Her dark and narrow eyes stared up at her in that intense way that only the former assassin could manage whilst also appearing soft somehow. “It’s not about where you’re from, but where you’re going. And you’re going to marry Bruce Wayne. That’s not so bad if you ask me.”

She smiled a bit. “I could definitely do worse.”

She closed her eyes so Stephanie could apply eyeliner, but continued talking. It was odd, because even though she was a mere few inches away from Cassandra and doing her makeup, it was like only Cassandra and Selina were in the room. She acquired a level of stillness and control from Bruce and it was never more apparent that she was his daughter than this moment.

“I have not killed anyone since my birth parents abandoned me. I was taught to be better, but if you break Bruce’s heart, I cannot promise I’ll uphold my dignity.” 

Again, such serenity that if there was someone in the room that didn’t speak English, they’d think she was casually mentioning what happened in a sitcom, not a serious threat. She had half a mind to respond back that she’d give her a fight, but instead, raised an eyebrow.

“And if he breaks mine?”

Cassandra opened her eyes with that same severity. “He will not do that.”

Selina Kyle wasn’t easily scared by any outside forces. Some would argue this was because she’s brave, others would say she was overzealous and cocky. However, that did not change the fact that she might have actually been scared of Cassandra Cain, but it somehow solidified her belief in Bruce and that this was the right thing to do. She was confident now that with this group of semi-terrifying kids, anything could happen, but her marriage to Bruce Wayne wouldn’t fail, damn it. 

“Oh man, did someone actually get you pearls? That’s bad luck!” Harley squealed and Selina swallowed heavily.

“I need some air.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m not going!” Damian whined from behind his dressing room door. Barbara knew good and well that the only place to get a proper suit for the boys was at the tailor the Wayne family had contracted for centuries. Dick and Jason wouldn’t fit in any suits back at the manor and they didn’t have time to stop by their respective houses (also she was pretty sure Jason didn’t own any more formal wear). He had their measurements and when she called, assured her that each had done fittings recently and there was a finished suit waiting for all of them.

“I knew this was almost too easily fixed.” She muttered before knocking. “Come on, Damian, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not coming out looking like this! I look ridiculous.”

“More ridiculous than the frilly pink dress?”

“For the last time, I was forced against my hand to wear that.”

“Right. Well, why don’t you come out and let me see.” 

“Surely not. I refuse to be the punch line of one of your sarcastic quips.”

“You say that like already aren’t the punch line of one of my _ingenious_ sarcastic quips.”

“Regardless, I’m not coming out. I’d sooner go in the shredded suit.” 

“I can let you do that. You’re the one who planned on carrying a katana sword on you all day. You reap what you sow. Let’s see.”

“Will Todd be thoroughly punished?”

 _“Jesus, I’m not really your mother.”_ She wanted to say, but instead agreed to move things along quicker.

“Fine.” He grumbled and swung the door open. 

She blinked and looked him up and down to try and find an issue with his suit. It fit him perfectly, even better than the tuxedo he’d worn earlier, but that was probably because this suit was fastened more recently. The only difference lay in the ties. The tuxedo he’d worn earlier was a bowtie and this one had a black necktie. While it wouldn’t be perfectly cohesive, it was certainly more than acceptable.

“Just switch ties if you hate it so much.”

He gasped like she slapped his mother across the face. “I thought you were smart! This is _obviously_ a suit for FUNERALS! I can’t wear this to a wedding. Father will think I’m trying to kill their relationship. He’ll see the symbolism in all of this.”

“Will he? Or will he be relieved you didn’t show up in a dress, because somehow that was the only part of your previous clothing that fully survived. I still don’t know how that happened.”

“I want to kill Jason Todd!”

“Sure, but after the wedding.” She sighed. “Well, you can’t actually kill him, but we’ll deal with that later. You’re wearing that. You look good. It’s fine.” 

She stepped around the corner to see the other two looking at themselves in the mirror and she almost choked on her own tongue at the sight.

Before her, Jason Todd and Dick Grayson stood in a 1970s powder blue leisure suit and a bright red Christmas suit with Santa’s and trees all over, respectively. As she flipped back and forth between the two of them, she couldn’t decide for the life of her which suit was worse. On one hand, Jason’s was a less obnoxious pattern and probably wouldn’t land a plane with its brightness. On the other hand, with the pattern aside, Dick’s was an appropriately fitted and modern suit whereas Jason’s hung baggy and had frills on the shirt.

For some reason, the only thing she could think to do, other than laugh, was calling Damian in. So, she did both.

“What do you think of your suit now?” 

He stared in horror at his uncharacteristically quiet brothers and then looked back up at her. He clutched his own jacket a little defensively as if she were threatening to snatch it away from him. 

“I’ll keep it.” 

“I knew it was too good to be true that they had a proper suit for me.” Dick sighed as he toyed with the fabric of the jacket and observed himself in the mirror. “I haven’t had a fitting here since right before last Christmas, hence the suit. It’s a little tight in the ass too.” 

“Maybe lay off the Christmas cookies then.” She teased, though her eyes snapped from his butt to his face when he turned around.

“And mine’s for Halloween.” Jason grumbled. “God dammit. What’re we gonna do?”

She checked her phone. “As much as this is a shit show as far as groomsmen parties go, and probably some serious bad juju, we don’t have time to do anything else. We’ve got to get over to the manor to meet with everything else.”

“Maybe Bruce won’t notice.” Dick offered optimistically. Although, Dick wasn’t delusional despite his eternal optimism and he knew for certain that this wasn’t going to go down well.

Barbara, personally, was still struggling to withhold her outburst of laughter and the two could totally tell. Jason shot her a dirty look.

“Easy there, Barbie, you still have to walk down the aisle with Old Saint Nick, there.” 

“I’m sorry, ABBA, what was that?” She tossed back as she led them out to the car.

“How the fuck aren’t you more pissed about this?” Jason turned to Dick as she walked with Damian farther ahead. Sure, his prank got him into all of this, but Dick was surprisingly zen about showing up to his father’s wedding dressed like something straight out of a terrible hallmark movie. Jason was completely disillusioned in the sense that he was aware that it was impossible to sufficiently rock the powder blue leisure suit. 

“I think I look good.” 

He snorted. “We look like assholes.”

“ _We?_ ”

“Yeah, “we” as in, you look like you should be Mrs. Claus’ stripper and I look like a washed up prom date from 1977.”

“Maybe Mrs. Claus has a hot stripper.” 

“She still wouldn’t touch his candy cane if you catch my drift. Not in that thing. In fact, I bet no woman would.”

“Yeah, and they’d definitely go for the 1977 dirtbag.”

“They’d go for that before the fruity gumdrop.” His grin turned wicked. “Hell, let’s make a bet. Whoever gets laid first gets their superhero stuff cleaned for a month by the loser.”

“A whole month, huh? What are the perimeters?” 

“Has to happen tonight before the sun rises. To avoid being totally sleazy about it, we should probably shoot for strictly one night stand seeking people only too.” 

“Man, I don’t know…” Dick trailed off as he glanced over to Barbara. It was no secret that since he was spending more time in Gotham lately, the two fell back into the pattern of easy flirtatiousness that was encrypted into their complicated relationship. It wouldn’t be so complicated if they sorted out what the hell they were going to do about their obvious sexual and romantic tension, but no one wanted them to break each other’s hearts again either.

Jason followed the trail of his gaze before rolling his eyes.

“You know she brought a date to this thing, right?” 

His head shot back to Jason. “What? Really?”

“You seriously didn’t know? Yeah, she’s one of the people who checked on that she had a plus one.”

“Who?” 

“I can never read Selina’s handwriting, I don’t know.” He scoffed. “Definitely a dude though.”

Dick’s confident demeanor deflated a bit as his eyes looked to the ground before shrugging and trying to brush back some of his trademark self-assurance into his stance. It wasn't the same as it was before, making it clear that this was a second choice endeavor for him that his heart was barely a fraction of the way in. Jason, on the other hand, was planning on finding a tasty one night stand anyway and competition made everything better.

“Okay, I’m in. And I’m going to win, because I’ve just decided this is my new lucky suit.” He shook Jason's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dick's suit: https://www.opposuits.com/winter-wonderland.html 
> 
> Jason's suit: http://www.fancythatcostumes.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/1970s-Prom-Suit-Powder-Blue.png


	4. Runaway Bride (and Groom)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions grow high as time until the ceremony dwindles down low. Tim Drake seems to be the only one up for the job to go on a wild Bruce chase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy chapter on the emotions... Enjoy!

“Steph just called. She said Selina is AWOL too.” Tim groaned and tossed his phone onto the couch in annoyance before flopping onto the cushions after it.

“I really do give Braniac a run for his money, don’t I, Master Timothy? Because I vaguely remember predicting this very scenario.” Alfred asked passively. The two were down in the Batcave, deciding unanimously it was a better space to brainstorm.

“Yeah, I heard your first variation of “I told you so”, Al. That doesn’t exactly solve our predicament. The wedding is in an hour!” He muttered into a pillow.

“No, but the trackers I’ve had placed on them both might help give us a starting place… Assuming they haven’t found them yet.”

Tim shot up. “Trackers? How and when did you have the time to do that without either of them noticing? This is Batman and Catwoman we’re talking about.”

“I’ll admit it: I’m Superman.” He deadpanned.

“Are you tracking all of us?”

“That’s neither here nor there.” Though he 100% was.

Alfred typed a few coding combinations, mumbling something about how he had to be extra careful since he was using some of Oracle’s tech and although he was masterful in several types of martial arts, did not want to be on the receiving end of that wrath if he damaged anything. A simple map with a little bat and cat symbol blipped on the big screen. Both were heading in the same direction.

“Clearly, this was a plan.” He shook his head. “The question is: where are they meeting?”

Tim wrinkled his forehead as he looked at the map. “Hmm… Looks like they’re both going east.”

“The East End.”

“That’s one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Gotham. A good chunk of our patrols end up redirecting us back there for work.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, like you said, this was obviously a plan.”

Alfred looked to the teenager quickly. “And just what are you insinuating with that tone?”

“Alfred, there’s no way I’ll be able to catch him.” 

“You found Master Bruce when he didn’t want to be found before. You found him when we thought he was dead. Surely, you can tap into some of _those_ detective and tracking abilities to prevent the loss of this day as a result of some cold feet.”

“And Selina Kyle? There isn’t two of me.”

“You don’t sound very willing to try and help him so I guess it’s done then.” His tone said anything but though.

It sparked annoyance in Tim as well, a flame that flickered brighter at the wrong moment in time.

“I am willing to help Bruce, because Bruce doesn’t want to be caught! You’re the one that wants this wedding to happen so badly. You can say it’s for Bruce’s campaign or a necessary non-work union for the league, but you and I both know that’s anything but true. I’m sorry you were stuck with me, the logical-forgotten one, to do your bidding, but I won’t do it. Not until I get answers.”

“I would watch your tongue, Master Timothy. You know good and well that I’ve never forgotten any of you.” He bit back. “I love you all equally, including Miss Barbara and Miss Stephanie. You’re all like the grandchildren I never got. Now you are smart and you are perceptive, but I will not have you pretending you know what’s best for Master Bruce.”

“And you do?”

“I raised him!” He burst out in a very non-Alfred way. It echoed through the cave and all that could be heard in the aftermath was a soft blipping that came from the tracker.

Tim was silent and watched the butler simmer as he breathed heavily and leaned forward on the desk.

“I raised him.” He repeated quietly, still not looking Tim’s way. “And I’ve seen him go through so much. I’ve seen him lose so much, all for this crusade, all because he didn’t deem himself worthy of a proper life, for his parents. If you knew his parents, you’d know they’d want anything but this. I couldn’t let him do it alone, because he’d eventually kill himself and die alone. I couldn’t let that happen. I promised them I wouldn’t.”

“Alfred…” Tim started apologetically, but there was no stopping him now.

“And Master Bruce certainly has his cross to bear with the death of his parents along with the many others that followed them, those he believes are his fault. As you know, there’s no convincing him otherwise. All I could really do was watch, be in his ear, and keep him alive. The boy that went to the cinema with his parents died alongside them and a tortured, but empathetic soul was born from his bloodshed.”

He slowly rose and stared straight ahead, a limpness to his stature. “And I swore I’d never leave him, but I wasn’t a fool either. For the longest time, I feared this was it. This shell of an existence was all that was left of the Wayne Family. We were saving others, but Master Bruce was dying… Until Richard Grayson arrived on the scene.”

Tim perked up and he could see a slight smile from Alfred’s profile. “And then Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd, Timothy Drake, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, and Damian Wayne. You all breathed your own form of life into this dark means of living and though we protested it, we needed it. We needed you as much as Gotham did.”

Despite his own persistence, tears filled his eyes. “I’m…”

“I’m not finished.” Alfred bowed his head. “I loved that he had children, but he needed more. He wasn’t finished yet becoming the _man_ his parents wanted him to be. He was already a hero, but a full-fledged man he was not. Cue, many women, but none compared to the mark Selina Kyle left on Bruce Wayne’s heart. Whether I approved or not, she was it for him. She, despite her own darknesses and flaws, is his light as he can be her’s.”

Tears brimmed on the old man’s eyes now. “I won’t live forever, Master Timothy. I’ve watched Bruce Wayne throw his life away as if it were meaningless far too many times. I’m too old to watch him continue doing that any longer. I need to see… I need to _know_ that I didn’t fail him, do you understand?”

Tim considered his skillset, and felt supremely shitty for believing this was all just a mundane task thrown at him for a fake trial in responsibility. He hated how self-inflated he was and while he wasn’t quite at the Bruce Wayne stubbornness to refuse apologizing, he wasn’t exactly comfortable with his mistake.

Instead, he swallowed heavily and thought about what was the most pragmatic means to end this awkward heaviness in the room. 

“I’ll be back.” He spoke up finally, wiping tears from his eyes.

Alfred turned to him and they met eyes knowingly. Maybe it wasn’t so important that he was doing this for Bruce. It was his wedding day, yes, but this day was much more than that and for a detective and son, Tim felt stupid for not thinking of it sooner.

“I’m installing this tracking device into your smart-watch. Can you catch up to them?”

“You’re borrowing Oracle’s tech, so I’m just going to have to borrow Nightwing’s bike.” He grinned. “For the sake of love.”

“I’ll try to convince Master Richard of that.” He called after him as a large rush of air hit him in the face as a result of Tim and the motorcycle taking off down the underground road that led up to a secret exit from Wayne Manor. A wide smile of pride lit his face. All and all, they were good kids when it counted.

“Please bring them back.” Alfred muttered.

He clasped his hands tightly, trying to find some way to release the tension that built inside him. He briefly felt guilty at how thrown aside Tim apparently felt. Evidently, he assumed this was a trial to see if he was independent enough to handle “real” issues. Well, Alfred wasn’t Bruce Wayne and wasn’t a big fan of tests. He knew him since he was a small boy and knew what he was capable of. Maybe they needed to start on training wheels, but he was far beyond that point. In fact, he’d have no one else complete this mission.

He refused to fail so close, to let Bruce get in his own way out of fear. It was only sensible to send the most logical child after him. Dick wore his emotions on his sleeve, which made him unlike Bruce, but also prone to letting his own fears get the best of him sometimes. Jason blocked out all real emotional connections with his own stubbornness (despite his distaste for Bruce doing a similar thing for years) and covered his pain with snide remarks about depressing subject matter. Cassandra wasn’t always the most verbally efficient in emotional situations, given her background, but tended to gravitate towards being a loner and would likely support the idea of Bruce being alone. Damian was an emotional timebomb who didn’t want this wedding to happen at all.

Not to mention, Tim was all they had at this present moment. There was going to be a wedding and it would be classy and beautiful if he had anything to say about it. Maybe he was selfish for forcing this to go through, but they loved each other like crazy and he needed to see it through.

He didn’t care much for what happened at the reception, but he needed to see them walk back down the aisle as man and wife. 

Was that so much to ask?

 

* * *

 

Selina wrapped herself in a trench coat to warm herself from the cool October air. Fall was beginning to hint at what winter would offer Gotham and she didn’t enjoy it. She was starting to gain some sympathy for Mr. Freeze as she climbed up onto a billboard for a toothpaste advertisement and felt rustled by the wind.

She looked down at what used to be her home. 

“Ah, the streets.” She muttered. She’d be a liar to say she didn’t miss aspects of it at times. Obviously, having clean and dry clothes along with a hefty meal was a comfortable way to live and she much preferred that part of her current life. However, there was something about the freedom of going where she wanted and when she wanted that settled her.

To be fair, any example of settling down she’d ever seen resulted in death or divorce… Or both. She was under no illusion that marriage was a system that worked in this world. Sure, there were people that faked it and muddled through for the sake of the kids, but often times those kids wished their parents respected themselves enough to call it quits.

She remembered growing up and meeting all different kinds of people. She never robbed from those who had to want for anything. She took from those that should have donated anyway and that’s how she rationalized it all. She deemed the rich to be evil, because to stay rich you had to be evil.

Then she met Bruce Wayne.

Well, Batman, for that matter. _Then_ she met Bruce Wayne.

_“At risk of sounding sappy, he changed everything.”_

It wasn’t all at once, because in real life, it never is, it just feels that way. The human body can only deny truth for so long. It was impossible to deny that this was a man that gave his everything to Gotham and asked for nothing in return. He’s lost everything a million times over and yes, he was rich, but he donated his time, blood, sweat, and tears for the smiles of many. She never forgot that. 

She wanted to hate him the way her other villainous friends did, but truthfully, she couldn’t. Selina tried to convince herself it was the mystery of the Bat that intrigued her and in way it was. However, it wasn’t the domineering presence and dark broodiness like she’d pretended. Here was a man that was content going unnoticed publicly just so he could do good. It was a foreign concept to her.

And he didn’t work alone, despite how desperately he wanted to, because only he could be a martyr. He inspired many to follow him, even though he’d never ask them to. Children of sorted pasts and broken hearts were taken into his home so they could be better than him and have a better chance than him. He taught them justice and never revenge.

He always believed in her too, even when she didn’t deserve it.

So what the hell was she doing here? She didn’t live here anymore and she never could even if she tried. For some, it would be like moving in with your parents in your 30s and expecting it to be just like when you were a kid. The memories were home, but the place no longer was in its current state.

She changed and so did her old neck of the woods. Somehow, it got entirely worse. Before, petty thieves and the desperate homeless clogged the streets of the East End, but now the violent drug gangs were taking over the streets along with more sinister foes, that found the stomping grounds to be inexpensive for a hideout of mass proportions. None of her old friends lived here anymore.

In fact, they were probably all dead or rotting in prison when the real threats were still present.

She closed her eyes and thought of the days where she used to leave claw marks on the unconscious victims she robbed. She thought of the shitty old apartment she had to crawl out of through the window because the door was broken. She thought of her homemade leather suit and the alley cats that waited outside her fire escape, only to be taken pity upon by her. Back then that was the only hole of light that showed Selina Kyle wasn’t completely lost to crime. That didn’t mean she ever predicted she’d become a hero one day.

She wondered if her friends would be honored or ashamed of the transition. They were prideful and had disgust for law enforcement, because they believed the system was so broken, which is was, but they wanted the best for each other.

In the end, it didn’t matter and she wasn’t sure why she was here still. One moment, she was getting water after all of the bad omens Harley kept springing on her, then she was ditching the tracker she found in her hair, and the next she was hopping from building to building in her wedding dress, because she needed to escape the madness.

It came with the territory of being a former villain and marrying into a superhero family where most of the friends are also heroes in their own right. Was Red Hood a hero? He was at the very least an anti-hero, but the effect was still present. She liked the kids and the surrounding people that relied so heavily on Bruce. Based on the number of accumulated allies, it was difficult to believe that many moons ago, Batman was actually convinced he was doing this alone. That didn’t mean the pressure wasn’t still high

She was that way once too.

 _“I’m tired of going at it alone.”_  

No, she wasn’t running away at all. She wished it was just the two of them for this intimate moment of acceptance for their futures, but that would be a reversion back to their old selves. It was bigger than them, which would scare away the average woman, but she didn’t scare easily.

_“Hard to sell that when you’re miles away from the church sitting on a billboard.”_

She let out a heavy breath. Who was she fooling? She was hopelessly in love with Bruce Wayne and while that scared her at times more than any stunt by the Joker himself, fear was her business in a way and she tackled it like anything else, head on.

She stood to move, but froze in her place when she heard conversing on the other side of the billboard.

_“Quick tussle before I tie the knot? Sounds about right to me.”_

* * *

 

 

Tim whipped in and out of traffic, starting to appreciate just why Dick loved riding this thing so much. If anyone knew how to make a traffic jam seem free, it was Nightwing. While he had more of a propensity for stability and keeping the same zip code than his older brother, he certainly understood the appeal. The wind beat his face as he left behind the regret and continued on with a promise.

The only reason Dick didn’t take it today was most likely because the pretty boy didn’t want helmet hair for the wedding. He smiled at that thought, because his hair was sticking in all crazy directions anyway. 

He had the tracker beeping on his watch and Alfred in his ear, but he knew that by now Bruce no doubt discovered the little device. Nerves prolonged the amount of time it took most likely, but a nervous Batman still prevailed against any other detective. Instead, he followed the pattern he couldn’t help but notice.

“Master Timothy, you’re going off course.” He heard in his helmet.

“You’re going to have to trust me on this one, Alfred. I think I know which way he’s been heading. I just need to figure out what the final stop is.”

“Hopefully not Bali.”

“Knowing Bruce, he’d go somewhere miserable like Russia or Northern Canada.” 

“Our little masochist.” 

“Do me a favor and check the stops he made?”

“Hmm… It seems he’s made four brief stops. The most recent was the clocktower, oddly enough.”

“He went to the clocktower?”

“The roof of it, anyway.”

“So he’s traveling by rooftop.” He mused. “Where else did he go?”

“An old Chinese restaurant on the corner of 4th and South, the Museum of Natural History, and… an old warehouse formerly utilized by Penguin on Washington Ave.”

“By golly, I got it.” His smile widened.

“Do share, young detective.” 

“Bruce is revisiting all the big places that represent milestones in his and Selina’s relationship. Maybe she’s with him. Maybe they aren’t running, but getting one last thrill in.”

“Ah, he did propose at the clocktower."

“And they first worked together at Penguin’s warehouse to thwart a drug cartel. Selina was on Penguin’s bad side and Bruce was trying to reduce the ridiculous amount of overdoses that were occurring.”

“The Chinese place?”

“First date. Pretty lowkey for Bruce Wayne, billionaire, but perfect for the Batman.”

“Very coy. And what about the museum?”

He cringed. “They had sex there for the first time.” 

“How Ross and Rachel of them. I will not ask how you know such information, sir.” 

“It’s my job to know. It isn’t always fun.” He grimaced. Jason told him once when he was trying to piss Tim off for whatever reason. The two of them never truly got along, even if they did care for each other. It was just very deep down beneath the surface.

“Point is, I know where he’s going next.”

“Without the tracker?”

“We both know he ditched that and it’s on the back of a cab or something now.”

“That would explain why he seems to keep circling the airport.”

 

* * *

 

 

Bruce wasn’t at the billboard long before Tim showed up. He’d done a decent time hiding from him and tailing him from a safe distance, but he someone was coming since he discovered the tracker Alfred placed on him. 

He crossed his arms and looked expectantly at the windblown teenager that eyed him carefully as he climbed onto the billboard too. 

“What the hell, Bruce?”

“I should be saying the same thing. You’re babysitting me, now?”

“Apparently you need it! At this rate, we’re going to be late for your wedding. What’s Selina going to think when you’re not there?” Tim decided he was just going to have to work out the bit about Selina later and get one of them back at a time.

He closed his eyes. “I know. I just needed time to think.” 

“And I get that. I just don’t get why you had to do it all over Gotham City.”

“Yes you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have known to come here.”

“So this is where you first met, huh?”

“It’s her old neighborhood.” He looked down and Tim wondered what anyone would say if they saw Bruce Wayne and one of his sons dressed to the nines on a shabby billboard in a bad neighborhood in Gotham. 

“Did you meet as Batman and Catwoman or Bruce and Selina?” 

“Batman and Selina, actually.” He smiled lightly. “One of her cats was stuck up here. I didn’t know it was one of her cats, but it was a slow night and I decided to get it down. She tried to do so too in her civilian clothing and thought I was stealing the thing. Why anyone would want to take something so mangy is beyond me, but I returned it to her and tried to explain the misunderstanding, even though she slapped me across the face.” 

“Damn.” 

“Yeah.” His smile never wavered and he even touched what Time presumed to be, the side of his face that he was slapped. 

“She said she couldn’t believe I was wasting my time on the small stuff when there were villains like “Catwoman” out there. It was ironic, because up until that point, I’d never even heard of Catwoman.” He was laughing now and Tim understood how important it was that this wedding happens. Bruce rarely laughed at all.

“I told her that nothing was small, because every bit matters or something like that and the next week I was going toe to toe with Catwoman over a stolen cat bust in the natural history museum.”

Tim cringed, but Bruce didn’t seem to notice. 

“We sure were different people back then.” He nodded. “But people still mess up, especially us, because we make the mistake of thinking that just because people hold us to a higher standard, that we are of higher morality. I started to backslide and believe I was making a mistake in getting married today, that I was being selfish, and maybe it is a little bit. But we’re human and the only way to sympathize with humans is if we remain in tact with our humanity.” 

“So I don’t have to knock you out and drag you to St. Pete’s?”

He placed a hand on Tim’s shoulder. “Not today, son. Today, I’m going to marry the woman I love no matter what rhyme or reason and I’m going to be better for myself and for her. Going down memory lane… It reminded me of who I was and where I’m going.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled. “Though, you do know you’re going to get all disheveled, because I rode Dick’s bike over here.” 

“I’m surprised he let you.” 

“Yeah… About that…” 

“I won’t tell.” He smirked.

* * *

 

 

From the other side of the billboard, Selina wiped a tear from her eye and looked at the horizon. Bruce Wayne was overcoming his anxieties and fears to be with her. Batman, the chronically and pathologically depressed martyr who determined himself only fit for life if he was constantly unhappy, was trying. He was trying… For her. 

She would do the same for him. For her. For them.

She was going home.


	5. Hot Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gotham City doesn't slow down even on the most important day of Bruce Wayne's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow output of this one! School is back up and running and I've been busy getting settled in. I should be writing more regularly now that it's all slowed down a bit.

By the time Barbara called Cassandra to inform her that she would unsurprisingly be riding to the church with the boys, Selina had already returned as if she didn’t help in igniting a great fear that the wedding of the year might not happen. All the same, Bruce had also returned to Wayne Manor before they arrived. It was funny how perception would lead the four of them to assume the clothing snafu was the worst mishap of the day when the actual bride and groom almost decided not to show up.

“Welcome ba- what in the blazes?” Alfred almost dropped a tray of food for the first time ever at the sight of Dick and Jason. Rarely did anyone see him lose his composure during a high stakes situation let alone at clothing choices. Considering, he saw numerous adults and children alike hop around in multi-colored spandex, this was impressive. 

“This is a joke, right?” Tim exclaimed. “Did you _both_ lose a bet? Or you know, your minds?”

“There was… An incident.” Dick sighed while simultaneously shooting a piercing glare towards Jason. 

“Boys, we do not have time for this tomfoolery. Please put on your proper suits and let’s get going.”

Dick and Jason exchanged a look before trying to silently beg Barbara for a lifeline, but the redhead was standing with her hand on her hip, staring back like she was wondering just how long it would take them to drown. Sure, they found a silver lining in the situation by making a game out of it, but neither of them, despite their vast training and experience, were game to face Alfred. 

“About that…” Jason’s voice was unusually high.

“They’re a little… Ruined.”

“They’re _what_?”

Barbara would have felt bad for them had they not been dueling with katana swords in a church parking lot a mere few hours before their father’s wedding. They really did look like nervous kids in trouble. It transported her back to when they were teenagers and this sort of stammering and awkward sweating was commonplace.

Damian, meanwhile, had the most satisfying smirk on his face as he watched Jason Todd squirm. Then, he winked at Barbara as if she was causing this variation of sweet justice for him. Maybe in his head, she was, because he’d asked her to punish Jason earlier. Damian really did seem to always get what he wanted. 

“Barbara!” Bruce growled from the top of the stairs.

Her eyes shot up to him in shock. 

“What?” She snapped back. “I’m not the one dressed like a 70s pornstar or Santa’s best elf.”

“I thought you told Selina you would keep a handle on things.”

“Believe it or not, before I stepped in, _this_ was a whole lot worse.” She signaled in the general direction of their outfits. “Would you rather them look like they were thrown in a wood-chipper?”

“I don’t really think you have much room to talk on being good today anyway, Bruce.” Tim stepped in. 

The groom retreated for a moment at that, eyes darkening in a way that indicated he didn’t want that information to get around or worse, back to Selina. Instead, he merely released an exasperated sigh.

“I just want to marry Selina.” He breathed as though he were reminding himself that the details around the occasion didn’t matter. “Even if that means you three have to look like total clowns in the process.”

“You had to say clowns, huh?”

“Jason.” He warned. 

“Three of us? Surely you mean Gordon and her…” Damian stared at Barbara, trying to find a flaw in her current appearance, but shook his head in frustration when he was drawing a blank.

“Well, she’s usually flawed!”

“Thanks a lot.” She muttered.

“You’re wearing your funeral tuxedo, which tells me you aren’t completely innocent in this whole situation.”

“Wow, he did notice.” She nodded, impressed. “Point for you, baby bird.” 

“He’s actually the reason behind all of this. Dude is like his mom and brings a sword everywhere.” Jason grumbled.

“Don’t speak of my mother!” Damian snarled. “You don’t even know her.”

“He knows her really well, actually.” Tim snickered.

Damian snapped his head in Tim’s direction. “Explain, Drake.”

Dick groaned and massaged his temples. “Timmy, please don’t--”

“Let him speak, Grayson! What do you all know?”

Tim, who was realizing the mistake in his joke, rubbed the back of his neck. Jason and Dick were both glaring at him while Damian gripped what was obviously a sword behind his back. Barbara looked incredibly confused for once and Bruce looked like he wanted to break his killing vow just this once. 

“You don’t know… Makes sense.” 

“I ORDER YOU TO TELL ME!”

“This was before I really knew you, okay?” Jason sighed. “She’s hot, dude.” 

Realizing what this all meant, Damian’s eyes widened and turned to venom as he made his second attempt at Jason Todd’s life that day. Dick, once again, dove in between them and grabbed Damian in a tight hold. 

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Bruce’s voice echoed. 

“I assure you, Father, this was nothing more than an accident and it’s all Todd’s fault!”

“You can look at my hookup with your mom as an accident too, if you want.”

“JASON!”

“Too soon?”

“Someday, you’ll be a grown man trying to hide in his past. These “accidents” will really separate you from something special if you let them. Someday, you guys are going to meet someone that changes the game for you, makes you look at life differently and makes you feel things you’d never felt you were capable of experiencing firsthand. I want nothing more for you than that, but when that happens, you need to cut it out with these games. You’ll need to grow up.”

Though he was directing the mini lecture to all three boys, he was specifically looking at Dick, who was very perplexed when this became about him. After all, despite his Christmas suit, he thought he was looking pretty golden in comparison to his other brothers right now. Damian tried killing Jason twice, Jason hooked up with Talia and put Damian in a dress, and Tim spilled the beans on said secret. 

“Hey, I’m only dressed like this, because I got caught in the cross-hairs of their swordfight.” 

“So you didn’t get a Christmas suit tailored and personalized.” 

He opened his mouth and then closed it before looking away, because of course Bruce was going to take all of this out on him. “Sorry if I’m not a huge fan of all black.”

“Yes, well, you’ve made it abundantly clear you don’t want to be like me so maybe you won’t ever have to.” 

The underlying connotations beneath their words were hard to read for an outside listener, but everyone in the room could feel the secondhand sting as Dick reminded Bruce how he wouldn’t take up the mantle and while Bruce implied that Dick would never settle down.

They stared at each other in silent indignation for a while before Barbara stepped between them to prevent things from escalating. She placed her hands on Dick’s chest, causing him to break the stare down to meet her eyes, before glancing over her shoulder at Bruce.

“As interesting as this staring contest is, we’re running late to _your_ wedding, Bruce. Like it or not, this is how we’re going.”

 

* * *

 

Clark floated above the skyline, amazed that even in broad daylight, Gotham City still found it possible to appear dark. He wasn’t used to standing out so drastically in his own city with its fluorescent lights and bright buildings. He’d normally say Gotham was simply rough around the edges, but from the aerial view he currently had, it seemed to be all edges.

Alfred informed him that a lot of the crime bosses were paid off sufficiently to stay out of trouble today (without Bruce’s knowledge) along with undercover military operations in place to keep the city still for the day. Apparently, even that wasn’t always a match for the dastardly foes that inhabited the shadows.

As a wedding gift to Bruce, and his own determination to ensure his happiness, Clark took it upon himself to leave Metropolis under the watchful eye of his cousin for the day as he surveyed Gotham.

He was used to dealing with villains of physical power and while Gotham certainly had that in Killer Croc, Bane, Clayface and more, there was a certain brand of criminals unique to this place in its dangerous mix of intelligence, resourcefulness, and pure evil. They were determined and thrived on the constant corruption that rain through the veins of Gotham’s core. No one was really ever safe.

Of all the villains to potentially ruin this high-profile event, Clark kept a special focus on the Joker. Harley Quinn was at this wedding (a fact that still puzzled him) and would be walking down the aisle with the very Robin that Joker once murdered (a fact even more flabbergasting). While he obviously didn’t get anything in the mail, it almost seemed like an open invitation for the clown prince of crime.

Luckily for all, Joker was under triple lockdown in Arkham asylum. He knew good and well that he escaped many times before and usually with a very well executed plan. To be safe, Clark had a constant surveillance stream (created by Oracle) on his watch so he could keep a vigilant eye on the bastard.

As for the rest of Gotham, it seemed to be a pretty quiet day. The mobs were helping keep crime off the streets for the day, as they really wanted that paycheck they were promised. He assumed Alfred only supplied them with half of what they would receive and it was likely very promising. There were always petty crimes, but the GCPD was more than capable of such a feat. It did confuse him that the commissioner was attending the wedding. He knew Barbara Gordon was his daughter and she was obviously Batgirl and later Oracle, but her father didn’t know that. He assumed Gordon was always friendly with the Wayne’s and Barbara did rather publically date Dick Grayson at one time. 

It was all a big mystery to him how Bruce was so entangled with the big figures of Gotham and no one seemed to realize who he was. Clark felt he did a decent enough job laying low back home, but then again, he did receive a fair amount of teasing from the League about his disguise.

_“Really? Glasses, Clark?” Diana arched her eyebrow._

_“What is this, a ‘90s romcom?” Barry rolled over in laughter._

_“Your costume needs more black.” Bruce offered._

He smiled in memory of when Lois realized he was Superman and how dumbfounded she was at her own ignorance. It wasn’t her fault really. When everyone expected Superman to be this big and fabulous God of a being, they typically didn’t notice the physical similarities between the pathetic and clumsy reporter and him, no matter how uncanny.

He was almost bored when he heard a very distinct cry for help. He was wary about it at first, given the source, but couldn’t resist the urge to jump into action at risk that it was a real alert. So, he dove from his place in the clouds and spiraled towards the SOS. As he’d guessed, the Man-Bat was shrieking as it haphazardly tumbled through the city, banging into street signs and traffic lights all the same. People on the ground were losing their minds as Man-Bat only ever typically engaged at night. 

“Where’s the Batman?” A bystander cried.

“Or Robin?” Shouted another. 

“Hell, I’ll even take Catwoman at this point.” Clark knew Selina wouldn’t appreciate _that_ comment and would have likely left the man and his crushed car to fend for himself. 

“Hey, it’s Superman!” A jovial onlooker called. Others cheered out of hope and relief and he resisted the urge to smile. Very rarely, did these people see bright color. 

He followed the erratic creature at great haste, but not without caution. Clark had an itching suspicion that these buildings didn’t have quite the make of those in Metropolis and weren’t insured for beings like him to ram into them. He weaved around any obstacles, trying to catch the tortured bat. Bruce informed him a while ago that Man-Bat worked like a werewolf at this point. He unwillingly became the beast. Again, why this was happening in broad daylight was a good question.

“Stop!” Clark ordered as though that would do any good. This was practically an animal he was dealing with right now. 

Clearly, he wasn’t fleeing Superman, as it was his cry for help that drug Superman down here. Clark tried to figure out what could have possibly enacted the change and what he was actually trying to escape. 

Despite not being the Flash, he was more than quick and once he had a linear path without infrastructure in the way, he zoomed to the bat and scooped him up. Pinning him down against the roof of a bank, he was careful not to administer too much force. Up close, Man-Bat was even more bizarre than the pictures he’d seen. It was like holding a rabid animal.

“What are you running from?” He asked.

More squealing and frantic flailing and Clark was growing quite tired of this. It was impossible to communicate with it while it was in this state of fear. Maybe it was possible this was a default mode for when its fear senses were heightened. That would mean the threat was definitely close by.

Keeping one hand on Man-Bat, he sat up a bit and looked around, noting how quiet the scenery around him was. He could see the church that the ceremony would be located at in the near distance. It wasn’t coincidence that they were driven here. This all had to be linked to Bruce’s wedding. While Batman’s rogue’s gallery wasn’t aware of his secret identity, they did have a strong amount of hate for Bruce Wayne and his “elitism”. It was ironic since Bruce was one of the most philanthropic beings ever and it was clear these villains were simply projecting their hate.

A shriek of fear, followed shortly by a puff of smoke, filled the air and was quickly growing closer. 

Man-Bat squirmed beneath him and he glared at him.

“You’re not afraid.” He frowned. “You’re a distraction.”

However, before he could finish much more of that though, Firefly came into full view with a trail of fire behind her. He moved to rush towards her, but he’d released his grip on Man-Bat, who took the opportunity to block his line of sight. He managed to use his heat vision to pierce a hole in its wings, grounding it for the meanwhile, but despite his quick reflexes, by the time he managed to grasp Firefly from the collar of her shirt, it was too late. 

“Crap.” He muttered.

 

* * *

 

“At last, we are here.” Alfred said quietly. “Thank the heavens.”

“This might just happen yet.” Jason muttered and nudged Damian. “Sorry little man.”

“You had sex with my mother.” Damian glared. “We are not bonding.”

“Be nice, that was almost your step-father.” Tim teased.

“I’ll skin you and make sheets out of you, Drake.”

“Would you all just shut up and we can get this over with?” Dick snapped.

“Somebody’s pissed that Daddy’s mad at him.” 

“Shut it, Earth Wind and Fire.” Barbara made the first move to get out of the limo. “Try not to kill each other for today and then you can go back to being assholes.”

As they all followed her, a flash of a familiar blue and red zoomed by them along with a pretty significant explosion that encapsulated their attention. 

“So, uh, you were saying?” Tim looked to Alfred, who looked like he might have a stroke.

They stared in horror as St. Peter’s went up in flames in front of them.

 


	6. Wagers of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As bets intensify from all fronts, a great mystery is unveiled in the ashes of a burnt church.

"So... Problem." Selina winced as the girls rode over to the church in the back of a stretch limo.

"You heard about the church burning down?" Harley gasped. "I've been texting Gordon and she said not to bring it up at risk of scaring ya off again."

"I knew something was up when Stephanie and Cassandra mysteriously "disappeared" and left their dresses behind!"

"Maybe they're in a nudist colony?"

"Nice try, Harl. Who burned the church down? Where are we going instead?"

"Pennyworth hasn't sent any new coordinates so right now? The burned ashes of what was once the pretty little Catholic church where you were about to exchange your vows." Pamela sighed and rolled up her window. "I swear if I find out Firefly damaged _any_ of the foliage in the nearby gardens, I am _so_ extinguishing his ass."

Selina pinched her brow. Just when things started to feel okay again, the universe hacked a big wad of spit in her face to remind her that things were anything but that. She was already spiraling at her own mistake and the idea that Bruce might think less of her for her infraction, especially after the beautiful sentiment earlier that day, the one he didn't even know she heard. Now their entire wedding ceremony was uprooted.

"Don't you even think of running off again."

Selina looked at Ivy, who wasn't a huge fan of marital commitment, but was a big fan of using her own grown weeds to secure Selina's wrists to the armrests.

"I lost the ring."

"What?" Harley gaped. "How?"

"Well, Jesus, I only hopped around Gotham in my goddamn wedding dress. It could be anywhere."

"You definitely had it on when you returned." Ivy pursed her lips. "Which means its back at your place."

"How do you know?"

"Harley tried to steal it and then blondie slapped her silly as she walked out of the bathroom. She's a temperamental one, that one."

"I can confirm she washed her hands." Harley shrugged. "Anyway, just have one of the Bat boys run over and grab it before the ceremony starts."

"Not a bad idea. Though I bet they're a little busy now trying to salvage the remains of the church. It's not like them to sit back and watch."

* * *

 

"Remind me again why we aren't diving head-first into that hot mess to try and save some priest's ass? Because that seems like something we'd typically do." Jason murmured as they all stood in a line and stared at the quickly growing burst of flames in front of them. Everyone was rather calm considering the circumstances. They no longer had a venue for the ceremony and while Alfred was furiously dialing various suitable locations to try and find a quick replacement, it was out of character for their clan of vigilantes to stand idly by as mass destruction occurs in front of them.

"The fire department has it." Bruce watched several firemen carefully as if he were prepared to spring into action if something went awry. "And besides, the press is everywhere and all attention is on us. If we don't appear helpless, we could easily be under suspicion."

"I guess nobody gave that message to Cass and Steph." Dick supplied and sure enough Spoiler and Black Bat could very visibly be seen helping haul some precious relics from the church. Black Bat always operated in discretion, but Stephanie always had a slight propensity for showboating. Dick would have been more impressed if a church wasn't on fire in front of them and the day wasn't just elongated. He was also a little jealous of their ability to slip away from all the feuding and actually provide some physical use. 

"Do you think that means Selina knows about the state of the church?" Bruce asked.

"Based on this media coverage? I'd say everyone in the damn country knows your wedding has been sabotaged, dude." Jason said, glancing over their shoulders at the infestation of reporters that were desperately calling out to each of them, shouting various questions and flashing their cameras. It was nothing each of them weren't used to. Part of being involved with the precious Wayne family crest meant being under the public eye.

"Great."

"I'll talk to them." Dick turned to walk towards the press. Somebody had to and it might as well be him. He was always the best at being under public scrutiny. Whether it be galas or press conferences, he always knew how to work the crowd without over exhausting himself like Bruce did. While Dick was always a performer, he enjoyed the attention and didn't need to plaster on any thick facade when approaching public events. People naturally gravitated towards him and his down-to-earth yet charming demeanor. Jason envied it when he became Robin and couldn't be the polished yet interesting son Bruce wanted. Tim was always fascinated by his older brother's exuberance. Damian silently admired him while pretending to hate him for it. 

"Don't forget to tell them about the sale."

"What sale?"

"The Macy's holiday sale." Jason chuckled as Dick walked towards the coverage-hungry masses. "Man, he is so going to lose."

"Lose what?" Tim asked.

Jason looked both ways, noticing that Bruce was busy talking to Alfred, Damian was elsewhere likely planning Jason's murder, and Barbara was on the phone. 

"You can't tell anyone, but Dick and I have a bet going to see who can get laid first dressed like this."

Tim laughed. "And you actually think you're going to win?"

"I get laid more than that asshole does!"

"Dick could have any girl he wants. Look at him! He should have been a salesman, but he's too genuine. I'm surprised he's even agreeing to this."

"If I'm honest, he's a little hung up, because ole Barbie brought a date to the wedding."

"Ah, man, he's probably crushed."

"Like the good brother I am, I'm encouraging that he get some hot ass... And if he doesn't, he has to clean my dirty gear for a month."

"Yeah, you really deserve your own section of Hallmark, you're so heartwarming."

"Alright, smartass, why don't you jump in on this? If I win, you can split the task of cleaning up my dirty gear with Dickie-bird. It gets pretty ripe and I like my underwear handwashed. If Dick wins-"

"-You wear a dress over your suit for the rest of the year."

"Damian put you up to that, didn't he?"

"We're putting aside our differences in the common goal to humiliate you."

"Dude, what the fuck did I do to you?"

"Honestly, you just look like you need to be knocked down a peg." Tim shrugged. "You're going down."

"Who's going down?" Barbara walked up.

Both boys turned to her quickly, looked at each other in panic and miraculously came up with the same answer, no matter how dumb. "Dick."

"Dick?" She arched her eyebrow and glanced over their shoulders to peer at the oldest Robin schmoozing the public, charm and wit radiating off him even dressed in a Christmas-patterned tuxedo.  

"Yeah..." Tim stammered. "Dick is going down..."

"On someone." Jason supplied. "Tonight."

"What?" While she still looked confused, her eyes flickered in dismay for a moment she refused to let linger.

Tim glared at him and nudged him violently. "We figured that would be an awkward thing to tell  _you_."

"Wh-Who?"

"Don't know." Jason shrugged. "Some girl."

"Oh." Her lips formed into a perfect "o" before snapping her mouth shut and shaking her head. "It's not awkward at all. I don't care. What I really came over here to ask is if either of you could possibly rummage through the trash at Selina's apartment and see if you maybe find her engagement ring? It's where the girls were all getting changed."

"She lost the ring? God, isn't she supposed to be a cat burglar? That's like reverse of being a good thief." Tim questioned. 

"Try saying that to her and your skin might look like Demon boy's other suit." Barbara smirked. "Anyway, don't tell Bruce. He's pretty twitchy."

"Wouldn't dream of it. I just want this day over with." Jason released a breath as the two of them began walking away.

"Dude, why the hell would you tell Barb that Dick is hooking up with someone tonight? Better yet, why would you be so specific as to say that he's going down on someone?"

"I needed to make sure they don't hook up tonight. Even if she has a date, those two have a way of getting together and I wanted to nip that before the possibility presented itself."

"Harsh. All for a bet?"

"I do not look good in dresses, Timmy. Now come on, let's go get that ring."

* * *

 

"What are we going to do, Alfred?" Bruce groaned. 

"What if we still did the ceremony here, sir? The gardens are in perfect condition and the officiants are all cleared by medics to perform the service."

"You think Selina will go for that? Outside leaves us rather exposed, doesn't it?"

"It also provides many possibilities of escape if properly guarded by some of our super friends."

"There's a lake. We would need confirmation from Arthur that no rebellious underwater creatures even think about popping in. Also, we need to make sure Damian doesn't try and drown Jason or something along those lines."

"Leave such silliness to Master Dick. You were rather hard on him earlier, sir."

"He needs to grow up."

"He's grown up significantly. You, more than anyone, must understand that our lives are matters of circumstances and that some things can't be avoided."

"He looks like wrapping paper, Alfred." He grimaced.

"Master Dick has been successfully protecting his own city, is currently making it his own responsibility to protect the masses, looks after your own son when you're too busy to do so, and clearly longs for a more substantial stability than he ever did before."

"What do you mean?"

"Dick Grayson has never been the playboy that Bruce Wayne pretends to be. He wants to be with someone forever and wears his heart on his sleeve. I'd say he's tired of experiencing such fleeting romances and longs for what you and Miss Kyle are trying to accomplish today."

"And Barbara?"

"The apple of his eye, if you will, sir."

"They messed it up last time and the time before that."

"But they're both grown and they both need your support and perhaps a little nudge in the right direction."

"Don't think I haven't forgotten about our wager."

"I thought it was "just a joke", Master Bruce." He teased.

"I bet that Barbara and Dick wouldn't settle down before he was 25 and you said they would."

"But we both agree they'll end up together."

"This is true."

"And Master Dick is 24 years old. I'm predicting that they will, in fact, seal the deal if you will."

"We will see." 

* * *

 

"Found it!" Jason proudly raised his hand in the air. 

"You found the ring?"

"Nope."

"Then why the hell are you digging through the girl's trash?"

"See that box on the counter?"

"A home pregnancy test." Tim's eyes bugged out after a moment.

"And the results are... Wait, you wanna take a bet on who's this is?"

"Do you have some gambling addiction we should be worried about?"

"Fine fine." Jason flipped it over and burst into a big grin. "Regardless, there's going to be a baby bat fluttering around these parts." 

"Or psychopath. It could be Harley or Ivy's."

"Ivy's gay."

"Artificial insemination is a thing, Jay and I would not be surprised if she had babies differently... You know, like a plant."

Jason wrinkled his nose. "Fine, but either way, somebody's pregnant and it's either Selina, Babs, Steph, Cass, Harley or Ivy. This is awesome."

"I wouldn't expect you to be so excited about this."

"1. Babies are awesome 2. We get to play detective."

"Shouldn't we just let whoever's pregnant break the news?"

"What fun would that be? Are you in or out?"

"... I'm in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody's pregnant...


	7. Sacred Vows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last the ceremony happens, but it's still only the beginning.

"Nice of you two to finally join the party." Barbara mused as Stephanie and Cassandra arrived smelling of smoke and slightly singed. She was in the process of setting up chairs (all of which were mismatched, which was killing her OCD) in even rows and columns. She was hesitant that an outside ceremony on the edge of Gotham was a safe place to have such a high profile wedding, but could understand Bruce's insistence to keep things moving along as quickly as possible. In their lives, time wasn't always on their side. She reasoned that this was why superheroes hooked up all the time and immediately pledged their undying love for each other so quickly. When everything inevitably slowed down to real time, this, they didn't handle as well. 

"I refuse to feel guilt over saving the cross with Jesus Christ on it." Stephanie crossed her arms. "I think that earns me some heaven points."

"That's totally how it works." Cassandra cocked an eyebrow. "Besides, you knocked his head off."

"On accident!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah just help me with these chairs, okay?" 

"Holy shit, why is Dick dressed like the gingerbread man?" The blonde glanced over at Dick, who was currently carrying a podium to the end of the aisle for the officiant. Nearby, Bruce was speaking with Clark Kent, likely securing all possible entry points with a member of the Justice League. He was a control freak at heart and while most worried about mundane hiccups on their wedding day, Bruce decided to worry about those  _and_ potentially life-ending threats.

She sighed. "Let's just say, I envy you guys for being in the burning building."

"Guys!" A shout from across the garden turned all the girls' heads. Jason and Tim were sprinting towards them, glistened in sweat and eyes wide. Steph and Cass exchanged a peculiar glance at Jason's ridiculous powder blue throwback of a leisure suit. Neither decided to comment on it though, because the discomfort that came from their awkwardly happy stares accompanied by heavy breathing was too distracting.

"What's up, Jay?" Steph asked slowly.

When the two of them continued smiling at them like idiots, Cass spoke up. "Tim?"

After another awkward series of staring and smiles, Barbara sighed. "What is wrong with you two?"

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong with me. Is anything wrong with you, Timmy?" Jason's tone was uncharacteristically chirpy and it frightened all of them.

"Nope!" The teenager's eyes flickered over all three of the girls, as if he was taking them in. "And might I say, all three of you ladies are positively  _glowing_ today."

"I agree!" Jason beamed, showing every tooth in his mouth like he always did when he knew a secret. It was a good thing he had to wear a big red dome on his head so he could properly lie to the criminals he fought against. 

"... Thanks?" Each of them muttered.

More uncomfortable staring ensued and Barbara rolled her eyes. "Whatever you're being weird about is going to have to wait. Did you get the ring?"

"I did!"

" _I_ did." Tim amended, sounding a bit more like himself for a moment. "Jason just went trash picking."

"I didn't know Jay was trying to date again." Steph held up a hand, which Cass immediately hi-fived in appreciation. Tim genuinely smiled too, before flickering back to his painfully clumsy demeanor. Jason seemed too distracted to be his quick-mouthed self and just shrugged sheepishly.

"I'm gonna go give this to Selina." He held the ring between two fingers. Before leaving to do so, he side-hugged each individual girl, purposely avoiding their midsections. Jason followed suit and did the same, which was even less normal given how much larger he was physically than all of them and how obvious it was that he was trying to be delicate. 

After they were out of earshot, Cass turned back to the other two. "What was that about?"

"Sometimes I can't believe I used to date him." Steph breathed out. "I don't even know."

"The aisle is just a few millimeters too short." Barbara frowned. 

* * *

 

To avoid seeing Bruce face-to-face before she walked down the aisle, Selina Kyle watched the overhaul of her wedding venue from the comforts of her limo. Years ago, if anyone asked her if she'd ever live in such luxury, she'd spit in their face. Now, she was longing for the large rock that Bruce proposed with so she could twist something on her finger out of restlessness. Luckily, the car door opened on the opposite side and she was sure the Robins came through.

When Damian Wayne sat down across from her, in his usual steely-business manner, she was taken off guard. Rarely was she ever taken off guard.

"Robin." She maintained a levity in her voice, even though she somehow knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Cat." He was always unamused by her attempt at banter. Damian was all work and no play and was content with that.

"Just wanted to get out of the sun or...?"

"You should know that in negotiations, the person that speaks first rarely ever wins."

"I didn't realize we were negotiating."

"Didn't you?" He snorted. "You've always been incredibly quick, Kyle, don't try playing the part of the fool now. I suggest you leave that to your maids of honor."

She leaned back and crossed her arms. "What do you want?"

"What does any boy want?"

"A pinup of the newest and greatest playboy bunny?"

"Don't be crass." He scoffed. "On both personal and strategic levels, your union with my father is impractical at best and dangerous at worst."

"I'm guessing "dangerous" is being used in a negative connotation here."

"Correct. You and my father have always appreciated the chase, no matter how toxic it grew at times. You've sold him out and he still comes back to you, believing he can reform you. You can say you've changed, but you haven't. You can't. You wouldn't be a suitable step-mother to me and my father hasn't even taken that into consideration. If it's any consolation, I blame him for falling over your womanly temptations, not you."

"What a relief."

"The Bat and the Cat as a longterm couple would endanger both your identities, all of ours, even. It's a greater risk than it's worth, which is among many of the reasons I am certain this marriage will end only in death and despair... As most do."

"As opposed to who, Talia?" She smirked. "Come on, Damian. Let's stop pretending this has anything to do with safety or strategies and talk about the fact that you're hurt because your parents aren't ever going to be together. That sucks, believe me, I get it. You want your biological family to be together, but it isn't going to happen and you need to get that through your head just like most products of divorce do. Children of divorce don't own the market of issues, okay?"

His stare grew cold. "I was going to offer you a plentiful sum to step away from this now, Kyle, but now I will do no such favor for the likes of you."

"I wouldn't have taken it anyway, birdie."

"Then maybe you are a fool." The door to the limo slammed shut and Selina released a breath she didn't know she was holding. Of course, she wanted to be accepted by Bruce's youngest and only biological child as she was by the other members of the Batfamily. She knew Bruce wasn't exactly brilliant at heart-to-heart communication and while that was okay with her most of the time, a young boy no matter what their background, needed to hear specific things from his father when he was marrying someone else. It was a foundational thing, she guessed, that she clearly wasn't good at due to her own poor experiences. 

Still, when a goofy dressed Jason Todd opened the door to her limo on her side, grinning suspiciously from ear to ear, this problem faded away.

"It's time." He passed her the engagement ring.

* * *

 

And time, it was, because in spite of the fact that it wasn't planned this way at all, nobody could ever tell otherwise, nor did they miss the church setting. Ivy's enhancement of the flowers at bloom certainly helped the scenery, but with the rolling green fields in contrast to the deep blue lake, and Gotham City's finest buildings as a backdrop behind them, it was like a utopia version of what Gotham City could be like in the dreams of its heroes. Rarely did the loud congestion of cars and people alike, along with the heavy smog and disastrous crime rate ever get blocked out. However, as Lucius Fox surprised everybody and lightly strummed "The Book of Love" on acoustic guitar accompanied with some uncharacteristic birds chirping, everything bad and evil seemed so far away. It was miles away from everybody's minds as they all walked arm in arm down the aisle.

"This seems almost too good to be true." Dick whispered to Barbara as they walked in sync with one another. "Did you ever think you'd be in Catwoman's wedding?"

"Always a bridesmaid to a former top contender of Gotham's most wanted, never a bride." She smirked. "Did you ever think you'd be in Batman's?"

He looked forward at a visibly nervous Bruce Wayne and despite his negative feelings for him today, he still felt his chest swell in pride. "I wasn't even sure he'd be alive to get married."

"Me neither." She agreed.

"You look really pretty." He mumbled, trying to maintain a proper demeanor that wouldn't distract any attention from the ceremony at hand.

"You usually look really handsome." 

"Fair. So now I'm just regular-level handsome?"

"Whatever you say, Boy Wonder." She quipped as they went their separate ways at the head of the aisle. The others followed in a proper line behind them. Each fanning diagonally behind Bruce and where Selina would stand.

"Where's Damian?" Bruce leaned into Dick when he stood behind him. Dick's eyes flashed with concern and scanned the audience. Alfred seemed to be on the same wavelength and as discretely as possible, moved up the sleeve of his jacket and shirt to reveal an intricate watch.

"It seems he's here somewhere, Master Bruce, according to my tracker."

He was about to say something along the lines of "he better not try anything", but all of the words in the english vocabulary seemed to flutter into thin air, where they promptly evaporated into water vapor, despite how dry his tongue suddenly felt. His mind was at a numb whirring as well and he knew his jaw must have smacked the ground. The others turned to look at what he was seeing and everyone was at least a little dumbstruck by the beauty that was Selina Kyle. She was uncharacteristically all dressed in white, but she wore it like she owned it and earned a profit off it for all of eternity. There was something ever youthful about her in that moment with the way her greenish-hazel eyes glittered in the bright sunlight or how her lips were tugged in what might have been a permanent smile. The dress might have been literally made for her, but she looked like a princess and this was a woman who was never typically described as such.

Even the girls, who'd seen her fully dressed earlier, noticed there was something different about this particular moment. It was like the stars aligned and the universe was allowing true harmony for two individuals that led anything but harmonious lives.

"Holy shit, she's gorgeous." Harley cooed. "I mean we always knew she was pretty and hot in a mysterious and obscure kinda way, but right now she looks really fuckin' stunning!"

"Shutup!" Ivy hissed.

"What? The church burned down so I'm allowed to curse." As if that was the point.

"Jay, she's glowing too." Tim whispered in his brother's ear, who was in a trance-like stare as well, meaning he probably already gathered that assessment.

"I think we're gonna need a different approach."

Bruce felt the most natural smile come to his lips. Selina Kyle was always full of surprises and in this time-stopping moment of clarity, he realized even more so what all of this was really about. It was about love and righting a wrong he'd committed for so long. That wrong, was not marrying her sooner.

As the ceremony began, he couldn't take his eyes off her, which was fine, since he wasn't supposed to, but he was entirely tuned out in the wake of everything that was Selina. She always swept him off his feet, kept him on his toes, made him believe in life in ways she never intended, but that's what made it better. He felt lighter than he'd ever felt. It was like being under Ivy's enchantment only real.

When it came to reading their vows, Bruce went first. For the first time, he looked beyond Selina and around at all his loved ones that were essentially enveloping him in warmth and support. The press wasn't far over the horizon, trying to sneak in pictures and all that. He promised Clark and exclusive if he helped keep the felons and other outsiders at bay, along with given him the right to record the wedding video. He wasn't sure if he was going to regret that decision later, but he forgot all about it when his gaze reverted back to his bride.

"I spent days trying to figure out what to say here. It kept me up at night." He began. "Then again, I've always been more of a nocturnal being."

There were a few murmurs of soft chuckling from the audience and his wedding party. No one blatantly said anything as a courtesy to those that had no idea about their dual lives, but the joke broke the ice a bit.

"So I've decided that there isn't a series of words strung together in any language that can come close to articulating how much I love you or how much you mean to me." He stared at her earnestly. "And in the hand we've been dealt, I can't promise to be the greatest husband in the entire world nor do I expect you to be the greatest wife of all time. I'm stubborn, repressed, disagreeable, frustrating, and angry a lot of the time. While this would scare me off in getting close to anyone else, I remember that in a lot ways, you're all of those things too. You're also brilliant, caring, brave, inspiring, and so much more. You are everything to me, all at once, all of the time and I wouldn't have you any other way, because in this cat and mouse game that we've never been able to quit, you've brought out the best parts of me, the parts that I thought were long gone. And while it will never be perfect, maybe nowhere close to that, I will always cherish everything you are, however you grow, and give you all that I have. Forever. If you'll have me."

"I will." She mouthed with tears brimming on the corners of her eyes.

Selina squeezed his hands before releasing them to wipe any persistent tears from her eyes and then pulling out a small slip of paper. "Bruce, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, way too many that I could count. I've hurt, I've lost, I've stolen..."

More soft chuckles from those that were in the know.

"But you've always seen past the damage I've left in my wake. Even when I couldn't see it myself, you've found the best in me. Despite my greatest efforts, you crawled under my skin, wiggled up to my heart, and set up camp for life, whether I wanted you there or not. Spoiler alert, I always did, even if I didn't know it. So much so, that I couldn't let you go and I wouldn't, even if you thought you didn't want me to hold on. We're both stubborn like that, as you've previously said. We take turns holding up and I never saw myself as someone that could do that, as someone that could hold up myself let alone someone else, until I fell in love with you. Over the slow and aggravating seconds of time, you became an essential to my life. I am no longer defined by the scars that I've left, but the love that you fill me with. I can't promise you that I'll be perfect either, because I won't. And while I have a lot of regrets in this universe, the greatest thing I ever did, and the one thing I'll never regret, was chasing after you and I can promise that I'll never stop doing that."

"If any of you can show just cause why they may not be lawfully wed, speak now, or else forever hold your peace." The priest's voice broke through the raw emotion that filled the space around them. Selina and Bruce were in a realm of their own.

This bubble was, of course, shattered into a million pieces when Damian Wayne and Talia Al Ghul stood at the end of the aisle.

"We object!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Damian's daddy (and mommy) issues are brought to a head (kind of).


	8. The Divorce Rate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one realized Damian's plus one was going to be his own mother.

No one was particularly pleased to discover that the ceremony would be put on pause and the familial drama that was about to ensue would occur in private with only Bruce, Selina, Damian, Dick, and Talia present. Alfred promptly shooed any overzealous guests and reporters away without a second's passing. Tim pouted as he was walked to his seat after being caught trying to sneak around the back. Admittedly, it wasn't his best work.

"Awe come on, Alfred! Dick gets to be in there!"

"Master Richard is in there strictly to restrain Master Damian if need be. Ms. Talia personally requested this be done behind closed doors and I think if Master Bruce wants to take the time to hear her out, we should allow him that courtesy."

"You're not even a little curious?"

"Of course I am, young sir, but I trust Master Bruce and I have full faith that he's not going to let that--that  _woman_ \-- ruin this day."

Tim pursed his lips in what seemed to be disapproval before perking up. "You have surveillance in the limo, don't you?"

Alfred paused carefully. "Do I usually have surveillance in our vehicles for documentation purposes? Yes. Why would I have that removed for one day of the year? It's a lot of hardwiring, Master Tim."

The teenager grinned. "Alfred, you sly dog."

* * *

 

"What is the meaning behind this?" Bruce kept his voice low, but it was as lethal as his gaze, which fixated on the opposite side of the limo as if willing it to combust.

Dick, who was uncomfortably seated between Damian and Talia Al Ghul, a position that no man or woman envied, glanced at either of them and willed for someone to speak. Occasionally, he met Bruce's glare and would feel the secondhand blame for all of this. Something told him he was going to be hearing the riot act for not supervising Damian, but that moment would likely blindside him and possibly open with more of his screwups as a prelude. 

Selina was a lot less fiery and much more fierce in her gaze. Unlike Bruce, she didn't direct it towards Dick or even Damian, but kept it solely on the dangerously beautiful woman to Dick's right. 

"This isn't what I had in mind when I said we should do this elsewhere." Talia's voice, on the other hand, was icy. She didn't sound like a woman freshly scorned, who was full of passion and explosive heat. She sounded like she were speaking of the long dead, distant and cold. There was no love for Bruce in her eyes. Hell, Dick couldn't even tell if there was any for Damian left either. The League of Assassins had a way of draining everything human life contained all for the sake of eternal living. It was amazing how entombed she seemed. 

"What did you expect?" Bruce spat. "A battle arena?"

"I wouldn't mind that so much." Selina quipped. "I'm not above cat fights, you know."

"Mother could strike you down at the drop of a hat you dirty-" 

"-Damian!" Talia and Bruce both spoke at the same time, but had different meanings in their interruption. Bruce was infuriated that Damian was about to crudely insult his soon-to-be step-mother while Talia... Well, Talia's motivations were always questionable. The air grew impossibly still and everyone waited for the other to do or say something next. The tension was so infused into the air that Dick was convinced if someone lit a match, the entire limousine would explode.

In a surprise to everyone, perhaps even herself, Talia's lips twitched as if she were failing to remember what it was like to smile. Eventually, she got the hang of it and she didn't even look entirely wicked in doing so. 

"I'm sure you're wondering why I am here." She tapped the armseat mindlessly, taking her gaze everywhere but that of Bruce's.

"I've made quite a few bets in my life and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be unreasonable to bet you're here for Bruce?" Selina bated. "And then Damian is buy 1-get 1 free and you can have your cozy little house with the white picket fence and the lazarus pit hot tub in your backyard. Stop me if I'm getting close, will you?"

"You could not be any further from the truth." Talia assured, the remnants of a smile still ghosting her lips.

Damian turned his head so fast that it looked like it was going to snap off of his neck. Dick warily stuck a hand on, cueing him to wait her out.

"This man is the love of my existence and I have long sought to have him for all of eternity. I have even given birth to his son as a sign of binding. If he does not yet see that this is true and that he belongs as the Demon Head in my father's place, that is not on me. I have done all I can to solidify this truth."

"Yeah all of that was totally romantic and not rapey at all." Selina muttered. "No consent or anything like that, but whatever, right? You're soulmates."

"Deny it all you want, I can see why it upsets you."

"And I'm supposed to believe you don't want to interrupt the wedding because you want to marry him yourself?"

"You and your American traditions." Talia crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Weddings in the League are much shorter, aren't they, Bruce?"

"How would--" Selina started before her mouth went dry and she shot dagger towards Bruce. "You're married?"

Bruce looked entirely dumbfounded for once. It was difficult to catch the Batman by surprise, but Talia Al Ghul was 2 for 2 when it came to surprises. Once, when Damian Wayne came about and second now with this wedding nonsense. Dick wasn't surprised about the illegitimate child and he wasn't all that surprised about this. Really, Bruce's love life was a tangled web of complication that made his own look like an easy game of chutes and ladders. For a man that claimed to pledge himself to going at his own, he rarely ever truly did that. 

Damian appeared intrigued again, as though he didn't get exactly what he wanted for Christmas, but possibly received an even better model. He no longer had to try and set his parents up if they were already legally bound. That was as good as it got as far as parent traps went. Dick subconsciously wondered if showing him that movie a few weeks before was a good idea.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bruce asked. 

"Why, my love, I am insulted." She feigned hurt as she laid a hand across her chest. "Surely, you remember those many moons ago, when you held me as we gazed at the glittery night sky from my balcony window. You told me I was too good for the Demon Head and while I vehemently disagreed, you promised me you'd be mine forever if I gave it all up. You made me feel things that I was told didn't exist and while every bit of me feared it, I loved it that much more. For, I was promised immortality my entire life, but those nights I spent with you were the few times I ever truly felt alive. I told you I would give it all up."

"And you didn't."

"I would have." Her voice was hollow, but honest and Bruce sat back slowly to listen. "To prove my love for you, I brought a priest up from his chambers. He performed the soul pledging ceremony and we engraved each other's initials in Arabic on our chests, right over our hearts."

"That wasn't a wedding ceremony." He hurried. "You didn't say anything about that."

"Oh, but it was, my love, and then, I was sure you were just as aware of this as I was."

"That means Damian's not technically a bastard." Dick thought out loud.

"Seriously, elf on a shelf? That's your takeaway?" Selina snapped.

"I'm just trying to stay up to speed."

"It's not binding." Bruce ignored him. "It's not legal."

She sighed and pulled out an official document. "But it is. You see, shortly after you left and shattered my heart into a million pieces, I had a marriage license drawn up. The priest that wed us was official and in a business transaction with my father years ago, you signed it, thus legally making me your current wife."

"There's the sneaky nonconsensual Talia I've come to hear about."

"It is none of your business how their union came to be." Damian glared. "It is official and binding. You and father cannot get married so long as he is married to my mother."

"I'm shaking in my boots. What do you think this is? A third world country? The divorce rate is sky high here in the states."

"With my resources, I'll clean you for all of your wealth there, Brucie." Talia smiled wickedly. "I'll get the boy."

"What do you want, Talia? I'm assuming it isn't money." Bruce looked sadly to his youngest son. "Or Damian."

"You see, I have divorce papers drawn up right here. You sign these and all of this goes away. You get to go back to your fairytale wedding with your project of a bride with my son and no one has to know about this."

"What? Mother!" 

"I appreciate your inviting me, Damian. You did right by me, but kindly stay quiet and let the adults talk."

"This is absurd! You're just going to let him go? Just like that? I thought you were bound souls! You can't just let--"

"--That's enough!" She snapped, her eyes going dark for a moment and then softening. "This is bigger than us."

Dick wrapped an arm around his little brother out of comfort, no matter how much he squirmed against it, and squeezed his shoulder. He felt for the kid, he did, and he wanted to smack Talia for tricking Damian into thinking this was going to be a ploy into getting his parents back together again. He also wanted to smack Bruce for not addressing this issue sooner. Maybe if he didn't sleep with every beautiful woman that came his way, he wouldn't be in this situation and better yet, maybe if he communicated his feelings beyond basic recognition, he wouldn't be in this situation. Yes, there was a lot that the Bat could have done to avoid this, but right now, he had to bite the bullet and see what the Demon's daughter wanted.

Bruce's eyes scanned the document and didn't give any indication of surprise or shock at its contents. He didn't even let Selina read over his shoulder, claiming this was the end of a chapter he muddled up and had to finish on his own. She didn't love that response, but truthfully, she looked like she wanted this to be over with as soon as possible so she could beat the crap out of Talia.

He grabbed the pen from his soon-to-be ex's hand and scrawled his name across the dotted line. 

"Dick? Will you sign as witness?" 

Dick awkwardly moved across the limo, shifting away from Damian, and taking the document to sign. He looked to Bruce, hoping to meet eyes with him, but he didn't. It was possible Dick Grayson would be the only person aside from Talia to know what Bruce was going to sacrifice, what he was going to give up for this ideal future he wanted with Selina. It turned his stomach sick at the thought of it, but he did his best to give no indication of it as Bruce likely wanted. 

"And like that, my love, we are no longer." Her voice was low. "Until eternity, Bruce Wayne. As a wedding gift to you, I will go with the promise that the rest of this day shall be protected for you and that your bride shall fall under no danger."

"I don't need your immunity, you bitch." Selina was heated now. "I don't know what you made him give up or what this "until eternity" bullshit means, but you will not govern our lives. You will not hold him hostage. He's not yours."

The words seemed to sting a bit, but more for Damian than for Talia. She simply nodded in response.

"I understand." And with that, she exited the limo.

Damian looked to a defeated Bruce and a furious Selina once more before shooting out the door after his mother.

"MOTHER!" He ran after her. "I'm coming with you."

She stopped in her tracks and turned around slowly. "No you are not. What he's building... The life your father wants is what's best for you."

"That's not true!" He cried. "It was only best if you were his wife."

She sighed. "Damian, we are not meant to be in this life. I am sorry if I led you to believe otherwise, but it's true."

"How can you just give up on me?"

"I have never given up on you. I still believe you can be twice the man your father is and three times the man your grandfather is. You cannot do that with the League. You know this."

"He is a fool. He's grown soft." Damian spat. "If he truly cared for me--"

"You mistake his love for her as neglect for you. This is not true. You will stay here, grow strong, and learn the ways of humanity that I could not. If you love me, you will do this."

He looked away in dismay. "... Very well. I do not have to like it, though."

She smiled a little again. "I will miss you, my boy. You are my true great love."

Damian nodded. "Yes, well, thanks for nothing."

"One day you will see, it was not for nothing."

* * *

 

Jason, Barbara, Cassandra, Stephanie, Tim, and Alfred all huddled around the small device that projected sound in Barbara's car, which all deemed safely non-bugged. Each reacted in characteristically appropriate degrees of surprise at the news of Bruce's unknown marriage. 

"Damn, I fucked  _another_ married woman." 

"Language, Master Jason." Alfred glared.

"My bad, but this is some pretty heavy news, right? I mean, Bruce probably just signed the remaining little teaspoon amount of his soul away, because he had some sexy secret ceremony."

"I've always wondered what that mark on his chest meant." Stephanie mused. "It's a shame we don't like her, because all that soul-bonding stuff does sound pretty hot."

"There's this great thing called the internet, so I'd looked that up a while ago." Tim sighed. "But nobody ever said the ceremony was sexy. I'm picturing them being branded like horses."

"With Talia Al Ghul?" Jason scoffed. "Everything's sexy."

"Dear God, Jay." 

"Thanks, Timmy, but I haven't quite reached God-status yet."

"I'm not all that surprised, honestly. With Bruce's love life, especially with our rogues gallery, anything is possible." Cass said.

"I can't believe I'm about to say he got lucky when it came to Catwoman." Barbara shook her head. "I'm wondering what he signed."

"Dick probably knows." Stephanie perked up. "I'm sure you can work some magic to get the information out of him."

"Get Dick to spill beans about Bruce?" She raised an eyebrow. "That relationship is as tumultuous and messy as all of Bruce's relationships, but Dick would never in a million years betray the man that took him in. It's psychological at this point and honestly, I wouldn't put him in such a spot." 

"Miss Gordon is right." Alfred agreed. "While our spying is a bit unorthodox and frowned upon--"

"--Ah yes, the Batman  _never_ does that." Jason mocked.

He cleared his throat. "Regardless, the agreement Master Bruce made with Talia Al Ghul is private and stays between them so long as he wishes. If it were to put any of us in danger, he would surely tell us. Until he discloses such information, we will stay out of it. It is still their wedding day and you will honor that by treating the newly married couple with respect and dignity. Stay on your best behaviors. I want minimal amounts of nonsense after we leave this car, am I understood?"

All somewhat sheepishly nodded, even Jason, who quipped: "God, I hope his second marriage works out differently than his first."

Everyone groaned as they exited the car. 

Stephanie tripped as she got out of the car, the contents of her purse spilling out. Jason's eagle eye honed in on a few tampons and the wrapper for a maxi pad. He helped her gather her things, mentally priding himself for being able to focus on two things at once. 

"You know, I'm hoping it does really work out differently for him. He deserves less of a headache." 

"True. He did have Damian in his first marriage." 

"Like I said, less headache. Maybe no kids this time."

Jason smirked. "I wouldn't be so sure."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't tell anyone, but one of the girls is pregnant."

Her eyes looked like they were going to bulge out of her head. "No way! How do you know?"

"Pregnancy test." He smiled as the others went ahead. "Tim and I are trying to figure out who it belongs to. Wanna help?"

"I'm the Spoiler. Outing secrets is in my title. Can this day get any more interesting?"

"If I lose a bet, I might have to wear a dress for the rest of the year."

"Damn. I love our family."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did Bruce sign away? Is Damian ready to have a stepmom? Who will win the bet? WHO THE HELL IS PREGNANT?


	9. On With the Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between cold feet, fires, and unexpected interruptions from ex-lovers, Bruce and Selina sure earned that first kiss as a married couple. If only the drama stopped there.

Although they'd already signed the official marriage certificate, declaring them man and wife, getting back on the alter to finish the ceremony was more out of principle than necessity. Realistically, either would have been more comfortable with a courthouse wedding, but fate wanted to pry them apart and neither was notorious for being easygoing and laid back. They'd be damned if such trivial outside forces would drive this day apart. If anyone was going to destroy it, it would be them. So, they moved for the ceremony to continue as soon as humanly possible and everyone was back in their appropriate spots.

"Hey, wait a minute." Dick grabbed Bruce by the arm as they all began to walk back. Selina turned to flash Bruce a disapproving glance and he signaled that he would be right there before turning towards his oldest son.

"The ceremony is starting again in any moment."

"Yeah, I know, and maybe you can convince Selina that what you signed wasn't important, but it is and it could affect all of us." His eyes were stern and Bruce wondered where and when Dick stopped being the little optimist that pranced around in bright colored tights and spouted puns at evil doers. When did he become so hardened and closed off? Or did he only put this front on when he talked to him? Their relationship was nothing of what it used to be. While Dick was still the only person he'd trust the cape and cowl to, there was still this empty awkwardness that had been in bloom since Dick became Nightwing. Then again, it was likely before that and Bruce just didn't pay attention to the signs. 

"I know what I'm doing."

"Do you? Because you thought you knew you didn't have any biological children. You thought you knew you'd be rid of the League of Assassins for good. You thought you knew you weren't previously married." 

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying your track record with "knowing what you're doing" when it comes to Talia al Ghul isn't promising, Bruce. You can't honestly believe that this isn't going to come back and bite us."

"What would you rather have had me do, Dick? Start a world war at my own wedding?"

"And what happens if they kill Selina and you're suddenly bound to being the next Ra's al Ghul?"

"That is  _not_ going to happen."

"You can't know that! The agreement stated that when your true love dies, you're inheriting the demon's head title."

"It also stated that the agreement would be void if they interfered with her fate in any way possible."

"They know something we don't, Bruce. It's plain to see that Talia is just playing the long game here."

"Maybe so." He breathed. "But you know me well enough to know that I don't do anything without thinking it through."

"And Damian? What does this mean for him?"

Bruce squeezed his eyes shut. "You've always been better at getting through to him."

"You're his father! You need to talk to him."

"I know and I will." He promised. "Until then, this stays between the two of us."

Dick looked away from him, apparently unable to hide his disgust in the situation or maybe even Bruce. Bruce was used to seeing this in Jason, but it still stung whenever Dick was disappointed in him to such a high caliber. He was positive he knew what he was doing and was even already drawing plans in retaliation to such a dark possibility, but the doubt his son had in him was anything but encouraging.

"I just hope it was all worth it." He shrugged before moving to join the other groomsmen. 

* * *

"Now, fingers crossed we don't have any more interruptions." The priest smiled at Selina and Bruce, who were joined once again at the center of the alter with smiles still brightly painted on their faces. The emotional heaviness in the room simmered down significantly, because a break to regroup will do that, but there was still no denying that in spite of the turns life had taken, it was still a beautiful day for a wedding.

"Hurry it up so we don't." Selina smirked and a few soft chuckles spread through the audience.

"Very well then. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Bruce, you may now kiss the bride."

As the limited band began to strum the traditional chords of finality of a wedding service, Bruce ever so carefully lifted the veil that poorly concealed the beauty that lie underneath and tilted her chin before finally planting a soft kiss on his new bride's lips. Everyone in the audience leapt to their feet to erupt in thunderous applause over the jovial sight. Anyone could have sworn that in those moments, the sun shined a bit brighter. Alfred silently attributed this to Bruce's parents, who were literally beaming with pride at their son and the love of his life's union. The paparazzi clambered to try and get a proper picture for their headlines of the newest and hottest married couple and even after the stress of the day, nothing seemed to really matter. 

After they parted, Bruce winked at Selina before taking her hand and walking back up the aisle. Even after his ominous conversation with Dick, it was tough to focus on anything but the beauty of the day. Rarely, did he ever find himself out from under the raincloud that permanently seemed to strike over him, but whenever he did, Selina Kyle was typically involved.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen followed accordingly and all piled into the limo to head off to take wedding photos. Any other guests gathered together to have commonplace chatter before getting ready for the reception, which was extravagantly being hosted at the Gotham Hotel until the crack of dawn. They had the entire evening and early morning to give their congratulations to the newlyweds.

"We survived." Bruce sighed and Selina leaned on his shoulder. "Barely, but we made it."

"The day is still quite young, my love." She mumbled. "We're not even close to running out of daylight yet."

"Remind me again who decided it was a good idea to have a reception that extended all night?"

"That was I, Master Bruce." Alfred interjected from right behind him. "With your extensive wealth and need to connect with the public, anything less would have appeared cheap."

"Good thing our wedding day is still about us."

"Now you don't have to stay the entire time. I know you two need to prepare for the honeymoon."

"Mmm... Fiji here we come." She purred. 

"Our own private island off the coast." 

"7 whole days. Do you think you'll be able to make it that long without brooding?"

"Hmm, I suppose I can find ways to distract myself." He leaned in to kiss her.

"We can hear you quite clearly, Father." Damian's disapproving voice rang through his ears. "You really should have sprang for two limos if you wanted to fraternize before pictures."

"Duly noted, Damian." He wasn't sure what he was going to do with him. Even though she didn't show it, he knew his son's obvious disapproval of her was daunting for Selina. She didn't expect him to start calling her "mommy" or anything unrealistic of the sort, but she at least wished the boy would like her. Other than not being his mother, she didn't really give him much reason not to. Still, she wasn't his mother and while this was a huge plus for Bruce, it was the core reason for Damian's anger and hatred of the situation. He did regret not consoling his son beforehand, but would whenever he got a moment alone with him.

Jason leaned back. "Now, we can misbehave again."

"You're telling me this whole time, you've been being good?" Tim gawked. "Besides, I'm pretty sure we promised we'd be "good" all day."

"You did." Selina called from the front. "And if  _any_ of you batboys or girls ruin this day, you'll find that this kitty still has claws."

"Is anyone else a little turned on?"

Bruce rolled the screen up to separate them from the kids.

"You really don't see anything Freudian about your reverence for your adoptive father's lovers, do you?" Barbara mused.

"And you dated a guy with the first name "dick". That sounds pretty psychosexual to me, Barbie."

"We really can't go one day without mocking my name, can we?"

Harley shrugged. "If it helps, I don't think he was making fun of you for having the name, but more so for BG letting herself date someone with that name. It's her embarrassment, really."

"See? And she's a psychiatrist." He wrapped an arm around her. "By the way, Harls, what are you doing later? I've been thinking--"

"Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not try and hook up with the ex-girlfriend of the man who murdered you." Dick begged. "It's too much."

"Seriously, I know we're all walking field days for most therapists, but there is a line, dude." Tim added.

Jason, who seemed to be realizing how gross and muddled the scenario had become, retracted his arm. He nodded at his brothers as if to silently thank them for looking out. Jason was mostly talk in the sense that he actually suffered very deeply from a good portion of the trauma that had been inflicted on him and didn't need another reason to want to drown himself in alcohol. 

"Oooh you're doin' wedding hookups, ain'tcha? Let me set ya up!"

"No!" The boys answered a little too suddenly.

"Easy, Harl, no need to emotionally scar them anymore." Ivy teased.

"Well, Dick's already got someone, apparently." Barbara drawled, eyes challenging her Christmas card of an ex-boyfriend. Okay, maybe she wasn't  _completely_ souped about his alleged pre-established plans for the evening. Truthfully, she would never be thrilled to hear that Dick had a new girlfriend or hookup. There were the exes you felt nothing about when they've moved on and there were the ones that always put knots in your stomach when you saw them with somebody else. It was natural and she hated how natural it felt. She refused to let herself slip into a jealous puddle simply because Dick decided to let everyone know he was going to occupy himself between another woman's legs. She was better than that.

He furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to ask what she meant, but Tim and Jason were quicker.

"Yep! Homeboy is heading straight to destination pound-town." Jason supplied and nudged Dick to get the stupid look of confusion off his face.

"We just want to follow suit." Tim shrugged nervously. He hated how sweaty he got when he lied. 

"Oh yeah, who were you thinking about then?" Stephanie asked and Tim wanted to kick himself for speaking up at all. When was he ever going to learn that following Jason down the rabbit hole was never a solid plan?

"Nobody!" He was way too defensive to be telling the truth though.

"Doesn't sound like nobody! Who is she?"

"There's no "she", Steph."

"Not yet, apparently." She laughed.

Cassandra looked around at her siblings in confusion. She never understood why they were all so horny all of the time. They didn't phrase it that way, save for maybe Jason, but it was true. Sure, there was romantic love and desire for companionship attached to the lust, but at its core it was still lust and still about their constant conquest for physical intimacy. There was Jason and his honest and unabashed "need" for sex, Tim and his secret crush that he was harboring close to his chest, Stephanie and her over-romanticizing of literally everyone else's situations because her love life sucked, Dick and his obvious pining for Barbara, and Barbara and her less obvious pining for Dick. The only one she remotely related to was Damian and that was because of his complete disinterest in romance and sex, but if he was anything like his father, this wouldn't last through puberty. She briefly wondered if any of them would get it together.

* * *

"Conner? You're the photographer?" Dick asked as they got out of the car. He went over and shook his friend's hand firmly.

Tim seemed to lose all the color in his face and briefly contemplated the possible existence of a grappling hook in the limo. Unfortunately, they were taking pictures quite far out of the city in a beautiful meadowland and there wouldn't have been much to grapple onto anyway. He felt like he was sinking in quicksand. 

The tall and handsome young man shrugged sheepishly. "I've been working a lot with Clark and he's been letting me take pictures with Jimmy for his articles. I've gotten pretty good at it."

"Congrats, dude, that's really awesome." Dick knew that getting close to Clark was something that had always been extremely important to Conner and the fact that he was being brought along during his day job was an incredible step.

"What the hell are you and your brother wearing, by the way?" He was obviously referring to Jason too, who was currently suggesting inappropriate picture ideas to Bruce, all of which were presently getting shot down. There was still definitely a moment where Damian feared someone else had noticed his slightly out of place tuxedo. He even puffed out a breath of relief when he realized the truth.

"Long story." He sighed.

"You still can't keep him in line, huh Barb?" He winked at her.

She propped her elbow on Dick's shoulder to lean on him dramatically. He did his best to pretend he didn't like it, which was difficult considering she smelled distinctly of the familiar combination between lilacs and vanilla.

"Him? Never."

He smiled and then looked at Tim as if he were the elephant in the room. "Hey."

"Hi." He answered curtly. "Photography, huh?"

"Yeah, it's new, but I like it a lot. What's up with you?"

Tim shifted on his feet. "Oh you know, the usual brand of familial disaster always keeps me on my toes."

"As long as it isn't out of the ordinary." 

He laughed a little bit too loud and long before diverting his gaze quickly to his shoes as if they were suddenly the most interesting and dazzling pair of shoes in the entire world. "Yeah well, just let us know where you want us."

He refused to look up and see if Conner noticed how uncomfortable he'd been.

"... Okay."

He didn't have to look up to know that he totally did.

Dick wrinkled his brow at his little brother, who b-lined away to sulk in the corner next to Damian, who was also still visibly pouting. He looked to Barbara, who seemed to be on the same page as him.  

"That was weirdly painful." She murmured, still leaning on him.

"Even for Tim." He agreed. He made a mental note to ask him about it later. 

"Alright, line up!" Conner smiled genuinely and seemed to be over the odd encounter. They proceeded to take a series of pictures with the beautiful scenery as backdrop behind them. There were the standard pictures such as the pictures of Bruce with his groomsmen, Selina with her bridal party, and the reverse. Tim continued to appear skittish with each direction he was given, causing him to look quite stiff in most of the final products. They even managed to take some funny ones that included everyone acting like the vigilantes they just so happen to be. It was all fun until Damian decided to cross the line and whip out his sword, Harley Quinn took out a mallet she somehow concealed, Dick was knocked into the lake by Jason, and Ivy tried to kiss each of the Robins. 

"Really, Pamela? You're trying to kill my stepsons on day one?" 

"I just got caught up in the moment." She feigned innocence. "I mean, everyone else was starting to act all deadly."

"And Damian, what did I say about swords today?" Bruce chastised.

"Not to bring any." He begrudgingly admitted. "Though I was merely trying to defend Grayson from Todd."

"Which brings me to you." He glowered at Jason, who didn't seem to regret dunking his older brother at all, probably because he figured being soaked would make it all the more harder for Dick to win the competition. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I ruin everything what else is new?"

"Harley, where the hell did you hide that mallet?" Selina asked more out of curiosity than annoyance if she was being honest.

"It was pretty easy. Ya just gotta pack smart." She shrugged.

"You're going to make an amazing mother someday." Jason teased.

Harley stared at him for a good and long moment and he temporarily considered the possibility that his little joke might have cracked the pregnancy case before her entire face morphed into a blotchy and twisted array of sadness. "You asshole!"

She lifted herself and kangaroo-kicked Jason backwards into the lake. Without any hesitation, she ran off wailing and climbed back into the limo to lock herself away from everyone else. When Jason came up for air, he simply looked to Selina and Ivy in bewilderment. Bruce seemed a bit taken off guard by the response as well. He expected Dick or Damian to send the troublesome Robin into the lake, but not Harley. Dick looked remotely pleased that the playing field was at least even again and that Jay got what he deserved, but he was also pretty distracted from the scene at hand to truly celebrate.

Selina and Pamela stared at one another knowingly.

"What did he say?" Bruce asked.

"What didn't he say?" Selina sounded more exhausted than angry as she massaged her temples.

"I got her." Pamela smiled a bit before following Harley. "It's your wedding day."

"Seriously? What?" Jason yelped as he tried to climb out and Damian shoved him back in, earning some snickering from Dick and Tim.

"Harley's infertile." 

Everyone fell into a pregnant silence until Conner returned with the film. "Um, does anyone want to look at some of the pictures?"

 

 


	10. Just Desserts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last, the reception finally starts and everyone really begins to spiral.

It was far from Harley's first time stealing a limousine. She could think of several other occasions where Joker insisted they travel by means of style en route to a heist or terror attack of some sort. Flair was always a critical part of his persona whether it be the trademark weapons disguised as toys, the vehicles, or fashion. Not only did he have to cause complete chaos, but he had to do it his way. She'd inherited a thing or two of this behavior from him and had even translated some of that propensity for attention into her "clean" lifestyle. Everybody had vices. Some had to give up drinking like her father. Others had to quit the drugs like her brother. She had to quit the Joker and everything that came along with him. Her therapist suggested she try and do everything the complete opposite of what she would have done in her old life. Instead of "What would Harley do?" it was "What wouldn't Harley do?" and that made sense somehow.

Drunks and drug addicts had their slip-ups, because recovery wasn't a linear path, or so she used to tell her clients. Her father would drink if someone died and her brother would find the needle if he lost his job. She stole a limo and sped towards Gotham, because the formerly dead Robin reminded her she couldn't have children. 

The sane part of her was trying to crack through the veil of insanity that was operating on auto-pilot. She remembered why it was so  _easy_ to be with Joker even when it wasn't. It allowed her to lash out and take zero responsibility for her actions. That, and the Stockholm syndrome that surely took precedence was why it felt so natural to love him so much that he didn't have to love her back. Now, she'd remedied herself and closed enough of the doors from her past not to spiral enough to head straight for the Clown Prince himself, but she still felt that itch beneath her skin. 

She pulled up in front of the Ice Berg, not even realizing she'd driven all that way. The recovered part of her was thankful she didn't hit anyone, but the itch was still present and she knew within those walls she could temporarily take care of it. Maybe Penguin needed a quick job, something free of violence, but still placed a thorn in the bonds of societal properness. She needed to not get sent back to Arkham, but also put out the flame of desire within her. She was experiencing withdrawal. 

"DON'T YOU DARE!" A domineering, albeit exasperated, voice boomed from behind her as she got out of the car. 

Harley turned to see a very angry and very flushed Poison Ivy standing in a fairly withered bridesmaid gown. Behind her was a motorcycle, which likely belonged to the Kyptonian clone that had been playing photographer for the day. Thinking back to that scene made her flinch, which seemed to remind Ivy that it was Harley who was upset and she was not intentionally causing her grief. Still, she ripped the helmet off her head, allowing luscious and ever-flowing cherry curls to frame her face. It always amazed Harley how she could look so good no matter the situation. 

"I did not almost kill myself racing through the ever rapid streets of Gotham on this death machine just for you to go and make a fool of yourself with Cobblepot."

"Ya looked good doing it?" Harley weakly tried, but Ivy was not having it.

"Harl, get in the limo."

"No! This is where the sleaziest and the creepiest monsters go to do what they do best: destroy! That's what I am and that's what I'm here to do."

"I can kill a man with my kiss and attack people with plants and yet of the two of us, you're the monster?"

"Powers and shit don't make you a monster, Red!" Tears pooled in her aquamarine eyes and she raised her voice. "Ya don't see people calling Superman a monster! Mistah J doesn't have powers and he's definitely a monster. It's whether or not ya got a heart. Ya do whatever ya can to protect what ya love most: ya babies. And you do that really good, which just makes you a good caregiver, not a monster."

She wrinkled her brow. "You don't think because you can't have children you're a monster, right? If that's the case, I'm going to need to introduce you to a concept called the 21st century: where women are no longer supposed to be considered walking incubators; in spite of what some of the men on capitol hill may think." 

"What do ya take me for? Some kinda idiot?" She choked on a sob. "It's not because I  _can't_ have kids it's because... Because I chose to never have them."

"That doesn't sound at all different."

"Don't you get it? I got knocked up." Harley looked away as her friend's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "And obviously even in my most oblivious state of mind I knew Mis- _Joker_... Well, I knew he wouldn't want it and I was afraid he might perform experiments on it or somethin'. He was in a real "Mad Scientist" phase back then after all. Anyway, I went to a place recommended to me by my sister and she drove into town and... That was it."

Any residual anger that pooled inside Pamela dissipated all at once and she walked calmly over to the crying blonde. She wrapped and arm around her shoulders and pulled her so she had her head buried into the crook of her neck. 5 years ago, if someone asked her if she would be in Batman and Catwoman's wedding, she would have laughed in their face. Add on top of that Harley Quinn would attend, completely rid of the likes of Joker, and go on a high speed chase in a limousine on an emotional spiral over her aborted child, well, that was next level crazy.

"And then I chose to make it so I could never have babies." She sniffled. "Because I never wanted to go through that ever again. Now, I lost my chance."

Ivy was close to asking whether or not motherhood really suited Harley, but didn't feel adding insult to injury would improve this situation by any means. For a while, she just hugged her while she cried in broad daylight in one of Gotham's lesser neighborhoods. They earned a few side-eyed glares, even a few from some old colleagues, but no one paid them any mind. Thugs were afraid of hysterical women that were known for violent tendencies. 

"Listen to me." She placed two hands on her shoulders. "You made the right choice. You have to know that. Joker never would have let you completely have that kid. It would be his test subject as you were his, but even worse. That doesn't make you a monster. It makes you a survivor. I don't know if I need to go on another rant about how motherhood doesn't define a woman. Barren or not, it really doesn't matter."

She wiped stray tears away and nodded. "I know... I just... What if I want to have a little girl someday and teach her to stay away from bad men or how to properly swing a mallet or how to tie up her little blonde pigtails?"

Ivy smiled and began to walk them back to the limo. "Easy, I'll grow you one."

Her eyes lit up. "You can do that?"

"It's the  _only_ way I can have kids so yeah, I'd say so. She might require a few test-runs, but I'm sure I'll get it up and working."

"Can I choose what she looks like?" She asked as they got in the car.

"Just like you?"

"How'd ya know?"

"I'm good like that." She winked. "And next time, if you want to go on a crime spree, do it for the right reasons, okay?"

"Greed, hatred, and boredom?"

"You got it."

* * *

 

 "Damn, they stole my bike." Conner grumbled as he walked back to join the expectant group, who were all waiting for their uber to arrive (Alfred was utterly appalled that they were "forced" to sink so low, but everyone knew he was funny about letting other people drive). 

"Oh man, if only you had a large repertoire of superhuman abilities like flying or super speed, not to mention excelled hearing and x-ray vision. That would really make tracking your souped up moped a breeze. Since you don't, I guess you'll have to slum it with us." Jason rolled his eyes. "You know, you Kyptonians have just about everything but brains and it shows."

"I don't know where they went! Without that information it'll still take me like--"

"--15 minutes? Give or take." Barbara said. Jason pointed at her for emphasis.

"You'll still get to the wedding before us."

"Lay off him... Wait." Tim jumped a little. "He's coming to the wedding."

"Uh, yeah, he's taking my place as the filmer."

"That's not a word."

"Babs, your knowledge is no longer required, thank you." He retorted before continuing. "Why? Got a problem with boy scout junior?"

Conner raised an eyebrow at the younger Robin. "I don't see why he would. I've never knowingly done any wrong by him."

"No problems!" He answered too quickly again and it seemed if anyone needed to be dunked in the lake it was him. He was sweating up a storm.

"Doesn't seem like it." 

"He just looks like he's going to beat me up or something." He supplied and Jason looked to Conner with severity. On the contrary, Barbara narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Tim. 

"You shooting my boy the devil glare? If so, I'll have no problem fighting a 5 year old or however old you're supposed to be."

"Technically 7." Conner said.

"I'm not your boy." Tim yelped, unfortunately sounding quite boyish in that moment.

"Fuck off, Tim, I'm protecting you."

"I don't need that!"

"You just said he was--"

"--Anyway, I'm going to take up your advice and go find my bike. I'll see you guys at the wedding, I guess." He awkwardly backed away from the scene and nodded at Barbara with a tight-lipped expression and flew off in the blink of an eye.

"What the hell was that?" She asked.

"Yeah, Jay, what was that?"

"I'm not talking about him." She placed her hands on her hips. "What the hell is up with you?"

"Me?" His eyes widened, but he didn't look all that surprised, just frightened.

"I was just trying to help you, man. If you want, I can see if Bruce has some spare Kryptonite in his pocket or something. Not enough to kill him, because that might cause a whole thing with the League, but maybe enough to get him off your back."

"Why would-- Nevermind." She shook her head, because Bruce would totally be carrying that kind of thing on his wedding day. He was Bruce, after all and was always prepared. "Tim, I've seen you counter-attack meta-humans three times your size."

"Four."

"Exactly! There's no way that quiet and kind Conner scares you."

"Maybe it's psychological."

"Dude, he's as dumb as a tree stump. He forgot he could fly." Jason pointed to the sky. "He's not deep enough to get in your head."

"He's not dumb!"

"If you had those powers, none of the villains in Gotham would be afloat. Trust me, he's dumb."

"Seriously, what's up with you?" Barbara crossed her arms. "You're all sweaty."

"Nothing!" His tone said the opposite, but he didn't seem particularly keen on sharing. "It's just weird seeing some people out of work. It's kind of like when you saw Mr. Brewer outside school, Jay. Remember how that freaked you out?"

"Because I saw him during a drug bust in a crack den while he was fucking a 65 year old Russian prostitute named Sylvia. Of course I freaked out I was 15 and I saw my English teacher's hairy balls."

"I can't believe he wasn't fired." Barbara mused. "When I went to Gotham Academy, he used to try and get the girl students to sit on his lap when they got a question wrong."

"Did you?"

"I never got questions wrong. And if I had, I would have probably jammed my pencil in his dick."

"He probably would have liked it."

"What a perve. Then again, Principal Jones was secretly a pimp."

"This is why they need to pay teachers more." And Jason was off on a tangent about the wages of teachers and away from Tim's odd behavior. To be fair, this was exactly what Tim intended to happen. 

Tim silently hoped they were successfully distracted away from the issue at hand, but Barbara was not as easily or as permanently swayed as Dick would have been. He could tell simply by the look on her face that she was purposefully letting it go and that it would more than likely come up again in the future. He knew it would, because Conner would be at the wedding and he would have to deal with the confusing flush of heat that overtook his body and swelled his tongue every time the hulking beefcake came about. It was unlike anything he'd ever experienced and all he wanted to do was run from that reality like it was a ticking bomb. Then again, he usually manually diffused ticking bombs in the field. Any form of danger was a bad comparison, because he was used to running towards it. Budding sexuality and realization of preferences? He wasn't brave enough for that.

When the limo finally returned to them, admittedly a bit rough around the edges, they were more than ready to head off to the reception. Jason was ready to let the games begin, Tim was ready to hide in the crowd, Stephanie was ready for the dancing, Dick was ready to see all his friends, Barbara was ready to eat, Cass was ready for cake specifically, and Selina was ready to drink. Bruce, on the other hand, was more than ready to put some distance between himself and his beloved children.

"I love them, I do, but if I hear Damian threaten to strike Jason down where he stands one more time, I'm going to lose it." He massaged his temples as they were comfortably back in their original seats.

"Come on, love, we've got a lot to look forward to. Our first dance, the toasts, the party."

He grunted, mildly appeased.

"The honeymoon." She kissed his ear suggestively.

That, he seemed intrigued by.

* * *

Everyone was already present at the reception, given the delay (a few side-eyes were cast towards Harley) and broke out into applause when they all galavanted inside in the grandest of entrances. It suited the Wayne family name, but also represented the decadence of the occasion. Superheroes putting aside moments to have lives did not come very often. Bruce knew it wasn't history, per say, considering Clark and Barry were both respectively married. However, he never thought he'd be in this position and couldn't help but feel a swell of pride at that. Everyone naturally gravitated towards the happy couple and also shook the hands of the bridal party that followed in succession. 

"I see you survived." Jim beamed at his daughter.

"Just barely." She sighed as she welcomed his embrace. "Where's Duke?"

"Bathroom." He nodded in that direction. "It was pretty nice of you to take that boy."

"Yeah, can you believe Bruce forgot to invite him? I know he's fairly new and all, but that doesn't exactly warrant completely leaving him out of the equation when even the Wonder Twins are here."

"Which one of them was invited and which was a plus one?" He teased.

"Honestly, Dad, I get some serious Lannister vibes with those two and I don't like to overthink it."

"I'm kind of surprised you didn't come with Grayson, but I can see you probably wouldn't have matched."

They both glanced over at the soaked and Christmas tree-cladded Dick Grayson, who was currently unabashedly flirting with a curvy brunette that was clearly more than interested in his advances. She rolled her eyes and turned back to her father.

"You okay?" He asked tentatively. Her father wasn't completely aware of their extensive dating history, particularly the exact details of how much she and Dick hooked up in the past, but he knew they were constantly connected some way or another. He used to tease them growing up that Dick was the only boy he couldn't scare away and as a cop, he hated that, but as a father who wanted nothing but the best for his daughter, he admired it. He knew from an early age that they'd eventually get together and while he tried to prevent this for a bit, given how good of friends they made, he stopped intervening when he saw how easily they seemed to fall back into friendship when they broke things off romantically. He was also unaware how uneasy this process actually was. She'd dated plenty of men that were not Dick Grayson, but in spite of how little she wanted to admit it they all suffered one major commonality.

They weren't Dick Grayson.

"Oh yeah. Maybe I'd be a little jealous if I was into elves, but I'll live."

She always used jokes as a coping mechanism ever since she was a little girl. He decided to let her be for the evening and kissed her forehead.

"I love you Babsy."

She rolled her eyes at the nickname, but smiled all the while. "I love you too, Daddy."

When he walked away to greet Bruce, she moved over towards Dick and slapped him on the ass as if they were on the baseball field. "Let's go, Grayson. You've got a speech to give."

She smirked as he flushed red and the girl he'd been talking to awkwardly slunk away. 

* * *

"I need to hide." Tim murmured as he saw Conner waltz in looking especially dapper in a fresh gray suit. In his hands was the video camera and he was clearly stopping people for interviews about the happy couple.

"I think Dick and Alfred are going to give their speeches soon." Stephanie hissed. "You can't leave."

"I just want to lay low."

"This is about Conner, isn't it?"

_"Damn you for being observant."_

"Yeah."

"What'd you do to him?"

_"It's not about what I did to him it's about what I want to do to him and I'm certainly not about to have this conversation with my ex-girlfriend."_

"Must you be so nosey?"

"Yes. Have you met me?"

He sighed. "He wants me to join Young Justice and I want no part of it."

"Damn, Tim. I would have thought that had your name all over it considering all you've ever wanted was to be the next Dick Grayson."

"I do not--" He huffed. He didn't have time for that argument. Conner was coming over. "Can you just hide me? It'd be one of your specialties if you didn't talk so much."

"Gotta say, I am not enjoying this wimpy side of you."

"Put it in your diary or something and help me." He snapped.

"Why should I?"

"Do it or I'll tell everyone you wet the bed until you were 12."

"Jesus Christ, how did we date?" She grabbed him and led him down a hallway and into the kitchen.

"You know you're going to have to face him at some point." Her voice echoed.

Even though she didn't know he was in an entirely different situation, he knew she was right. He didn't have to confront Conner with his feelings, because that would be inappropriate, especially given the setting and place. Selina was perfectly clear about not stirring up extra drama at her wedding and while Jason might not think that includes the reception, he knew it did and wanted to respect Bruce and Selina's union. He knew he was going to have to confront these feelings, though. 

"I know, but not today, okay? Can you just butt out."

"Okay." She said simply and smiled a little too brightly for the moment. "I think I have the perfect hiding space for you to do some thinking."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" She pointed to a small crate that was perfect for any of the flexible Robins to contort themselves into. "He'll never look in there."

"True, but how long should I hide out?"

"Probably through the speeches and what not. After that, I think he'll be more amused with everyone getting wasted for his tape."

"Thanks, Steph. Sorry about being kind of snappy before."

She waved him off. "Eh, we're even."

"For what?" He inquired.

"You know, stuff."

Tim was usually much more inquisitive than that, but his current emotional state prevented him from being as logical from all fronts. Here he was, realizing he liked guys and while that wasn't appalling or shameful to him, it was different and a bit dizzying. It made certain parts of his life make a lot of sense, but it made other parts all the more confusing.

* * *

"Hey, guess what?" Dick smiled at Jason, who was trying to resist the urge to stuff his face with the food in front of him.

"Don't say chicken butt. You've overused that joke."

"That joke is hilarious!" He laughed a little bit at the thought of it, causing Jason to roll his eyes. "But I think Babs is jealous of me flirting with these girls. I don't think I want to go through with the bet."

"Really, then why is she over there getting all cozy with her date?"

Dick followed Jason's line of sight to see her fixing Duke Thomas's bowtie and laughing at something he said. Afterwards, Duke gave her a hug and Dick swore his skin was crawling.

"Duke?" His face was all twisted up. "She brought Duke as her date? He's like 20! She thinks I'm immature, but she's going for someone 6 years younger."

"Age is but a number."

"Only people who are trying to skew that philosophy in their favor ever say that." He scowled. 

"Are you in or are you out for the bet? Last chance to pull out. That's what she said, by the way."

" _You've_ overused that one."

"So you're in?"

"That's what whoever you hook up with will be saying tonight."

"So... You think I'm gonna win?" Jason perked up. "Because I have to agree."

Alfred tapped his glass with his knife, formally calling everyone's attention to he and Dick, who were standing proudly as the rest of the bridal party (sans Tim) sat in a row and looked up at them. 

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I would like to thank you all for coming tonight. As most of you know, I'm Alfred Pennyworth, the dashing groom's butler and legal guardian starting when he was age 10 and working for the Wayne family since before he was born. I must say for all the work I've done for the Wayne family, it never truly felt like work when it came to Bruce. Bruce Wayne has always had this hesitant heart of gold that he's always been uneasy about exposing as a result of the tragedy that's befuddled him since such a young age. I've watched him go through hell in back, neigh, I've been beside him and held his hand through hell and hugged him tightly when he returned from his darkest days. I raised him like he was my own, because in reality, he is my own. I could never have asked for a son greater than the kind and brave man that stands before me today. I remember when he was just a little baby and Mrs. Wayne brought him home from the hospital, bundled up in a series of blankets and filling the once hallowed halls with his cries of glee. It was irritating to the local dogs, but it was music to me for I'd never seen anything more beautiful. Though I think we can all agree that the new Mrs. Wayne trumps just about anything we'd ever taken into sight. That being said, the first time I ever held him was when he was just three days old and he'd supplied me with a morning present."

Everyone chuckled at the thought of Batman in diapers. 

Alfred smiled warmly. "And when I was done cleaning him up, he reached up and grabbed my finger with his entire little hand and I thought "My God, this little guy is tough" and he wouldn't let go. I think about that now with the ultimate fondness, because that's translated so beautifully into his adolescence and adulthood. He loves strong and he won't let go easily. I realized that I, myself, would never let go of that little boy's hand so long as he was willing to have mine. I would die for him and most importantly, I would teach him to live. Now that he's reached a place in his life where he's ready to embark on the greatest adventure known to man, I feel a similar glee in my chest to that of the day I first met him. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, not because I was eager to kick him out of the nest, but because if anyone deserves to fly it is him. No one suits him better than this beautiful woman here. Selina, please take care of him and let him take care of you, because when it comes down to it, he's quite good at it. I can attest to this. I wish you both the happiest and healthiest marriage and that you get to live to see the peace you both so desperately want. I love you both."

Now, everyone was effectively crying, including Dick, who was up next for his own speech. Before he began, Bruce stood up and climbed over the other groomsmen to lock Alfred into a tight embrace. Tears stung his own eyes, but he refused to let them fall. It was his wedding day, after all, and he was happy.

"Thank you." He whispered. 

"No, thank you." Alfred returned. 

After everyone calmed down, Dick cleared his throat and began his own speech. Unlike Alfred's, his wasn't written down. 

"I'm so pissed he went first." Everyone laughed. 

"Seriously, who thought this through? Sure, I'm the orphan who Bruce Wayne took in at the ripe age of 9, but that pinky grab story is absolutely impossible to top. It's unfair." The laughter increased.

"All things serious..." He smiled his trademark smile that could light up an entire room with its earnestness. "Bruce Wayne is my father and while I can't say I saw this day coming from a mile away like Alfred probably could with his old man psychic powers, I'm so elated that it has. I lost my parents when I was 9 and don't worry, I'm not about to start doing some flips or acrobatic stunts... Unless you want me to."

"DO A FLIP!" Roy Harper could be heard howling from the back, causing everyone to chuckle.

"Later, later." He waved him off with a grin. "But I never thought I'd be able to say I had a family ever again. I'll admit, finding out someone as big and rich as Bruce Wayne wants to adopt you is intimidating as all hell. I thought I'd be groomed into complacency and expected to suddenly be a part of the elite or treated as a charity, but then I got to know him and as unorthodox as some of his parenting might be, he helped me cope with my parent's loss, because he didn't want to see me become my sadness as he was so sure he'd become his. Because of him, I could rebuild from the shambles I'd been given and along that way, I was ecstatic to discover I'd been given some siblings too. Bruce didn't see it, but he was giving us a chance at life again and himself, too. And I'd seen his back and forth with Selina. Believe me, when they were together, no one else in the entire room existed. I bet they're barely paying attention to what I'm saying right now."

"We never do." She smirked.

"No matter how  _rude_ that can be," He teased. "I always knew she gave him the capability to love in a way he never could and that some day along the line, they'd end up together. I'm just thankful this wasn't in a "last possible chance" kind of way and they actually get to go on a honeymoon and all that. I didn't think it was possible for Bruce to become better than the man that took in a helpless and scrawny 9 year old boy with crushed hopes and dreams and turn him into me--"

"--Now he's just scrawny." Wally West echoed.

"Enough from the peanut gallery, thank you." He cleared his throat. "But you've made him better. He actually smiles like three times a year now, which is remarkable compared to the annual Bruce Wayne smile we used to get and he encourages us to chase after the things that makes us happy. For that, I am eternally grateful for you. I want you guys to lead the way and have the best lives you possibly can and to echo what Alfred was saying, never let go of each other. To the bride and groom."

Everyone whistled and clapped at Dick's slightly lighter speech and Bruce stood to hug him and then Selina took his face in her hands and planted a kiss on his cheek out of thanks. 

"Thank you."

"You're just crying from Alfred's still." He smirked.

"And now... the cake!" Diana announced as she rolled out a gigantic cake. "It's an ancient greek recipe known only to the Amazonians on Themyscira."

Jason was relentlessly giggling and Damian turned to him. "Why are you laughing?"

"I hired strippers to jump out of the cake."

"This should be interesting." He pondered. "How much does one pay for such a task, anyway?"

"Whatever it takes." Jason physically turned his younger brother's head. "Either way, you're gonna wanna see this."

"Wonder Woman is going to murder you for ruining her special cake."

Jason opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly the surface of the cake was forcefully burst open and Tim Drake, who was covered in cake and frosting hung over the side, red-faced and gasping for air. Everyone gasped in shock and Diana truly looked like someone slapped Hera across the face and if Tim weren't so caught up in his own anger, embarrassment, and catching air, he would have noticed. 

"Oh my God... Worth it." He whistled. "This is even better."

"Tim?" Bruce stood. 

"What is the meaning of this?" Diana boomed.

"WE ARE NOT EVEN STEPHANIE!" He snarled. "Not even on any level!" 

"STEPHANIE? YOU DID THIS?" Bruce raised his voice, all gleefulness from earlier washed away.

"You're doing a really solid job keeping them in line. You're so ready for motherhood." Selina drawled at Barbara, who merely rolled her eyes in exasperation.

Jason, on the other hand, perked up at hearing this and almost let his jaw hit the table. If Tim wasn't the complete center of attention at the moment, he would run over with such a realization. 

The blonde was too busy laughing as she escorted Conner over to catch the cake-covered teenager on tape. "Make sure you keep on tape that this all happened, because Timmy decided he could be bitchy with me."

"Damn. Noted." Conner looked at her in surprise and was struggling to suppress his own laughter. "Uh, Tim? Is now a good time to ask if you have anything to say to the bride and groom?"

"Yeah, next time, get chocolate cake." He looked sullenly at the camera.

 

 

 


	11. Facing the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths are shared, drinks are consumed, and relationships are tested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: some referenced sexual content in this one.

They could all tell that Bruce was ready to lay into all of them, despite most of their lacking in involvement, but was promptly interrupted by the ever quick and agile Barry Allen, who Bruce and Selina chose as their DJ for the reception. Truthfully, Barry had been begging for some semblance of involvement for months. He knew he made a mistake in telling him about how Clark was handling security, Diana was taking care of the cake, Arthur and Mera were decorating, and Vic was in charge of the music entertainment system. Bruce tried to give Barry the task of handling invitations, but that didn't satiate his desire, nay, his need, to help. So, he forced Vic to switch with Barry as it seemed to matter to him significantly more. 

"Whazzup rich people and friends of the rich people? It's your DJ, B-Flashy and I am here to raise the roof as the young kids say."

Everyone in the ballroom either forced uncomfortable chuckles or openly facepalmed at his failed attempts to appear youthful. 

Diana turned to Bruce. "Say the word and I'll lasso him out of there."

Bruce sighed. "Believe it or not, this is less stressful than the nonsense my family has been stirring up."

"Relax, from what I can understand, those kids really love you and just want you to be happy. You've got to let these things roll of your shoulders."

"Is that why you told Stephanie if she ever desecrates an Amazonian delicacy ever again that you will strike her down in the name of Zeus?"

"Yes, well, there still needs to be boundaries." She muttered as she walked over to the bar.

"Anyway, y'all, Bruce and Selina have finally tied the knot and I think they're ready for their first dance as a married couple." 

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Cass tugged at Tim.

"But I want to watch them dance."

"If Bruce looks over at you while dancing, he might get mad and let Diana annihilate Steph."

"I'm not exactly opposed to that given what just happened." He referred to his cake-covered suit.

"And Conner will film it." She said knowingly.

He turned what could only be described as the color of a tomato and began to follow her to the bathroom.

Bruce and Selina met in the middle of the dance floor as "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran filled the entire hall. Everyone stood in a circle, gazing in adoration, drunk off the love that omitted from the newlyweds as well as the bountiful amount of alcohol that freely flowed from the bar. Any anger Bruce held onto dissipated as he took her in his arms like he always did when they danced. He loved that about them: how much they danced together. In a way, their entire relationship was something of a dance before both woke up and realized it was time to make official and appropriate moves as well. He didn't even know the song that well, not having much time to keep up on music of today, but Selina hummed and mouthed some of the words and just like that, they instantly seared into his memory. He knew Dick was right earlier, about how his commitment to Talia would eventually come back to bite him. She could and would take everything from him and yet it all seemed so small. Bruce Wayne had always been a logical man that overthought and over-rationalized just about every step in his life. However, he was also a man of instinct and his instincts were rarely wrong. He truly believed he was placed on this earth to be Batman, but he also believed he was placed on this earth to be Selina Kyle's husband.

Yes, Talia could ultimately come for everything. She could come for Damian if he wanted to go, she could come for his wealth, she could come for Batman... She'd been long-scorned in her perspective and it wouldn't be a huge leap to assume she would eventually take it all. However, it soothed any anxieties knowing that she could take every physical substance in the whole damn world, but she could never take this moment from him. She could never take away how radiant Selina looked when she smiled and swayed rhythmically to the song that was now theirs. She could never take away the warmth of her breath against his neck as she leaned into him fully. She could never take away the unity in their steps or the solidarity in their embrace. She couldn't have any of it, because it belonged to them and them only.

Even the other people in the room were merely onlookers. They could imagine, but never fully know the feelings that lay in their hearts as they beat as one. Bruce couldn't cognitively see or notice any of them, even those he loved dearly. How could anyone see anything but Selina Kyle? He loved her for keeping her name too. He knew she needed to continue having her independence even while married to him. One didn't have to come without the other and he'd have her in anyway possible. The very fact that she independently decided to stand close to him as they danced to the same tune was enough for him. 

So damn it all. Damn everything that wasn't them and this moment. Well, not everything. Despite the chaos they'd been causing, he still loved his family dearly and knew he wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for them. However, if there was anyone he'd love to be stuck in an eternal moment with, it was the breathtaking woman in front of him. 

"We made it." She breathed. "It's kind of a relief, huh?"

"Kind of?" He chuckled. 

"Bruce..." She began cautiously. "What did you sign earlier."

When he didn't answer immediately, she leaned up to meet his eyes, her sparkling green wonders looking at him so openly. It wasn't the gaze anyone ever expected from Catwoman, but she was so much more than that to Bruce. How was she reading his thoughts? Was Martian the Manhunter feeding her information on what he'd been thinking? He thought he made the rule of no superpower use at the ceremony or reception. What people did in their own hotel rooms was their business, but this was just ridiculous.

"I can tell from the look on your face that you're thinking about it." Damn, she was good. "You're thinking about if it was worth it or not, at a pretty inconvenient time, might I add."

He glanced over his shoulder in relief that Conner was filming from a distance where the camera couldn't pick up their conversation. He wasn't sure why it worried him, since the boy likely already could hear them with his impeccable hearing. He didn't like the idea of this conversation happening during their first dance and more so didn't want it documented.

"You're wrong." Was what he chose to open with.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh good, your favorite phrase."

"That's not--" He closed his eyes. "I wasn't thinking about whether or not it was worth it."

"Oh no? But you were thinking about it. You do know thinking about your ex-wife while dancing with your new wife doesn't exactly bode for a successful wedding night, right?"

"I wasn't debating if it was worth it, because I was thinking about how it was. You're always worth it. I know with certainty that I made the right decision and I didn't even need to blink in doing so."

"Dick seems to think you were wrong."

"Dick doesn't know everything."

"Bruce... What did you sign?" She sighed.

"You really want to have this conversation right now? During our first dance?"

"I never took you as someone so dead-set on tradition."

"Yes, well, I want to do things right with you."

"Look, I'm in it until the end obviously." She waggled her glittering ring finger at him and his heart skipped a beat at the gleeful sight of two rings. "Because of the whole "for better or worse" thing, but you need to be honest with me too."

"Of course I was going to tell you. I just don't want to ruin today."

"Knowing it could ruin today and you're not telling me now is already ruining today for me." 

"Fine." He said curtly. "I signed away Wayne Enterprises."

"You... What?"

"I still get to maintain my stock as well as a portion of the income, but I'm basically just a front man now. Talia officially has full control over its business decisions, models, use, and I have virtually no power over them right now."

She stepped back from him in shock as the song ended, the sparkle from her eyes all but gone and replaced with disappointment and anger. "No, what you're saying is that the League of Assassins has control over Wayne Enterprises and all of its decisions on the political, economical and socio-economic scale, right?"

Everyone broke into thunderous applause and fell into one another's arms out of glee as the newly unionized couple stood what felt like miles apart and stared into each other's eyes as they had many times before battle. For as many times as they'd come together, they fell apart as well. It was difficult and hard to fathom feeling such heaviness on a day that was supposed to be so magical. Bruce should have known that Selina was not the kind of woman that was satisfied in hiding away in a fake reality. She'd always known the cold realism of life and much preferred it to fantasy. 

"I can't..." She turned and moved through the crowd. "I need a drink."

* * *

Sensing the tension in the room, Barry climbed back to his podium and leaned into the mic. "Alright, peeps, let's get this real party going. Raise your hands in the air like you just don't care! I might not be here to make you cry like Alfred--"

"--Your slang is making us cry!" Wally called from the crowd.

Barry narrowed his eyes. "You  _wish_ you could have this power, Wallace. But I am here as your party guide and let's kick it!"

It was true, he did, which prompted Wally to drunkenly stumble over to Dick while he was chatting up Bette Kane. 

"Man, you gotta promise me something." He slung an arm around his best friend. "I need to be your DJ at your wedding."

"Bette Kane, you remember Wally West, right?"

She furrowed her brow a little, indicating that she did not, in fact, remember him. To be fair, she had a very specific inner circle of friends and while she knew Barbara pretty well, since they were in competition for the slot of Valedictorian (Barbara won), she didn't know him or anyone else in his friend group even existed. Money didn't impress her, since she came from wealth as well, so being Bruce Wayne's adopted son didn't even get him on her radar and this fact tended to put him on a lot of radars, not that he usually accepted.

She smiled though, trying to be nice, because despite her popularity and past-shallowness (according to Barbara), she really was a nice girl. "I don't believe we walked the same circles in high school. GA was such a big school it was so easy to get lost in."

Wally burped and Dick glared at the flask in his friend's hand. There was no way Wally was drunk off of the alcohol offered at the bar. Speedsters' bodies worked too fast for them to ever really get drunk. Instead, they had to make their own home brews, which would kill any other man if even sipped it was so lethal. The night had only begun and his friend was hammered, and he was not used to being hammered. 

"Nah, you were too busy on your pretty little high horse while we hung with the donkeys." He laughed and went for another swig of his own personal poison.

"You're drunk, Wally." Dick gritted.

"Doesn't matter." He shook his head, red hair flopping all around. "I still know when my boy's about to get it. This is fulfilling a shit ton of dreams of our's man. Bette Kane. God, everyone wanted to screw you."

"Excuse me?" She crossed.

"I'm sorry about him." Dick said apologetically. "He doesn't usually drink."

"It's true!" Wally exclaimed. "You were every guy's wet dream and you knew it too. If you hook up with Dick, you're hanging in the squalor you used to purposefully ignore."

"I'm gonna go somewhere else..." Bette trailed off.

"No! Wait! I'll put him to bed and be right back."

"Really, Dick, that's okay." She winced. "I'm not sure I'd want to do that to Barbara anyway."

"What? C'mon, she won valedictorian, you can win Dick!" Now Wally was apparently "trying" to help him. "And that can be meant two ways."

"See you guys later." And with that, Bette Kane was gone and speaking with Kate, who was likely going to try and kick their asses later if they didn't also get out of dodge. Dick was pretty close to sealing the deal before Wally's untimely interruption. Though, in retrospect, it probably wasn't decent to try and hook up with people who were notably friends with Barbara. Then again, she didn't seem to mind doing that when she decided to bring Duke as her secret date. 

"Sorry buddy." Mumbled Wally, who was rubbing his head. "I might have drank too much."

"Ya think?"

"You make any headway- no pun intended- on that bet yet?"

"Does it look like I have? Wait, how do you know about it?"

"It's the talk of the town. Jason is doing some pretty big talk that he's gonna win. There's a betting pool going."

"And you're betting on me?"

"I'm not stupid and you shouldn't be either. Quit it with these tough chases. Go for someone easy. Helena is always down for a wedding hookup."

"She's with the Birds of Prey now... That's kind of seedy, don't you think?"

"What? You think she's got bird flu or something?"

"No." He laughed. "Because she's tight with Babs now."

"I think you need to get her out of your head, man. Come do shots with me and Garf. It won't do anything more to me, but I'll feel less lonely."

"Artemis is never leaving town ever again."

* * *

 

Jason plopped down next to Barbara, who was currently in the middle of a fairly in-depth conversation with Duke about a past-mission involving the Mad Hatter during Barbara's original run as Batgirl. In front of them were bountiful plates of food that both had made significant dents into. An empty seat was next to her along with a finished plate of food. Jason assumed this belonged to Jim Gordon, who was busily chatting with Leslie Thompkins near the buffet. He knew he should probably get going on finding his match for the evening, but first needed to quell his curiosity over this whole pregnancy mystery once and for all. Right now, Barbara Gordon was his prime suspect. Besides, he witnessed Dick get pretty brutally rejected by Bette Kane thanks to some unrequested help from a drunk Wally West so his confidence was warranted. 

"Beat it, Pigeon." He nodded at Duke.

"It's Lark." He gritted. "And you should talk. You couldn't even come up with your own name at first. You just took Dick's."

Despite wanting to win the bet, Jason was usually supportive of Dick and Barbara's star-crossed romance. It fit the bill for a lot of the relationships he read about in his favorite books. He wanted them to end up together, but he wanted to win this bet more and was certain they'd have many more opportunities to get their shit together. However, if Babs was pregnant with Duke's kid, he was going to have to kick this guy's ass for betraying Dick like that. He'd ruin his brother's love life for the night, but wouldn't stand for someone else ruining it forever.

"No need for a bird brawl." She drawled. "Nobody wants to see that. This is a weird energy anyway. Have you guys ever spoken for more than like two seconds?"

"No, which is why I don't get why he's being an ass." Duke objected.

"I just really need to talk to Barbara. Why don't you fly a little too close to the sun?" 

Duke gave Barbara a confused glance, who rolled her eyes and shrugged, indicating she would listen to Jason. Duke sighed and got up to go talk to someone else, muttering about how he was mistreated on this team; being forgotten, pity invited, and now bullied from his own table.

"What's your deal, Jaybird? Has every Robin decided to go heavy on the angst tonight?" She eyed where Tim had exploded out of the cake, Damian and his beaming grin at his distressed father, and Dick who was hopelessly trying to salvage a conversation with Bette Kane. Somehow, Jason was the most appealing to deal with at the moment since she didn't quite know the situation.

"I don't like him for you." Jason shook his head.

"What?"

"Duke. He's way too young for you. I know you like being a cougar and all, but what is he? 18? That's way beneath you, Barbie."

"I appreciate the concern, even though I am not, nor have I ever been, a cougar."

"I think you should hook up with someone else." He nodded. "Not Dick, of course, because you don't want to go down that messy path again. Plus, he's pretty hot and heavy over there with--"

Both looked over at Kate Kane stomping Dick's foot after throwing a glass of champagne in his face, no doubt for what Wally said to Bette. 

"--Well, he's hot and heavy with someone." He cleared his throat. "My point is, I think you deserve a good and fun night. Look at you! You're hot, funny and smart. Any guy here would be lucky to have you. Let's see, there's Roy, Garth, Luke--"

"--Thanks but no thanks."

"A girl perhaps? Is that your jam now? I'm more than cool with it. There's Kara, Donna, Helena--"

"It is not my _jam_." She shook her head. "And for the last time, the superhero girls do not all get together to have super sexual sleepovers."

"Why not?"

"Because girl sleepovers aren't much different than guy--"

"--No, why don't you want a hookup? That's the beauty of weddings. Everyone's all warm from the alcohol and high on the love. It's perfect."

"I just don't think a hookup is in the cards for me tonight." 

He perked up at that and decided to push further. If she was pregnant, there was no way she'd be in the mood to hook up with anyone, right? That would possibly over-complicate things even further and Barbara was a sensible woman; the most sensible woman he'd ever met, actually.

"Oh no? I can't get you a drink? Maybe a classy martini?"

She wrinkled her nose and scooted away from him. "Uh, Jay? I'm flattered and all, but you're like a brother to me and even if you weren't, my history with Dick really complicates--"

"--Whoa, whoa, whoa there." He took his arm from being around her like she threatened to cut it off if he didn't. He briefly mentally reviewed his tactics and kicked himself for coming off the way he did. Anyone would assume he was sweeping in for the pickup, but that was anything but the case and it was suddenly very important to him that she knew that.

"Let me be perfectly clear here, Barbie." He pointed for emphasis between them. " _This_ is not a thing. I think you're hot and maybe you've crept into a dirty dream or two doing some pretty unspeakable things to me, but honestly, that's just a sign I'm not into you at all. None of the chicks I've actually wanted to date ever appear in my sex dreams."

"Nice." 

"I mean it! I never get turned on from my sex dreams, because while the content is hot, it always contains women I madly respect and love in a totally nonromantic or sexual way. Sure, when I was 13, crazy hormonal, and had to spend my evenings running side by side with an 18 year old who was dressed head to toe in skin-tight spandex, I might have had a bit of a natural crush on you. However, I can promise you with upmost certainty that that bubble was popped a few months later when I walked in on Dickie going down on you in your college dorm."

Suddenly flushed and sweaty, Barbara rested her head in her hands. "Oh God, Jason, I don't even remember this!"

"God damn, I know he left for the Titans not long later and then started seeing Kori. How many times did he go down on you in your college dorm?"

"No, I mean I don't ever remember you walking in!" For a moment, she was transported back in time to her first year of college before Dick left to be with the Titans. No longer living at home came with certain privileges as did having a roommate who frequently went home on weekends. Her cheeks burned as she reminisced about the nights where he would knock on her window under the innocent guise of wanting to hang out and watch a movie and she would pretend that's all that would occur too. It was never long before the movie was long forgotten and they drifted into enjoying a then-newfound aspect of their relationship. She remembered which night Jason was referring to. It was their first time ever and she was so nervous she forgot to shut the curtains. She'd never forget every detail of that night. Dick was gentle and shaky, having never been with anyone and evidently terrified that he would break her like fine china. Eventually, he gained his footing and the movie played in the background to drown out soft moans and the slight squeak of her mattress. She didn't finish during sex so he threw off the comforter and went down on her until she had the sheets balled up in her fists and elicited a series of moans that surpassed the volume of the movie. After that, it became somewhat commonplace. They always tried to watch the same movie too: _10 Things I Hate About You._

"Oh, that's because I was in Robin gear and outside your window. Normally, I'm guessing you'd notice, but you were a little preoccupied from the sounds of it. See, at 13, I didn't really think of you as someone who had sex even though I definitely sexualized you... If that makes sense."

"So, you were creeping."

"Yeah, and I never did it again, because I didn't know what the hell else I was going to stumble upon if I continued down the dark path of spying."

"Well, I'm sorry if I inadvertently crushed you in any way."

"Barb, it's nothing." He smiled. "I realized soon after that my crush was silly and that you were more like a big sister-figure for me anyway."

She sighed ruefully. "I can't believe you saw that. You know, I'm usually good about shutting curtains and all that, but I figured I'd be safe on the 8th floor of a dormitory. Boy, was I wrong."

"Yeah you were. And here all I was trying to do was ask you if you wanted a drink, trying to be a good guy."

"I'm good." She shook her head.

"You're sure." He eyed her carefully.

She rested a hand over her stomach. "Yeah."

* * *

 

Cassandra, like most of the batfamily, had quite the eye for detail and refused to walk away from a job unfinished. If it was the last thing she did, she was making sure every spot of cake and icing was off of Tim Drake. In the meantime, he stood in the women's room in his boxers and a white t-shirt, shivering as he leaned against the tile in one of the stalls. Meanwhile, she was dabbing and pressing every spot with tender care and detergent from a bottle that he had no idea how she'd been able to retrieve. It was a hotel not a supermarket. 

"So, are we going to talk about it?" She asked quietly.

"You're not one to provoke speech." He returned.

"Maybe, but something's bothering you."

"I'm fine."

"You've always been a terrible liar. I've always liked that about you. I grew up around excellent liars."

"It's Conner." He pressed his forehead against the stall door and closed his eyes. Just picturing his chiseled face and his electric blue eyes shot sparks up and down his spine. All were unwanted, but he couldn't stop himself from the quickening pace of his heart or the sweat the seemed to form around his hairline.

"I know." She said simply. The tricky part about conversing with Cassandra was that she was merely a guide in conversation as opposed to the full participant. She listened intently and spoke only when truly necessary. Most of her charm came from body language or the feeling she gave you when you earned a smile from her. Dick often described it as a reward when speaking to her. 

This meant that Tim wasn't going to be able to have interruptions, interjections, or filler to be able to distract from the topic at hand. There was no large loop of conversation. Everything was linear and direct. He could always say he didn't want to talk about it, but she would argue that his anxiety was causing him to make a scene on Bruce and Selina's perfect day and that was unacceptable. He needed to speak to someone.

"I think I like him."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I specialize in reading body language and observation. Of course I know."

"Do you think anyone else does?"

"Eventually, when they are not inebriated or distracted by their own affairs."

"So I stand a good chance at keeping this secret is what you're saying?"

She chuckled and the mere vision of making her laugh instinctually made him do the same. 

"You are not discrete."

"Do you think he knows?"

"Doubtful."

He breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't know he was holding. "I feel so stupid."

"For bursting out of the cake?"

"No... For... For feeling this way."

"Being ashamed of love is stupid, not the love itself."

"It's not love." He scoffed and this, he knew was true. "It's sexual energy. I didn't even know people could feel this way about other people, you know? I feel like every one of my senses is heightened and I can't stop sweating or breathing heavy when I'm around him. My mouth gets all dry and my... Well, other things happen too that I'm sure you don't want to hear much about."

"It sounds like he's a drug to you."

"That would make sense if I've had him before, but... He's straight... But then again, I always thought I was too, but here I am in my underwear at my father's wedding while my sister cleans my suit... All because of a stupid crush."

"I know what it's like to have feelings for someone who is straight."

"Really?" He almost stumbled over. "You're... I didn't know you were... Gay?"

"I am asexual by definition, but I've had romantic feelings before."

"For who?"

There was a long and drawn out pause before she answered. Tim wasn't even sure if she was still in the same room anymore and briefly panicked that she was in on some elaborate plan to leave him alone in his underwear, trapped in the women's room. 

"It doesn't matter."

"If I'm bearing my soul, you have to bear your's too. Fair's fair."

"It was Stephanie."

Tim was silent now. "Wait, really? Is that why you didn't want Diana to destroy her earlier?"

"No, I wanted to talk to you about all of this. I'm over my crush."

"And you're sure she's not..."

"She's straight, trust me." 

"So how'd you get over it?"

"I'm not into sex, Tim, so I didn't have that component to really struggle with, but ultimately, time is the only thing that can heal an unrequited love. Eventually, you begin to see things for what they are and accept yourself as an independent being."

"That's not bad, Cass. Thank you. Do you think I'll be okay?"

"You're bi, Tim, not dying."

"So, uh, you don't see yourself ever having kids?"

"Maybe I'll adopt, but certainly not the natural way." 

"Huh. Good to know."

* * *

 

Damian gleefully plopped down next to Stephanie, who was currently stuffing her face with just about every food offered at the buffet. His happiness deflated a little bit at the monstrous sight and made a face of disgust before returning to his sudden jovial outlook on life. For her, it was distracting to her main goal of inhaling all food near and far and was not appreciative of this.

"What's with the shit eating grin, baby bird?"

"I'm choosing to ignore that nickname, Fatgirl, because life is turning around for me."

"Weren't you whining a few hours ago about how the world is out to get you and you would smite us all or something or other?"

"Things change."

"You don't, so what's up with the smugness?"

"You saw that dance, right?" He beamed. "They looked positively miserable at the end."

"You're a sick little boy, you know that? Don't you want your dad to be happy? Who cares if it's not with your psychopathic mother?"

His nostrils flared. "At least I'm not vicariously living through my mentor's love life, because mine is so pitiful. What ever happened to that thug you were seeing anyway?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You know, one of Harvey's men? He was a real keeper when he sold you down the river and proved just how unchanged he was, huh? Boy can you pick 'em."

"Can you kindly fuck off, Demon brat? I was doing quite fine over here without your expert analysis of my recent pitfalls. Just because your parents aren't together doesn't mean you own the corner of familial despair, okay? Look at Dick! His parents are dead! And Jason? Not only are they dead, but his father was abusive! Tim's parents? Dead. Barbara's biological parents are dead and is raised by her uncle. Cassandra's were abusive and treated her like a monster. Duke's parents? Dead. Mine? Mom's dead and Dad is an abusive asshole."

"And you want me to be unhappy too?"

"No, I want you to be a little fucking grateful that both your parents are alive and at least one loves you and treats you with respect and is trying to give you a good home. Instead, you're too busy wishing it all goes to shit."

"It doesn't matter." He took the drink at the seat next to him, cringing a little as hard alcohol hit his throat, but proceeded anyway. "It will all work out in my favor. Father signed the whole company away to be with the Cat and she is not pleased."

"He did WHAT?"

"I read his lips while they were dancing. -Tt-, you didn't?"

"I'm not a total creep."

"Regardless, it won't be long before my mother and father are spending copious amounts of time together once again and eventually procreate."

She rolled her eyes and stood up to get away from him. "Kids are the worst. I'm never having any."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just taking a moment to thank you all so much for your continuous engagement in this story! I really love reading all of your comments and of course receiving kudos and what not as well. I've got a definite vision in mind where all of these intertwining plots head and I will try not to disappoint! I've got plenty of twists and tricks left up my sleeve and hope you stick around for the ride. You guys rock and make writing this all the more fun. ~AHP


	12. Boys Get Carried Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bats have been known to cross some lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is both literal and figurative.

"REPLACEMENT!" Jason shouted as he burst through the swinging door of the ladies' room. Cass, who was quite used to the exuberance of her brothers as well as sudden loud noises, didn't so much as flinch at the sudden intrusion. She simply narrowed her eyes at him, but by the way he breezed by her and started pounding his fist against the stall that Tim inhabited, not so much as pausing to wait for an answer if he wanted one. She knew Jason Todd could be a hot head, but this didn't appear to be the product of rage. His cheeks were pink, which was potentially from alcohol, but his mouth was twitching as if he were biting back a smile.

Jason knew a secret.

Now, if she were Stephanie, she'd be tackling him to the ground, swinging one arm uncomfortably behind his back until he pleaded with her to get off and eventually spilled the beans. It didn't matter how diligent the person was at keeping the secret, if Steph knew you had one, she had to be the one to spoil it. That was one of the reasons her superhero alias fit her so well. No doubt she was somehow already involved in what Jason was about to tell Tim. She could smell out a secret like a blood hound.

"What the hell, Jay? How'd you know I was even in here?" Tim yelped. 

"Oh, that was easy. Roy said he thought he saw Cass bringing a girl into the women's room and asked me what that was about. I figured it was you."

"Gee, thanks." He muttered.

"Which kind of begs the question of what the hell you're doing in the women's restroom." His eyes flickered to the suit that Cassandra was letting dry a bit. She was in the process of holding the articles of clothing under the hand dryer, but even with the heat it was a tedious task.

"Dude, are you naked in there?" Jason laughed. "If I was a lesser man, I'd totally steal your clothes right now."

"Good luck getting past me." Cass decided that Tim had been through enough emotional embarrassment for the night. Especially now that she knew how sensitive he was about his feelings for Conner, he didn't need to feel any more insecure than he already was. She knew for a fact that Jason wouldn't dare try and break through her. For one thing, she could kick his ass. Also, he had a soft spot for the Batgirls and that was obvious. He was a little rougher on the Robins, but he adored the Batgirls with every fiber of his being. 

"Relax, I've got big news though and I've been looking for you all over. I figured it out, no thanks to you."

"What?"

Cass couldn't mistake the side-eyed look Jason flashed her for a nanosecond. It was as if he was momentarily trying to decide how to speak in a language she couldn't understand and was quite obvious. She rolled her eyes at their tomfoolery. It was odd, because as much as the two of them fought, they had a series of insiders and side missions of their own. She understood that they were brothers were supposed to be weird like that, but it was always unspoken that the two of them gravitate towards each other if given the option; fighting or not. It was nice.

"I'll leave." She said. "Tim, I'm taking your jacket with me. It's still got a lot of cake soaked into it. I'll see what I can do to get it out."

"Thanks, Cass. Really, I mean it." Tim called sincerely.

She grabbed the material off the counter and walked out of the women's room. 

After the door shut, Jason gave it a moment before lowering his voice. "I know who's pregnant."

Tim popped his head out of the stall door. "Who is it?  _Whose_ is it? How do you know? When-"

"-Alright, easy there magic eight ball. Let me tell you." He took a seat on the count, wincing a bit when he sat in a wet spot for a moment and shimmied to the left to get situated. "It's Barb."

Tim's eyes. "Are you serious? Even after she gave me that whole seminar on safe sex a couple years ago? I can't believe this."

"She gave you that too?"

"Well, Bruce was never going to." He shrugged. "I'd take her over Alfred giving it too."

Both boys shared a simultaneous shiver at that possibility before Jason continued on. "First of all, process of elimination. We knew that the only possible candidates for this pregnancy were Selina, Barb, Steph, Cass, Ivy, and Harley."

"Can't be Cass." Tim said. "Cass doesn't like having sex and hasn't had sex in a long time."

"We know Steph's on her period."

"Harley can't have kids."

"I did confirm that whole plant theory with Harley. So it isn't Ivy either." Jason nodded.

"What about Selina?"

"I saw her drinking." He sighed. "Bruce said some dumb shit during their dance and she was putting back those vodka on the rocks like it was her damn duty."

Tim shook his head. "He should really know not to speak during big moments like that."

"My point is, that leaves Barb and that alone is pretty damning. She didn't say anything outwardly, but she was showing a lot of signs. I mean, she obviously doesn't look very pregnant but she's not drinking, isn't looking for a hookup, is eating a shit ton, and kept touching her stomach."

"Damn." Tim rested his head against the stall door. "Do you think Dick knows?"

"She just took a test today. She wouldn't upstage Bruce and Selina's wedding like that." Jason shook his head. "Besides, what if it isn't his."

"Oh come on, you and I both know she's just doing Duke a favor by inviting him."

"Yeah, but there could be another guy. As far as we know, Barb and Dick haven't been together in ages."

"Who's could it be then?"

"It could be from a one night stand or something. Barbie deserves to get some too."

"Yeah, but not pregnant." 

"True."

"God, what do we do?" Tim sighed. 

"I was just thinking the same thing."

"Damn you for talking me into figuring all of this out. Now we know this insanely personal secret that Barb hasn't felt secure enough to tell anyone, let alone the father of her child. She's probably terrified, potentially on the cusp of being a single mother and all that. She saw Jim raise her alone. She knows it couldn't have been easy. And here we are snooping on our friends and sister to see if they're on their periods to try and figure it out. We're disgusting."

Jason was silent for a moment before popping his lips. "See, that's awkward... Because I was thinking more on the lines of the bet."

Tim glared at him, completely bewildered. "What?"

"Well, you see, I can't decide if telling Dick about this baby mama drama is going to help or hurt my case. On one hand, he'll probably stop trying to hook up with any other women, because he'll feel stupidly loyal to Barb and wouldn't want to make any other mistakes while she's pregnant with his child. On the other hand, if he does that, they could very well hook up and that would completely ruin me. Hell, the only reason I came to tell you was to try and figure out a strategy and see where you're at in this benefiting you. I'm losing time here."

"What the hell is the matter with you? Barb is like our sister! You can't use that to your advantage for some sleazy bet."

"I don't have much else going on in my life right now, Timmy!" He whirred. 

"What if this really hurts him? What if he hasn't had sex with Barb recently and the kid isn't his?"

"Then he'll REALLY be too depressed to sleep with anyone."

"Okay, I need you to tell me right now why the hell this bet is so important to you."

"I hate washing my own uniform."

"You've got to be deeper than that."

"I don't look good in dresses."

"Jason."

"Fine." He sighed. "Look, I might have... I might have met someone."

"Okay..."

"And I really like her. Like her like her."

"Because we're 12. Proceed."

"She found someone else."

"And?"

"Anyway, "she" is Koriand'r and "someone else" is Roy. Remember we were doing that teamup for a while?"

"We were calling it "Jason Stealing Dick's Friends" for a while, but yeah I recall."

"It was weird. We fell into a relationship of sorts when we were on the road. I picked up the pieces of the heart that Dick broke. I told her that I knew what it was like to come in second place."

"But you aren't-"

"I will always be Bruce's second choice for Robin."

"And I'm his third. What's your point?"

"I'm tired of losing, Tim!" He raised his voice. "Aren't you fucking tired of losing?"

"I think you've had a bit too much to drink."

"I'm fine." He assured him. "I was fine until she chose Roy over me. Second place, I can take. Third? Not so much."

"So what? You think winning this stupid bet is going to prove you're better than Dick? That women want you more?"

"Fuck no. I'm not stupid. Women almost always want him more. I just want to forget about Kori and finally beat Dick at something that doesn't include "most murders" okay?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're just ready for something more serious?"

"Hell no. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to tell Dicky  _something_ to get him away from Helena before it's too late."

"JASON!" Tim shouted after him as he stormed out as hurriedly as he'd entered. Tim's eyes flashed to the clothes on the counter and he realized with great dread that Cass had mistakenly grabbed his pants as opposed to his jacket. 

"I hate weddings." He banged his head against the door again for good measure. 

* * *

 

"Wow, you sure are putting those back fast, pussycat." Ivy mused at her friend, who was taking full advantage of her open bar.

"Easy, Red. It's her wedding day after all." Harley beamed. "And what a wedding it's been so far."

"Only a bat wedding could yield these results." Slurred Selina, who flashed a dark glare in Bruce's direction, who was caught in a discussion with the mayor of the city. It seemed like he wouldn't stop shaking a helpless Bruce's hand to free him. "Runaway brides and grooms, burnt venues, murderous exes, stolen cars, destroyed cakes, and bombs dropped."

"I really hope the last one is a metaphor."

"I think it is, Harl, but then again you never know with how today is going. What'd Bruce do to get the step-thing off his back?"

"He signed away his entire public persona as well as his company."

"So what?"

"So, that company has a lot of world power and gives Bruce a lot of power as Bruce. Now... He's just gonna... Drown."

"Huh?" Both women asked.

"He's gonna drown in Batman." She sighed. "If the League of Assassins has control over Bruce Wayne, all he has is Batman. Even then, Wayne Enterprises is how he gets a lot of his tools and trinkets."

"Are you saying it's a good time for us to go back into crime full time?" Ivy smirked.

"I'm being serious. I thought Bruce was different now after his near-death... Well, his death. I thought he was going to balance his lives. Instead, he threw it all away just to marry me and I know I'm not worth such a thing. I'm not worth Gotham City's demise."

"Have you ever considered maybe he's thinking of retiring the cape and cowl? There are plenty of other heroes. Hell, it's getting a little too crowded for my comfort."

"Old habits makes me want to knock some of 'em out."

Selina smiled, her eyes glazed and then grew very serious. "If that bitch even tries to come for him or any of the kids, I'll kill her."

* * *

 

"No, I  _will_ ram a sword down your throat just as soon as I get it back from my father when I'm ungrounded!" Damian hiccuped as he shouted at Jonathan Kent, who despite his tremendous strength, appeared very intimidated by the smaller boy. Damian had a way of making himself seem larger than he was. He had an exceptional vocabulary, extensive physical combat training, a bit of bloodlust, and was currently very inebriated. It turns out, collecting people's drinks and acting like you were being kind and considerate was a very easy way to finish them off. He remembered Jason telling him of a story about how he did this once at a gala and while Damian scoffed at his older brother at the time, drawling about how idiotic it was to drink while on the job, he found it all too easy to drink now. He hated the taste and the burn against the back of his throat, as well as lingering thoughts of backwash and germs from the previous drinker, but those thoughts fizzled out as his brain grew very foggy.

"All I did was ask if you knew the song that was playing." Jon's lip quivered.

"You won't be singing when I'm done with you."

"That doesn't make any-"

"BEGONE!" He shouted and Jon, not one to be foolish, listened to him.

"Yeah, you better run, you heathen!" He waved his little fist in the air.

He was soon physically turned around my gentle, but strong hands and was met face to face with Barbara Gordon, who was currently looking very disapprovingly down at him. If she were wearing her trademark thick frames, she'd be looking over the tops of them for effect. Right now, clear green eyes met his foggy ones and for some reason he felt very small and nervous that he would be in trouble.

"No  _you're_ drunk." He combatted.

"I didn't even say anything."

"You didn't?" He wrinkled his nose and Barbara smirked at him. If he wasn't 11 and totally wasted right now, this would be kind of cute. 

She shook her head. "God, even Jason wasn't drinking at 11, Damian."

"Bullshit! He started drinking at 9 this morning."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand. "Come on."

"I've had wine many a time with the-"  _Hiccup_. "League."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the most cultured 6th grader ever with your murder and wine, we get it. What you've been drinking tonight is not wine and you haven't exactly had just a ceremonial dose. Am I correct in that assumption?"

He shrugged and yawned. "I don't want to be here anymore."

"You're in luck, because I'm taking you upstairs and debating whether or not to pump your stomach."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I have, baby bird. I have."

He groaned in protest and massaged his temples before stamping his foot. "No. I need to destroy the wedding first."

Barbara glanced at the unhappy couple. "You mean you haven't already done that?"

He shook his head. "I mean for good, Gordon."

"Maybe later after we get you some water, aspirin, and a good night's sleep."

"And world domination?"

"Oh, you're still planning that?" She asked dryly. "How about next week?"

"I suppose I can push it off. Mother won't be happy."

"Something tells me she rarely ever is."

"Because of them." His voice was venom as he glared at Bruce and Selina. Barbara looked at him sadly before nudging him.

"Come on."

She began leading him away from the mess, taking another glass out of his hands before he could go for another one. She wouldn't have even thought to drink when she was in 6th grade. In 6th grade, she was still sleeping with stuffed animals and a night light. Then again, if PTSD decided to strike her pretty hard, sometimes she still slept with the light on. Barbara groaned as he began to lean against her in sleepiness. Eventually, she just gave up and scooped him up like a large 11 year old baby. He purred and wrapped his arms around her neck to help keep himself steady and she rolled her eyes again. This was proving to be a difficult task to accomplish in heels and while wearing a long gown.

"Barbara, what's wrong with Damian?" Bruce was on her like she was her own shadow. 

"Drunk."

"Excuse me?"

"He's been drinking, Bruce. Apparently, he's learned the fake-waiter trick. At least with the superheroes, you know they're finishing their booze since they rarely get a night off. I'm suspecting the town officials for falling for it. They're a little stupid."

"Is he going to be alright?"

"Eventually." She felt herself tensing. "But he's only drinking because he's upset. I'm thinking that's a fatherly talk you need to have with him in the near future."

He sipped his own drink. "That's a pretty overwhelming stack."

"Better get to it soon." She nodded before whisking the young boy away.

"Everything all right, Miss Gordon?" Alfred asked.

"Can I have the key to Damian and your hotel room?" She asked. "He's beat."

Alfred smiled at the young boy before handing her the key. She could smell the brandy on the butler's breath and would have laughed at the prospect of a drunk Alfred, especially after the alcohol seminar he gave she and Dick when they were kids. Whatever, it wasn't as bad as the sex ed talk they got from both him AND her father. She made a vow since then that she would never let the other batkids have to endure such trauma if she could prevent it. 

"Thank you for taking such good care of the young sir. We do love having you around."

She returned his smile genuinely. "That's what family's for."

"I'll be up shortly to check on him. He shouldn't be left alone, huh?"

"No, definitely not." She agreed and she was getting agitated at all the stops she's had to make. Her arms were in premium shape, but that didn't mean she was able to comfortably deadlift the elbowy middle schooler for too long.

She was just about to make it out of the hall before Dinah called after her. The bubbly blonde skipped over to her, full of drunken exuberance. That, and she was probably just drunk. God, was she the only one who was eating at this event?

"Where are you going?"

Barbara looked down to Damian, who was comfortably and heavily snoring in her arms and then back to her friend with a quizzical look on her face as if she was asking  _"Dude, do you not see the passed out kid in my arms?"_

"Look, Helena Bertinelli, reigning champion and expert in casual sex, is over there getting pretty riled up with your former Boy Wonderful and I don't think you should stand for that. I'm not saying beat her up, but I'm asking if you want me to."

"No way! Hel's our friend. I swear, every time you get wasted you want to beat somebody up."

"Come on, Babs! Look at them! It's ridiculous."

Her eyes flickered to see Helena Bertinelli with her arms around Dick's neck as they frenched it up on the dance floor. A spark of jealousy did admittedly course through her body, but she didn't let it fully ignite on the grounds that she didn't have time to behave foolishly. Besides, she always swore she would never fight with another woman, namely a friend, over a guy, especially if that guy was Dick Grayson. People were awkwardly shuffling around them, but couldn't stop casting their gazes over to the unashamed couple. It was messy and if they weren't both incredibly pretty people respectively, it wouldn't have been appealing to look at.

"Who they hook up with is their own prerogative. I'm not sure what you want me to do about it."

"All I'm saying is that Damian should not be the Robin you're taking to bed tonight, okay?" Barbara could tell Dinah was really impressed with herself for that one by the little dance she did and the smile she thought no one noticed. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes on account that she was sure that after today they might get stuck in that position.

"Don't be stupid! I got my man and you deserve to gets yours." Her voice carried down the hall.

Barbara sighed in relief to get on the elevator and used Damian's foot to precisely press the correct button.

* * *

Jason came barreling out of the women's room, which was questionable enough, but Dick didn't notice that since Helena currently had her tongue down his throat. It wasn't completely unpleasant and it certainly wasn't a foreign concept to the two of them. They'd hooked up once or twice in the past when loneliness got the better of them or if they were just bored. It didn't make it feel any less empty or pathetic to him in that moment, but he'd never verbalize that thought.

"DICK!" He was shouting as he raced over to him. This caused them to break up the intense kiss they'd been sharing. He knew this was likely going to be some attempt at ruining Dick's edging out in the bet. Truthfully, he hadn't even seen Jason really try to talk to any girls. He was too caught up in trying to sabotage Dick's advances or play pranks. He couldn't help but wonder what Jason's motivations were half the time. On one hand, he seemed to lack depth altogether, but Dick knew this was anything but true. Jason felt things very deep, but acted out and dismissed them instead of feeling them. It was why this bet felt so wrong to Dick. It wasn't how he dealt with things.

Before he could reach him, a half naked Tim came sprinting behind him. Normally, someone as small as Tim wouldn't be able to bring Jason down, but Dick guessed that the healthy combination of alcohol, the element of surprise, and the force at which he hit him, brought Jason to the ground with Tim on top of him. His ass was clad in Superman-themed underwear and snickers all around could be heard. Instinctually, Dick moved to take off his jacket to cover Tim up, but Tim waved him off.

"You're being selfish, Jay!"

"No, you don't want me to win!"

"That's not true! I don't want you to make things worse."

"It'll work out eventually."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Guys!" Dick raised his voice and let go of Helena altogether. 

"Oh come on, he'll be thrilled when he finds out."

"Or not! The baby might not be his!" Tim hissed.

"Baby?" Dick perked up. "What baby?"

Both Jason and Tim's stares shot right to Dick in shock. 

Jason glared at Tim. "I wasn't really going to tell him that!"

 

 


	13. White Picket Fences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it comes to things getting real, everyone handles it differently. Some vacation in denial, some freeze up, some talk about it, and others spring into immediate action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to be a busy week for me, so I decided to post this a little earlier than expected. Enjoy!

 

“Well, based on this reaction, it looks like Barbie’s touched your namesake fairly recently, huh? That’s a good thing, right Dickie? Sure, you might have a little acrobatic fetus kicking around in there, but at least you had some sex to make it happen. That’s pretty cool.”

“Do you think he’s going to start breathing again soon?” Tim winced and checked his watch. “It’s kind of been a while.”

Dick Grayson was sitting as still as stone, staring straight through the small group of concerned people surrounding him and off into another world. His mouth hung agape a little and his breathing was even stilted. After confirmation that not only was he likely going to be a father, but the father of Barbara Gordon’s child, he fainted a little and even in a conscious state he wasn’t doing much better. Anyone outside of the conversation who asked was told he had too much to drink and left it at that.

“That should kill his chances at getting laid.” Jason smirked. 

“This isn’t the time!”

“I’m just saying.”

“Barb’s pregnant?” Helena echoed in shock, but quickly transformed into confusion. “And of all the people she could tell, she told you two weasels.”

“Don’t group me in with him!” Tim objected. “I was against all of this.” 

“And yet, you’re the one who spilled the beans. I wasn’t even going to say anything really. I was going to make something up about a STD test.” Jason shook his head and directed his attention to Helena. “Besides, I wouldn’t hold yourself so high and mighty there, Huntress. You were about to hop into bed with the possible father of her child and known frequent lover. That’s messed up.” 

“It wouldn’t have meant anything and I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known they were pregnant.” 

“Who’s pregnant?” Dinah and Oliver walked over to the posse.

“Damn it.” Tim rubbed his face as the realization flashed across Dinah’s face when she looked to the stunned Nightwing. The last thing they needed was for this to spread like wildfire through the hall. It was still Bruce and Selina’s day. 

“Is there going to be a baby bird?” She squealed just a little too high and Oliver placed a supportive hand on her shoulder. 

“Hun, try to watch the pitch there. There is a lot of expensive glassware in this room.” 

“Let me be happy for my friend.” She swatted his hand away playfully and then her eyes bugged out. “Oh my God, I _knew_ there was something up with Babs earlier. She hasn’t had anything alcoholic to drink all night and let me tell you, she wanted to. I could tell just by looking at her. Plus, she seemed pretty pissed at Dick for some reason… Or was it hot and bothered by Dick? Either way, it holds up. 

“Congratulations, Dick.” Oliver beamed and stroked his beard after he didn’t receive so much as a single movement from the oldest Robin. “What’s wrong with him?” 

“He’s just letting the news wash over him now.” Tim shrugged. “He should be coming back to planet earth soon… Hopefully. Right Jason?”

He turned to see that Jason was no longer standing with them and was instead currently flirting up a storm with some female Atlantians. He scanned the room further to try and see Cass (he still didn’t have his pants), but she was nowhere to be found and he was currently more concerned over the state of his eldest brother. He was certainly more concerned than his other brother that was for sure. 

“I take it this wasn’t planned, huh?” He smiled knowingly. 

“Oh come on, you know our lives. What is planned?” Dinah smiled dreamily at her husband. They had been through hell and back as individuals and as a couple. No one understood the hiccups of life more than they did. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Stephanie joined them.

“Jason figured out that Babs is the one who’s pregnant.” Helena clarified.

“Hel!” Dinah chastised. “She hasn’t even told _us_ yet I doubt we should be spreading the news if she doesn’t want us too.”

“I’m really bad with secrets.” She winced. “I need to stuff my mouth.”

“With food, right?” The blonde called after her and was promptly given a not-so-friendly hand gesture in return 

“He did?” Steph raised her eyebrows in surprise and then allowed herself to recover for a moment as the new information washed over her. “She is?” 

“Yeah and Jay was threatening to tell Dick about it, even though I was vehemently against that, since it wasn’t our business, but here we are.”

“That doesn’t really explain the whole pantsless thing, by the way.” Oliver pointed out.

“Not important.” Tim shot a glare Stephanie’s way. It was easy to forget about the prank in the midst of getting caught up in the whirlpool of drama that was their family. Still, he needed to make a note to exact revenge at a later time. 

“So… He’s taking it well.” Steph knelt in front of Dick and waved a hand in front of his unblinking face. She rose to her feet. 

“Has anyone talked to Barb about this?”

“Barb went upstairs with some guy apparently.” Duke rolled his eyes as he took a seat at the table. When they all raised eyebrows in question at him for seeming to be fully in the know, he shrugged.

“It is easy to know what’s going on when NO ONE is paying attention to you. That, and Jason was trying to use the whole “uncle” angle on Aquagirl and she is _very_ chatty. It’s kind of spreading around like wildfire that the first Batgirl is knocked up. There are different variations going about it though. Some are saying Dick is the father, some saying she doesn’t know who the father is, and others are saying it doesn’t matter because she’s having an abortion. You know how damn chatty super-people are.”

“Do Bruce and Selina know?”

“Nah, they’re having a pretty big fight on the terrace. No one is heading out there either if they know what’s good for them.” 

“And Jim?”

Duke’s eyes widened at this realization. “Damn, I don’t know." 

“Great, that’s just great.” Tim scratched his head. “This is a disaster. I ruined everything!”

“I mean, if you want to get into technicalities, Jason did. Though I will admit, he seems pretty unbothered.” Duke glanced over at him as he made out with a lucky Atlantian. He turned back to Dick.

“If this kid isn’t his, that is _really_ going to suck.”

“But if it is, he could have everything he’s ever wanted.” Tim pointed out.

Without saying a single word, Dick stood to his feet. Everyone around him stuck their arms out like they were prepared to steady him if he fell again. He was solid in his stance and unwavering as he moved through them fluidly. His heart was pounding in his chest and as much as he wanted to break apart in a shaking fit over the reality that was coming into focus, an unmatchable sense of _need_ to see Barbara Gordon coursed through his veins.

He took off in a sprint out of the hall and through the gossiping masses. Some called after him, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He made it to the front desk without a trace of breathlessness. 

“I need to know if you’ve seen a red-haired woman going upstairs with a man… I don’t… I don’t know what the man looks like, but the woman is beautiful in a girl-next-door, dimples and nose wrinkling kind of way. She’s about 5”6 and… And she’s one of the bridesmaids so she’s wearing a long purple gown. I don’t know if I could describe how she sounds or anything like that, but I need to know where they went.”

The man behind the desk looked at him over the tops of his frames, examining him as if he were trying to vet whether or not Dick was any kind of threat. Dick felt pretty incredulous for someone that could take out someone three times his size and did so regularly on a nightly basis.

“Sir, I assure you I have no clue what you’re talking about, but even if I did, I cannot give away guest’s information.” 

“Fuck.” Dick smacked the desk in exasperation. “She’s the mother of my child and… And I just found out and she’s going to bed with someone else. She thinks I’m not ready for stability and all of that and that’s why we aren’t… Fucking A.”

“If she’s pregnant with your child, evidently you did do that.”

Dick glared at the man and turned away. “Thank you.”

He paced back and forth, trying to evaluate what his course of action would be. Would he run up and down every floor and hallway yelling her name and ensure his arrest? Hell, a good amount of the GCPD was downstairs anyway so it would be an easy haul for them too.

His eyes caught a string of bubble gum machines and toy machines before heading over to try his luck to take his mind off of it all. He smiled at the results.

“Master Dick?” Alfred wrinkled his brow. “Are you looking for Miss Barbara? She’s in room 1017 right now. I’m on my way upstairs soon too. I’m not cut out to “get down” as the young kids say. I’m not sure if I ever was.” 

“As confused as I am about why or how you know this, thanks Al.” Dick nodded earnestly before forgoing the elevators and shooting straight towards the stairs. As he skipped stairs and manually climbed higher and higher upwards, he tried to work out some semblance of what he was going to say or do.

 

* * *

 

It took a great deal of maneuvering and repositioning for Barbara to get the room key into the slot and successfully open the door. Upon entering, she kicked off her own heels and elicited a familiar groan at ridding herself of that small piece of torture. She was sweating, even though she’d taken the elevator, because carrying Damian Wayne at deadweight in all of his pointy and wiry glory was not an easy task. 

She carefully deposited the boy onto the double bed and plopped down on the other bed to release a sigh of relief. She moved to untie his shoes and toss them in the direction of her own and slipped him under the sheets, being sure to properly tuck him in.

She looked at him for a moment and wondered how even Damian could look peaceful while he slept. The boy never let his guard down and was always trying so hard to hang with his older siblings that it was difficult to differentiate how young he was. She ran a hand fondly through his hair and when he instinctively nuzzled against her touch, something inside of her melted a little bit. 

After relishing in the silence of the room and its stark contrast to the hectic flow of the day as a whole, she turned to go and retrieve her shoes.

“Gordon?” Damian spoke up, his voice riddled with sleep.

“Yes?”

“Can you… Will you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?”

Another twang at what she suspected was a heart string and she found herself crawling beside him and leaned on one arm on his other pillow. She knew Dick had seen this side of Damian the most, but seeing it firsthand made her understand Dick’s adamant defense of the little boy more. They were rarely even alone together, actually. There wasn’t ever any cause for it unless she was briefing him on some mission he was being excluded from due to his inexperience and age.

“I’m sorry I got drunk.” He said quietly, his voice small.

“Why did you do that?” She asked carefully.

He shrugged. “I was upset and Todd told me before that alcohol can help you forget that stuff.”

“Do me a favor, don’t listen to Jason about emotional processing.”

“Who do you suggest I listen to, then? The brick wall that is my father? The overly analytical Drake? That hot mess Brown? The practically mute Cain?”

“Fair point, but I over-compartmentalize the issues in my life so I can’t say I’m much of an expert either. Dick’s pretty good at it, though.”

“Too good at it.” He groaned. “ At least you’re a realist. All he wants to talk about are feelings. I’d rather discuss my intricate plans to destroy my father’s marriage.” 

“Tell me about that.” 

He looked up at her. “Really?” 

“Yeah, I mean you seem pretty dead-set on ruining a happiness that Bruce has been trying to find the self-love to let himself have since the death of his parents. It has to be worth it.” 

“It’s not about my father’s happiness.” 

“Of course not. It’s about yours.” 

“He doesn’t care about my happiness.” 

“Yes he does.” 

“If he did, he wouldn’t have gone through with this.” 

“I take it you two never had that all-too important discussion about remarriage, step-mothers, feelings etc?”

“No.”

“Typical.” She huffed and sank down a little deeper so her head was lying on the pillow and still facing him. “Well, I promise you. He does love you and he does want you to be happy. Hell, part of me thinks that’s why he’s doing all of this.”

“You’re supposed to be smart. That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It was not.” She furrowed her brow in annoyance. “Look, Bruce has always made a point of trying to be better for each of his kids. He wants to show them a better life than what they had or what they’re capable of having. He wanted to give Dick the right sense of justice so he could healthily move past his family tragedy and wouldn’t become emotionally closed off like Bruce. For Jason, he needed Jason to become the kind of hero he needed to be, even if that meant doing the things Bruce couldn’t when Gotham needed him to; so he wouldn’t leave as Dick had. For Tim, he needed him to feel safe and know that there are limits to what we do, because our lives are valuable too… So he didn’t die like Jason did. For Steph and Cass, he needed them to know that not every father figure was going to betray or leave them, that there was kindness in this world. And for you? He sees so much of himself and Talia in you that he doesn’t want you to grow up nearly as cynical. He wants you to see that people can fall in love and have a life like those we swear to protect. Life has value and the best way for us to understand that is if we let ourselves live sometimes.”

“Why can’t he do that with my mother?”

“Because it’s about love, Damian.”

“Love is stupid. It’s all unrealistic fantasies of white picket fences, fresh cut grass, and a stupid dog that pees on the carpet. At least, that’s how all the lame romantic movies Grayson watches end. It’s stupid. People really don’t have more to do in their lives than love?” 

“Love is the most powerful emotion.”

“I’d say hate is.”

“Nope, love trumps hate every single time. There’s nothing wrong with wanting it either. I think we all do, even you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be this upset.”

“Did they ever even love each other?”

She paused. “Well, because sometimes even if great things like you come from them, some relationships aren’t meant to last. Some people aren’t meant to be together forever. It’s not something that can be explained by logic or science, because believe me I wish it was. Life would be simpler that way.” 

“What’s so wrong about wanting my mother and father together?”

“Nothing.” She sighed and took his hand. “Your feelings about all of this are totally valid. Your handling of those feelings is a little shaky, but that’s a different conversation for a different day. I think every product of divorce or separation wants that deep down. Sometimes, when we really love someone, we have to let trust them and let them do what makes them happy.”

“I don’t even hate the Cat.”

“I know you don’t.”

“Or you.”

“… Thanks?” 

“I mean, for Grayson. I’m telling you I approve of you for Grayson. And Grayson for you. I just felt like you should know that. It’s only a matter of time before you two reunite, no?” 

“I… I don’t know about that.” 

“My mother and father do not and will not ever love each other.” He said simply although she could hear the hurt in his voice through the grogginess. “But Grayson is like a second father to me… And you and Grayson do love each other.” 

She didn’t answer, but smiled softly. “Sometimes it’s a bit more complicated than that. Why do you think it took Selina and Bruce this long to get together?” 

“They constantly get in their own way.” He yawned and rolled over. “I would hate to see you fall into the same pitfalls.” 

“Goodnight, Robin.” She whispered as he drifted off. 

“Thanks, Gordon.” He mumbled in a sleepy tone before drifting back off.

She finally slid off the bed and reached down to retrieve her heels before shutting off the light and disappearing out the door. She checked her phone to ensure that Alfred was on his way up so that Damian wasn’t left alone for the night. She slowly clicked the door shut. 

When she turned around, Dick Grayson was marching over to her from the stairwell door. He was coated in sweat from what she presumed was a sprint up the stuffy stairwell. For what reason, she had absolutely no idea whatsoever. When he reached her, he carefully took her hands in his. He had this terrified and exhilarated look in his eyes that both frightened and enticed her.

“Am I too late?” He breathed heavily and she couldn't quite place the look on his face, whether he was happy or sad to see her.

“Dick? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

“Nothing!” He answered quickly. “Absolutely nothing is wrong. At first, I thought… At first I thought everything was wrong, because everything is changing and I thought I lost my chance altogether… I know you think I’m not ready for stability or settling down or anything like that and I can see how my behavior today would reinforce that belief.”

“You mean how you’ve been trying to get in every woman’s pants?”

“Yeah, but I only did that because you brought Duke as your date.”

“I’m missing the correlation.” She deadpanned.

“I was so upset that you brought him as your date even after we hooked up a few weeks ago and I thought maybe we were back on track to getting back together. I was hurt, Babs.”

“Dick-”

Suddenly, he was getting down on one knee and she could feel her eyes bugging out of her head, but the words that usually so easily came out of her mouth were missing in action.

“-I need you to know that I’m ready and will stand by you no matter what you choose. In fact, when it all really sunk in I realized how happy I am. That’s got to mean something, right? All I could picture was you and me and the little guy or girl in a place of our own. I don’t know if you wanted to live in Gotham or whatever, but I’m open to all possibilities. I think the school districts in the suburbs might be better, but that’s really up to you since you would know a lot more about that. Even if it isn’t mine. Babs, I swear to God, even if the kid isn’t mine I’ll raise it as mine if you’ll have me, because it’ll still be part you and that in and of itself is perfection.” 

He took out a ring from his pocket. “It’s from one of those stupid coin machines. Obviously, had I known I was going to have my life flipped upside down tonight I would have gotten something a little more legit, but… Will you marry me?” 

She pulled him to his feet. Tears filled her eyes due to the sudden surplus of emotions that attacked her from all angles. It took her a moment to choose which she would focus on in that particular moment. She even contemplated on commenting on the fact that Dick Grayson had been kneeling in front of her with shining blue eyes and speaking from such a vulnerable and emotionally exposed place. God, he was asking her to _marry_ him. 

There was only one problem. 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

He furrowed his brow. “Your baby… Our baby… I’m letting you know that you’re not in this alone.”

“Thank you, except I’m not pregnant!” She gritted.

 


	14. Hell Hath No Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara Gordon is a woman with a mission and if anyone knows what's good for them, they won't get in her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's riled up...

Her ears were ringing she was so angry. There were few times in her life where Barbara Gordon felt like she could really and truly commit murder. Obviously, after she'd fallen victim to the hands and camera of the Joker, she felt potentially murderous and thirsty for revenge then. There was also the numerous deaths (and later resurrections) of individuals in her vigilante family. She always felt the same sting and the pounding in her ears that let her know that if she made one wrong step, she could easily submit to darkness in those critical and reactionary moments. She never acted on them, because the greater part of her was logical and rational even in the most desperate times. However, she wasn't sure if her mind was going to intervene in her natural instinct to grab Jason Todd (and Tim Drake if she could get them both in one swoop) and beat the living daylights out of him. 

 _Pregnant_. 

From what Dick told her, it seemed everyone currently present at the wedding was positive that she was knocked up and based on his shotgun proposal (which she was compartmentalizing for another moment in time), wasn't even sure if she had a specific father in mind. She'd be more embarrassed if she wasn't  _so_ mad. He seemed upset too, but it was different for him. He was implicated in the drama, but he wouldn't receive the same disapproving and judging stares she would, because surely word would spread about how he was honorable enough to offer to marry her even if he wasn't certain whether or not the baby was his. He did, however, share her anger at Tim and Jason (Dick tried to defend Tim and say it was clearly a Jason-led ordeal, but she was taking down all involved in the operation) presumably for playing with his emotions like that. For a brief second, as the shock set in that he wouldn't, in fact, be a father, she felt bad for him too. He was jittery and bit sullen, which was a natural reaction to having your world twisted all around in the matter of hours. He kept asking her if she was sure and she told him she'd pee on a pregnancy test right in front of him if he was so damn concerned about it. She felt bad for snapping at him, because he was deceived all along, but anger was pooling at her core. 

"Why the hell would they do this?" She placed her hands on her hips.

Dick ran a hand through his hair, exasperated and tired, but she could tell there was something weighing on his mind. It wasn't there long, but it seemed a thought flickered across his mind as if he had an idea where Jason's motivation came from. 

"What?" 

"Nothing." Dick wondered if the stupid bet was responsible for all of this and if that was the case, he was going to rip Jason a new one right after Babs finished with him. This was crossing several lines all for what was supposed to be good fun. Truthfully, Dick had been pretty miserable all night. He was quite good at talking to women and did enjoy flirting to some extent, but the reasons behind it made him feel dirty. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Babs who made the executive decision for them to go find the two bird brains and corral them in for interrogation. She might have mentioned something about waterboarding too.

On what felt like the longest elevator ride ever, Dick cleared his throat. 

"We can obviously talk about this later," He started, recognizing the fact that they needed answers and she needed to cool down before they had this conversation. "But I thought I lost you. Y'know, forever..."

She kept her eyes trained ahead, but grew stiffer in her stance. "I wasn't the one trying to get into every girl here's pants."

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but closed it as the elevator dinged and the doors opened to reveal the first floor.

"Later." She repeated tersely.

"Later." He agreed under his breath.

They both stormed off the elevator, blowing through the lobby where a few bystanders were offering their congratulations. Dick smiled and waved sheepishly without saying anything, but Barbara pushed through without so much as stopping. The man at the front desk made a comment to Dick about "finding her" and while she didn't know what that was about, she didn't care about anything else but getting to the bottom to this foolishness. 

"Let me get Tim." He said as he caught up with her.

She nodded, deciding if she had to choose which one to deal with, it was going to be Jason. Apparently, he'd even been using this pregnancy angle as a means to score girls by bragging how "excited" he was to be an uncle. She knew something was weird with him when he sat down and talked with her earlier. It was as if he was vetting her for something and in that moment, she couldn't tell what, but clearly he'd been trying to determine if she was pregnant. Again, how he came to this conclusion and decided it was a good idea to spread it like wildfire was a different story. 

She clenched her fists as they entered the ballroom, immediately catching the gazes of numerous adoring faces. Her attuned hearing picked up mumblings about wondering where the two of them "scurried off to" in the time they were away. She did briefly consider the fact that both looked rather disheveled and were red-faced from the sudden flush of emotions that came with burning fury. It probably didn't look good for them.

They used to get accused of hooking up/dating so often in high school that they were named "cutest couple" when they weren't even together. Of course, they got together shortly after and nobody could really tell the difference aside from some more overt displays of affection (mostly by Dick to prove to all of them that he  _could_ touch her now), though they were fairly touchy as friends too. One would think 4 years of that would prepare her for this moment of somewhat similar confusion, but it only deepened the red hue of her cheeks and her desire to find Jason Todd. 

She slipped into the crowd and away from Dick, deciding it was best for their image to put some distance between the two of them and also so they could cover more ground in tracking down their respective targets. Before she could make any real gains, two arms wrapped around her midsection and she was pulled into a familiar embrace followed shortly by a series of squeals that were inaudible to most, but not to those who really knew Dinah and witnessed her excitement before.

"Oh I am so so SO happy for you, honey." She planted a kiss on her cheek and beamed at her when she spun her around to face her.

"Dinah-"

"-So, I take it that night at the clocktower was more successful than you led on, huh? Tell me everything. You should have seen his face when he first found out. He was so stunned it was adorable and then he turned into Mr. Man and got up and immediately to you apparently. Oh my God! Is that a ri-"

She slammed a hand over her friends mouth to prevent her volume from catching onlooker's attention. As she did so, she did notice that the plastic ring from Dick's shotgun proposal still rested on her finger. She'd been in such shock that she didn't even remember him slipping it on. 

"We did have sex." She admitted. "But I am not pregnant. Nor am I engaged. Dick and I aren't even together."

If it were possible for every ounce of brightness to deflate from the blonde, it did in that moment. She also looked incredibly confused, as most would when she tried to unravel the story of why she incinerated the second Robin. If they were in her shoes, they'd understand. 

"Was the sex at least worth all of this drama?" She asked after Barbara's full explanation or what little she had of it. Dinah had always been particularly interested in Barbara and Dick's on/off relationship, especially when it was on the cusp of being on. She swore constantly that they were soulmates (Babs always hated that term, but never protested it) and was maybe their biggest supporter. She usually humored her friend when she went on tangents about why they belonged together, but she wasn't having it in the midst of this scale of drama. Babs suddenly found herself yearning for the kind of drama that involved criminals instead. They were much easier to deal with emotionally.

"Nothing is worth this!" She exclaimed and then her eyes widened.

"Wait, where's my father?" The pang of worry hit her core like a ton of bricks. There was no way this was happening. Jim was a detective and wouldn't need to be directly told what was happening for him to put two and two together. She could only hope he got caught up in the drama between Bruce and Selina or something. She wasn't stupid and knew that was unlikely.

"I don't know. Last I saw, he was talking with Bruce."

"Okay, well, maybe that's a good sign. I'll have to go looking for him after I find Jason." She breathed. "Does Bruce know?"

"Nope. He's pretty caught up in his own drama."

"Good. Do me a favor and tell people the truth?"

"That you and Dick should still totally have beautiful bat babies?"

"Dinah..."

"And that you're not pregnant." She stuck her tongue out. "But I mean the first part too. Also, Duke said Jason was macking on an Atlantian earlier if that helps."

"You're the best."

"It's a gift."

She moved off to speak to Arthur Curry to see if he had any information regarding which Atlantians were present at the wedding and which had hotel rooms. At least she had a lead.

* * *

 

"Okay, I know you're perfectly fine putting on a pretty face and pretending we're okay and like you didn't jeopardize everything you stand for, but I am not." Selina slammed the french doors with a bit too much force, but she liked the way it felt in relation to the vodka that heightened her feelings instead of numbing them.

"You're the one who wanted a big wedding." It was the wrong answer and he should have known it.

"I wanted no such thing!" She snapped. "Your butler wanted it and I happily complied, because  _you_ need to make better face with the public or some shit. Well, you know when you're also going to have to make better face? When the League of Assassins storms in and reigns chaos on Gotham and eventually the entire world once they figure out how much Wayne Enterprises is tied into the cities and countries of other superheroes. The entire Justice League will be compromised. That won't look good! Hell, you might need to get plastic surgery that's how much improved face you'll need to make to attempt recovery of that one."

"You don't understand-"

"-And I know you would much rather come out here and brood all by yourself to try and find some slithery way out of what you signed, but you still did it. You still threw everything on the line."

"To be with you!"

"I'm not worth the world!" She shouted and her voice echoed even with the busy city surrounding them. "I ran away."

"What?"

"I ran away from the fucking wedding, Bruce and you know why I left?"

"I-"

"-I know you left too, but do you know why I left? Because I was so afraid I would somehow get caught between these two worlds, because people like us truly can't have it all, because eventually the world is going to ask you to choose and while the Bruce Wayne I fell in love with will always choose his city and the world he protects, you chose me tonight. If the city perishes where does that put me? What kind of burden is that to lay on someone? And don't tell me you didn't want to tell me, because that's bullshit. We are married now and we are supposed to make decisions as husband and wife. I know that's a concept that's pretty foreign to both of us, but we need to work on that. Just because you like being the martyr and taking on the pain of millions doesn't mean I like to." Tears blurred her vision and he wanted nothing more than to hold her. He knew better than to try that when she was this angry with him. 

"Why did you come back, then?" He asked.

"... What?"

"If you were so right about all of this, then why did you come back?"

She looked at him like that was the craziest question she'd ever heard. "Because I love you and I trust you."

"So trust me."

"Not if you don't trust me." She pleaded.

He placed two hands on her shoulders and looked her square in the eyes. It was clear she'd had quite a bit to drink, but her vulnerability was real and vivid in her hazel depths. 

"I trust you with my life." Before she could speak up about how often he was willing to throw his life away, he fixed his statement. "I trust you with the lives of my kids, I trust you with my operation, I trust you with my  _world,_ Selina. I promise you, no, I swear to you, that I would never intentionally do anything that would jeopardize you, my colleagues, or my kids. I know I might have seemed flippant about the whole signature, but that was because I was playing a part for Talia. I needed her to think I was so in love that I would sign the world away. I love you, but I'm not crazy."

"Yeah? Well, prove it. What's your plan?"

"I can't tell you." He sighed.

"Are you serious? You do know this involves me too, right?"

"Of course I know that."

"Then stop bottling everything up for yourself."

"It's for your own protection."

She smacked his hand off her shoulder and walked away. She glared at him before going inside again. "I don't want your protection if you won't even let me protect you."

Bruce massaged his temples before turning to lean on the railing.

"You lied to her." A small voice came from the dark corner and Bruce jumped a little as his youngest son came to the forefront, dressed fully in pajamas at this point. He distantly remembered Barbara taking him to bed, but Damian had a habit of waking up and wandering about. He almost prided his son for his ability to remain completely unseen, but was also annoyed he'd been spied on.

"Damian, why aren't you in bed?"

"I was wondering the same about you, but... -Tt- now I know." He shook his head at where Selina had exited. It shouldn't have surprised him that Damian managed to catch glimpse of the contract and what it contained. He'd been trained well. "Why did you lie?"

"I didn't lie. I just didn't mention the other part of the deal."

"The part where once Selina Kyle dies, Batman is destined to be bound to Talia Al Ghul in marriage. If there is even an ounce of evidence or question of the League's involvement with her death, the deal is void. Other than that, only Talia Al Ghul can be the one to reject the marriage, as if she would ever."

"Why did you bring her?"

"Why do you think?"

Bruce sighed. "I'm sorry I've been doing wrong by you and that I haven't talked to you about all of this. It was wrong and insensitive."

"It's fine. Gordon already gave me the talk."

"... Which talk?"

Damian rolled his eyes. "Obviously about this step-mother situation and I have finally found myself getting accustom to the idea. I'm very disappointed to see you already failing so miserably. I can't say I blame the Cat for her anger only I am certain you have a plan."

"I do."

The boy stood next to his father, who towered over him. "Surely, you found some sort of loophole."

"If Selina dies before me, and I hope she doesn't, I'm dropping the Batman and giving it to you." 

Damian eyes bugged out. "Me? Not Grayson? Or Todd? I can see why you wouldn't want to give it to that blithering fool, Drake, but aren't I too young?"

"Nope. It has to be you." He smiled a little at his son's clear excitement and then frowned. "You're not allowed to kill Selina to get yourself Batman, by the way."

"I want to maintain honor as the Bat, Father." 

"Good."

"Why me?"

Bruce sighed. "It was always supposed to be yours someday, but you're the only one that Talia wouldn't marry to spite me. She loves you as much as she hates Selina or anything else. She'd never truly hurt you."

"Because only Batman was specified to having to marry her. That is smart, Father. And what about the company?"

"I've already deposited all of my shares over to secret accounts for you guys, evenly of course. When you reach 18, you'll be able to access it. The same goes for Tim and Stephanie while all the others unknowingly already have access to it."

"So you are just a figurehead."

"Yes. The League has nothing to gain."

"Perhaps you should have been a lawyer."

"I never liked the big books." He smiled and it was so rare that Damian heard his father make a joke, his face almost split in half.

"Why are you trusting me after what happened today?"

Bruce glanced at Selina through the window and then back at Damian. "Because it's clear I need to work on trusting those I love. Also, its pertinent you know the task that is hanging over you. I didn't want to tell Selina, because I know that'll be even more pressure for her. She already thinks Wayne Enterprises is at risk if she's at risk. She doesn't need to know the Batman is too."

Damian looked at him carefully. "I see your point and I agree 100%."

"Good to hear."

"But often, if I think its right in this type of situation, it isn't. You should probably tell her." He said before yawning and pulling out a grappling hook to swing himself back to his room. 

* * *

 

"Tim was scouring the crowd for Cassandra, a tablecloth currently tied around his waist as a source of shielding any more of the world from seeing his superman underwear. Bruce seemed particularly irritated by this while Clark was rather smug. 

Finally, he spotted her at the concession table, his pants slung over her shoulder as she carefully picked through the wide spread of appetizers to find what she was looking for. He moved to retrieve his pants, not caring how cake-stained they were at this point, but was stopped by none other than Conner Kent. Fortunately, the camera was down at his side and it looked like he was taking a break, but this somehow didn't make Tim feel any more at ease over the situation.

"And here I thought you hated me." He teased and Tim felt his mouth go dry as he cursed himself for not owning regular underwear like a regular teenager. "Turns out you like me more than I could have imagined."

Tim felt himself tense and he locked eyes with the ice blue orbs that belonged to the Kryptonian. Surely, he was referring to the pattern on his underwear, right? He wasn't talking about other things. No, that was impossible. Tim made it seem he was afraid of Conner, not attracted to him. He still feared the scenario would escalate and he knew boxers left very little to the imagination at the right moment. He needed to get out of there.

"Oh... Yeah. They were a gift." He lied.

"I used to have Batman boxers if it helps."

"I'm not Batman." 

"No, but same principle, right? I mean, I'm assuming you have them because you idolize Superman, right?" There was something strange about his tone, but Tim wondered if he was just over-analyzing the situation as he always did when he liked someone. It was teasing, but Tim swore there was an element of knowing to it. The smirk on his face was undeniable.

"Right."

"You know, I like the whole "Risky Business" thing you got going on right now. You just need a pair of sunglasses."

Tim found himself smiling at the reference. "I really should be sliding around to get from here and there."

"I wholeheartedly agree."

There was a pause and Tim realized he could walk away at any moment, but he wasn't. He was terrified, but Cass's words were ringing in his ears. He needed to learn to be comfortable around him even if they were in different positions altogether.

"So, uh, did you get any good shots tonight?" He nodded at his camera.

Conner shrugged. "The first dance was nice, but I've barely gotten anything of the couple. They're either apart or on the terrace fighting. The speedsters are real camera hogs, you know that?"

Tim laughed. "I'd expect nothing less."

"Right now I'm basically just trying to gather people's "nice words" for the happy couple. Though, I question the amount of happiness that's really there." Conner looked towards the terrace, where Bruce now stood alone, pensive as ever.

"Want to say something?"

"Sure." Tim smiled.

"Here, I've been doing them outside where its a lot more quiet." Conner led the way to another terrace on the opposite side of the ballroom. He began fiddling with the camera before finally getting it on and flipped it towards Tim.

"What do you have to say to Bruce and Selina?"

"Can you get me from the waist up?"

"Nope."

He groaned before plastering a smile on his face. "Hey guys! Bet you're wondering why I'm in my underwear. Well, this wedding didn't know my socks off, but it knocked my pants off. I'm sorry about ruining your cake, but that was mostly Cass's fault. Anyway, if anyone in this world deserves happiness and the perfect marriage, its you two. You guys have always been there for me and taken care of me from when I had nobody else. Thanks to you, my life is full and I hope you live yours to the fullest together forever."

"That was good. Believe me, it was a lot better than most." He turned off the camera. "You really work the whole pantsless thing, you know?"

"I have been told I've got nice legs."

He laughed and Tim's heart fluttered.

Conner glanced him over. "I really did think you hated me."

"What? No, of course not. I just..." He trailed off and despite the cold air, felt his cheeks burning with heat. "I really don't hate you. I like you!"

"I like you too." 

"Good. Then its settled." Tim stuck out his hand. He needed to put his best foot forward and hope it got easier. "Friends?"

He took his hand and shook it firmly. "Friends."

They stood like that for a moment, neither quite knowing what to do, but Tim assumed whatever it was included releasing hands, but even as they dropped down, their hands were still locked and it wasn't until Conner moved closer to him that Tim realized he wasn't imagining any of it. Before he could articulate how being close to him felt, his hot breath was on his face and their bodies were touching. He swallowed hair thickly, not knowing whether to move or act, but he could only manage to stand still. His mind was going at a mile a minute with thoughts questioning every interaction they'd ever had. Did Conner somehow translate Tim's offput attitude towards him into the confused attraction that it was? What were the odds his first crush on a guy would end up also liking guys? Was Conner out? Did he think Tim was out? Was this a sick joke? Oh God, was the camera still rolling?

All of those thoughts dissipated when his mouth brushed against his. Tim still remained very still for a moment, but soon actively participated in the exchange, liking the way Conner's lips felt against his as well as their surprising softness. He always took him for a rougher guy, but the kiss was anything but. For someone that could crush him in one snap, he was very gentle and tender.

When they separated, they stared at each other for a while. 

Conner smiled. "I'm glad we're friends."

"Me too." Tim squeaked.

As they leaned in for another kiss, the doors swung open and Dick Grayson popped in without warning. For a moment, he considered the two and their proximity, gave Tim a curious look and then without any further hesitation, threw him over his shoulder and carried him inside, leaving Conner none the wiser and very much confused as he watched them go. Tim hurriedly protested this form of transportation.

"I was kind of in the middle of something! Come on, this is embarrassing!"

"I see that and just as a disclaimer: I'm totally cool with you liking dudes and can talk to me about it at any time. Well, any time but this particular moment, because you know what else is embarrassing?" Dick asked. 

"What?"

He set Tim down once he was certain he wouldn't run off and Tim knew he wouldn't either. He was too interested in Dick's urgency to want to go anywhere. Besides, it was probably for the best that he and Conner were interrupted before things could escalate much. The last thing he wanted to do was do something he might regret. He needed to process what just happened. 

"Proposing to your ex-girlfriend because you think she's pregnant and in said proposal, go on and on about how you're going to be there for her and with her whether or not this kid is yours or not."

"How's that embarrassing? That's incredibly cool of you. I mean, I guess if you didn't really mean it that can get sticky, but-"

"I did mean it!" Dick protested. "But newsflash, pal: She's not pregnant!"

Tim's eyes widened. "She isn't?"

"Nope! In fact, as we speak she's on a witch hunt for Jason. You're lucky I convinced her to let me get you otherwise you'd be a cracked Robin's egg by now."

"Oh God, so she's mad?"

"What do you think? I'm mad too, Tim! And I swear to God, if this was somehow about the bet-"

"-it's not!" Tim assured him. "No, this was a totally separate thing and it wasn't supposed to get this out of hand."

The older boy sighed. "Come on, we're meeting in the men's room."

As they turned around, Dick's face was met hard with an incredibly solid punch in the face that took him so off guard, he stumbled backwards and onto the floor. Instinctually, he was ready to fight, but sagged when he saw his attacker. He made no such effort and tried simply to apply reason to the situation, but his nose was bleeding into his mouth, garbling his words and he was pounced on once again. Tim as well as a few others quickly ripped them apart before it could get too ugly, although Dick was bleeding onto his shirt.

* * *

 

"Hey, Barb, congratulations." Steph hugged her as Babs honed in on Jason and Tula, who she found out was the girl he'd been trying to hook up with. 

"That better be a "congratulations on not being pregnant" congratulations."

"Oh my God, they got it wrong."

"Of course they did." She huffed.

"So who's pregnant?"

"No idea and right now, I don't care. Do you know what room Jason was going up to?"

"Oooh are you going to kill him? Can I watch? Better yet, can it be put on the wedding video?"

"Sure. What room, Steph?"

"823."

"He's definitely not getting laid tonight if I have anything to say about it, that's for sure."

"Go Babs!"

She was about to hunt her prey when...

_CRACK! THUD!_

A huge crowd formed around the source of the noise and some hastily tried to pull the one figure off of the other as more punches were attempted. Barbara and Steph exchanged a surprised glance before peering over to see which superhero got a little too drunk and cocky this evening and which sucker was unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This was common at these kinds of events. Bruce once said that Clark and Lois's wedding was a disaster when one of the Lanterns got too drunk and challenged each other to a building contest with their rings and Guy Gardener almost died beneath Hal Jordan's anchor. Well, to Barbara's bewilderment, the man getting ripped away was an enraged Jim Gordon and the man on the ground was a bleeding Dick Grayson.

"God dammit."

Jason would have to wait. 

 


	15. Making Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some come together as others leave questions dangling in thin air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quieter chapter, because sometimes talking is just as important as action and reveals.

Bruce pushed open the french doors the moment he heard the start of the commotion. Selina had similar instincts and was over to the scene of the altercation quicker than the speedsters could even think to move. Jim Gordon was on top his eldest son, who was motionless in shock at the older man having just punched him in the face. Jim was yelling something, but it was hard to tell over the bustle of the forming crowd. Bruce shoved through everyone and grabbed his friend from around the waist a yanked him off of Dick, who was bleeding profusely from his nose. A moment later, Barbara had slipped through the masses with eyes blazing in fury at her father, who was clearly also a bit inebriated. Stephanie wasn't far behind her, offering a concerned albeit confused presence.

"What the hell is going on here?" Bruce demanded. Despite the fact that Jim had just openly attacked his son, he knew he would never do so without definitive reason. From what Bruce could tell, Jim had always liked him and even often approved of his relationship with Barbara. He even made comments to Bruce about wishing the two of them would get their act together after all these years. Bruce didn't disagree, but this all seemed so wrong. Jim was drunk, Dick was bleeding, and everyone was murmuring for Barbara to "take it easy" and "not to get too stressed", which only seemed to heighten her distress. 

"Your son..." Jim breathed heavily, but it didn't disguise the clear malice that layered his tone. His glare pierced through his thick frames and onto Dick as Tim (who still didn't have pants on, which Bruce clearly didn't want to know about) reached down to help him to his feet. Jim caught his breath and then wordlessly pointed to Barbara, who was currently cherry red in a swell of embarrassment, annoyance, and unresolved rage. Clearly, she knew what he was talking about, but Bruce was still rather in the dark.

"Dad, you're drunk." Barbara gritted her teeth.

"What?" 

"Your son got my daughter pregnant and has no intentions of marrying her." He slurred.

Bruce's head snapped to Dick and Barbara so fast, he thought it would break off. Selina's eyebrows were raised in surprise, but other than the two of them, none of the other guests seemed all that fazed by the bomb that was just dropped. They were all quiet in anticipation to see what would happen next, even the ever chatty West-Allen family, but no one had wide eyes or dropped jaws. It was as if they all knew.

He felt his own brand of rage occurring from all angles. For one thing, this was supposed to be his wedding and everyone else seemed to be having their own life crisis after the next. Another thing, why were he and Jim, the respective grandfathers-to-be the final people to discover this pertinent information? It was quite possible the kids were trying not to upstage today's event, but that ship pretty much sailed the moment it started, because it was impossible for this family to be idle. Lastly, what was all this business about Dick  _not_ being willing to commit? 

"And I was the last to know." Jim said bitterly. "I didn't even know Dick and Barbara were back together... Or whatever."

"Second last." Bruce muttered and turned to Dick. "Is this true?"

"No!" he protested, but it was hard to take him seriously with blood streaming down his nose and onto his collared shirt. Also, there was still the matter of the Christmas suit.

"Really? Because everyone in the whole damn place is talking about how you know she's pregnant and you have been trying to kiss just about anything with a mouth on it still, because you're not "ready" to settle down."

"I'm not pregnant!" Barbara snapped and then retreated. "Though all that stuff about him trying to hook up with people is on the nose."

"Really?" Dick narrowed his eyes at her and she merely shrugged before turning back to her father. 

"Tim and Jason somehow found out someone was pregnant, presumably by a pregnancy test and somehow resolved, to my utter offense-" She cast a glare at Tim, who slunk behind Dick. "I must be the one who is pregnant. I can assure you all, since I have all of your undivided attention and I am beyond sick of this lack of communication we seem to have, that this is anything but true. Grayson didn't knock me up-"

"-Yet." Mouthed Dinah.

"-He owes me nothing, because we are currently nothing." 

Bruce looked to Dick to see him deflate a little at her words. He didn't think a bleeding man could look worse for wear until he saw the light in his eyes fizzle a bit. He knew his boy and despite his occasional lapses in maturity, there was never any doubt to Bruce that Dick loved Barbara Gordon. Maybe they acted like stupid kids sometimes or the timing was never right, but it was always there and not very far under the surface. He always internally groaned every time things between them showed signs of sparking again, because they almost always hurt each other in the ways that only people who love and know each other better than anyone else can. Still, they weren't stupid kids anymore.  

As for Tim and Jason, they were going to have words with him, because they were very much acting like stupid kids.

"Currently." Dinah mouthed again.

Barbara glared pointedly at her best friend and back at her father. "As for you, don't you think I would have told you before almost anyone else? And even if that lapse of judgement did occur, wouldn't it be wise to ask me before you go socking the alleged father of my fake unborn child in the face?"

"I don't know, Barb. There are a few things I'm the last to know about." He shot back and it was obvious he was referring to crimefighting and more importantly, Barbara being involved in it. The rage was drained from his entire demeanor and was replaced with a combination of relief and embarrassment, but he wasn't about to be steamrolled either. There was also the matter that he was pretty drunk. Bruce was still holding him back like he could burst at any second, which allowed him to be close enough to smell the whiskey that clung to his breath.

Her mouth hung open a little bit and she stepped closer to him. The two really looked alike when they were infuriated, a similar streak of an Irish temper that flowed through their veins. Barbara appeared to be missing the component of alcohol that was typically necessary, but she still kept up beat for beat without it.

"That is completely different." And she wasn't wrong. Crimefighting and having babies couldn't be farther apart, but the point Jim was trying to make was that he was the last to know on that important life decision and it wouldn't be shocking to him that he would be left out of the decisions to come.

"Yeah, well, be mad. You aren't pregnant. Great, but all of this has just made me realize that I don't know you as well as I think I do. It wouldn't even surprise me that you wouldn't tell me you were having Grayson's kid. It wouldn't shock me in the slightest."

The look of utter sadness in his eyes would break anyone's heart and Barbara seemed truly speechless.

"I'm good, Bruce." Jim shook him off and Bruce let him, because he didn't seem like he was about to go barreling back at Dick. On the contrary, before walking away, he nodded at the older boy. "Sorry for hitting you, Dick."

"You've got a pretty decent left hook, sir." Dick shrugged nonchalantly and watched him go. His eyes shot to Barbara, who stood somewhat defeated looking. 

"I'll clean him up." Tim offered quietly. "You go after your Dad."

Temporarily drained of all her current anger, Barbara trotted after him.

* * *

 

"Well, at least my stealing the limo earlier has officially been overshadowed." Harley shrugged.

Selina sighed ruefully. "Bruce's family always steals the show, what can I say?"

"You mad?" Ivy asked and sipped her drink.

"At the kids? No. Maybe earlier I would have been, but at this point I don't even care about having the perfect wedding day."

"That's good, lower your expectations!" Harley cheered.

"Do  _not_ take relationship advice from her."

"As if." Selina rolled her eyes to Harley's dismay. "I just want insurance that Bruce and I are going to be okay. I mean, earlier today we were nervous because someone got me pearls and I ran out. Now, everything down to the cake is ruined and all that matters to me is that we're in a fight."

"And yet here you are, still here." Ivy mused. "Maybe that's because fighting is what you're best at."

"And stealing." Harley added.

"I can't tell you the exact logistics of what we're fighting about, but he's doing the whole "I'm doing this awful thing to protect you" nonsense again. I thought he grew out of that."

"As if Bats will ever not be a martyr."

"True. I guess I knew what I was getting myself into all along, huh?"

"We all know I hate marriage." Ivy sighed. "But if you're going to do it, you need to be a team. You're no damsel in distress there, kitty, and I don't care if its Darkseid crawling back from wherever he's from to end the world in your name, he should tell you. You can handle it."

"You literally just described the worst case scenario."

"And can you handle it?"

"Yes."

"You're gonna be fine. He just needs to be honest with you."

"Barbie's right." Harley mused. "We really do need to work on our communication skills here."

As if on cue, Bruce walked over to Selina and knelt in front of her on one knee.

"Uh, you know we're already married, right? Or were you asleep with your eyes closed that whole time?"

"I will never forget it."

"It would be hard to." She snorted. "So what's this?"

"This is me, asking you, if you're pregnant."

"You really don't want to get on my good side ever, do you?"

"The only way Tim and Jason would ever think Barbara is pregnant is if they knew with certainty that  _someone_ is. I'm not accusing you because I think you are or anything, but I am asking you up front."

"No." She answered simply and sipped at her cocktail. "I am not."

He nodded, but didn't stand up.

"What?"

"I have a part 2."

"Are you going to ask me how much I weigh next? Or how about why I look so old?"

He chuckled a little and if she wasn't already so frustrated with the situation, she would find it endearing how she could break through his walls.

"Nothing of the sort. I'm asking you to be my partner."

"Your partner?" She swore he was using his bat hearing to listen in on their entire conversation, but she didn't care.

"I have been so used to going at it on my own that even when I'm with others, I still isolate myself in some ways. I need to understand that there are always going to be risks and that you are capable of deciding what will and won't affect you. I will always try to protect you, but no longer by keeping you in the dark. So, I'm asking right here and right now if Catwoman and Batman can be full time partners? On and off the clock."

"Bruce..."

"Does this mean she won't be working with us ever again?" Harley whispered a bit too long. Ivy nudged her to shut up.

"Do you accept?"

"I sort of thought this was happening anyway."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I should have too." He admitted. "I was wrong and I'm sorry."

"What inspired this change of heart?"

He glanced in the direction of where they held their argument and sighed. "A little birdie."

"Right." She drawled. 

"I'm always annoyed when my boys do something stupid that jeopardizes a chance at happiness, but I realize without a doubt, they learn it from me. I'm tired of that."

"What about Cassandra?"

"Oh, she doesn't do anything stupid." He smirked. "I think she's physically incapable."

"Alright Dark Knight in shining armor." She smiled lightly and took his hand. "So first order of business?"

"Dance with me. For real this time. Barry? Play something romantic. We're doing a do-over first dance."

 _"Fat Bottom Girls"_ came on and Bruce shot daggers at his friend, who merely winced awkwardly.

"My bad. Wrong button."

Selina's eyes narrowed at him. "Do you think I have a fat ass?"

Iris placed her hands on her hips. "And were you  _looking_ at her ass?"

"Aw man." He groaned. "I was just... Here's  _"Marry Me"_ by Train."

* * *

"Dad!" Barbara called after her father who was currently smoking a cigar out front. Smoke mixed with the frost of his breath morphed into a distinct haze around his head. She wasn't sure why she was running even while he stood completely still, but she never felt farther away from him before in her life. A familiar pang struck her chest and it reminded her of all the times she was forced to lie to him about her whereabouts and daily life when she first started as Batgirl. She thought that would have gone away when he found out for himself, but she still maintained secrets for the protection of himself and his job. The very fact that he believed she wouldn't tell him if she was pregnant broke her heart. She'd been able to convince herself that she balanced the dual lives part of her world fairly well. Perhaps that was all a facade and she was just living two half lives that wouldn't give her any real satisfaction unless they became whole. If they became whole, something would have to give.

"Barb." He responded plainly.

"You do know me." She felt very much like a small child that had been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. As someone halfway through her 20s, this was a very pathetic and aggravating way to feel. She still played the part though.

He kept his gaze trained ahead the way she did when she was overthinking.

"Stop looking at me like I'm this total stranger to you, because I refuse to let you become one." She swallowed thickly at his unmoving profile. The traces of smoke and frost began to dissipate from existence, only to be replaced by a fresh batch.

"You've seen me at my highest and you've seen me at my lowest. You know what makes me laugh and what makes me cry. You don't even need to ask what I want for dinner when we get food, because somehow you already know. And you knew I was Batgirl all along, even if you didn't let yourself believe it, because you know I couldn't just sit back and watch the world burn to hell and burn  _you_ without doing what I could to stop it."

He still said nothing, but she found herself beginning to cry. "You know I probably can't have kids, right?"

She hadn't admitted that out loud before. The thought had been creeping up her neck all night and while she was never someone who equated babies with happiness, the idea that Joker took that choice away from her created a sickly feeling in her stomach. She felt like she was letting every single person down, her father and Dick included. Especially Dick, because the mirth and flood of emotions he wore when he got down on one knee pierced through her heart and left a mark she'd never forget. 

Jim turned to her, eyes softening a bit, but she continued on. "I haven't gotten tested or anything, because that all happened to me when I was 18 years old and the idea of children was so far away from the forefront of my mind."

"It's okay if you can't." He whispered.

"I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I want it to be okay."

"I know."

"Of course you do! You knew I became Oracle and you still respected that I couldn't tell you and you knew it gutted me every time I had to lie to you. Dad, you're my best friend. I can't tell you everything, not because I don't love and trust you, but because A. I usually don't have to and B. I'm trying to protect you the way you have always protected me... Even when unexpected tragedy struck."

His face flashed hurt and she knew he still carried guilt over what happened to her and no matter how much she assured him it wasn't preventable, she was fairly sure it was a piece of burden that would always have at least a slight hold of him.

"You know me." She took his hands in hers and he didn't retreat in the slightest. "Because I'm just like you and Dad, there's no one in this whole world who I would rather be like."

A small smile quirked at his lips and his eyes were glazed over in the haze of alcohol and emotion. "I love you, Babsy, but you're a whole lot better than me."

"That's not-"

"-And I'm sorry I made you feel like we were at complete odds, but sometimes we're going to have to be."

"I know."

"Of course you do," He reiterated her previous statement. "Sometimes it's just so hard for me to wrap my head around this other life you have where I can't protect you. It's hard letting you take a turn and protect me, because we both know how ugly and bad that world can be."

She'd certainly scene her fair share of death and despair as well as many shades of evil.

"It's swallowed me whole plenty of times. I don't want the same for you."

She furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"You obviously don't have to have kids to be complete, but don't shy away from family and friends. Let yourself be happy for God's sakes. We can't give every single ounce of ourselves away, because then we'll be shells. When I thought Dick was willing to throw away your chance at that, I snapped. Then, you weren't pregnant and it occurred to me that are sedentary in where you are in your life. That's what I was like. The job always played first fiddle, well, until you came along of course. I want you to be happy above all else in this world. I know being Batgirl or Oracle or whoever you are these days makes you happy, but thats your job. That's not a life."

She sighed, creating her own froth of puffy air before nodding. "I'll try."

He kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry for punching your boyfriend. I should have known he was better than that."

"We aren't together." She answered simply, though the inner teenager in her was relieved Dick still held his approval.

He snorted. "I'm not going to get involved, sweetie, but I do have a bet going with Alfred and Bruce."

Her eyes bulged. "What?"

"Well, since we're being honest." He smiled. "I bet you'd get hitched by 27, Alfred says 25, and Bruce has his money on 30."

"Oh my God." She rolled her eyes. "Does no one just play cards anymore?"

"Don't let me telling you sway your life choices or anything, I'm just letting you know."

She shook her head. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"The next time it comes out that I'm pregnant with Dick's- er,  _someone's_ child, you'll just ask me about it first."

"I can do that. I probably should have went easy on the booze too."

"Just a bit."

* * *

Tim carefully dabbed the blood away from under Dick's nose.

"Do you think it's broken?" His voice was nasally from the tissues that were currently lodged inside to stop the bleeding. His head was tilted back in the sink and Cassandra was currently perched nearby, watching Tim take gentle care of his older brother.

"Nah, but its pretty badly bruised."

"Good, I don't know how I'd get by without my dashing good looks."

Cass snorted and Dick mock glared at her. "What are you laughing at?"

She gently petted him. "You're still pretty."

He seemed satisfied by that answer and Tim's face softened. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, why?"

Tim and Cass exchanged looks. "Because you kind of just went through an emotional hell on top of getting socked in the face by the father of your ex girlfriend, who somewhat rejected your relationship in front of everyone."

"That, and Jason is probably going to win your foolish bet." Cass added.

"Thanks for reminding me."

"I really wanted to see Jason in a dress." Tim sighed. "Did you see who he was getting with, Cass?"

"Tula." 

"Kaldur isn't going to love that." 

"Neither is Damian. Something tells me he's going to take it out on me." 

"I wonder who's really pregnant." Dick wondered out loud, determined to keep his mind on other things than his own disappointment and everybody else's."

"No offense, but I kind of wanted it to be Barbara." She said quietly.

"I think we kind of all did, even Jason, despite his terrible approaches to convey that." 

"Yeah, I'm still kicking his ass when I see him." The oldest boy wonder mumbled, but both could tell he was thinking the same thing as them. A few moments later, Barbara knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for anyone to answer. Dick knew it was her before she even walked in. She used the same knock he used to when she was in college and he would knock on the window of her dorm room. He wondered if she always knocked on doors like that or if she just did it for him. He only ever did it for her. 

"Everything all better?" Cass asked tentatively.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I fully plan on holding for that answer until I find Jason Todd." She leaned against the doorway.

"Just curious, whatever punishment you've got planned... That doesn't apply as much to me, right? After all, I'm repenting." 

She gave him a wry smile. "Help me find him,  _Super-Boy Wonder_  and we'll see about that." 

"I'm never listening to Jason ever again." He scowled.

Cass openly laughed and grabbed Tim by the hand. "Come. Let's ask around and see if we can find out what room our dear brother has escaped to."

They walked by Barbara on their way out and once the door swung shut and it was just the two of them in the men's bathroom, there was a brief pause of awkwardness that hung in the air before she made the executive decision to finish cleaning him up. She couldn't count the amount of times they had to do this for each other or someone else in their twisted little family. Dr. Leslie Thompkins was an expert in training young vigilantes how to stitch each other up and clean up the mess. She was never all that squeamish when it came to blood anyway. She never realized until she was older how useful that would be. 

"I'm sorry." She finally broke the silence as she gently swabbed his neck to remove stray blood that Tim had missed. Dick tried to refrain himself from squirming since the contact tickled. 

"You didn't hit me." He offered. "I'd be a lot worse for wear if you had. Though your Dad does have a mean arm. I can't say I fully blame him, though. Then again, I was kind of hoping he would know me well enough to know I would never in a million years do that to you."

"I am sorry for that." She smiled. "But I'm also sorry for how I've been treating you. It's not fair to you, especially when you were just as implicated in all of this as me."

"I didn't exactly make it easy on you. I proposed."

"And it was a very good proposal, one that would have been very hard to say no to, might I add. No, you have every right to hook up with whoever you want. I have no business standing in your way." She rolled her eyes. "It's just been confusing."

"I know the feeling." He quirked. "I thought you were pregnant with Duke's kid for a second there."

She wrinkled her nose. "He's 18!"

"Jason and Tim had my head spinning, okay?"

"I cannot wait to get my hands on him." She tightened her grip on the wet paper towels, squishing them a little to emphasize her point. "He is going to hear it from me, that's for sure."

"Line forms behind me."

"Do you know what pisses me off more than anything? By the way, I'm disclaiming that you are not allowed to make fun of me either." Her gaze was stern.

"When have I ever teased you?"

"Only every day of our childhood lives together."

"Because I liked you."

"And you don't anymore?" She quipped.

They were good at this. The thinly veiled flirtatious banter was a foundational part of their relationship whether it was platonic, romantic or something in between. It was always laced with this easy conversation that kept them on their toes. It was something they exclusively had with each other. Talking about the fact that he'd proposed to her and it had her emotions dialed to one hundred? Nope. That wasn't happening in the men's room at Bruce's wedding.

He smiled wryly at her. "Go on with your big dark secret, BG. I'm all ears. Zero judgment."

"Why the fuck was it so believable?" She exclaimed. "I mean, is it this dress? Am I _showing_? I know I had a big meal, but I was stress eating. This whole damn day has been one thing after the other and I work out in ways that would make ninjas jealous. I need you to look me in the eyes and be honest with me." 

"No, it's not the dress." He carefully reached out to place his hands on her waist, thumbs rubbing over where clearly defined muscle lay beneath the soft fabric. "You're the hottest girl here and I mean that. I know we're at someone else's wedding and you don't want to upstage anybody, but you are rocking that dress in all the right ways. I swear to God, one of the girls I was hitting on walked away from me, because I couldn't stop drooling at you."

"That probably sounded better in your head." She mused, though she could feel her skin getting hot. "A pro tip would be to leave out the part about the girl you were hitting on."

"Am I detecting some jealousy there?"

"You wish." She snorted. "I'm merely giving some sound advice. No wonder you haven't gotten laid yet."

"Yet?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"Maybe one of those sorry girls will take pity on you if you really want it that badly."

"I don't." He said quietly. "There are some things I do want though."

"Hmm." She felt his pulse quicken. "You must really want that all you can eat buffet."

"You have no idea."

"Got something to say, Elf Wonder?" Her eyes flickered to his suit.

"Oh, no. I'm all talked out, frankly. In fact, I say, we go break up Jason's little rendezvous and then... we dance." His warm hands had absently slipped down to her hips and she felt a chill go down her spine. She leaned down so they were at eye level, resting a hand on both of his thighs. The twinkle in his eyes offset any ruggedness that his new battle wounds gave off.

"Smooth, but what makes you think I'll want to dance with you?"

"I happen to think we dance nicely together." He didn't miss a beat and something along these lines of flirting is actually what led to her going to bed with him weeks ago. Well, it wasn't "bed" so much as it was in the clocktower on the training mats, but flirting, dry spells, and liquid courage moved them along nicely. Now? It felt like speed bump after speed bump, but there was still a part of her that wanted to power full speed ahead.

"I don't know... You're pretty beat up." Her eyes grazed over his suit and the little splotches of blood that stained his collar and shook her head. "You're a mess you know that? Just how many suits are you planning on ruining tonight?"

"That depends." His breath was hot against her face and they were inches apart. "What are you doing later?"

She huffed out a laugh although the blush that crept across her cheeks was not unnoticed. He beamed at her in pride of his comeback and the way it seemed to make her, at least for that split second, speechless. He was always so smug like that when he could get her to blush. She always reasoned that her Irish coloring made this very easy, but that was just an excuse she used on him that never worked. He knew he got under her skin. Water droplets rolled from his hair down his face and she couldn't help but find herself following each down the slope of his chiseled jawline. 

"You're a dork." She moved to stand up, suddenly back with a mission with the lightened feeling of being on better terms with him again. 

He pouted, looking adorably pathetic and tugged her hand back so she was facing him again. "You're not even going to kiss it to make it feel better? I did just get punched in the face from _your_ dad."

He was teasing, participating in the push and pull they expertly occupied, but without even a second's hesitation, leaned all the way in to press a kiss on his nose. For as quick as she moved, he was quicker and suddenly turned his face up to catch her lips in a kiss. She let it happen.

"Very cheeky." She feigned annoyance at the big dopey grin that split his face. She didn't know it, but he was thinking of the first kiss he stole from her when he was Robin and she wouldn't shut up about the condiment king and especially after she kissed him back. 

"I'll tell you what. If you get Jason so we can get some answers, I'll give you that dance."

He stood to his feet so he was taller than her, his pulse picking up pace and before he knew it, he was speaking before he could fully articulate how he was even feeling. "Answers. I like that. Maybe you can give me one too."

She furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"I kind of asked you a big question earlier."

Her eyes sparked in realization and she felt her heart stop in her chest... Or was it pounding harder than ever? Either way, her mouth went dry and her mind went numb.

"You said it was hard to say no to." He said looking at her with such sincerity and warmth. "So don't."

She opened her mouth in disbelief. "Dick..."

Tim and Cass burst through the door with jubilation rolling off of them. "Room 413!" 

Their smiles wore off as it was clear they'd interrupted something of importance, but Barbara still pushed through them with Dick close in tow. The mission was clear and everything else would fall back later. 

God, he could barely breathe. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah Babs, you HAD to fall in love with the one member of the Batfamily that is all about feelings. 
> 
> Next time: the confrontation with Jason ensues...


	16. Rooster Blocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is out there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like it's going to get NSFW but it doesn't quite get there... Just a little suggestive.
> 
> Sorry this took a while to get out! Finals are kicking my butt this week so by the end of it all I'll be around to post more frequently and what not. This chapter is a big one and one that I think a lot of you have been waiting for. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

He knew he'd made the right decision on which girl to hook up with when Tula suggested they go upstairs about 2 minutes into a make out session near the main stage. Wally and the other speedsters tried to make smart remarks and have their fun, but Jason learned how to glare from the best. Truthfully, you couldn't be in the Bat-Family if you didn't know how to stare at someone until they wanted to crawl out of their skin and put miles of distance between you and them. It was a trait all of them took great pride in and in that moment, proved to be very useful to him. Tula seemed to more than enjoy his talents too, of course, and not just of the warding off onlookers variety. 

She'd been more than eager at the idea of a stupid hookup, having earlier claimed that she was the right amount of tipsy and heartbroken to require a one-off for the evening. Jason wondered if words as beautiful and perfect as that even existed in the English language. He highly doubted it, because the fire between the two of them as he pinned her against the wall in the hallway made him feel drunker than he would if he'd done 5 shots. It wasn't so much the feeling of being with Tula, and was sure she felt the same about him, but it was the feeling of being with someone in any capacity. It also helped that he knew deep in his soul that he was going to beat Dick Grayson. He didn't think too strongly on that as he worked his way down her neck, eliciting groans that rumbled against his lips as he trailed down to her collarbone. 

In retrospect, he wasn't sure why he didn't just go over to the Atlantean in the first place. All of them were drop-dead beautiful and a lot less stingy about hooking up than some of the land-dwellers tended to be. He wondered if it had anything to do with how open Arthur and Mera were about their relationship. If he was Arthur, he wouldn't hesitate to share that he was getting regularly laid from Mera. Jason was getting excited just thinking about her. He grounded himself back to the present, never wanting to be the asshole that was directing his attention elsewhere while he was with another woman. Sometimes, it was hard not to, especially after he'd truly broken things off with Kori. For one thing, it was difficult settling on the idea that he was never going to get someone that hot ever again. The larger reason had more to do with the fact that he was suddenly faced with a loneliness and a realization that he wasn't anyone's first choice. He never was and he never would be. Well, except right now. Right now, he was Tula's first choice as a one night stand at his adoptive father's wedding. It was an odd scenery at best, but he didn't give that too much thought either. He was pretty sure Bruce likely had other things on his mind. 

At least one of them had to get laid, right? 

With Babs being pregnant, Dick would never make any moves on any other girls. Also, since she was pregnant and upset her life was spiraling into a different direction, she probably wasn't going to be giving it up either. Not to mention, the kid might not even be Dick's. God, he'd feel sorry for the poor bastard if that was the case. He'd watched the two of them go back and forth for years and if it was all meant to amount to nothing, that would feel like bullshit. Sure, he was excitedly making out with an Atlantean so Dick wouldn't be able to have it all like he always did, but that didn't mean he wanted his brother to lose it all either. Jason didn't want Babs that way and knew how much Dick always would. On any other night, he'd be more than happy to see them work things out.

For now, Tula was in his arms, feeling warm and comforting with her eager nips and swirling tongue. He didn't know why he was having such trouble staying focused. She was absolutely stunning with light brown skin, dark red hair, and eyes that resembled sea glass when they looked at you softly, anyone would be lucky to have her. He'd only have her for about an hour or so, but he was still better off than anyone that would never be able to dream of being so close. He wondered if he should say something like that, but her aggressive ministrations told him that she was all business at the moment. 

She'd skillfully managed to open the door to room 414 without breaking contact with him in the slightest and before long he was being backed into the welcomed darkness of the room. She shoved him on the bed so that he bounced a little bit as he made contact and he just grinned up at her as she slipped off her shoes and climbed on top of him. This was one of the reasons he loved hooking up with other people in his line of work. For one thing, he never had to explain the scars or fear being somehow recognized by voice if he was with someone else that understood the life he led. Another very crucial fact was how he liked to play rough and be manhandled a bit. Of course, he would never do these things if his partner wasn't comfortable with them, but the women that were kicking ass across the world enjoyed a few medals of honor across their skin. He knew he sure as hell liked it.

He smiled against her mouth as they met again, this time with a clearer sense of want a direction as she got right down to business to unbuckle his belt. It took a bit, since the belt that came with the leisure suit was more old-fashioned and had some seaweed from earlier stuck in it. This didn't appear to be too much of an issue for Tula as her nimble hands finally clicked it open and discarded it out of sight, a slight clang of the metal hitting some wooden piece of furniture. 

He never did much talking when he had sex. During one of the Outlaws many late nights, they played truth or dare to pass the time at a stakeout. Long story short, one of the truths discovered was that Dick unsurprisingly talked  _a lot_ during sex. Some of it, according to Kori, was helpful and asking for direction on what she needed. That was fully understandable. On top of that, he made puns, jokes, tried to be cool. It all sounded like a total moment-killer to him and it was a wonder the original Boy Wonder got laid as much as he did. Then again, in a totally different game of truth or dare with the Batfamily, Barbara talked about how some of the worst sex she ever had was when the guy couldn't have fun with it if things went astray from hot and heavy. Stephanie agreed a little too quickly for anyone's comfort and Tim followed up on that, displaying statistics about how women are most likely to achieve orgasm if it doesn't feel intense and like there's a ton of pressure on the idea of finishing. Everyone was pretty grossed out that he had actual charts to back up this claim. Apparently, he'd been in sex-education in school at the time and was extra curious on the matter. He didn't get why the kid just couldn't look up porn like most teenage boys.

He wanted to bang his head against the wall for not being in the moment the way he should be. Why was this so difficult for him? His mind kept drifting to his family, emotional distress, and stupid past relationships. Sex was usually a good gateway from all of that. He wasn't very into drugs and knew the slippery slope of alcohol all too well (though he'd be remiss to say he hadn't found the bottle once or twice after hardships in the past) so its all he had to get away and lose himself in another person's euphoria.

His blood pressure spiked as she began to drag his pants off. Quickly, he sat up and readjusted themselves so he was on top of her. They'd been hot and heavy for a little while now and he was still about as soft as a pretzel at the present moment. He didn't want her to have her feelings hurt if she thought he wasn't attracted to her or anything like that. Instead, he kissed down her body and crawled to the ledge of the bed and settling beneath her dress, determined to force himself into waking up. This was an act that  _always_ drove him crazy and he knew this time wouldn't be any different. Tula didn't resist in the slightest, earnestly helping him get situated between her legs.

* * *

 

Cassandra and Tim (who FINALLY got his pants back on due to Barbara's insistence) were firm on joining since, by their logic, they were the ones who found Jason in the first place and deserved to see the throw-down that was about to ensue. The four of them road the elevator up and it was obvious to all that by the clenching of her fists and the rigidity of her stare ahead, that Barbara was ready to kick ass again. Neither Tim or Cass were sure what happened between she and Dick in the bathroom, but now the oldest Boy Wonder seemed fidgety and flushed while the oldest Batgirl looked like a bottle of pent up emotion and contemplation. Either way, it was an uncharacteristically quiet ride. Cass, who usually appreciated silence, even felt how awkward this seemed to be.

Tim tried to trail back with Dick as the girls walked ahead. Barbara was moving with such purpose, the master key they nabbed from the guy at the front desk dangling between her fingers. She seemed to be in her own world and Dick seemed to be in his and if anyone asked Tim, it didn't even seem like he was even thinking about stopping Jason or winning the bet or anything. He was miles away in his own drama. Was it really drama if he didn't let anyone else in on it, though?

"What's up?" He asked casually.

Dick didn't answer at first, though something in his nervous system must have connected the dots that someone from this realm was, in fact, talking to him. He seemed caught off guard, a look Bats and Birds of their calibers never normally felt. When they did, it was a total blow to the guy somehow.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing."

Tim snorted. "Yeah, okay. You really think we're not noticing the energy between you two right now?"

"We're going to hunt down Jason. What are we supposed to do? Hold hands?"

"I think you would like that." He quipped.

Dick shook his head. "I'm an idiot, that's all."

"She already knows this, though. So, that can't be it." Tim reasoned.

"You have a lot of guts. You jumped out of a cake and hung around in your underwear to avoid facing your stuff with Conner."

"Which you interrupted, by the way."

"And _you_ made me and the woman I... Well, you made me think I was going to be a father with Babs."

"... Fair."

Cassandra and Barbara stalked ahead down the winding halls of the hotel. It was one of those older designs, where nothing was quite linear and there were over a thousand rooms stacking to the very top. Some of the higher rooms still use regular keys, actually.

"You okay?" Cass broke the silence between them.

Barbara was more aware than Dick, but didn't appear like she wanted to talk about it. "I will be."

"This isn't about Jason."

"Maybe not." Her knuckles tightened. "But I am still pissed about that and it would do me a lot of good to get at least one insane doing of a Former Robin all ironed out. It'll give me some semblance of productivity and normality."

"Things not normal?"

"I guess in some sense they are." She huffed. "I shouldn't really be surprised by much at this point."

"But?"

"But Dick Grayson continues to override that."

Cass knew something went down between the two of them and based on their body language alone, it was big. If she didn't know for certain that Barbara wasn't pregnant, she would have thought of that conclusion based on how nervous the two seemed. It couldn't be that they were just talking about getting back together. That might be scary and with more adult implications now, but it wasn't a conversation Barbara would be this apprehensive about having, especially if it was clear the two of them were unknowingly heading in that direction anyway. No, Dick did something. He shifted the currents of their relationship and managed to catch her off guard, which was a feeling no one in their family liked. It was something big enough to frustrate her, but also had to be a choice, because the gears were clearly turning in her head. 

So, Dick had obviously asked her to marry him. Silly, sweet, dumb boy. They just recover from a pregnancy scare (albeit, a very unique kind of pregnancy scare) and he decides to throw that on the table when the two weren't even dating and Dick had been trying to hook up with other women all night. In what world was that going to be a feasible option? Sure, she loved her brother and his intentions were always pure as was his heart, but he could be incredibly dense and misguided at times too. Barbara, on the other hand, was too logical for her own good at times and this in combination with Dick's obtuseness, was a deadly combination of destruction for the couple. Still, Cass wanted them to end up together as everyone in their family did. It was an obvious choice to outsiders, but they always found way to either screw it up themselves or let an outside force do that.

She wasn't a gossip like the others. This truth wouldn't leave her mind unless Barbara outright told her to spread the news. She would never tell her to do that either. They were all pretty funny about their privacy. 

They approached room 413 as Tim's intel provided and Barbara didn't even knock.

"Uh, what if you walk in on them having sex?" Tim blurted out before she took the keycard out.

"Something tells me they're going to be the disturbed ones here, not us."

"Poor Tula." Dick muttered. "And poor Kaldu'r, actually."

She pushed the door open and walked into the throws of passion, all right, but it was not Jason and Tula tangled in the sheets of the California king size bed. No, it was none other than Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy locked into a position that didn't even look humanly possible for two people that didn't have stretchy skin or limbs. Some of Ivy's vines were being implemented and all could see they were doing unspeakable things to Harley as per (loudly) demanded from the blonde. They barely even stopped as the four intruders stood in horror and shock.

"You two are..." Tim babbled.

"The more the merrier!" Harley chirped as if she welcoming them for a dinner party and not a whole different kind of eating.

"What are you doing here?" Ivy seemed a little more bothered that their night was interrupted.

"Uh... Wrong room, sorry!" Barbara squeaked before they all rushed out and slammed the door behind them.

All tension from earlier temporarily washed away as they all stood with eyes blown in wide circles. Cassandra was the only one who didn't appear the least bit shocked and this perplexed the other three.

"You knew?" Dick asked.

"You guys didn't?" 

"No!" Tim supplied, annoyed that he didn't figure it out sooner. After all, he was supposed to be the best detective.

"Were Ivy's vines... Uh, was Harley having sex with-"

"-Yep." She finished quickly. "She was, indeed."

"Knowing Ivy, thorns were involved." Dick shivered. 

"I... Uh... I guess it makes sense." Barbara stammered. "I thought Ivy was just helping her get over Joker as a friend, but evidently she's doing that as a friend with benefits."

"That is usually the best way to get over someone." He nodded.

She cast him a sideways glance that said something along the lines of: _"Well yeah, but that doesn't mean you need to get under EVERYONE else and then confusingly propose to me."_

She closed her mouth before she could think to say anything when they heard a lone series of moans coming from the room across from them.

"413, huh?" She flicked Tim in the ear.

"Hey, I was at a press for time! I didn't see you two doing anything to find him. You were too busy-"

Cassandra elbowed him to prevent saying anything that was ignite a conversation Tim didn't know was at the brink of exploding into reality. They came up here for a reason and now it was wise to follow through with that.

* * *

 

Jason knew he was doing some of his best work, not just because the next few rooms could hear the rounds of applause he was receiving as he performed, but because it was as if she were an instrument and he could feel himself playing the perfect complicated chord progressions including rhythm, finger placement, and fluidity. It was just like anything else. Off night could be heard and felt both physically and deep inside, but this was not one of them. He smiled against her as he knew he was doing well for himself and for her. 

By the time she finished, and it hadn't taken too much longer than a few minutes of play through to get her to that point, Jason successfully fixed his own southern situation and was more than ready to receive what he considered to be well-earned accolades. Something told him that by the way she was gasping for air and staring at the ceiling, that she was not currently thinking of Kaldu'r.

"Get up here." She ordered through shaky breaths and he did as he was told, trying to shake his pants off as he moved to free himself from their confines.

"You are very good at that." She breathed in cool air. 

"I know." He said coarsely and began kissing up her neck again.

She didn't get to respond before the door to their private paradise crashed open. And by crash, he did mean crash. The blinding light was difficult to settle on just who their invaders were, but he sprung to his feet in the quick movement to defend the two of them. He was met with a familiar tactic of transference of force and that thought hadn't unfortunately dawned on him until his back slammed the floor with one of his own knees pressed to his throat. Looking back at him were the steely green eyes of a very angry Barbara Gordon. Behind her, was a stern Dick Grayson and the very curious Tim Drake and Cassandra Cain.

Barbara flashed him a terrifyingly wide smile that showed off her array of perfect white teeth. His brain forced him to flicker to pictures he'd seen of her with braces and he couldn't help but wonder how she was the only person in their entire group that ever had them. Then again, she had the best teeth now, maybe tied with the ever-lucky Dick, and it did its purpose. 

"What the fuck?" The initial shock of being bombarded had worn off and he was just plain pissed off now. He could feel his erection against her leg and by the way she moved to evade it as well as the look of disgust that crossed her face, she knew it was there too. This was not what he meant by wanting to play rough. He wanted sexytimes roughness, not his big-sister-kicking-his-ass-for-reasons-unknown kind of roughness. He knew this had to do with Dick. He doubted he told her about the bet, which Jason was saving for potential leverage if need be, but somehow the Golden Boy had managed to convince Barbie to be pissed at him enough to take him down just before he could claim victory.

"You know what." 

"What is going on?" Tula had wrapped herself in a sheet for protection.

"Probably pregnancy hormones." He said it without thinking, because regardless of circumstance, it was the worst possible answer. Dick wore that look all over his face as he shook his head with arms crossed. What was his excuse? He wasn't pregnant. Leave it to him to already take on all the sympathy symptoms involved with pregnancy. He always was the sensitive one, after all.

If the next nine months or so months were going to be anything like this moment, Jason decided he was going to move away and come back when the baby was born and she was too tired to use him as a human punching bag. She kneed him in the groin and he groaned in pain. No one moved to help him, because even Tula was scowling at his response.

"Dick looks mad too." He breathed. "Guess it wasn't his huh?"

Dick tensed, but allowed Barbara to bend his arm in an unnatural way as form of punishment for the comment.

"Or it is!" He relinquished and she released his arm. He felt like a kid on the playground. "Is this your way of fishing for a congratulations?"

"Sorry, but we're going to have to borrow him." The redhead said through gritted teeth and without breaking her gaze from Jason. Tula didn't appear like she was going to object at this point. It did seem like serious family affairs that were not to be interrupted. She always knew the bats were close, but this meant they were the most likely to hurt each other and when they did, watch out.

She moved to get up and yanked him to his feet before dragging him by the ear out the door and past the other three. He knew at this point that it was probably best to shutup and take whatever was coming for him. He was sure there was likely a reason. Barbara Gordon didn't do anything without sound reason. She wasn't like the rest of them. She wasn't spontaneous in the way they all were. She calculated and processed before making any hasty decisions. She was generally forgiving when it came to her loved ones, but could be the most scornful person on the planet if she wanted to. 

"Ow ow ow." He whined the whole way out.

"Sorry again, Tula." Dick smiled weakly as he grabbed the door handle. "It's family stuff."

"I get it... Kind of." She answered awkwardly. "Good luck with the baby."

He opened his mouth to correct her, but just nodded and shut the door behind him. 

Barbara slammed him against the wall, grabbed him tightly by the frills of his shirt. He was positive this looked ridiculous from an outsider's perspective.

"Just saying, I'm both scared and aroused right now." 

She wrinkled her nose in disgust and was sure to keep him pinned without pressing anywhere near that specific region. 

"I claim subterfuge!" He pointed at Dick, who didn't look at all amused by the accusation. "You interrupted a good thing in there. That's cheating!"

He knew good and well that technically no rules were drawn out, but it couldn't hurt to try. Maybe he was playing his hand with the bet thing a little too early, but it was obvious he had to defer the conversation elsewhere for now. Otherwise, it really looked like Barbara could kill him in that moment. She stood about 8 inches shorter than him at 5"6 and certainly didn't stack up in the means of muscle mass, but her stealth, quick thinking, and hand-to-hand tactics made her a worthy match, particularly if he was unarmed. 

"Shut up, Jay." Was all he got out of him and he was slightly disappointed by this. Maybe the kid really wasn't his.

"No! There has to be some rule to all of this. Give up or I start talking!"

"I don't care about that right now." He groaned. "I don't! I care that you've been a selfish prick all night."

"Me? You sent her after me so-"

"-Nobody sent me anywhere." She directed her attention back to him. "You told the whole damn world that I'm pregnant."

"That's what this is about? Seriously? Why isn't Tim being tortured too?"

"Thanks for looking out." He mumbled.

"Because he's endured enough embarrassment for one day." Dick said. "You, on the other hand, are the instigator behind all of this."

"All of what? I'm sorry you two are pissy that I unleashed your good news to the world. You never exactly struck me as the type that would be digging for people's reactions when you told them, Barbie."

"I'm not." Her grip tightened.

"Okay, so why are your maternity panties all in a bunch? Mostly everyone is happy for you! I think some of the exes and slew of people Dick tried to fuck were a little upset, but all in all, pretty positive results. I certainly yielded some great responses with the announcement that I was going to be a proud uncle soon. Sure, I might have milked it a bit, but who cares? Its still happening and so what if I get a little something-something out of the deal? It doesn't change the fact that you're having a kid, Dick may or not be the father of such a kid, and I can be its favorite uncle and use that privilege to reel in the girls."

"Yeah, just one little issue with your fairy tale resolution."

"The fact that I am not, in fact, getting laid after all?"

"You didn't tell me."

"What?"

"I'm not pregnant."

His smirk dropped from his face altogether.

"Come again?"

"I am not pregnant."

"... You're sure?"

"She's not pregnant, dude!" Dick interjected, face red in frustration and a mix of other emotions. "Trust me."

"I don't see why you're upset!" He snapped. "This is good news for you."

"You can't be serious."

"Unless you want Barbie to have your babies..."

"So not the time." 

"Well, yeah, we're all still standing here. At least get a room-" 

"I was convinced I'd be a father to my ex-girlfriend's child, then its flipped to being someone else's child, next I'm rushing to make a big romantic gesture ensuring I'll always be there no matter what the outcome, only to be told I'm not having a kid and that it was all some big and stupid misunderstanding formed by you two idiots. Then, to top it all off, I get sucker-punched by her Dad, who thought I was abandoning her while pregnant."

He shook his head. "She has to be!"

"Are you deaf?" She asked.

"But the test." He said in shock.

"The pregnancy test you guys looted in the trashcan for." She rolled her eyes and released Jason for the moment. In his shocked state, he didn't appear to be keen on running off. 

"Maybe it was someone else's?" Tim walked around Dick and stood next to Jason to try and reason with him. He'd been racking it over in his brain and considering the possibilities, it still seemed like Barbara was showing the most likely traits of pregnancy, but that didn't make much sense. Someone who was really pregnant and didn't want anyone to know it wouldn't be so overt about it. Rarely, in mysteries, was it ever the open and obvious choice. There was always a red herring. In this case, she was literally red with both anger and in hair color.

"Everyone else was eliminated!" He barked and flashed back to Barbara. "You're 100%-"

"-I swear to God, Jason Todd, if you finish that sentence, I will break all your fingers right now."

"So the test was not yours?"

"Oh my God." She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked to Dick. "Do you want to say it in Romanian?"

He paused and then went on. "Nu este însărcinată."

Tim furrowed his brow. "I didn't know you could speak Romanian. How didn't I know that? Babs, how did you know that?"

Dick rarely spoke the language despite having been taught it simultaneous to English as a little boy growing up. He wasn't as good as he should be at it, as someone that spoke it fairly regularly, but he wasn't bad considering it rarely left his lips. He dreamed in it sometimes and would even talk in his sleep occasionally in the language. Few knew about it. One of the instances he pulled it out was in bed, particularly with her since she liked hearing him speak softly in the romance language. Her skin prickled a bit with heat at the thought of it now.

"Uh, not the point." She blushed. "Anyway, the point is, I am not, nor have I ever been, pregnant."

"But what Selina said about you being ready for motherhood."

"That..." She forced herself to remember. "Was weird, but I'm guessing she was just saying that since I was babysitting you guys."

"And you haven't been drinking." Tim supplied.

"I'm the designated driver tonight, remember dummies? I drew the short straw forever ago."

"I cheated at that, by the way." Jason winced.

"Great." 

"But you ate that big meal!"

"I WAS HUNGRY! I knew you were vetting me somehow."

"Just to clarify, you're not sleeping with Duke."

"I will vomit on you."

"Fair. Damn, this sucks. Now its back to square one." Jason sighed.

"Regardless of who the hell is pregnant, it was none of your business to intervene!" She placed her hands on her hips. 

"I know we have a history of uncovering information in unorthodox ways, but that's for criminals and suspects only or people who are at risk of hurting themselves or other." Dick crossed his arms where he stood beside her.

"And its not a crime to get pregnant!" She chided. 

"Nor is it a crime to keep it on the down-low if she wishes."

"What if it wasn't me? What if it was Harley and you set her off into some kind of crazy rampage to try and win Joker back?"

"You've got to realize there are consequences to your actions."

"Jesus, we get the point, _Mom and Dad_." Jason drawled. "But you're trying to tell me you two aren't the least bit curious?"

"As long as she isn't in any imminent danger, it doesn't matter what we think." She reasoned.

"You were all for spying when Bruce and Talia were in the limo."

"That was different." She pointed out. "That was life or death."

"Speaking of, that's going to be a hot mess to be dealt with later." Dick sighed.

She nodded in agreement before continuing on. "Besides, why didn't you guys just think to ask?"

"I didn't want to be rude!"

"So you spread rumors and get people's emotions dialed up to 100 instead? And then proceed to disappear to get tail?"

"It sounds really bad when you say it." 

"It is pretty bad." Tim muttered. "I'm sorry, guys."

"Yeah, me too." He sighed. "God damn, well, I guess we have to worry about people breaking into Selina's place or something."

"Why do you say that?" Barbara asked.

"Because that's the only way its someone else's pregnancy test."

"The only options were you, Cass-"

"-It is not me." Cass said firmly.

"Well, duh." Barbara rolled her eyes. "You don't have sex, right?"

"No longer."

"And that's okay." She rubbed her arm and then looked to the boys. "Go on."

"Steph, Harley, Ivy, and Selina."

"Harley is completely infertile." Jason supplied. "And you've made it perfectly clear it isn't you."

"Right."

"And Ivy doesn't have kids the same way we do so therefore she wouldn't be taking a pregnancy test."

"Plus, I think we confirmed a longstanding theory tonight that even if she did, she wouldn't be getting pregnant by the sex she's having." Dick said.

"Steph's on her period judging by the tampons she's clinging to earlier and Selina has been throwing back vodka on the-"

"-Wait." Cass stopped him, a cold sort of realization prickling down her spine. "Tampons?"

"Earlier, a bunch of tampons and pads went flying out of her bag and-"

"Those weren't hers." Cass said adamently. "They were mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, the secret's out! I know a lot of you wanted it to be Dick/Babs or Bruce/Selina, but rest assured, I do have something for fans of either (or both) of those couples that I think will have you all walking away quite happy. Just bear with me for the rest of this ride. Thank you guys, as always, for the wonderful feedback and comments. I love them and appreciate your support and reading this fun story. You guys rock!!


	17. A Matter of Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some choices are good and some are bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A storm is coming guys, but this chapter is necessary before that storm hits.

Stephanie pressed "ignore" for about the 50th time on her phone. This time, it was Tim calling, but there was several texts and calls from the others as well. Evidently, the secret was out in the open. It was unrealistic to think a family of detectives would be unable to connect the dots eventually. She cursed herself for being so rash as to take a pregnancy test while getting ready for a wedding at Selina's place. For some reason, she couldn't wait any longer. She was late and pushed it off long enough and hoped that if it was a false alarm, she could drink to that at the wedding unbeknownst to anyone else. 

"So much for that." A breathy laugh escaped her and a soft froth of cold air surrounded her. It was so blazing hot inside the hall that the chill of late fall didn't bother her in the slightest. 

She felt guilty for letting Barbara take the fall of accidental pregnancy for the evening, but even with all of the recurrent drama of whether or not Dick Grayson was the father, it was still better than word of a 17 year old being classically pregnant with a dead beat, one night stand's child. It was cliche and ridiculous. She was so close to owning up when Jason first brought up the fact that he knew someone was pregnant. It was on the tip of her tongue to just come clean when he told her Barbara was pregnant. She just hoped it would calm down and everyone would respect the fact that it was Bruce and Selina's day and to deal with this drama at another time. When Commissioner Gordon socked Dick in the face, she realized it was too late for that and couldn't bear to be around for anything else.

How had it gotten so far? It was Jason and Tim's fault no doubt. Why did everyone in their family have to be so damn nosy? Better yet, why did they have to yield such strong results? She did her best to try and delay them with tricking Tim to burst out of that cake (it was also a bit of sweet revenge), but they continued on with the investigation. She also hoped that setting Jason up with Tula would distract any attention away from the mystery, but that didn't work either.

She was ashamed it happened almost immediately after she left his apartment. She didn't even know his name, but she didn't have to to know he was no good. Still, poor-decision making apparently ran in the family and she found herself falling into the footsteps of her mother after one weak moment. She hated it. She hated herself. 

It was after yet another disappointing night with her father. He resurfaced after months of being out of the country, hiding away from the law and avoiding paying for his crimes. She thought he'd changed. Maybe for a brief time, he thought he did too. She couldn't fault him for that. He was damn convincing when he wanted to be. But alas, he once again fell into the wrong people, voluntarily, she might add. Cluemaster was not an entirely evil man, but he was a weak one. He was greedy, selfish, and disappointing. He also had a tendency to drag everyone else down around him. Her mother fell for it every time and got lost in her own inner demons. Neither were brave enough to give it up for Stephanie.

She caught him, of course, with the rest of the Bats. It made the papers that Cluemaster was actually thrown in Arkham by his own daughter, Spoiler. She thought about changing her alias to try and distance herself from him. Some would love to revel in the successes of their past, but to her, it was just a reminder what a failure her family was. Her mother was once a good woman with good morals, but was poisoned by Cluemaster and fell into his game and charms. It was easy. She wished she couldn't blame her for it, but she consistently chose him over her. And that, after years of continuously being let down, was too hard to let go.

After he was cuffed and sent away in the back of Gordon's police car, Bruce attempted his own means of comforting her with complete silence and a firm pat on the shoulder. It was nicer than arguing or disagreeing with him and considering the source, was a lot more emotional expression than normally given. The others offered their own signs of support. Tim asked her if she needed anything, Cass inquired if she wanted to spar, Damian gave her a knowing nod and bit back the usual stream of insults, Dick gave her a big hug, Alfred said he made a batch of her favorite cookies, Babs made her promise she would sleep over her apartment, and Jason invited her to a dive bar on the edge of town that didn't card. When everyone else left, she ended up taking that offer.

It turns out, "yes" would be her famous last words.

It wasn't Jason's fault in the least bit. They have a good enough time. He helped her forget about the day and simultaneously kept her from getting too drunk. She was positive her drinks were being watered down. He was all talk about being a hardass, at least with women. She made him think she was going to Babs' apartment after her third shot. He even walked her there to be sure. After all, they were in a terrible part of town and even though she was more than capable of taking down the typical mugger, Gotham was a breeding ground for a new kind of evil. 

She thanked him and waved him off as she watched him fling off to another building via grappling hook. It was here, she hesitated. She knew him as well as someone could know someone without a name. He used to go to high school with her before he dropped out to sell and presumably do drugs. Sophomore year, he used to meander at the back of the cafeteria and sell pot to 8th graders. Sometimes, she considered ratting on him, but back then, she had her full focus set on busting her father. They barely crossed paths aside from catching the occasional gaze. He had the most beautiful hazel eyes despite his otherwise dingy exterior. With a decent haircut and a better wardrobe, he would borderline on attractive.

When she saw him tending bar that night, she didn't think much of it until he addressed her. They went back and forth for a bit before he accused her of having daddy issues. She proceeded to throw a drink in his face and he just laughed. He said he liked her gall. She told him to go to hell. Even though he talked to her like she was dirt, in that way she told herself she would never be treated, she found herself foolishly wanting to impress him. 

His name was Ryder. He hopped from town to town picking up whatever cover jobs he could so he could transport drugs. He was leaving Gotham tonight for good. It seemed almost too perfect. He seemed redeemable enough with a tragic parental past, kind eyes, and the occasional smile, but it was offset by his tendency to brag about wrongdoings and sprinkling of accusatory insults about her past. She could feel he was trying to figure her out. She knew guys like this. Instead of flirting, they tried to make her feel bad enough to divulge information about herself. She wasn't that drunk. 

_"What are you trying to do, rob me? Get my social. You're asking way too many questions for a guy in a bar."_

_He looked at her with an overexercised amount of carelessness. She wondered what caused him to sell his soul and it killed her that she cared. Maybe that's what made her better: that she even cared at all._

Jason was wise to steer her away from him or any lurking guy, but she found herself catching his gaze. It was like he was looking through her. 

As the night grew late and they were getting ready to leave, Ryder bought her one last drink and had his number scrawled on the napkin that she discretely hid from Jason. At that moment, she wasn't sure she was ever going to call. In fact, she kept it as some weird sense of pride that she'd obviously won him over despite all of the flaws he seemed to have with her. He pulled them all out of the woodwork, but his observations were weak at best. She spent too much time deducing people's intentions to be offended by any of the leaps he took. He thought she was spoiled, shallow, and rode on easy street. One vague explanation about a deadbeat dad and a drug-addict mother that often neglected her and that theory was disproved. He then presumed to accuse her of being damaged goods. She didn't talk about being Spoiler, because duh, but she brushed him off easily about that and turned it right back on him. He seemed to like that.

It wasn't until Jason and she were halfway over to Babs' that she realized she was going to use that number a whole lot sooner than she expected. Anything was sooner than never, though. As they hopped rooftops, they leapt past her old neighborhood. On the corner, there was a woman in a short cocktail dress and was beckoning to men all around her. Even from the aerial view, Stephanie knew that wasn't just any woman. It was her mother and suddenly, she needed a whole lot more than just a drink. Jason commented that she was unusually quiet on the way home, but logically assumed it was due to exhaustion. 

So, she let him go and stood outside Babs' bedroom window on the fire escape. Little to Jason's knowledge, she texted Babs a little while ago that she would was staying with Jason instead. When she was certain Jason was far gone, she dialed the number on the napkin.

_"I knew you'd call."_

_"And why is that?"_

_"Loneliness loves company."_

_"That's misery."_

_"Nah, misery just wants to fuck company. The question is: are you miserable or lonely?"_

Turns out, she was miserable. 

And now she was pregnant.

But, who was she to keep people waiting? They were all about eccentricities. She paraded around in bright purple at night and said corny catchphrases to bad guys. The painful thought of giving that up gutted her. Everyone would surely judge her either way so it wasn't about that. It was about having to answer the unsaid questions about  _how_ she ended up just like her mom when she'd been trying painfully hard to avoid that fate or  _why_ she went home with him? Moments later, she regretted it. She'd had sex before that time. That was nothing more than the empty, cold, and truly miserable romp that gave her ease of mind for about 30 seconds. When the dust settled, she was left with this feeling that she sold her soul to the devil. He hadn't even taken her to his place. It was someone who was out of town that he knew. When they finished, he told her she was bad at sex and could stand to lose a pound or two. Suddenly, his eyes resembled that of the devil and she truly understood what he meant by "misery fucks company", because miserable people don't care at all about the company they share or the lives that brush against theirs. They don't care. They suck everything dry from them and that's it. What little she had to give that night was gone.

She never went home or anywhere. She just left and roamed the streets of Gotham until the sun rose. She'd made a choice, even if she wasn't aware how big of one it really was and she would have to make another later down the line.

She turned to go back inside, shame on her sleeve, and tried to open the back door to the hotel. 

Locked.

And she swore she heard mass screams on the other side that did not sound like merriment. 

* * *

 

 

Damian always prided himself on his acute senses. Yes, he'd been trained from birth to constantly be on high alert, but it was a skill he was naturally born with. Otherwise, he wouldn't have advanced past any of his peers in the league. He wouldn't have been deemed worthy of the heir to the demon's head. He certainly wouldn't have been worthy of rejecting such a title and opting for that of the Bat instead. Even while asleep, he was always ready for an attack. Grayson would occasionally comment about how he needed to learn how to relax and be a kid every once in a while, but he always scoffed at his eldest brother. He appreciated the concern, but did not need it. He knew better than to let his guard down. Such a practice got Grayson's heart broken several times over. That being said, it didn't seem he was going to stop anytime soon, so it only made sense he wised up and at least choose to be with Gordon again and did it right. Damian knew that he, on the other hand, would never fall into the trap of love so easily. He would be too ready for the other shoe to drop.

It was this talent that saved his life that night.

Somehow, deep in the REM state of his alcohol-induced sleep, he could practically feel, neigh,  _taste_ , the sensation of cold metal as it made contact with his throat. Before it could remotely touch him, he awoke, but gave no indication of this. Many of his teachings in the past taught the prospect of surprise. The element of surprise is the deadliest tool one can possess, but even deadlier is allowing your enemy to believe they are the ones holding all the cards of shock value. He listened for every slight movement from the slight rustle of a leg brushing against his bedspread, to the distinct sound of a blade being drawn from its sheath. From the mere sounds of it, this was no run of the mill sword forged from any basic elements. This was the work of a high-end blacksmith that constructed only the finest weaponry in the world for the most elusive organization in the world. 

The League of Assassins was back and were trying to kill him.

 _"Impossible."_ He thought.  _"Mother has made many questionable parental choices, but she loves me. She would never have me murdered. Even if she did, she respects my talents and my skills enough to face me head on with my full consciousness. This is something else."_  

The assailant most certainly worked for the League, but wasn't under any hire from his mother. This person was going rogue.

Deciding his attempted murderer was getting far too close for comfort, based solely on the movements around him, he took his move and grasped the sword he carefully positioned under his pillow and swiftly sprung to his feet, clashing blades with his unwelcome guest. As his eyes flew open and he allowed himself to take a visual intake of the situation at hand. Very rarely was he ever surprised, even when he was under attack, he usually saw it coming to some extent. However, when he met the eyes of his Aunt Nyssa, he was, to his own distress, taken off guard.

"Nephew." She spat and then lowered her blade. "Despite our past differences, this is not what it looks like."

"How cliche." He could hear the malice in his own words, but prided himself on the speed at which he recovered from his surprise and flung himself into battle with her. He was never quick to trust anyone from his mother's side of the family. Then again, he wasn't quick to trust anyone. However, he knew his aunt to be remarkable in the ways of combat and it was obvious she was holding back and playing solely a defensive position to his attacks. It frustrated him how she deflected him with such ease. He hadn't seen her in a couple of years and hoped he'd overpower her by now. Perhaps, he needed to hit puberty before such a feat could be achieved.

"I mean it, Damian. If I wanted to strike you down, don't you think I would have done it by now?" She asked as she blocked him. 

He glanced towards the rumpled bed next to his and felt an overwhelming sense of fear. "Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Pennyworth. Where. Is. He?" He found his movements becoming increasingly more reckless and with less abandon. HIs footing was weakening and he was blindly thrashing at this point, completely lacking the composure he'd spent years building and nourishing under his father's training. It was almost like an existential moment. He could see himself almost out of body as he made all of the wrong moves and acted on impulse instead of thought. He was a child. This was the way his family made him feel: childish and unworthy. He remembered the days where all he wanted was to return to the League, during a time when that was the only definition of "home" that he knew. He learned, along with many humbling lessons, that it was anything but what a home was supposed to be. The sheer idea of having Pennyworth, who admittedly helped make Gotham more of a home than anything he'd ever known, in danger had all of his emotions dialed to 100.

And it showed.

"Oh, you mean the old man? He's fine. Judging by the reaction, though, he would make fine leverage. Haven't you learned better than to expose your weaknesses so easily? Better yet, haven't you learned the danger of such emotional attachments?"

 _Clang_.

Their swords collided in a draw. He tried to his fullest capacity to maintain control of the situation. She was still bigger than him, so he had to use her own size against her. It was better to let gravity do its thing in a standoff as this, but Nyssa was not a typical opponent. 

"What are you here for?" 

"I am here to stop your mother."

"She is not here." He struggled as he managed to break free from the hold and give space between them; space she quickly occupied, of course, but it still bought him a nanosecond to gather his composure. 

"Did you really think she was about to relinquish your father that easily? You and I both know how obsessive she gets."

"Do not speak ill of her. She is your superior and you will bow to her one day."

"And will you, Damian?" She caught the hilt of his sword, knocking it across the room. A knowing smile crossed her face as she lowered her own blade. She didn't need to taunt him about winning the match. The look in her eyes and the shame that accompanied it did all the work for her. He breathed heavily as he stared at her, the sudden realization that he had an absolutely throbbing headache thudding at his temples. He hadn't been struck in the head nor was he poisoned, so why did his head hurt so bad? It made his stomach ache.

"Will you bow to her one day and pledge yourself as the next heir? Or will you continue the senseless frolicking through a city that can't be saved while dressed in bright red tights? Are you going to face the reality of this impossible world and expunge them of their evil ways or will you continue to delude yourself into thinking that what you and your ridiculous motley crew actually make progress? Because from what I'm seeing, you're no Demon's Head."

He breathed. "A few years ago, I would have smote you for saying such a thing."

"You would have tried." Her smile was wicked now. "There's a key difference."

"But now, I do not agree with the ways of the League. Maybe I am not a perfect fit here and maybe I do not always think you can save people, but I have seen up close the ways of the Batman and what he inspires. It is far greater than anything Grandfather has ever done with fear. I respect him and his methods, but I do not wish to make them my own. I will likely not be just like my father either, but I hope to at least be half as much like him."

"Fool." She said quietly. "But your foolishness spares you your life."

He furrowed his brow. "Why?"

"Because you are no threat to me." She smiled. "You are no threat to my claiming the role of Demon's Head."

"You are not first born and Grandfather still lives on."

"Right and wrong, my naive nephew." She ran a gloved finger along the tip of her sword, appreciating the glimmer of drawn blood on the silver in the dim hotel lighting. 

"You killed Ra's Al Ghul?"

"Wrong again." She laughed. It was not unknown that Nyssa hated her father with great passion. Nyssa was the younger of the two sisters and was treated as a backup to Talia and remained in the shadows her entire life. Damian rarely even saw her outside of sparring practice, which he witnessed several times his Grandfather being exceptionally harder on her than anyone else on the field. It was disheartening, but that was her place. She resented him for it, but was likely the best combat warrior amongst them. It was easy to understand the means of which she could kill him and why. 

"Your mother saw to that." She nodded and while she was being honest, she didn't bother to show remorse. 

Ra's Al Ghul, dead, and nobody knew. It all made sense now. It was now time for an heir to the throne. Father was wrong. They didn't have all the time they thought. Sure, Wayne Enterprise's funds were safe and in the unknowing care of each member of the Batfamily, but Batman was not safe. Damian was not old enough to take hold of the position of Batman and place his mother in the position of having to drop the decree on the grounds that she wouldn't (and couldn't) marry/kill her own son. He had been banking on the fact that Ra's would want to continue living on forever despite his approval of Bruce as the heir. Talia wished to marry him and begin their reign. What didn't make sense was that this was all supposed to weigh on whenever Selina Kyle died and it was under oath that no League involvement could be responsible. His mother was cunning, though, and almost always got her way. Father was bright too, though, and rarely was ever outfoxed. Then again, the only person to truly outfox him was his mother when she got pregnant with Damian. 

"My... My mother killed her own father?"

"To be fair, it was not her original intent. I'm sure she planned on allowing Ra's to keep the throne until you were old enough to make a choice about accepting it yourself. She's always been ungrateful and truthfully, has never truly deserved to be the heir. She knows this better than anybody. Ra's knew this too and wanted Bruce Wayne to be his successor perhaps even more than Talia wanted him for herself. He knew that the only way this plan would be thrust into motion was if the current Demon's Head met his demise."

This would cause a scramble for the throne, a full-blown war, if not properly contained. Damian remembered learning this from his mother around age 9, shortly after he made his first kill. He had to be ruthless and demanding to claim what rightfully belonged to him. Then, mother had a change of heart shortly after she witnessed Damian fighting. He always interpreted this as her seeing he was ill-fit and weaker than she wanted. Perhaps, it was more than that. That was when she sent him away to be with his father. 

"He challenged her to a duel." He said in awe. "He threw the fight."

"He thought she was weak and soft for allowing such events to take place over the good of the Demon's Head. Your mother was settled on waiting it out, waiting for her time in the sun, if you will. She knew when Selina Kyle would die if the state of affairs remained unaltered, but with the death of her father, this was no longer good enough. And yes, this all happened today. If you thought you've had a busy 24 hours, consider my place. I refuse to bow to my  _inferior_ sister and allow her to take an outsider as leader of our people. He is rich trash and is not worthy to sit where my father sat. No matter how much I despised him, I respected him all the same."

"Mother is here."

"A storm is coming, Damian Wayne, and you'll need my help whether you want it or not."

He considered this. In reality, what was happening was actually everything he'd ever wanted. Mother was fighting for his father and a life with them. She was likely bringing in hundreds of bloodthirsty assassins to help take on the masses. It would be the League of Assassins vs the Justice League, a showdown that would be marked in history books. Mother was showing signs of her old, passionate self. She was acting on her father's will in claiming Bruce Wayne as rightful heir and as her husband again. Damian would go with them and it would be the three of them protecting the world and ridding it of the poison that contaminated it. Surely, father would remove the ideals of killing from the League, a practice that was primitive at this point and unnecessarily barbaric considering they pledged ultimate peace. He would make the world better and do more good. Nyssa wouldn't likely have such a humanitarian approach to her rule. Besides, this would mean she would have to strike down his own mother. The choice should be obvious.

But father would not be happy.

Earlier that day, Damian might have spat in his aunt's face at the notion that he would assist her in betraying his own mother. However, as he walked over to the window and looked out at what was likely several well-hidden assassins casing the hotel, he racked his brain over the numerous sacrifices his father made to protect the world. He'd pushed off happiness and the benefits surrounding it and committed himself to a life of despair for far too long. He thought about how much he was sounding like Grayson in thinking about putting happiness before the wellbeing of the earth. It was logical. It should have been easy.

Gordon's words about Damian possibly putting his own happiness above everyone else's also rung through his ears. In choosing to submit his father to a life of unwilling leadership along with a nonconsensual relationship between his mother and him, he was placing his own ideals above all else. Besides, his mother was going against her word. Perhaps her original intent was to wait it out until Selina Kyle died, but she was executing a plan now. She was ready to strike. 

And no one was ready.

He closed his eyes, said a silent goodbye to any of the dreams he had of him, his father, and his mother all attacking a multitude of murderous ninjas as a functioning family unit, and turned to face his expectant aunt. To her, only a few seconds had passed, but she would never know what kind of internal struggle he just faced.

"I'll help. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"Give me back my butler."


	18. B-Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talia thinks she has it all figured out.

It was 2 am and the party showed no signs of stopping. Bruce had accounted for this possibility long before when he effectively paid extra to hold the space for 24 hours, which included the room block that everyone would be staying under. To be fair, he owned a share of the hotel and they likely would have done it anyway, but he wanted to go about it in an official way. Something told him the damage that this group of people could bring was larger than the $100 incidental hold they typically took upon checkin. Some of the Lanterns (which Bruce honestly questioned why he invited most of them) had already put a hole in one of the walls when trying to drunkenly outdo each other in a contest only known to them. At least he knew that much about his team. There weren't any ridiculous competitions going on amongst his children. 

They were all good. Not perfect, but intrinsically good with their own defining features of goodness.

God, maybe he had a bit too much to drink this evening. He never used the word "goodness", not even in a stream of thought. 

He stole another glance at Selina in shock that she was his and he was hers. It was hard to believe that after all this time, they got there. There was still farther to go, as she explained to him that night, but they hopped higher hurdles. Sometimes, they simply broke the obstacles in their way. It was never easy, as nothing in their lives would ever be, but it was worth it. For once, he allowed himself to dream and to be happy. He knew they would have a dark future to face as a result of his past and the promises he made today. She knew this now too and while she certainly stood with a little less confidence in the future, she was still captivating and empowering and determined to be with him. That, in and of itself, should be enough for him. He needed to set an example for his kids. He didn't want them to wait as long as he did.

Speaking of the kids, as he glanced around, he realized none of them were in sight. Perhaps Dick was still getting his nose cleaned up and Damian was definitely in bed, but that didn't explain the absences of the others. Despite the fact that they were probably under the safest protection known to man, he still felt that familiar dread spike up. It was the kind that only a guardian could fully understand. He felt it numerous times a year with how often their lives were put on the line, sometimes even by him. There were times he wondered how different their lives would have been had he quit the superhero game when he adopted Dick. 

Well, that was an easy answer. He never would have had the opportunity to adopt Jason, Tim or Cass, never would have had Damian at all, and wouldn't be marrying Selina Kyle. So yeah, sometimes the reality of all the positives in his life outweighed the impending threat and danger that encircled them. 

He walked over to Jim, who'd sobered up substantially and was speaking with a few other officers in his unit. 

"Bruce!" He smiled like he hadn't punched his son in the face earlier that evening. Honestly, Bruce could understand where he was coming from. Jim had always liked Dick as much as any father could like the guy your daughter has dated and respected Barbara's choices. He was acting merely from a place of instinctual desire to protect his daughter. Bruce would be remiss to say he wouldn't have done the same thing if it were his daughter. He wanted to shake Dick senseless when he thought for a brief moment that what Jim was saying was true.

He shook his hand. "How's your hand?"

He winced and not from the pain in his knuckles. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I just thought he was trying to desert my baby girl and clearly there's a reason I quit drinking years ago. It brings out the emotional Jim Gordon that acts impulsively and stupidly."

"All is forgiven." And it really was, though Bruce wondered if Jim had the opportunity to apologize to Dick at all. "I actually came over here to ask if you've seen him."

"Dick? Not since that moment." A flash of guilt crossed his face. "You don't think I seriously hurt him, did you?"

Bruce almost laughed at the idea of Dick being put out of commission from a sucker-punch from the Commissioner. After all of the insanity they've faced in their lives, it seemed unlikely, but also incredibly ironic. It was a dark kind of funny. It would be tragic in the sense that Dick would be down for the count, but would also mean that a middle aged man without superpowers managed to take down the original Robin, a world-renowned combat fighter and detective since he was just a boy.

"No, I think he'll live."

"Good. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Barb in a while either."

"Maybe they're sneaking off to dance on rooftops like they used to at police galas when they were younger."

"Or hiding in a coat closet." Jim groaned at the memory of he and Bruce finding the two smushed together in tight quarters, not quite being caught doing anything, but wore guilty expressions all the same. 

"Alfred found them in the car once."

"Please feel free to withhold details."

Bruce laughed. "I never got any for that very reason."

"Evidently, not much has changed, because here we are, at a highly populated event where our kids should be, and they are nowhere to be found."

"Yet we are none the wiser." He sighed. "Maybe I'm losing my touch."

"You? This is your wedding! You've got a ton going on. Barb is the only thing outside of the crab puffs, which are delicious by the way, that I even have to really think about tonight."

"Do you think the bet will be over soon?"

"Maybe. You better not ever tell your boy this, but if there was ever anyone that my daughter has to end up with, I'd want it to be him. Yeah, they snuck off all the time and think we don't know about any of it, but he was always respectful towards her and me. He was always a good kid and never scared off. As a cop, that pissed me off, but as a father that always sat right with me. That's why when I heard he wasn't sticking around for the baby, I lost my head."

"Thanks, Jim."

"I wonder how that rumor even got started."

"These are some of the worst gossips in the galaxy." Though he thought back to the scene and it seemed Jason and Tim were behind it all, which partially surprised him. Jason, not so much the fundamentals of creating the rumor surprised him, but the actual spreading it around didn't sound like him. Tim wouldn't think to start something like that, but he was quite chatty when it came to gossip. He used it to relate to other heroes often. Perhaps they made a lethal team. It wouldn't have come from completely nowhere, though. Was someone else pregnant? And why did it have to be Barbara? Or was it someone  _like_ Barbara?

"Everything okay?"

Bruce blinked and realized he might have been quiet for too long, a series of realizations crashing like a heavy wave on top of him. Process of elimination was all it took and he didn't intend to let it all explode all over again as it had earlier. 

"I think I just solved how it got started."

The lights crashed off and an unknown scream rippled through the ballroom.

This discovery would have to wait.

* * *

 

"There you all are!" Damian gasped as he caught up to his siblings that were congregating on the fourth floor in the hallway. Each of their faces were pale as though they'd seen a ghost, but this made sense to him as the entire hotel was about to be under a hostile takeover courtesy of the League of Assassins. That didn't mean it was acceptable for them to stand around and let the attack happen. Although, he was relieved when Alfred informed him that they were separate from the rest of the party, since this was likely what his mother was mainly targeting. Now, it wouldn't just be him, the butler and a single assassin against an entire legion. He still wasn't sure what his mother's plan was in regards to overpowering those with powers, but he was positive she likely didn't come unprepared. She rarely ever did.  

"Dami?" It was Grayson who broke off from his trance first. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Tt, is that really the appropriate question to be asking when there is a crisis underfoot?"

"You know too?" Todd asked. "Damn, word travels fast and this one is not on me."

"Of course I know! I can't believe you all know and are just moping around as if this situation doesn't need to be dealt with immediately."

"We aren't sure if we should." Cain said quietly. "It is a delicate circumstance."

He was dumbfounded. This didn't sound anything like the family he knew. In all of his extensive time spent with each of them, they all shared the same quality of relentlessness and determination. Their entire rogue's gallery's greatest complaint was how resilient they were in their efforts to conquer evil. It never mattered what the stakes were or how little their chances were of survival. They always made a plan and executed it. They worked together no matter what personal issues were taking hold and put forth their best foot forward to complete the task at hand. He used to think his older siblings were fearless, because of how well they painted that picture. In more recent years, he learned to look for the signs in each of them. Grayson was always fairly chatty, but grew especially so when he was afraid. Gordon got overly productive, determined to have as much control over a situation as humanly possible and anyone who knew her well enough could also see it slightly in her stare. Todd's usage of profanity, which was normally frequent, all by disappeared when he was truly afraid and was replaced with solemness and sincerity. Drake overcompensated his lack of a hold on a situation by spewing an abundance of facts he  _did_  know often at an incredible rate. Cain was always the silent type, but she would start to tap her fingers rhythmically along her leg. Brown, to her credit, usually just said she was scared.

Still, what his siblings were going through was something else. It wasn't necessarily fear of peril, but he couldn't pin what it was. He couldn't allow this behavior much longer.

"That's what we do! We intervene. We cannot just leave our own to rot and perish at the hands of darkness simply because the odds are weak."

"That's... a dark spin." Drake looked at him like he had three heads. "Of course we'll be supportive, Damian, but this might not be a fight we should be fighting, you know?"

"I, of all people, should be the last one wanting to jump into this, but even I know we have to. Grayson, I thought you were all about sticking together."

"I am." He sighed. "But... This is different. We can't just bombard her."

"Why not? Do you not understand the severity here?"

"Of course I do! I did just have it flash before my eyes not long ago and that wasn't even the real thing."

_Okay, confusing._

"She's bombarding us. I do not see why we can't return the favor."

"Don't make this about you, kid." Todd said. 

"It's about all of us!" He could feel his face reddening from frustration. "Why can't you see that?"

"It's Stephanie's body and her decision to make. The last thing she needs is pressure from a kid."

"I-What?" Damian shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"Stephanie's having a baby might later concern the team dynamic and I know you don't want that to change, but there are bigger things to worry about before that. We've got to make sure she's healthy, mentally ready to have a child, and she has to decide whether or not she's having it, raising it, and letting the father be involved... Hopefully not have to figure out who the father is... For all of these choices we can be supportive and caring, but ultimately it is up to her. That is why we are all hesitant to rush over to her. If anything, it should just be one of us." Gordon finally came into the conversation.

_Brown is pregnant? How did that happen? Nevermind. I shouldn't be surprised._

"Brown's..." He was speechless for a moment before he remembered that he had much more imminent danger to share. "No, that's not what I was referring to."

Everyone seemed to back up.

"Oh God, he didn't know." Grayson smacked his forehead.

"See how easy it is to spread?" Todd tried.

"Shutup." Gordon seethed and then turned back to Damian. "What are  _you_  talking about?"

"It can't possibly be worse than Steph being pregnant." Drake's near-sightedness made Damian want to smack him in the mouth.

"I am referring to the League of Assassins lining up at our doorstep to abscond Father and name him the new Demon's Head."

"Oh, that is  _so_  much worse." 

"How do you know this?" Gordon jumped right into a different mode and it seemed everyone else followed suit. One of their greatest skills as a team was their ability to compartmentalize. 

"Me." Aunt Nyssa turned the corner and made her entrance as if it was planned. Everyone stared at her as she approached, domination in each and every step she took. Her cloak swished back and forth until she came to a complete stop with the rest of them. Luckily, Pennyworth was safe and following shortly behind her. His strut was a lot less noticeable. "I'm Nyssa Raatko, daughter of Ra's Al Ghul, deceased Demon Head, and I am here to lend my presence in this upcoming brawl. Without me, your family and friends do not stand a chance of survival."

After a beat of everyone drinking all of this in, Todd whistled. "So, Talia has a hot sister. Interesting."

Damian clenched his fists. "I will burn you to the ground without even striking a match."

"Noted, but I'm more curious than afraid right now. Except of you." He turned to Nyssa. "I am both curious  _and_  afraid of you."

Grayson shook his head. "Ra's is dead?"

"Death by a mandatory duel with my sister. If I'm being honest, I feel he was dying anyway. For good this time."

"But I thought everything was good until Selina bit the dust. Part of that deal was Talia promising zero League interference." 

"I read the document and the actual wording was: "Contingent to the demands of the acting Demon's Head, the League will not intervene in the life of Selina Kyle and when she releases her final breath, Batman is required to relinquish himself and his resources to the League of Assassins and accept the title of Demon's Head through a wedding ceremony should the acting Demon's Head accept". My sister is technically the interim and acting Demon's Head until the official ceremony. Ra's is dead. Unless she wants someone else to remove the crown from her before the ceremony and take it away from our bloodline, she will change the demands and intervene with Selina Kyle's life. Not to mention, it says they won't interfere with her life, not her death."

"Why didn't you mention this sooner, Dick? You read the damn thing!" 

He turned to Gordon. "Only for like a second! And I tried to warn Bruce that this was all coming back to bite us. He swore he had a plan."

"Evidently not for all of this attacking us 12 hours later."

"Damn, the Justice League parties late." Todd mused. "So, how long do we have?"

"Not long." Aunt Nyssa shook her head. "For all we know, they're already here."

A loud scream from a few floors below indicated that this was the case.

* * *

 

The scream belonged to Dinah Lance and was meant to serve as a sort of warning beacon for everyone else inside, but it was too late. A flood of individuals that while dressed for a wedding, didn't seem too keen on celebrating the same things everyone else was, stormed in with an unmistakable severity on each of their faces. Leading them was none other than his ex-wife. She didn't wear nearly as much severity as her warriors did. Instead, the beginnings of a smile or a smirk danced on her lips. He felt dread gathering in his core as their weapons glinted in the bright lights. The sudden increase in capacity made the room feel very small despite it being quite the opposite. The doors on either side of the ballroom were closed and locked tight. 

Without hesitation, Clark attempted to leap into the air to immediately apprehend the intruders, but Talia just laughed and pressed a button on her watch that caused him to drop out of the air like suddenly the laws of physics applied to him. He hit the floor with a loud thud and tumbled into some chairs and knocking over plates of food off tables. Lois rushed to his side to aid him, but he climbed back to his feet and this time, tried to use heat vision on her. Instead, it merely looked like a poorly executed staring contest.

Diana also tried flying, but found she couldn't get above a regular jump, Hal's ring didn't appear any more mystical than a mood ring from cereal box (Bruce never thought it was that cool to begin with, but it was even less so now), Barry's usual blink of an eye speed was just a regular jog, Neither of the Hawk people could get their wings to expand, Martian Manhunter was just stuck in man form, Dinah could not longer scream above that of a normal octave, and none of the other typically powered people seemed capable of using their special abilities in that moment. 

Talia raised an eyebrow at him. "Lex Luthor owed me a favor. What? You've never heard of evening the playing field a bit?"

Bruce raced across the room to reach Selina, but before their hands touched, he fell to the floor in a frantic spasm as electric shocks sparked across his entire body. Above him, Selina stared, absolutely horrified at the sight and reached to help him, but whenever she drew close, the waves of shock only increased in malevolence. Through the blue haze, he met the eyes of his wife and thought for a moment, that if this were the last sight he'd ever see, he would somehow be okay with that. Then, of course, he remembered he was giving the idea of actually living his life a chance and felt immediate regret for wasting so much time.

Finally, it ceased and he let out a shaky breath. 

"And of course, a little something for you and my other non-powered folk, lover."

Selina knelt to place a cool hand against his cheeks and forehead. "Will we ever have a boring moment?"

"Unlikely."

She snapped her head in Talia's direction. "Changed your mind, huh? Couldn't just let him be happy for five seconds."

"Oh I had every intention of giving him five seconds, but life happens and as it seems, I've got a little business to take care of after-all."

"You... Took an oath." Bruce gasped as he sat up. "You were not to interfere-"

"True love, that only applied under my Father's rule."

His eyes widened. "Ra's is dead." 

"By his own choice, might I add. He believed I was soft for wanting you to be happy, for wanting you to have a real life."

"You can still let me have that."

"Not if I don't want the Demon's Head to be stolen from my bloodline."

"Stolen from who?" Selina asked. "Who the hell would want that job?"

"Many of these warriors feel they are owed the role since I am not qualified to rule alone."

"The League of Assassins is sexist, huh? Why is that not surprising?" 

"It would be the same if it were a man in line. The Demon's Head is always to have a rightful spouse regardless of gender."

"But you want Bruce to be Satan."

"Demon's Head."

"Same difference."

"Neither me nor my Father believe I am right for it. Bruce Wayne is perfect, though."

"In more ways than one, but if you even think for one second that I'm just going to let you take him away, you've got another thing coming."

"Do I?"

"Yeah." Selina nodded. Truthfully, she'd had so much aggression throughout the day, she didn't mind the prospect of getting her hands a little dirty. "You want him? You'll have to go through me."

"That is actually the whole reason we came." She showed all her teeth in her smile.

"Question is, can you beat me without the use of the electric slide?"

"I've beaten much worse than the likes of you."

* * *

"This is not good." Tim raked a hand through his hair as he and Damian peered through the lowest air vent. They were the smallest and most wiry so they had to be the ones to spy on the situation at hand. Luckily, none of them came to the wedding completely unprepared and had their communicators on their watches and earrings. "Your aunt wasn't lying."

"And what reason would she have to lie?"

"Do you always have to be so defensive? Your family is unleashing a hostile takeover led by your mother, who is trying to tear our family apart. It's valid to question her motives."

"They're both my family." He said quietly. "Besides, Nyssa stands to take control over the League if we win."

Tim was silent for a moment before glancing over to him. "And you're okay with that? That means you'll permanently be giving up the idea of ever becoming Ra's, right?"

The last person he wanted to have this conversation with was Tim and it was evident. "Father has already guaranteed me the role of Batman in the future so no, I do not mind and yes, you will have to find another hero to grow into one day. No, I will not give you the permission to use the nickname "Red Bat" or "Black Batman" since they are ridiculous and you truly need to become more original."

"We have Black Bat, Batgirl, Batwoman, and Batwing. Yet you choose to pick on me."

"Tt, yours is the most pathetic. It is a fast food chain, Drake."

Tim didn't want to be Batman one day, but he was glad Damian was on their side, despite whatever his reasoning might be. 

"Red Robin to Oracle, it looks like Talia is controlling everyone through some kind of universal device on her watch. The supers can't even use any of their powers. They're grounded and when anyone does anything Talia doesn't like, she's able to shock them. It looks painful."

"This is taking Wedding Crashers to a whole new level." Dick could be heard mumbling in the background. "I wonder why the entire hotel hasn't shut down."

"Probably to prevent the rest of the city from finding out." She reasoned. "Think about it: Bruce hired specific cliental for this evening that wouldn't bat their eyes at the sight of the League of Assassins marching in. Its almost entirely secluded while also not being secluded. Talia doesn't want attention, not really."

"Just Bruce." Cass said.

"That's why they're not seizing the whole place. There are civilians here."  

The rest of the team was piled in Dick and Jason's room, a laptop on Barbara's lap as she hastily tried to hack into the hotel's security mainframe. Each took a predictable position. Dick was on his feet, but hovered over her personal space as he always automatically did, Jason laid on his own bed as if he were lounging on vacation, Cass sat at the foot of his bed in almost a perching position, Nyssa wouldn't stand still, Alfred stood silently in the corner, and Ivy and Harley seemed rather irritated their night had been interrupted, but were chatting quietly on Dick's bed. They were tempted to invite Tula to help, since they knew she wasn't downstairs too, but simply warned her instead as everyone agreed that after earlier events, it would have been a bit too uncomfortable even for them. 

"Don't tell us you're getting rusty, Barbie."

"You can gladly go get shocked by Talia, Jason."

"I wish."

"I'm gonna-"

"SHHH!" Tim's shushing might have been louder than Damian's attempted threat.

"Would you stop doing that?" Barbara glared at Jason.

He laughed. "I'm just messing with the kid at this point."

"You fornicated with my sister?" Nyssa asked.

"Who hasn't?"

"Why I outta-"

"Jason!"

"You're a real upstanding guy, you know that?" Dick shook his head. "This is putting Damian in a really hard spot. He has to choose between Bruce and Talia. He's just a kid! I've seen hundreds of episodes of Jerry Springer and let me tell you: this is the worst divorce outcome humanly possible."

Cass nodded in agreement. "Hopefully Talia does not try to manipulate him."

"Oh, Damian's going nowhere near that battlefield." Barbara was sure the comm was muted for a moment. "Like Dick said, he's still a boy and this is too much emotionally."

"It was a little too much for me when I was brutally murdered as a boy." Jason muttered. 

"You've already used that once today to get the last piece of cheesecake. You're not using that for this conversation too."

"Did I? My bad." He kicked his feet up.

"What is our plan?" Nyssa paced back and forth. "We should be engaging in battle with everyone else."

"Based on what I'm seeing, its really just Selina and Talia while everyone else watches. I wonder why she isn't shocking her."

"Knowing Mother, it is out of respect or pride. She and Kyle are likely dueling for Father's heart."

"Real romantic." Jason said.

"I hope Conner's alright." Tim breathed. The younger Kryptonian, like Clark, had tried to charge at the assassins, but to no avail and was smashed backwards against the back wall.

"Steph is down there too." Cass stilled. "She is there somewhere."

"I can't see her. Maybe she got out too and if that's the case, we need to keep her away from these assassins, obviously."

"How the hell did they manage this?"

"That is what we need to figure out." She typed frantically. "If we're going to do this, we need to know what we're up against. Nyssa, do you know any information about a deal between Lex Luthor and your sister?"

"Just that he owed her for a debt long ago."

"I can't believe I'm doing this then." She groaned.

"Doing what?" Dick asked.

"We're going to have to get into bed with Luthor."

"Great." Jason mused. "Then we'll all win the contest."

"What contest?"

"Never mind."

She sighed. "Fall back, baby birds. We need the whole cavalry if we're going to do this."

 

 


	19. Die Hard 6: The Ripoff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is pulling any punches, not when it comes to one of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: multiple mentions of sexual assault (nothing graphic, but its discussed).  
> Also quite a bit of angst and danger, but that's to be expected with the birds and the bats, right?

"Very interesting... The almighty Oracle contacting  _me_." Luthor's smugness radiated through her speakers and Barbara willed herself not to make a smart remark, especially since they needed his help. That didn't mean she had any interest in kissing his smarmy ass.  The others all huddled around her in close proximity, watching him with just as much determination as she was. Each were uncharacteristically silent sans some heavy breathing, which she would normally admonish, but the situation down below seemed to be getting worse so she didn't comment about it. It was unclear what he was doing on the other side of the screen, but whatever it was, it held his intense attention. She could see him, but he couldn't see her, just the standard green symbol that everyone who was greeted by her would receive. Her voice was also animatronic in order to preserve her and anyone else's identity. Lex wasn't the kind of guy to like imbalance on his end. He always wanted to be the one on top in every situation and wouldn't allow submission. This included the realms of intelligence, but Oracle was a step out of his wheelhouse. 

"What deal did you make with Talia Al Ghul?"

"Ah, she's cashing that in already? These assassins. Haven't they ever heard of waiting and seeing before diving into a plan? They're always so easy to... You know..."

"Assassinate?"

He snapped his fingers in a way that made her half expect him to say "Eureka!", but then she remembered Luthor wasn't nearly as corny as some of the other rogues in Clark's gallery. Or for that matter, Bruce's rogues gallery too. They did have some stinkers.

"It's all far too impulsive. A plan isn't going to work unless all of the kinks are ironed out beforehand. Surely, you can appreciate that as you are one of the more thoughtful heroes. I've always felt it was such a shame you didn't switch sides. We could do some real damage you and me. You aren't distracted by emotions or the details. You own the details and create the big picture. That's all I ever try to formulate: a perfect big picture. There are tests to be made, precautions to account for, outliers to consider. I honestly don't know how I was able to work with her in the past."

"Why did you work with her?"

"My dear, Oracle. Why would I ever tell you that?"

"She's using a tool she got from you. It's debilitating everyone within a general vicinity. Every powered person is down for the count, because every time they rise, they're shocked."

"Again, why would I tell you how it works? I'm very bored." He yawned and then leaned on his hand and looked through the camera like he could see through her eyes. "Usually you give me a bit more spunk that I can at least appreciate."

She rolled her eyes. Lex Luthor ground her gears with his corporate-America cockiness and cockroach like ability to stay alive no matter what. She swore if a nuke went off, Lex would be crawling out of whatever rock he stole and start the next generation of bald evil geniuses. That didn't mean she wasn't better. She glanced to her right where Dick's face was almost touching her own since he was leaning over her shoulder and noticed Damian was doing the same on her left. She suddenly felt like the cream in a Robin oreo and grimaced as someone else was literally breathing on her neck.

"Because I know your game, Luthor. You're a cocky bastard and you like to win. You want things done, but you want them done your way so you're in control. How is that supposed to happen if Talia Al Ghul goes down as the one who defeated Superman?"

"Superman is there?" His face twisted from smugness to confusion. Clearly, he hadn't expected that. 

"Welcome to the party, pal. To be fair, you don't know where "here" is."

"I could with a simple satellite search."

"You're bluffing. I've got everywhere within a 10 mile radius of me completely cloaked. You won't even be able to tell, not by tracking solar radiation, traces of kryptonite or anything. It'll look just like the rest of the country."

A pause. She smirked.

He did his best to remain cool. "And why would this interest me, anyway?"

"Everyone knows how obsessed you are with him."

"I am not."

"You are." She grinned now. Everyone else was looking at her like she was crazy, but she thought she was crazy earlier to think being remotely nice to him would get them anywhere. Villains didn't respond to human decency. They only responded when their own tricks were being played by someone else. Reforming Lex Luthor would be an impossible task despite how much Clark insisted otherwise, but getting him to turn against another villain for his own selfish gains was not.

"Judging by your frantic typing, I'm guessing you didn't expect the League of Assassins to go against Superman."

"She said she would be using it on Batman."

"The Bats don't have powers, baldy. Why the hell would she need it for them?" She lied, mainly to try and throw him off from the idea that they were in Gotham. "Instead, she's taking out any remnants of Krypton and you won't get a single dedication. I'm fairly certain she's not going to mention that you designed the device she used. Even if she does and word gets out that you tried to help eliminate world renowned superheroes without your little plan of defacing their names, you'll do jail time. Easy. I bet that device traces straight back to Lexcorps."

There was silence on the other line for a moment and it appeared he was racking the pros and cons of helping over his large noggin. Now her team seemed a bit more optimistic than before as they could see his internal struggle. She gave him another moment to mull it over as if she had any other options but to try and extract information from him. She supposed she and Tim could hack into his database and try to find his recent prototypes, but that required a system more efficient than a Macbook pro. She was barely able to equip this one with the proper defenses in time for their skype session. 

"So, are you going to tell me what it is so I don't have to go about this the long way?"

He frowned. "It's a prototype and it hardly has all of the bugs worked out of it yet. It's a biometric voltaic coupling. It's a temporary substance that when ingested, attaches itself to activated meta genes and can provide electric shock when stimulated by the universal remote."

"How long does it last?"

"Give or take about 24 hours. I've yet to be able to create a permanent one without killing the individual altogether. Again, tests are important."

"Better not have been animal testing." Damian mumbled, but it was heard.

"I don't believe in animal testing." He smiled wickedly. "Human testing, however, is a different story."

"Uh, that's worse." Tim shook his head. "And technically humans are animals."

"Do you have others there with you, Oracle? Is there a party going on that I wasn't invited to?"

Barbara glared at either of them for speaking and then turned back. "What effect would this have on non-meta individuals?"

"In my research..." He trailed off for a moment before answering calmly. "Death after sufficient exposure. A few shocks won't kill them on the spot, but if there's enough button mashing, they'll die."

"So what has each of those guys consumed that none of us have?" She wondered aloud.

"If combined with alcohol, the solvent creates the inability for powered individuals to use their powers."

"Because its an inhibitor. That makes sense." She paused and looked at each of them. "But some of us drank, right?"

Jason shook his head. "I brought my own stuff."

Dick sighed. "I was holding a glass of champagne, but truthfully, that stuff grosses me out. It's been a busy night anyway."

Cassandra shook her head.

"I'm underaged and actually abide by that." Tim obliged.

"Spoiler certainly hasn't." She thought aloud. "I haven't."

"We've also been drinking our own stuff." Ivy added. "Harl made some kickass moonshine in our bathtub."

"Classy." Jason nodded.

"Hey, what's up with the kid?" Harley asked and it called everyone's attention to the bed where Damian was flailing all about as electric shocks visibly ran up and down across his body. Harley and Ivy got up to steady him as if he was having a seizure, but Alfred stopped them, any usual calmness about him evaporated as well as all the color in his face.

"If you touch him, you will be shocked too."

Barbara hastily turned back to the screen. "Lex? How does this stuff respond to children?"

"It takes longer to set in, but is much more lethal."

She cursed under her breath and immediately made eye contact with Dick, who was sporting a look she'd seen all too many times during her time knowing him. He looked like he couldn't breathe he was so terrified for the safety of his brother and with good reason. She remembered the same kind of gutted expression when they lost Jason, Cassandra, Stephanie, Bruce, Wally, and Damian the first time. They have lost him before. He'd lost so many people. Anyone that complained about his constant optimism and hopefulness could see her for their ass-kicking, because she knew that like everyone else, he had defense mechanisms. Despite his attempts at being happy, there was always something a bit sad about him. Not usually heartbreaking, but the kind of attribute that made you want to hug him and hold him close. She reached out and squeezed his hand. He didn't even move, just looked like the ghost of the person he usually was. 

He didn't let it linger though, because he knew their time was limited.

"We have to get that watch." His voice was thick.

"We will." 

"I think I have a plan." Nyssa spoke up and everyone turned to her, who was glancing at Damian like he wasn't on his deathbed. He was quick to trust her, but no one else was nearly as certain. As it was, they needed a plan. "You aren't going to like it."

Great, that was assuring. 

"Oh and Oracle? You didn't think you would have gotten off free without having to do me any favors, did you?"

She groaned. "What do you want?"

"Seeing as I'm going to see in just a few moments anyway since I've hacked into your server while we were talking, I want to know who you are."

* * *

As far as fighting went, Talia had much more experience and finesse that Selina supremely lacked. She was more precise and stealthy with her shots. If she were to strike her, they would be intentional death blows. Luckily for Selina, she was much more experienced from a defensive standpoint. She'd been fighting in the streets of Gotham and defending herself from brute force since she was just a kid. Her movements were sloppier, but her acrobatics and avoidance abilities were far superior. From a distance, it looked like they were dancing as they fought. Talia caught more hits, but Selina was exhausting her with flips and slick dodges. Her best course of action was to utilize her environment to her advantage. On a normal day, she would probably lose, but her endorphins were racing as she effectively ruined her wedding dress during the brawl. 

Around them, no one really got to watch as everyone cowered over in electric shock of varying degrees. For example, Superman's dose was significantly greater than any of the Teen Titans. She wasn't looking to kill any of them if she didn't have to, just get out of there with what she wanted. Of course, if she had to burn the whole damn place down to get Bruce Wayne to come with her, she would.

"September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire played in the background and Bruce suspected it was Barry's doing.

"Man you guys really put the "ass" in "assassins" you know that?" Selina grunted after having the pleasure of Talia's boot swiftly meeting the side of her face. She spit blood out and was thankful not to lose any teeth. Briefly, she marveled at the fact that missing teeth weren't a more common occurrence in their world. Everyone seemed to have pearly whites in spite of the fact that they were getting punched more than professional boxers, who had to wear mouth guards. She was holding her own in their little tussle. Other non-powered people were starting to step up to the plate as well, but Talia managed to single it out so that only Selina wasn't being shocked and that the rest of them were.

"I don't want to tire out my team." She smiled. "You, however, will meet a notable death from combat."

"This isn't one of your formal dances, Talia. This kitty isn't afraid to scratch." And with a trick she'd long since mastered over the years, stuck three steak knives between her fingers and slashed Talia across the arm. She drew back and glared at her with a fire that seemed much more fitting for her character than the complacency and coldness from earlier today. This Talia was currently the ringleader of an organization and was revitalized with hope that she could literally steal her "beloved" away. Well, tough, because Selina had waited a long time for this and while it would never be perfect, it was hers. She was supposed to be the petty thief.

She pictured one of the boys commenting how her move resembled that of Wolverine from the comics. 

"What a dirty trick. Have you no shame?" She snarled.

"Did you drink some crazy koolaid before coming over here, because you are literally shocking people so they can't fight back. I know quite an assortment of dirty tricks, but even I've never played anything that dramatically imbalanced. Maybe because when it comes down to it, I never minded a good fight. What's the matter? Do you have that little faith in the League? They're just there to stand and look pretty?"

This time, she dodged her kick, but was met with a punch to the gut. She backed up and took her own shot and it was admittedly difficult. Talia moved like a dancer she was so good on her feet. There was an elegance and fluidity to her motions that someone who learned on the streets couldn't emulate. Selina knew she lacked sophistication, but this wasn't  _So You Think You Can Dance_ so she doubted anyone would be voting on the beauty of her movements.

"This is about hurting as few people as possible. I'm just here for Bruce."

"And to kill me."

"Truthfully? Removing scum like you would simply be a bonus." 

With (no pun intended) cat-like reflexes, she snatched a pitcher and tossed the remaining liquid in her face to try and short circuit the device on her wrist, but it was clear it was rightfully water-proof or alcohol proof for that matter. Her eyes flickered across the room, noting that Bruce was fairly impervious to the shocks in comparison to others like Oliver Queen, who was visibly struggling the most from the static she sent reverberating through the those that weren't gifted with powers. He was doubled over near Dinah, who was doing her best to try and steady him. He flopped around like a dying fish and she doubted he had much longer before it really caused serious damage. 

"What's your gameplan here? You think Bruce is really going to run off into the sunset after this? After you ruined what was supposed to be the happiest day of his life? That's not saying much given he hasn't had very many happy days."

"I wanted to let him be happy, but sometimes one's duty comes first."

"This isn't his duty."

"His duty is to do what's best for this world at whichever chance he gets and if he turns his back on the League, he is failing that. You are being selfish."

"You have a low self esteem don't you? Daddy issues? I can relate."

Selina was knocked off her feet and for a moment, they devolved into less strategic fighting on the floor. She clambered for Talia's wrist, desperately trying to somehow break the device on her hand that controlled everyone in the room. It was as if it was tattooed on her. She felt a punch to the jaw that was quite un-League like and glared at her opponent as she head-butted her in return. 

Clearly, she'd struck a nerve with the "daddy issues" comment.

"Want a breath mint?" She asked as she served another decent punch. Not her best work, but it was good.

"What?"

"I thought League members were all about honor. Breaking a promise is not honorable."

"I am merely using loopholes." She grunted as Selina gained leverage by kneeing her in the chin. If Talia was going to abandon her tactical approach, she wasn't going to out-cheat Catwoman. She seemed to have realized this when she slithered from her grasp and put enough distance between them as they both reached their feet.

"I'm not usually one to promote the whole "fighting over a man" thing, but you are literally trying to take him. It's not happening."

"If you truly loved him, you would understand."

"I understand that love doesn't usually involve literal sparks. For that reason, I'm going to need that watch."

"Come and get it." She wiped the droplets away from her eyes and tossed knives from her sides like two perfect spinning ninja stars. One of which missed Selina's throat by a hair while the other she caught in mid-air by the hilt.  

"I'll cut it off of you if I have to."

Talia equipped herself with her own knife. "I would love to see you try."

"STOP!" Bruce coughed as he fell to his knees after another series of shocks. He essentially crawled over to them.

"Say you'll come with me and this all ends, beloved." Talia's voice was smooth as silk, but he stare at Selina was venomous. 

"If you hurt her, I will never go with you." He breathed. 

Slowly and after a moment of consideration, she lowered her blade, but never broke eye contact with her opponent. Selina still considered charging her.

"Will you come with me?"

"To become Ra's? Why me? Why does it have to be me?"

"Because it was his last wish." She finally turned to look at him with fire in her eyes. "I was forced to murder my own Father and I will be damned if I do not honor his last wishes."

"Romantic proposal." Selina murmured.

"I'll go with you." Bruce's eyes glanced up in the distance for half a second before meeting Selina's pained gaze. "Just don't hurt anyone else here."

"Bruce." Selina's voice was desperate and the look in her eyes matched. "Don't."

He offered her the best smile he could muster for that moment. "I vowed to protect what I love. I'm doing whatever that takes."

"But-"

"-Silence, shrew! He made his choice." She grinned wickedly.

"At sword-point!" 

"Selina..." 

"True love, I knew you would come to your senses. Now, let us leave."

"Not so fast, sister!" Nyssa's voice filled the fairly silent hall. 

Outstretched and in her long, rubber gloves, she held a static-affected Damian Wayne. The life was seemingly drained from him despite the soft breathing that still caused his back to move up and down.

"Talia! Turn it off!" Bruce barked with sudden fear climaxing within him. He couldn't, he wouldn't lose him again. This elicited a reaction out of Talia too as she hastily moved to shut off the watch, but hesitated. She made eye contact with Nyssa, who was smirking.

"Treason." She whispered.

"TALIA!" Bruce shouted.

"You see." Nyssa's smile was full-blown. "I never cared much for my nephew, so if he dies as a casualty, sure. That's fine, but he is your son, Talia. Despite how Father warned you, you've built quite the emotional attachment to the little brat. All of this, ultimately, is for him, no? You want to give him the life you always desired. How childish. Clearly, part of you actually loves this peasant if you deem him enough to be our Ra's. Unfortunately, you can't have both. Quite frankly, if you keep the shocks going, your son will die with every normal person in this room. If you turn it off, everyone gains their powers back and its a fight until the death. You will not remain Ra's nor will you get your true love, but your son will live."

"Give me him!" She shrieked, knowing she could give him the serum if she had him in arm's reach. The very one she slipped Selina before their fight to make it fair.

"Another loophole, right? Wrong. Again, I do not care if he lives or dies. I just want a strong leader. That is not you. I am going to count to 3 and there will not be a 4."

* * *

 

"Jason, are you in position in case this doesn't work?" Barbara asked over the comms.

"I'm perched out of sight. I feel like Bruce might have noticed me, but I think my eyes are playing tricks... Never out of mind though, right?" He replied as he took aim for the distance shot at Talia's wrist.

"I'm going to try and keep it out of mind why you brought a bunch of guns to a wedding reception, one of which being a sniper."

"Keep it out of mouth too, okay? I don't need Bruce riding my ass. I doubt he'll see the silver linings the way you can."

"Make the shot and I'll consider it. Though we will be exchanging words about whether your psychologically capable of owning firearms later."

"You're no fun."

She crept along the hallway, eyeing two huge assassins that were guarding the entrance to the ballroom. She marveled at how everyone else at the hotel moved around peacefully as if nothing was happening. She wondered what cover they used. By the looks of it, security cliental, especially since the security Bruce hired was MIA. She made a mental note to have a widespread search for each of them later and hoped they were alive. A lot of them were former men that served alongside her father and she knew quite well. 

"Were you about to work your tech magic to throw Dr. Evil off base?"

"Well, you didn't bring me along for my charming personality." She smirked as she thought about the rude awakening Lex Luthor would have when he figured out the computer she was using was Harley Quinn's and saw Harley Quinn and Ivy on the skype call when he pushed through the firewall. She basically let him in, actually. Both were smart in their own individual ways, but by no stretch were they computer wizards. It didn't take much convincing to get them to agree to messing with Lex.

"And Dickebird and Cassie are in position?"

"Yes." Tim confirmed from his spot on the opposite side in the air conditioning vent. "Are you sure you're comfortable shooting your girlfriend?"

"Only I can make those jokes, shithead." 

"I didn't realize it was a touchy subject suddenly."

"Suddenly?" He asked, bewildered. "It's always been-"

"-Boys, I know this is a very important conversation that needs to be had, possibly- no,  _definitely_ with a shrink present. However, I don't trust the League of Assassins as far as I can throw Underbelly and that's many of our own in there. We've got to keep our heads on straight."

"Yeesh. I'm not sure if even Superman can throw that slob." Jason muttered.

"Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)" by WHAM was now blasting through the hall. Tim grinned at the obvious extra grimace that flashed across Bruce's face. Obviously, among many regrets, he was severely regretting having Barry pick the wedding playlist. It was the one humorous part about all of this, because everything else was incredibly dreadful to look at. Damian's body was limp in Nyssa's grasp. She was going on about how she didn't care about him and Tim believed her. She was only in this for her claim of the thrown. She knew she had leverage though and Damian's living depended on it. Talia was slick though so they had to have a contingency plan.

"Dick, I know you can't answer right now, but this plan will work. We aren't going to let anything happen to Damian, right Jay?" Barbara whispered.

"Nah, I've started to like the little brat."

"Does everything look clear, Alfred?" 

"Quite clear, Master Timothy. Miss Barbara, I'm seeing a surprisingly unguarded entrance to the northwest hemisphere. I'm only detecting one person based on your thermal readings."

"And that could be just a really large dog." Jason added. "I say take it. You'll need to give Dick the chance to rescue Damian since we all know he needs to play hero while I play Deadshot, Tim plays John McClane, and Babs plays Angelina Jolie in  _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_."

"So Mrs. Smith." Tim supplied. "Also, John McClane was the hero in  _Die Hard_ , thank you very much."

"And that makes Master Richard Brad Pitt. He'll enjoy that comparison." Alfred mused.

"Now I know how a TV dinner feels." Tim murmured.

"What was that, Master Tim?"

"Nevermind, its from the movie."

"That was some sucky timing for a quote, Timbo."

"I'm heading that way now. Jay, if she hasn't shut it off in 30 seconds, take your shot." Barbara said as she tore a slit up her dress so she could run. "Happy trails."

"See? That was better." Jason said.

"Whatever." Tim groaned.

"Now would have been the time for your quote." 

"Do you really think you can make it all the way around this building and ready to pounce in 30 seconds?"

"I'm guessing after the shot I'll have at least an extra 3 seconds of reaction time so that's more than reasonable. Now, come on. 29."

"28." Jason whispered under his breath. As he stared from a distance at Talia Al Ghul, redfaced and screaming at her sister to give up Damian. It was the ultimate power play and it appeared they were banking a lot on hope and a little bit of luck that deep inside of Talia, she cared more about her son than she the vision of power she'd been promised at such a young age. This was a culmination of everything she'd been fighting for, but they were exploiting how most of their foes made them feel at some point or another. Is it possible to have it all? Can you walk the path they walked or any derivation of that path and still have a family? Still have dreams? Love? 

He swallowed thickly. "27."

He wasn't the kind of guy to try and have it all. Maybe he didn't deserve it. The very fact that he thought to even bring several high-powered guns to a wedding reception was questionable at best and Barbara was right to speculate this, but it was another example of just how broken he was.

26.

25.

24.

23.

His face brushed against the cold metal of the gun, eyes trained, unblinking. He contemplated on moving from his target. He looked through the little lens and thought about how easy it would be to shift it slightly to the right, so it hit her in the neck. As memories of the torment, mortification, and pain that his target put him through flooded his mind, that idea became all the easier to accustom to. Who would miss her? Damian, likely, because he was as sick as any of them and like him, crawled back to his abusers and wrongdoers like a puppy dog, expecting better. He was taught that people would be better. Then, when wronged again, acted as though it was his fault.

"22." He was wrong.

21.

20.

19.

18.

Bruce would hate him, probably, because he was sick like that. His intentions were good, but Jason assured himself that anyone's intentions could be good, but it didn't excuse behavior. If that were the case, he would be the leading hero of their team. Though in doing this, would his intentions be good? He would being killing a woman, a woman who definitely deserved it. She deserved it the way Tarantula deserved what she got for what she did to Dick. She deserved it the way Joker deserved an endless recurrence of torture for the lengthy list of personal infractions he committed, but if they were sticking to the idea of sexual abuse, what he did to Barbara. He thought about how neither Dick nor Barbara raced out into the streets to maim or destroy their abusers, but didn't quite submit to them either.

"17." Maybe he wasn't good like them. Maybe he wasn't good like any of them. When he first came back, if he was presented with the choice of whether to kill Talia for sexual misconduct with his 15 year old self, he would have done it in a heartbeat. Afterwards, he would have spat bullshit about how Dick and Barbara (okay, maybe not her) were weak and brainwashed into this idea that justice only comes in one form and that they were just as evil as the evil they faced if they submitted to more permanent weapons of silence. Sometimes, he still felt that way. For example, if he murdered her right now, everyone would probably freak out in different ways and he felt that was wrong. Talia was evil and no one could possibly understand the torment she put him through when he was so young. She erased every scrap of hope that Bruce spent years rebuilding in him and used  _every_ method possible to extinguish the chance that he would ever be the same he was before. She played with his mind and made him think she was in love with him and he bought it. He hated himself for buying it. Instead, it was all another sick method to get Bruce back.

16.

15.

Technically, she gave him life back after Joker killed him.

14.

13.

A big part of him wanted to make her regret it.

12.

11.

"10." He released a shaky breath and battered down remaining anxiety that might throw off his shot. He still hadn't moved his positioning from a lethal shot. He wondered if Bruce could see him and if he could, would he try and deflect Talia from facing death? If that were the case, it would blow the entire operation they had planned. Bruce was tactical, but one time he revived Joker just so Dick wouldn't have to face the remorse of committing murder, as if he'd done him any favors. The reason Dick was so paranoid about walking the line was because of Bruce. Even death from self-defense or from someone else nearby gutted the original Robin's soul. Jason often rolled his eyes at his older brother, but he truly pitied him for taking that heavy of a burden. He knew that somehow this would be made to be Dick's fault too. After all, the plan was approved by him and Barbara and they were supposed to be the oldest.

9.

Maybe he shouldn't.

8.

7.

6.

"5." He placed his finger on the trigger and turned his gaze to the almost lifeless Damian. For a moment, he thought he was looking at a younger version of himself. 

"I'm in position." Barbara's voice came over the comms. If he wasn't going through an internal crisis, he would have made a smart comment about how it took her long enough even though she arrived with time to spare.

4.

"Jay are you ready?"

_No._

3.

"Jason?" Her voice was more frantic. The room was growing hot.

2\. He had a shot. He was going to take the shot.

"1." He whispered as the sound of gunfire filled the air.

_Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few Die Hard quotes in there because I just couldn't resist.


	20. Living Just to Find Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bats strike back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: a bit more violence in this chapter than the previous ones, specifically the removal of a limb, but its not too descriptive and is a fairly clean cut. I also use the word "squelching" which is gross, but accurate for the moment. Anyway, the chapter title comes from "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. 
> 
> But honestly, there are quite a few songs mentioned here, because I feel like they all set a good tone for the moment and I love it when throwbacks play during fight sequences.

_30 seconds. I have 30 seconds._

Over the years, Barbara Gordon prided herself on maintaining physical fitness. You had to if you didn't have super speed or some other means of transportation that allowed you to bypass the limits of human physicality. She'd maneuvered her way in and out of tighter and more complicated situations in the past. Albeit, they were usually while wearing a fully armored and stocked suit that allowed her to glide as well as be prepared for whatever rounded the corner. Now, she was limited to her skills in hand-to-hand combat, her sharp heels, and her own intuition. All in all, not bad, considering her skill sets in utilizing those factors were very high. Still, she wished she didn't have to do it in the same dress she'd been wearing all day.

"29." She and Jason said in unison. 

If she had to...

"28." He said alone.

She would.

"27." sounded harder to say for some reason.

Even from outside, she could hear the song change to the epic piano opening of  _"Don't Stop Believing"_ by Journey and she grinned at the thought of Bruce's reaction to the playlist. For some reason unknown to anyone but possibly Alfred, the man hated Journey. Leave it to Wally and Barry to jam-pack plenty of their greatest hits album. He should have known what he was getting into when he hired Barry as DJ. Under better circumstances, she could visualize a different scenario where the song played. Perhaps it would have been an excellent send off to everyone, showing that couples like Bruce and Selina were the reason that you shouldn't give up on love. Sometimes, they made little sense and were illogical at best, but it was love and they conquered everything in their path. Well, after this evening, hopefully everything. It was a nice distraction and oddly inspiring as she fought against the cold fall wind that seemed to want anything but for her to reach her destination in time.

26.

25.

24.

23.

Her dress flew around her like it was coming to life in a flowing purple dance under the bright moon that still hung high in the sky. The perimeter of the building actually seemed smaller than what she'd initially calculated, but to be fair on such short notice, she was only able to pull up the blueprints from a few years before. It was entirely possible that the southeast end had been removed to cut down on useless space and create more parking. Her stare burned from the unexpectedly frigid air, but she allowed her gaze to drift slightly from ahead and noticed an unoccupied tractor trailer. 

_So that's how a bunch of assassins travel discretely._

"22." Jason's voice was hollow as he said it out loud. She wasn't sure if it was meant to be a random reminder that he had his finger on the trigger, but he didn't sound nearly as eager as he made himself out to be. He wasn't the killer he used to be, the one he was brainwashed and coerced to be. She was sure her annoyance at him would brim back to the surface when less pressing matters existed, but at the moment she hurt for him and feared he would take more of a shot than instructed. She'd watch him enough from the many cameras in the sky to know that while he didn't have Deadshot-level precision (no one did), he was proficient in his aim and grew even more so as he got more comfortable using firearms. 

21.

20.

It wasn't about Talia. She didn't give a damn if Talia bit the dust. She wasn't raised with the same martyr attitude as any of the Robins were, namely Dick, so she couldn't bring it in herself to be upset someone so foul died on their watch. Her father was a cop. He killed before. It was abiding with the law and in last-stitch circumstances, but it still happened. He hoped certain evil saw the death penalty so they would be gone from this world. She didn't always disagree. She'd never directly killed with her own hands, but she was sure there were moments when she left a villain to the elements, unsure if they would live or die. She still wasn't sure what she would do if she was presented with Joker face-to-face in battle, especially if she had the advantage or the option to kill him the way Jason had right now. She didn't know the full story of what he went through. He kept that close to the chest. That was his story to tell if he saw fit.

19.

But if Jason killed Talia, there would be ramifications. Damian would lose his mother, no matter how awful she was, she would become a martyr of some sort in his eyes. The boy was too close to the situation to see he was also a victim of her iron gripped abuse and would never forgive Jason or Bruce for his eventual and inevitable forgiveness of Jason. Jason would lash out and distance himself from the family. Dick would be sympathetic, but his indecisiveness on where to stand (he would see both sides of the coin) would land him in the bad graces of both. It would tear him up inside, of course, but his optimistic demeanor would shine brighter than ever, painfully bright. Tim would likely approach everything from an overly-pragmatic position, which would piss just about everyone off, but he was sensitive too and cared a bit too much as they all did. 

18.

She willed herself faster and faster, thrusting her fists as she progressed. She was not sure if their strange band of family members could take such a blow. It was already taped together poorly. Even still, it was hers and she wouldn't lose it so easily. That was how she would cope with the ordeal. She wouldn't say whether or not she agreed, but would try her damndest to hold onto both of them and everyone with a firm grasp, even if they were already all gone. 

"17." He didn't sound any better.

_"Miss Gordon? You're almost there. This is a private link between us, but I am seeing that source of thermal heat from around the corner of where you are. You will come face to face with them."_

16.

She mentally prepared herself to fight as she clenched her teeth, in part because she was fighting the urge to chatter them in the bite of the cold, and partially because she felt an inkling of fear. However, as she rounded the corner, she literally rammed right into the opposite of what she expected.

15.

"Stephanie?" She immediately outstretched her arms to grasp the younger girl's shoulders. A strange mixture of panic and relief filled her. She wasn't sure those two emotions could intertwine the way they did as she saw her, but sure enough, they could. Her skin was cold, which Babs instinctually rubbed furiously to try and provide friction for her.  She wished she had a jacket or blanket to wrap her in, because clearly she'd been out here for a while. There was so much confusion and fear swimming in the sulking blue eyes that stared back at her, unknown and unharmed to the danger that existed within the walls beside them, but still suffering all the more.

14.

God, she wished she had more time and that one of their own's life wasn't being wagered off. The timing in all aspects of their lives was so murky. 

"What are you doing out here?" She breathed.

"I needed some air and the door locked. I was going to walk around front..."

13.

"Stupid question, but you didn't drink, did you?"

12.

She was returned with a glare.

11.

"I told you it was a stupid question!" She cupped her chilled face and looked at her with as much composure as possible. "Everything is going to be alright."

Stephanie groaned and massaged her temples. "You know."

"10."

Shit. She had to go. She wished she had more time to discuss the situation at hand with the terrified teenager in front of her. When it came down to it, after reputations and masks were torn away, that's all they all were. They were all just scared and looked to a different resolution to try and erase it. They raced towards it head on when it came to physical threats. Emotional struggles? That was not their forte. She looked up to the cracked window that was just out of reach. She quickly turned back to the blonde.

"Yes. And we're going to talk about it, we are, but there's a terroristic situation going on in there and Damian is in trouble."

9.

"Oh my God, what can I do?"

8.

Was it wrong to ask the pregnant girl to lift her up? She reasoned it was a lot worse for the pregnant girl to be in a position where she had to fend off professional assassins. Based on how far along she currently was, it wasn't likely to cause any damage. It was odd though, because while she didn't say anything aloud, it was as if Steph could read her mind. She had also taken notice of the open window. If Barbara's eidetic memory served right, there would be a fire alarm on the wall and by that positioning from the window, she would just be able to reach it. It was wise to cause as much commotion on the outside as possible, get everyone outside in order to protect identities and civilians. The hysteria would provide a decent background for them to gain some control. They thrived in insanity.

"Give me a boost."

7.

"I wish I could come."

6.

"Help others evacuate."

"Okay."

But boost her, she did. It was with incredible strength and rapidity that they were able to work out a cheerleader position that allowed Babs to be lifted into the air and up to the windowsill. She couldn't climb through and into sight until she reached confirmation from Jason. It wouldn't be verbal.

"5." Her worries were not quelled by his voice. She swore she heard him cock the gun, readying it for fire. 

"I'm in position." She said over the comms. By the looks of it, everyone else was too. Her eyes trained on Jason's direction, wondering what he was about to choose as a fate. She hated how cut and dry she was for a person that lived in a world of outliers and broken lines. Still, she couldn't avoid seeing the destruction it would cause their family. It wasn't fair to think like that, though. Jason had demons and if he believed killing Talia would rid him of them, that was his burden to shoulder. It wouldn't end the League of Assassins. Nyssa would get exactly what she wanted and claim the throne. They would continue to do terrible things and enact their hypocrisy in the name of purification on the world. They would start wars, allow genocides, and maintain control without batting an eye. She didn't trust them and she never would. Her mind drifted to Stephanie, who was literally supporting her without question. She needed their family more than ever. She didn't have anyone else.

4.

"Jay, are you ready?" Her nerves were getting the better of her.

3.

She didn't wait longer than a second to ask again. "Jason?"

2.

She clearly wasn't getting an answer from him.

Her hands clenched the windowsill, almost breaking it even further. Talia wasn't budging on healing Damian. She loved power and her son the same, but she had power. There was no promise Damian would live up to being the Demon's Head as she always wanted. In her own twisted way, she loved him, but it wasn't good enough. Nyssa certainly wouldn't waver. It was part of the plan for one thing, but also because she likely didn't care all that much. She just wanted power. They were going to have to take the shot and ambush.

_Don't do this._

"1."

The silence before an expected gunshot was arguably one of the emptiest moments ever. She wasn't the one being struck or shooting, but she could still feel it somehow. She looked to where Dick was properly hidden first with the knowledge that possibly no one was more terrified right now than him, then to Damian's unconscious body as it wavered in Nyssa's grasp, and finally over to the direction of the shot. Still, once the loud bang erupted through her ears, she didn't hesitate or ponder any further. She didn't even look towards the scene for results before leaping through the window and pulled down on the fire alarm. She knew it went off, but she couldn't hear it while the entire room broke into hysteria. As her feet hit the ground and the assassins were on her like flies on shit, she grabbed the nearest blunt object in the form of a curtain rod and turned it into a temporary weapon. Right then and there, Everything seemed to speed up in motion as Steve Perry sang about the city boy who was born and raised in South Detroit. 

* * *

 

Dick and Cassandra threw the hoods back of their League-sanctioned robes the second they heard the bullet leave the barrel. Cass actually ditched hers altogether, finding it far too bulky for her liking. Their swords moved faster than even they could calculate, slicing and dicing whatever decided to fight against them. It wasn't incredibly difficult to infiltrate the group temporarily. None of this was planned and they guessed that Talia didn't have her best warriors with her as opposed to newer trainees. Of course, trainees of the league probably amounted to semi-equal opponents for most of the highly practiced fighters in the room.

They'd done a very cartoon-like motion of snatching the lagging two members of the crowd, knocked them out, locked them in a supply closet, and wore their clothes. He made a joke or two about wearing another man's clothes, but it was kindly pointed out by Cassandra that Dick was actually wearing a woman's robe. Dick, then proceeded to go off about questioning why there even was "gendered robes" anyway. When they reached the rest of the assassins as they stood in support behind Talia, they fell into complete silence.

This was especially hard for him. He was always admonished for talking too much on the job. It didn't matter if it was school, at work, or when he was hopping rooftops trying to scope out danger. His classmates, coworkers, and family/friends were always telling him to shut up. He never quite could, unlike his partner beside him. Cass was ideal for this kind of infiltration. She was quiet and experienced with all of their tactics. It made sense, all of their positions. Babs was the stealthiest and would run around back to provide backup assistance and pull the fire alarm, Jason would take the shot, Tim was pickup duty, and Dick and Cass were undercover.

Hearing the chatter over the comms was helpful to some degree, even if he couldn't participate, but it grew too nerve-wracking at the end with the countdown. He was slightly annoyed that Jason didn't say something about having to kill the only terrorist with feet smaller than his sister's, mainly because Dick had several potential comebacks for such an instance. It was everything he could do to keep from staring too intently at his tortured little brother at the center of the room. Alfred was hesitant on letting him participate in the plan based on their closeness and how that might risk the entire operation. He knew his intentions were good, but Dick was doing this with or without protocol. It was their only shot at saving Damian, as much as it hurt to watch.

When it came down to it, neither even bothered to look at the line of shot, saving that stress for a different moment. Both, like Barbara, had feared that Jason was going to take the lethal shot. Right now? They had the limp little boy in Nyssa's arms to get to before she dropped him like a hot sack of potatoes when she realized she'd gotten what she wanted. Dick, particularly, had this as the sole thought on his mind. Of course, his mind raced about whether this was an affective plan or not. The element surprise was definitely helpful as taking down ninjas was never a simple task. 

They fought back-to-back, skillfully deflecting any of the surprised warriors with katana swords. It slightly reminded him of the fight scene with the red guards in the  _Last Jedi_. Had his anxiety not been running him through the roof right now, Dick might have admired how cool it was that he was using a katana sword in battle. Cass used one quite a few times, and now she was currently wielding two swords. In any normal circumstance, he might complain that he didn't also get two, but he knew she certainly had more experience. He knew she didn't like to think of those days as if they were in this lifetime. They were and he wasn't sure ignoring them did any good, but he wasn't an expert on handling traumatic incidents of the past. He was fairly sure none of them were equipped to give proper advice on this matter.

Protecting the ones they loved? Hell yes. He could teach a class about how fiercely he would hold onto each of them (physically if he could) with all of his might. 

Cass nodded at him as she expertly incapacitated an attacker that tried to sneak up at her by using his own body weight against her. Simultaneously, she kicked another in the face. For as smooth and precise as her methods were, she'd learned how to fight dirty with the bats. He felt his chest swell in pride at that.

"I take it you don't need me?" He nervously asked. "I'm not that great handling hilts."

She rolled her eyes, but smiled at him. She knew he was scared. Even though you could hardly tell since she was a slicing machine with a sword, she was too. With Cass, every day was a battle to refuse what her parents so desperately wanted for her, which was not much beyond animal instincts of killing. Every movement of her sword could easily flicker and go just too far. She knew where all the lethal arteries were. She could be a bloodthirsty murderer if she wanted to. Instead, she made the choice to build herself from nothing and become something else. She'd come a long way thanks to Bruce and especially Babs. 

"I've got it."

He believed her.

A minute hadn't even passed even though it felt like life was flashing all around him. As he approached the main event, he could see Damian's limp body slipping out of Nyssa's hands. Talia was charging her, wrist bloody and sparking unlike Damian. That sent an ounce of relief through him, but it wouldn't be enough until he was actually holding him. He felt guilt as he remembered the course of the day in his approach. He hadn't been there for Damian in the way he should have been. Instead, he was wrapped up in his own drama. He wondered if any of this would be taking place if he'd just talked to him. It might have been Bruce's responsibility, but Dick knew by now that if he'd left it up to Bruce, the kid would have very few required life conversations.

He broke into a full out sprint, zooming through and around assassins and other fighters everywhere. The ballroom rung with the distinct noise of the fire alarm as well as Journey over top of the all out brawl that was taking place. He dropped into a slide like a baseball player desperately trying to reach home base, evading certain beheading by a strike that wasn't even meant for him. As he did, his outstretched leg knocked Nyssa forward and Damian out of her loose grip. He caught him like a baby and even looked at him like he was one. Damian always looked especially young as he slept. Dick forced himself to feel for a pulse and was relieved to find he was not only breathing but mumbling something in the form of a complaint. He'd never been so happy to hear him complain before. He hadn't been exposed to the shocks for too long (it just felt like forever), but they needed to determine how much damage it would cause. Because he wouldn't let him do it while he was awake, he spared a second to kiss his head.

"I've got you, Lil D. Big D's got you."

He leapt back to his feet, child held over his shoulder in one arm, sword in the other. Turns out, it was very difficult to fight with only one arm, but even more so when the object in the other arm had to be completely guarded. It was like he had two hearts that could be struck in that moment and he knew which he'd rather take a sword or bullet if it meant sparing the other. He made eye contact with Bruce for the tiniest of seconds. Dick hoped to convey "your son is okay, but if you would have listened to me about this contract, we wouldn't be here right now" as best as he could with one glance. Given their history, it was surprisingly easy to express their emotions wordlessly when they wanted to, when it came to the life or death stuff. Talking about love and vulnerability? Not so much.

Still, his adoptive Father mouthing the words "Thank you" meant something. He wasn't able to process what, exactly, since he found himself the center of an attack. Holding a hurt child made him an easy target to these people or seemingly so. He was about to show them that this was not the case.

He was more fired up than ever.

* * *

 

Bruce watched in horror for two reasons. For one thing, his youngest son's electrocuted body was being held for ransom that Talia give up her rule as Demon's Head and on a lesser note, he really hated Journey and that exactly what blared through the speakers. Why he ever let Barry Allen be his DJ was a mystery to him. He must have had reasons, but if he could go in time and remedy the mistake he would. Even more so, he would have kept his small boy close the entire wedding instead of pushing him away to be on his own with fears and questions that Bruce preferred not to adjust. In this moment, as Talia showed no signs of changing her mind and any light he ever hoped still existed in her was clearly gone, he wanted nothing more than to answer all of them. He just wanted to avoid this very confrontation, the one that his children had to answer to for him.

He looked to his wife, trying to tell her with all his might and determination that he loved her and that he was merely stalling so Jason could ready himself. 

The only reason he played into Talia's game and said he'd go with her was because he saw Jason. Only someone that taught him to be so elusive would be able to seek him out, so it made sense that he went otherwise unnoticed. In the slight shadow off the upper level wall, he noticed the sniper rifle. As much as the idea of such a weapon being brought to his wedding bothered him and made his gut feel tight, he knew in his heart he would make the right choice. If Jason wanted it to be lethal, he could understand that. He didn't agree with it nor did he think it would change anything, but he could sympathize from a certain perspective.

Whether or not he'd properly project that would be unknown.

He did know that Damian wouldn't be nearly as understanding. 

Lines would be drawn and he knew he would have no choice but to side with Damian. Of the two of them, Jason would be okay without him and likely predicted such a circumstance. He would still grow up a good and strong man. A different man than what Bruce initially intended and he would want to be a part of that, but maybe it would be for the best if this was what he really needed. Dick would ultimately stay with Damian, but it would be more difficult for him. He'd try to play peacekeeper, but Jason would see it as betrayal and reject such an idea. Barbara would stay out of it altogether, because she could understand both of their feelings and remain Switzerland in a way only she could. Stephanie and Tim would go with Jason. Tim, because Damian has never taken to him and despite his issues with Jason, would see his point for what it was. Stephanie and Jason were closer and looked out for one another and she never got along with Damian. Cassandra was a wildcard and could go either way if prompted.

Whatever choice was made would have to be the right one. Selina was right about him needing to let people in as opposed to distancing himself. That didn't just apply to her and he should have learned this by now. He didn't know the entire logistics of their plan, but he assumed they had the entire place surrounded. Two League members seemed slightly out of place based on the shoes they wore. He guessed they were Dick and Cassandra, respectively. Dick would retrieve Damian once the the universal remote was deactivated. Tim was most useful in a position where he could help rescue anyone that was seriously injured. He swore he saw a flicker of movement from the air vent to his left. Barbara's location was truly unknown, but if he had to guess, she was either playing eye in the sky or around back trying to infiltrate that end of the ballroom. They were relying on surprise, gimmick, and luck. Sure, there was some level of planning loosely involved, but it wasn't what he taught them.

The League of Assassins wouldn't expect any of it then. 

The shocks that occasionally jolted his body were the least of his worries. If the volts that crept up his son were half as bad as his, he would personally reign hell on Talia and Luthor for formulating such a device. 

The bullet soared through the air and Bruce felt a smile break his face as he noticed the line of trajectory before it even broke skin. Talia fell at the impact, the watch destroyed and sparking on her. Her arm was bleeding profusely. 

He hadn't done it. He didn't kill her. 

Fatigue still plagued him, but he was doing better than anyone else that suffered the shocks. The powered people were especially worse for wear, mostly unconscious or sluggish in the far corners of the room. He knew he had to spring into action to protect his teammates the way they would for him. Plus, he was positive Oliver Queen brought a bow and quiver to the wedding despite his "no weapons" policy. He was defiant that way. 

Bruce looked at Jason with more pride than he'd ever admit. He knew if Damian weren't involved, Jason would have killed her, but he cared more about the family than his past. Maybe that was the very sacrificial behavior that was problematic for their family to continue, but in that moment, he breathed for both of his kids. And beamed in pride as Dick slid across the floor in that ridiculous robe and Christmas suit through blood and grime and caught Damian like he was a small baby. The sight caused a pang at his chest for a multitude reasons. He needed to know if his youngest was okay and if he couldn't be there for him, Dick was the next best person to save him. Actually, he was probably the first best.

Dick was twice the man he'd ever be and usually more of a father to Damian that he was. 

They shared an exchange that let Bruce know he was alright, that they both were. 

He breathed easy as he stretched out his hand to his wife and spun her so they were back to back in a ready position. 

"Shall we?"

"Weren't you just under electric shock?" She gasped as she slammed a man to the ground as a rejection to his attempt to do the same to her.

"You know my pain tolerance has become increasingly low over the years." This rang true as one of their attackers managed to clip in the arm, tearing his tux.

"Well, that'll be good when you go off and run away with Lady Macbeth 2.0 over there." She nodded over to where Talia and Nyssa duked it out. "I'm sure she has another hot iron with her initials just more than ready to burn into your flesh."

He dodged an punch and caught a foot before twisting it against them. She did a similar combination followed by scratching her opponents. It was her signature move. Deciding they were safe from attack for about 3 seconds, he turned to face her and made her face him.

"I saw Jason." He breathed and gazed at her. "I would never leave you."

"You mean it?"

"More than anything." He kissed her quickly and during that, they both yanked a desperate attempt at a sneak attack over top of them and sent the offender crashing into the wall. They separated and resumed their original positioning.

"Is it weird that this is my favorite part of tonight? You know, besides the marrying you part."

"Very." He grunted as he punched a man to the gut. "But it's mine too."

The song finally came to a close.

"I really hate Journey." 

* * *

 

He'd been managing extremely well for someone that was carrying a whole other human life along with him as he fought. He just needed to transport Damian safely to the planned exit hatch before he could truly jump in and give these ninjas his true form of whoop-ass that he had building up inside him. It wasn't easy to see other members of his team single-handedly struggling without any assistance. Unfortunately, those who were under the pain and torture of the devices were lagging and unable to participate as they didn't have their powers or energy back. Calling them underdogs was an understatement. Barbara was using a curtain rod for God's sakes and these were assassins. She was kicking some serious ass given her circumstances, but he wasn't sure how long that was going to hold up. 

As "Africa" by Toto played in the background, he weaved his way around with a newfound confidence that the song certainly might have motivated. Seriously, Barry and Wally were totally DJing his future wedding. 

_"Master Richard, the dropoff point is just to your right."_

" _He's not a sack of potatoes, you know."_ Tim returned, genuinely defensive. He and Damian were a lot nicer about the other when their lives were in peril, which meant they at least tolerated each other enough. The moment didn't last too long though. _"Well, unless he is a vegetable after-"_

 _"-Let's talk about something else."_ Babs thankfully interrupted.  _"Like, does anyone have a spare sword?"_

Alfred was right, but it wasn't nearly as close as he'd wanted it to be. He managed to slither this far away from assassins and getting lost enough in the crowd to evade them, suffering minimal cut marks and only one stab wound and it was just his shoulder. Despite the small little clot of blood that seeped through his shirt (which was getting less and less white as the end of the night drew nearer), he deemed it fairly harmless and worth the effort of knocking away two armed ninjas. Whoever told him that fast-talking and being a smartass wouldn't save his life, was dead wrong.

He made a mental note to mention that to Bruce later.

However, a man that was certainly  _not_ a rookie like many of their other opponents this evening, stood at a foot taller than Dick with a rage of a thousand suns in his eyes. Dick protectively turned Damian away slightly as if that was going to do any good at the end of it all. 

"Give me the kid." 

_Yeah, like that's going to happen._

"Stay away." Dick hated the way it sounded more like a request than a demand. He was usually better than this, but it wasn't just his life that was on the line here.

The man opened his mouth and raised his sword to strike. Dick prepared himself as Toto sang about blessing the rains. 

_Bang._

The man in front of him fell hard to the ground. Dick looked up with wild eyes to see Jason Todd standing on the balcony above, grinning.

"How's that for an apology?"

"What the-"

"-Relax, Dickie. Rubber bullets!" He waved his hand gun at him and when Dick looked down at the unlucky ninja to be struck by Jason's impeccable aim, it was clear he was merely unconscious, not dead or dying. He couldn't help but look back to where Talia had been struck in the wrist by the sniper. Blood had pooled in her place. While she was no longer standing in that place, she was thoroughly occupied by her younger sister as they dueled to the death in a match that no one was getting in between.

Jason shrugged. "I couldn't find rubber sniper bullets."

They didn't have much more time to exchange sentiments, but Dick forgave him and Jason knew he did. In a move that was theatrically badass, Jason leaped over the balcony railing, landing hard on the buffet table, sending it crashing down as he reigned a stream of rubber bullets at anyone that came his way. His brother had a lot of faults, as any of them did, but he was the kind of guy you wanted on your side in a fight. When you did, he passionately fought until the end without a shred of hesitation.

He was proud to have him.

"You better drop the kid off and stop standing there looking like an idiot, Dickhead."

* * *

 

Tim easily had the least exciting position of all of them in their big plan. Still, it didn't mean it was any less important to the outcome. Damian would need a safe exit and way to get back to Alfred, especially since he was passed out. It wasn't easy for him to watch the insanity ensue to popular 20th century music (Now, "More Than a Feeling" by Boston began to blare at full volume) without intervening. It wasn't in his nature to just observe his family struggle while waiting to play rescuer, but he would do it. He'd do it for Damian. The kid would never thank him for it or anything, but that was okay.

Well, it was almost okay, but he'd get over it. He was too worried to care much about the logistics.

The vent he occupied was fairly out of sight in the corner it was tucked between. He still had a decent vantage point to see what was going on, but it was disguised by a bunch of super hero bodies that were strewn about in utter exhaustion. He couldn't explain why some were reviving faster than others, but luckily, some seemed to bounce back. Diana and the other Amazons were up the earliest and since they were already skilled fighters, didn't require any powers to thwart off the assassins. The Atlantans had a similar experience and the combination of these forces as well as their small group of rogues made for a fight for the ages. Finally, it seemed the ball was returning to their court. 

He found it interesting to see firsthand the dividing differences between their family and the League of Assassins. For example, Nyssa dropped Damian so she could dive for power at Talia and Talia wouldn't release her power to save her son. In contrast, they formed this entire operation to save the little boy that was cast on the wayside. Yeah, it was easy to feel bad for the kid, but even if his mother's side of the family was a violent and careless wreck, at least the Batfamily was just a wreck.They were a caring wreck, though, and would shift the earth's plates to bring him back safe and alive.

He noticed below him, Conner trying to struggle to get up. Truthfully, he'd been watching him at this painful distance this entire time, unable to reach out as a part of the silence required for the plan, but now that there was craziness from all fronts protecting him and providing surprise discretion, he tapped on the vent to get his attention. Sure enough, pained blue eyes looked upwards. His Kryptonian super hearing was super sensitive and it was a sign he was slowly and surely getting his powers back now that the disabling device was disarmed. It didn't happen like they'd hoped, but Jason made the shot.

"Tim?" He croaked and his tone broke his heart. 

"Hey, come with me. You're going to be okay." He whispered.

Conner smiled faintly, but it was one of the most beautiful things he could have seen in that moment. It was slightly diminished when he shook his head in response.

"I can't leave. Clark is in even worse shape than me. I have to fight."

"No you don't." Though if someone said anything similar to Tim about Bruce, he'd tell them they were downright crazy. Still, he had to try. "You're hurt. You don't stand a chance against these guys. I know they aren't the highest sanctioned League of Assassins, but they will kill you."

"I'd like to see them try."

"I can't..." He couldn't lose him. He'd wanted this a lot longer than he'd ever admit and maybe that was coming into fruition now.

"You would do the same thing for Batman." It was like he was reading his mind.

"I know I would." He swallowed. "There's always going to be a war to fight, huh?"

"In my experience? Yes. We need to make do with the time that's given to us."

"Is there anything I can say to get you to "Die Hard" with me and climb into this vent?"

"No." He smiled that cute little smile again and Tim's heart fluttered. "You know I have unbreakable skin, right?"

"I sure hope its back."

"It is. I feel stronger already. I'm practically invincible, but I swear I've never felt as strong as I did when I was kissing you." He looked straight ahead. "You ran off kind of quick though."

"I didn't run." He clarified. "I was literally hauled away by my older brother."

"I know. Still, it was nice."

"It was nice." Tim agreed. "But we can't talk about this now, can we?"

"I've got a battle to fight and you've got a brother to save." Conner nodded and stood to his feet to lift the loose cover of the vent and kiss him chastely. "See you on the other side."

Tim stared in awe as he ran off to beat the shit out of some unsuspecting villains. Dick was quick to approach with Damian in his arms.

"You're bleeding!"

"Doesn't matter." He handed him over like it was an exchange. "That was super cute by the way."

He groaned. "Please tell me you didn't spy on me in the middle of an ambush."

"If I didn't, you'd never give me the deets."

"You're right."

Dick grinned and it faltered as he looked to their youngest brother, who curled into Tim's embrace. "Keep him safe and then get out."

"What? No way! Not to the "keeping him safe part", but... I'm not leaving."

"I don't mean abandon us." He sighed. "I just mean someone needs to help evacuate the rest of these supers that are not exactly bouncing back. Not everyone has true love's kiss to spring them back into action."

He rolled his eyes again. "Would you cut it out?"

"Nope. Now go and use this as a way to save people, okay?"

Tim nodded, realizing that was actually very important. "Okay."

* * *

 

Jim Gordon watched in shock as his daughter, his same little girl that used to beg to stay up an extra hour just to hang out with him and snuggle on the couch, just drop-kicked what he could only assume was a cold-blooded murderer and then operated a metal curtain rod to knock him out cold with. She must have felt his stare from behind the table he knocked over to serve as a shield, because she scrambled her way through the masses to reach him. He quickly grabbed the gun from his ankle holster. Soon enough, unimpressed green eyes were staring over at him from a crouching position across from him.

"Really, Dad?"

"He's using a gun!" He gestured to Jason Todd, who could very obviously be heard saying "Fuck you and a fuck you very much" to each attacker that dared to make a move against him.

"Am I going to have to get you screened too for thinking bringing a gun to a wedding is a good idea?"

"Clearly, it was!" He exclaimed as he leaned over the table and shot a non-lethal shot at a female assassin that previously skimmed him with an arrow.

"Well, in a normal situation it wouldn't be."

"Nothing about you guys is normal."

"Fair." She nodded and kicked one off her feet before using her shoe to knock her out. "By the way, if I ever complained about going to martial arts as a kid, I apologize."

"Apology accepted." He whistled in shock. "Money well spent, apparently."

She grinned. "Are you okay, here?"

"You kidding? Now  _this_  is a wedding."

Barbara sighed before leaping over the table, taking in her surroundings. To say the least, it looked like a shit show, but even more surprising was the fact that it was beginning to look like they stood a chance. It was amazing when sure suicide missions turned out unexpectedly. They had hoped to get as many people out as safely as possible while probably suffering under Talia's rage, but clearly, she'd overestimated the device Luthor created and his loyalty to silence, because she brought her weakest team and seemed to truly believe Bruce would actually go with her. Cassandra, who was probably doing the best out of everyone and that included Bruce and Selina's power-couple tag team, called her over.

"Babs!" And without saying anything else, tossed her the spare sword she'd been wielding.

She caught it and smiled at her, obvious pride shining through. "You are such a badass."

Cass blushed before continuing to do as she did best. "I know."

Dick, however, was in less than great shape. He was on the floor with a man twice his size, who was currently trying to suffocate him with his own bare hands. In response to a cold feeling that chilled her body in a way that the outside elements never could, she found herself racing across the room as fast as her legs could carry her, dodging opponents left and right, cutting and weaving. Her eyes remained trained on the struggling and reddening face of Dick Grayson as he gasped for air and tried to squirm his way out of the situation, as he was unable to use his smart mouth to get out of it. She has suspicions his mouth might have been the reason for the choice of death from this particular assassin.

She didn't care if it was the last thing she did, she was getting that big meat cake off of him. Personally, she couldn't picture a peaceful or happy world without Dick Grayson and his ridiculous lines and terrible romantic timing. They had much to discuss, after all, and she would prefer it if he was around for the conversation. Every feeling she'd previously had, particularly the feeling of annoyance and aggravation, was put on pause as urgency set in.

She slid to get low and in a fluid moment, knowing good and well that a simple cut wouldn't distract the man, sliced his left hand clean off.

He howled in a way not dissimilar to Luke Skywalker when his arm was also cut off. Unfortunately for the League member, she didn't use a lightsaber so the wound wouldn't be cauterized. As predicted, he released Dick as quickly as he could, but not without spilling blood all over the two of them. He pressed his now-nub to his chest and glared at her through natural tears, but she dodged his weak attempt at a blow to the head and leaned down to grab Dick from under his arms and drag him away from the scene and behind another table that was turned on its side. It was a weak defense, but it was all they had for now. 

He coughed and spluttered before looking up at her in that way he had many years before when she was first Batgirl and he was still Robin, like he'd never seen anything like her.

She affectionately raised a hand to his cheek. "How are you holding up, Hunk Wonder?"

"Babs, you're incredible."

"That doesn't exactly answer how  _you_  are." She smirked.

"Better now." He nodded. "That was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me."

"I figured chocolates and flowers were overrated."

"Totally."

"And Damian?"

"Safe. What about Steph?"

"Safe." She breathed out a sigh of relief. "Jason didn't take the lethal shot."

"Maybe there's hope for all of us yet."

She looked at him carefully as she crouched in front of him, their faces a lot closer than she'd noticed when she brought him here. His hot breath against her mouth. There was a moment in time where everything else around them seemed to still. She forced herself to look away from the clear stab wound that was a source of his own blood and to look into his eyes. This was easily the longest 24 hours ever and it pained her to think it could be the last.

"Maybe so."

He fixed a hair that popped out of her pinned up hair that was now beginning to tumble down in round waves.  

"So." He began to rise to his feet and took her hand and nodded back at the battlefield. Even soaked in another man's blood, a hideous Christmas suit, and a robe, he still somehow had that Disney Prince-kind of beauty that made her heart flutter when he looked at her a certain way. Or most ways.

"So what?" She peered up at him, her eyes growing dry from wearing her contacts for so long, but she couldn't look away to even blink.

"I thought you owed me a dance. Let's show these guys how we dance."

She snorted and took his hand. "Lead the way. Why don't you ditch the robe?"

"It makes me feel like a Jedi, that's why."

"Okay, when you put it that way, I'm a little jealous."

"Hey." He squeezed her hand. "I love you."

Mimicking the line from the movie, she smiled. "I know."

* * *

 

Not long after they rejoined the battle as a unit, the blood-bath took a halt as things between Nyssa and Talia heated up from their corner of the battlefield.

"How dare you conspire against me with my own son!"

"You don't love him."

Their swords clashed for the millionth time as a song called "Welcome to the Jungle" began to set the tone of insanity even further.

"You don't know me."

"You were willing to throw all of this away for a delusion and you failed!" She screamed. "You failed your beloved, you failed your son, you failed father, and you failed m-"

Nyssa fell to her knees instantly, gurgling on her blood as she noticed the knife Talia always secretly held. It was sticking out of her chest like she was a free sample in supermarket. She grimaced at the memory of their father teaching them that trick when they were just babes. Her gaze turned to fire as she glared up at her sister.

"You... Are... Un..."

"I am the Demon's-" A familiar squelching noise came from behind Talia and she looked down in horror to notice a sword in her own chest. Nyssa smiled a bloody smile from below. If she couldn't have the throne, at least Talia wouldn't either.

"No." She winced and fell back to her knees. When she did, Lex Luthor was on full display, eyes cold and a grim smile on his lips.

"I suppose that's the last time we work together, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter has a lot of action and a lot to take in all at once from several different POVs. It was soooooooooo hard trying to write all of these overlapping perspectives, but I felt it was important to show where most of their heads are at during what is essentially the culmination of all the issues that went on during this wedding. Also, we are almost at the end so hang on tight!


	21. And the Winner is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why do they say "all's fair in love and war" when it seems there's nothing fair about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember back in the end of chapter 16 when I promised a treat for shippers? Here you go!
> 
> Little bit of a rating jump in the end, but nothing too descriptive.

Lex Luthor's mouth formed a thin, straight line that seemingly divided his unimpressed face. He turned away from his fallen foes as they gurgled and struggled to cling to the trappings of life, not out of disgust or regret, but because he was bored with the sight. He wasn't a huge fan of getting his own hands dirty, because it typically meant his own lack of foresight in the people he chose to work with. As he looked out at the bloodied and battered guests below as if they were his patrons and he was hijacking a meaningless wedding, he scanned the crowd. There were many citizens from Metropolis present including the blasted reporter Clark Kent and his wife Lois Lane, an even more prestigious reporter that's been a permanent thorn in Lex's public persona.

Sure, he was perturbed that Talia utilized the favor he owed her in a smarmy way that interfered with his own destructive plans against Superman. This was an issue that was easy to remedy with the quick surprise flick of a dagger while she was wrapped up in her own emotional affairs. That was the thing with these assassins. They were all against emotional attachment, but never succeeded in practicing what they preached. Clearly, she had some form of connection to the Wayne wedding that was happening, but he didn't care about that. He wouldn't even care if the boy scout in blue, himself, showed up on his high horse of justice and do-goodness. 

He only cared about one thing.

"Which one of you-" He seethed. "Is the Oracle?" 

Everyone stilled and judging by their determination not to react, most of them knew. Eyes didn't travel, but the stiffness in posture told him they wanted to glance at their friend, meaning he had to be in this very ballroom. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, was when he was played for a fool twice in the same day. Lex Luthor was the smartest human being on earth by a large margin and he would be damned if some stereotypical hacktivist that lived in his parent's basement had pulled a quick one over him. 

When no answer came, all of these guests either confused or noble, he raised his voice. "You didn't honestly think I'd actually believe the likes of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy were Oracle, did you? What do you take me for?"

He eyed the masses and considered his options. No one at this party appeared to be any sort of fat and stubby man-child that mooched off his parent's money despite being well into his 40s or regularly attending Dungeons and Dragons tournaments in his spare time. No, everyone here was in fairly fit shape and despite being exhausted from what appeared to be a lengthy and excruciating battle. He didn't know a good portion of them outside of names and murmurings. Surely, Bruce Wayne wasn't the Oracle. He had the IQ and money for the technology, but this was his wedding and even as he was covered in grime and presumably other people's blood, he wouldn't want to attract that kind of attention. He wondered if it were someone directly in association with Wayne, someone who could benefit from his wealth. He had many adoptive children and most had decent enough intellects, but nothing quite impressive enough on the technological front to set up a dynasty the way Oracle did. Save for perhaps, Tim Drake, who coincidentally, just came into view.

The teenage boy approached another larger boy with a marked intent of worry in his eyes. The other boy looked remarkably like Clark Kent, but in younger form and without glasses. He seemed too young to be Oracle though, unless it was passed down. The supercomputer started about 6 years earlier and would have made the boy 11 or 12 when it kickstarted. No, it didn't make much sense, but there weren't a ton of other options. 

His thought process was interrupted as a large bald man in a suit began to ascend from the ground until he rose to the very balcony where Lex was positioned. He seemed tired from battle and perhaps from having his powers drained and restored all within the hour, but there was a calm resilience about this man. He exuded confidence and control that typically generated from a sound intelligence and capabilities beyond immeasurable hopes. Had he not seen him rise from the ground like Superman, he might have not noticed, but as they faced each other eye to eye, it was impossible to miss.

_Oracle?_

"Move aside, Luthor." His stern gaze flickered to the dying sisters on the floor. "They're dying."

"That's kind of the point, Oracle." 

He flinched. Could it be?

He looked out to the ballroom where everyone waited with bated breath, all nervous to expose themselves for what they really are to him. Those that were on the sidelines weak and panting were clearly meta to some level or at the very least, vigilantes. As for the others, including Bruce Wayne, were sympathizers for the chaos they promoted and the rules they easily neglected. Each painted themselves as heroes with their bright colors and quirky names, but all were hiding behind their own agendas and sins; as all breathing and thinking creatures did.

Lex merely wanted to introduce (force) them to the control they desperately and unknowingly needed; a firm hand to guide them. That might be easier with Oracle on his side.

"This is not your fight." His voice was low.

"And why is it yours?" Lex returned quickly.

"These are my friends."

"These are friends of yours?" He scowled as he referred to Talia Al Ghul and her pool of blood. "Hasn't your mother taught you to mind the company you choose to associate yourself with?"

"She is not a friend, but that does not mean she deserves to die such a gruesome death."

"How philosophical, you're just as delusional as your partner, the Batman."

"Mr. Luthor, I am not sure what you are referring to. I am not the Oracle you speak of nor do I know who is."

"Then who the hell are you?"

His voice never wavered once and neither did his strong gaze. "I was invited to this wedding to celebrate a happy occasion and it seems everything in the universe is trying to prevent us all from doing so. I have remained quiet up until now, when all of this fighting is no longer necessary. I have seen enough bloodshed for one day."

"You don't scare me, stranger."

"Maybe not, but I should, because I am Martian Manhunter, one of the very aliens you fear and hate so much, Mr. Luthor, and as a wedding gift to my good friend, Bruce, I will wipe your memory, as well as every single person's that isn't a friend of his on property. This day will be nothing more than another bitter day for you."

"Wha-" He began to retaliate, but Martian Manhunter was too quick. He turned from white to evergreen in a moment and closed his eyes. Before two seconds passed, everything seemed to feel fuzzy and then blank.

* * *

After it was confirmed that Lex Luthor, as well as the League of Assassins and any hotel staff/guests on site, had his memory wiped clean of the entire day and the events surrounding the day, Tim felt he could breathe again. Everyone was alive and mostly well. He'd delivered Damian safely to Alfred, who reported to all of them that the boy suffered minimal injuries and wouldn't have any brain damage. All he needed was rest and now that it was 5:45 in the morning, Tim knew he wasn't far off from that either. Hell, in just 2 hours, he will have been awake for 24 hours (not that this was an impressive feat for him, but the day was rather emotionally draining). Everyone was assessing their wounds and limping out of the ballroom with the assistance of less injured friends and family. 

Nyssa hadn't made it and while her intentions were never great, they couldn't have saved Damian and freed their friends from Talia without her. Something was to be said about that, not on a character level, but as a necessity working towards a common goal. Damian probably wouldn't mourn her, but that wasn't how he operated either. He'd be solemn for a moment if he felt any type of way about it, and then move out. Talia, on the other hand, would live. She'd be in intensive care for quite a long time. Under law of the league, she is to be cared for until she is well enough to prove herself for the position of Demon's Head. Tim hoped she would have a change of heart and be less genocidal than her father before her. Either way, they had time before they had to cross that bridge again. Damian wouldn't have to grapple with losing his mother and they were off the hook until she fully recovered. Her memory as well as her assassins' memories, were also wiped so there shouldn't be much bad blood. It was like switching a redo lever. 

Post battle, Bruce could be seen embracing Selina as if he'd never hug her again after they let go and it was always nice to see such open expressions of affection. It didn't happen often, but it was a decent reminder that he was human and a good testament to survival. If they could make it through today, Tim figured the rest of their marriage would be cake in comparison. 

Speaking of cake, he tried his best to sift through the crowd to find Steph, determined to finally get a chance to sit down and make sure she was okay, but the only person that registered into view was Conner. He tried talking to him earlier, but that was during Lex's temporary takeover. Now, the world was at ease again for the time being and he felt like he really understood what it meant when people said life was precious. 

Conner perked up when he saw Tim as well and stepped away from a healing Clark to meet him in the middle of the dance floor. Tim was just realizing " I've Had The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley was playing almost perfectly in the background. He didn't ask at fear of sounding or looking any more ridiculous than he already had that day, but he couldn't help thinking about how easy it would be to do the big move from  _Dirty Dancing_ with someone like Conner. He mentally beat himself up from going there. They both, especially him, almost died earlier and all he was drawn to was his big arms? Still, seeing him made his heart flutter in ways that made him forget about the rest of the grief. He couldn't think about humiliation, pain or anxiety when he stared into the pale blue eyes of Conner Kent. Judging by the knowing grin that crossed his lips, he was feeling the same way. 

24 hours ago, hell, 12 hours ago this would have felt mad. Had someone suggested the idea that Conner Kent would ever be attracted to him, he would have laughed in their face and questioned their mental state. Now, he was at the center of the ballroom standing in front of him, curious if this moment was even real. They'd overcome soul searching, embarrassment, and assassins all in the span of a day. Maybe tomorrow would bring more questions and throw higher obstacles in their way, but right now, the ever-calculating and cautious Tim Drake couldn't be more sure that they could overcome all of it. 

His breath caught in his throat in a way that made him feel stupid, but he smiled through it and hoped Conner would speak first.

He did. 

He scratched the back of his neck. "What a night, huh?"

"Yeah." Tim chuckled, relieved at the deflated tension in the room. Everyone was running into each other's arms in celebration of life and glee. Maybe the life they had was sometimes worse than the average civilian life. It was certainly more dangerous, but God, when they won, they all felt it in their hearts and the passion for that victory flow through each of them. It made them all susceptible to pain and misery, but also to a greater kind of love, the kind that recognized how sacred and fleeting life truly was.

"Martian Manhunter really came through. He always does."

"Oh yeah, M'Gann is lucky to have him as an uncle. He's so accepting and chill too!"

"Chill? I am not used to that." Conner laughed.

"You're not? Have you met Bruce Wayne?"

Conner looked beyond him at where Bruce was writing a check to account for all the damages at the hotel, no doubt including some extra. He presented it to a very confused and shaken manager who had his memory of the day cleaned, but also wanted to know how the hell this mess was even made. Plus, there was a lot of blood to be accounted for. Barbara said she would wipe all of the footage and replace it with something incredibly mundane to fill to gaps and not raise suspicion. 

"I don't blame Luthor for thinking he was Oracle, though. Martian Manhunter is one of the smartest beings in the entire galaxy, even smarter than Lex."

Tim rolled his eyes. "I like MM, but he is nothing like the Oracle."

"I suppose you aren't going to say who he really is."

"Their secret, not mine." He shrugged.

"Honorable man, I like that." He agreed.

"I'm not that manly." He blushed.

"You did a kickass thing saving your little brother the way you did."

"You fought all Spartan style so I'm not even going to try and compare myself to you."

"How about we both did our part?"

Tim nodded. "I can settle on that." 

"So, I have to ask: was what happened today a rush of adrenaline or...?" Conner started uneasily, eyes pleading with Tim to interject.

"What happened between us... What's  _happening_ between us..." He paused before smiling in spite of himself. "That gave me the rush of adrenaline."

Slowly, as he registered what had just been said to him, a broad smile that could light the city took form. 

The only acceptable way to be rid of smile like that was to kiss it off.

"You don't care if people know?" He asked.

"They're all nosy as hell." Tim waved him off and leaned in again. "They're only going to find out anyway."

"I like the way you think, Drake and when you're ready, I've got some Batman boxers lying around."

He felt his face turn a bright shade of pink. "Oh really? Where are they?"

"I can tell you where they  _will_ be."

* * *

Stephanie knew she was hiding at this point, and no longer from assassins. Her family would eventually come looking for her now that all of the drama has died down and on some level she was relieved for that. She'd only known about this for a day, but she was already sick of experiencing it alone. It made her feel cold to the bone and wallow in the mistakes she made that she knew she shouldn't have even dabbled in. All she ever wanted was to be a hero and avoid her family's ongoing propensity for failure.

_Nice job, Steph._

She breathed out the cold air and took in another puff of it not matter how the chill burned her longs. Already, she was thinking about how something as minuscule as this could hurt the thing growing in her womb. She hated herself for that. The rate at which she inhaled and exhaled began to increase exponentially until she was diving into a full blown panic attack. She clutched her stomach as she knelt to the floor and shook as she wailed and sobbed despite the screaming in her head that was telling her not to. Behind the door in back of her, people were celebrating their lives and they should be. They dodged death and fought fate once again. Now, she felt she was paying some kind of toll and it was beating her down now all at once. 

Distantly, she could hear the metal door swing open and shut, but she didn't bother to look up and over. Instead, she waited a beat and melted into the warm jacket that was draped across her shoulders. An equally warm arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her and the jacket slumped across her steady. She leaned into the embrace without much contemplation on the matter. She was spiraling and would accept the comforts of The Joker if he offered it right now (okay, that was a stretch, but she was desperate for emotional support).

It was someone much nicer than the Joker and through blurry eyes she could see the good samaritan. The blurry image of Dick Grayson slowly revealed itself to her like a water color painting and even in such dim lighting and blurry filtration, she could still make out his kind concern that radiated from him. The crease in his brow was evident and unlike usual, there wasn't a single trace of a joke or pun on his face. He looked worried and that fear bore through her. There was something so intense about the oldest Robin that was difficult to explain. He was so open about his affections towards loved ones whether platonic or romantic. It was odd to be at the receiving end, despite the fact that she always knew he cared about her. He would never get an underaged girl from a bar pregnant and then ghost on her. He was too full of love to intentionally hurt anyone as far as she was concerned. 

Another odd trait that marked the moment was the fact that he didn't say anything. He pulled her into the crook of his neck and let her cry her heart out. He held he firm, but not too tight, and offered his silent presence. He smelled like aftershave, leather, and metal from presumably blood, which was an interestingly soothing concoction that she couldn't explain even if she tried. 

She was glad she couldn't see his face as she cried. She hated watching pity form on people's faces. It happened every time someone found out who her father was, what happened to her mother, and her love life as a whole. Instead, she gripped him like he was a lifeline until she deemed herself calm enough to relax her hold. 

She dipped away a bit so she could wipe her eyes and probably smear the remnants of her makeup into ugly black blobs on her face.

She breathed again, feeling red hot from the emotions that overtook her spirit.

"Just needed some air." She tried weakly.

Only he didn't laugh, just waited. Suddenly, she felt like she was talking to Bruce for a moment. She wasn't kidding him.

"So, you probably know." She shrugged, still trying desperately to establish some sense of casualness.

"Yeah." His voice was quiet and soft. "It would be stupid to ask if you're okay, right?"

She chuckled and wiped her eyes again. "Yeah. I just found out today."

"Who's-" He started, but cut himself off, deciding it wasn't the time to ask her. "How long have you been out here?"

"Long enough to think maybe this thing might be frozen and stop growing."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"I'm clearly not the pinnacle of sex education."

He sighed and squeezed her a little bit. "I know you don't believe this right now, but you're going to be fine."

"How can you say that?" She bit harshly. Ideally, she'd be yelling at the deadbeat father of her child or her own father or herself right now, but her proverbial older brother was within arms reach. It made sense in a way. The most Bat-like thing to do in a situation like this was to lash out on the ones that tried to pull you close. Dick would understand that more than anyone since due to his personality, he was always the one getting pushed. That made her feel bad, but it was hard to tell since she already felt horrible.

"Because..." As he trailed off and looked to the stars like he was seeking guidance from them, she contemplated on if he said something truly corny, if she would hit him. She didn't really want to hit him, but she wanted to feel like she was doing something and wasn't so damn helpless.

"Because its what we do." He settled on.

"What?" Those were his big and inspirational words of choice? Was he losing his touch?

He looked down to her. "Steph, the birds and the bats take the crap that life throws at us, we struggle for a bit maybe, but we always find a way to come out on top. We have to believe that we're going to continue that streak and honestly, I think we can."

"I'm 17 having a baby! This isn't like when Tim drank too much coffee and had to get his stomach pumped. My life is going to be changed forever."

"Yes, this will have always happened to you, whether you decide to keep it or not, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Life will be different, but it doesn't have to be worse if you don't want it to be."

"Not everyone is a cheerful optimist like you."

"True, but I know you are."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm alone."

He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off. "I've never experienced a longterm example of a good and stable couple from first of secondhand experience, Dick. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and no one has ever loved me. Sure, the family loves me and that's something more than a lot of people have, but this kid needs parents and I'm just a child while the father is just a dude from a bar."

She thought he would question her on that, but he didn't even seem to think about it. "You're only 17. Someone is going to be lucky enough to love you."

"Exactly, I'm only 17, but even at my age I know that no one has ever and might never come close to looking at me the way you look at Babs or the way Bruce looks at Selina. I always fall short."

"Hey." He gently brushed more incoming tears away from her eyes. "We've got you. You said it yourself, you have a lot of people in your life that would die before seeing you fall to the wayside. We love you and we will support you no matter what."

She sniffled. "What about the team?"

"They'll all understand."

"No, I mean..." She shivered despite the warmth of the hideous Christmas jacket and the long cloak. "I'm going to be cast to the wayside if I have this baby. I certainly can't fight."

"Maybe not, but Babs was already talking about having you jump on as a temporary Oracle if you'd like. She was going to color code everything and make it easy for you to do some basic hacking... Her words not mine." He laughed a little, only proving her point about how he looks when he talks about Barbara Gordon. 

She considered this and smiled softly. She didn't really feel better, but this was better than nothing. She no longer felt numb and that was something. 

"So," He slung an arm around her again.

"So?"

"Does this mean I'm going to be Godfather?"

She rolled her eyes at the grin on his face. "No way. I can't have my kid looking up to  _you_ for fashion advice. Look at this coat and cloak!"

"Those are two  _very_ stylish pieces of clothing, thank you very much ma'am. If you have this kid, I'm buying them a baby Jedi cloak."

For the first time in what felt like forever, Stephanie laughed.

* * *

 

After checking up on his sleeping son, Bruce finally fell back on his mattress with a groan of relief. Despite the trauma of the day, he was relieved to relish in such a moment and even more grateful just seconds later when his wife fell beside him. That was surreal and might be until the end of time, at least until he deemed himself fully worthy of Selina Kyle. 

He rolled on his side to face her and reached to stroke her bare arm.

"Mmm I don't want to move ever again."

He chuckled. "We made it."

She checked her phone. "Oh my God, it's 6:15 am."

"Sun rises in 45 minutes." Bruce whistled. "I'm amazed everything finished before then."

She pondered this and then shrugged. "Yeah, I honestly expected an alien invasion or time travel or something."

"Just assassins."

"Assassins who happened to be exes."

"Incapacitated exes."

"Feels like dirt swept under the carpet to me." She murmured. "Let's not forget all of the pranks."

"And emotional outbursts."

"Stephanie is pregnant."

Bruce stilled. "That is something I will discuss in the morning. I know she wants some space from me of all people right now, but she needs to know we stand by her regardless."

"Jim Gordon punched Dick Grayson in the face."

"Ah, I forgot about that."

"And your youngest got wasted and electrocuted."

"I'm amazed we all lived." He chuckled.

"You are quite unusually giddy."

"Still the best day of my life."

She looked at him long and hard. "You know what? Mine too."

"Until the honeymoon."

"Until then. But right now? I'm too wiped to care about anything but good and uninterrupted sleep. That could be our something new."

"When did we become so fun?" He mused at their lazy state of being that starkly contrasted any couple he heard about on their wedding night. It also contrasted any vision anyone would have of Catwoman if she were to ever wed. She was always on the friskier side, but right now, she was an exhausted pile of bones. He felt he was looking at a reflection of himself too since the idea of moving was far from his mind.

"We outgrew fun when our joints started creaking after all of these years. I'm content with silence and warmth."

"You sew I whittle?"

"Sounds perfect." She beamed that perfect smile and scooted close so she rested her head on his chest and yawned. She played with the ring that rested on his finger now in amusement and he wondered if her heart skipped when she saw his the way his did when he saw hers.

"I love you."

"I love you too, big guy." She patted his chest. "And tomorrow morning when I'm not exhausted from kicking your ex wife's ass? I'm going to blow your mind."

"I'll hold you to that so I can return the favor." He settled into the mattress.

Mindblowing it must have been, since that would be the moment their child was conceived.

* * *

 

Barbara carefully pushed open the large steel door to the roof to see Dick still leaning on the ledge, staring into the distance at the flickering lights of the approaching morning. A rush of October chill ran down her spine, but she’d done so much running around that night that it felt refreshing. She crossed her arms and moved over to join him.

There was something beautiful about this early morning. The sun hadn’t yet crawled over the horizon, but the darkness of the sky was beginning to break and Barbara Gordon had watched enough sunrises from the tops of various skyscrapers to recognize the signs. Distant cars zipped quickly below them, rushing to get home before the morning traffic and to luckily slumber until mid-afternoon. Not everyone had the benefit of traveling by grappling hook to get home after a long night’s work. Still, there was an uncanny sense of peace. Gotham could truly be beautiful when it decided to hold still on the calamity front. It wouldn’t last long, because they often believed it was a seesaw effect, but it was important to enjoy it while it did last.

She analyzed Dick’s profile, pondering for what must have been the millionth time how he could manage to look so grown compared to the little boy she met all those years ago and how he could still maintain a sense of levity that kept him youthful. Her eidetic memory would never forget how he looked and behaved and sometimes, she longed for those simpler times when it didn’t seem he had the entire world counting on him, but she enjoyed the maturity in him as well.

"Tim told me I might find you up here." It wasn't unusual for anyone in their family to find themselves at high altitudes by choice. It was where they did their best thinking and could simultaneously take stock of the whole city that they called their own. Some of her fondest memories were on rooftops with him. Dick Grayson turned from the view he was taking in and looked at her, tired eyes still dancing with mirth and their usual slight amount of sadness. "I heard you talked to Steph."

"Yeah, I did." 

"How is she?" 

"Better." He breathed. "I guess, I don't know. I doubt whatever I said helped, but she's no longer out in the cold and is warm in bed."

"I'm sure you did. Say what they want about you, you've always had a way with words."

"I told her she could be Oracle for the time being if she wants to keep the kid or if she needs time, because I know she's worried about being useful still and I know that's something you were cool with."

"Yes."

"And I told her that she wasn't alone and that things were going to be okay." He groaned. "Cliche."

"But good." She smiled lightly. "What else can you say? Steph, you're no longer pregnant! Fear not! This was all ruse."

"I wish I could."

"I'd take this on for her if I could. She must be so scared."

"We have to be there for her, Babs. I can't... I can't take seeing her cry like that again."

She studied the hurt expression on his face and felt a twang of her heart strings at his constant sincerity.

"We will, I promise." She covered his hand with hers.

They stood like that in silence for a bit before he finally broke.

“I can hear you thinking.” God, how many times had he said _that_ to her in his entire time of knowing her? “I know I look pretty good in this suit, but you can just take a picture if you’d like to keep the memory.”

“You and I both know that’s not necessary.” She said, referring to her eidetic memory; her gift and her curse. In times of trouble, she could remember whatever code was necessary no matter how long the sequence. She could describe exactly what her father was wearing down to the color of his shoelaces on the day of her high school graduation. She could recount the exact feeling of her first kiss and what lip gloss she’d been wearing and the amount of time she took to figuring out which flavor to buy.

She could recall the exact number of lines in the Joker’s smile when he hovered over her with that damn camera.

A gift and a curse.

“You didn’t deny that I look good in the suit.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“You’re incorrigible.” She shook her head, but smiled all the same. He did look good, all of the time, no matter what. He even looked good in the ripped up, bloodstained Christmas suit.

“Well, maybe you’re a little _too_ corrigible.” He retorted, doing that wordplay thing that always made her roll her eyes when they were kids. Instinctively, she reacted the same way and it always seemed to give him endless joy for reasons she could never articulate.

Distracted, she reached out to touch the growing bruise splayed across his jaw, testing for any more serious internal bleeding. He was lucky it wasn’t worse than it was, but he did wince when she continued her ministrations.

“Dude got a lucky shot.” He muttered. “Your hands are like ice. I’d offer you my jacket, but another batgirl has it.”

"She really will be okay."

He nodded. "The Dad's a deadbeat dude from a bar, but she's got four father figures on retainer."

“Four?” She snorted. “Damian’s 11.”

“I have it on good record that he’s going to be great with babies. He’s protective, instinctive, knowledgeable… And, I know that deep down he really cares.”

She smiled softly. “I can attest to that.”

“Oh yeah?” He turned to face her, eyes bright and curious as the Gotham City skyline. 

“Full disclosure: he learned that drinking leftover drinks trick that Jason claims to have invented, but learned from us, and got super bombed.”

“Our Damian? Damian Wayne? Grandson of the Demon’s head and son of Batman? He won’t even eat more than 3 cookies at risk of going over the dietary restrictions. He thought Pillsbury would come down and reign a supreme wrath on his soul for disobedience.”

Barbara laughed at the image and continued on. “Anyway, surprise surprise, he’s a grumpy drunk just like his father, and also shocker: Bruce _still_ hasn’t had any semblance of proper communication with him over this whole remarriage thing. God, I know _Full House_ moments aren’t exactly our strongest suits, but he’s gotta be capable of something… Anything, actually.”

“One would think.” Dick grimaced and she could tell by his tightening jaw that Dick was less than pleased about Bruce’s lack of consoling in his youngest son.

“So, he starts blathering on about destroying the marriage and later, the world, and needs to be physically dragged from the scene. I take him upstairs, literally carrying him bridal style, mind you and put him to bed. He’s a lot nicer when he’s drunk and asleep, by the way. However, we did have a nice little chat. Then, you showed up.”

"And I thought you were sleeping with Duke."

She rolled her eyes. "I still can't believe that."

"I was crazed, Babs, but I just want to get it out in the open that I’m a total idiot. I never should have believed any of the stuff Jason was saying. He was just doing all of that to stir up shit and make things better for himself.”

“You did act pretty dumb.” She snorted and a dreamy expression crossed her face while she turned away from the cityscape to look up and over at him. “For heaven’s sake, you _proposed_ at someone else’s wedding. Twice! That is _so_ tacky, Grayson, even for you.”

“I’m not tacky!” He pouted, but her eyes flickered to his outfit and he didn’t dispute that specific claim any further. He didn’t really want to if it made her laugh as hard as it did. He could watch her laugh all day long and be entirely giddy over it. She looped her arms around his and leaned on his shoulder. For a few moments, they watched the passing moments of the preamble of morning.

“It was something straight out of a ridiculous rom-com, which Damian and I have established you watch too many of by the way.” 

“I’m not sure I like this new friendship between you two.” He grumbled and then turned his face so that hers was in close proximity. Cold air flowed around them, but her breath was hot against his and he liked the way her flushed cheeks were exemplified thanks to the neon lights of nearby billboards that reflected off her face. "Are you still mad about me proposing... er... the second time?"

"Is it still on the table?"

Silence.

"Dick? Come on." She leaned back to look at him again.

"I love you, Babs." He said without a single joke in his voice. "I love you so much and I refuse to be like Bruce and Selina, who are just figuring all of this out in their 40s after years of dancing around eachother."

She didn't want that either. All of the frustration and pent up insecurity was flowing out of her like a river.

"We're nowhere near ready for marriage. We can't even seem to establish the fact that if I were to ever get pregnant, you would be the first to know."

"That implies you would only get pregnant by me."

"Seriously, incorrigible." 

He still grinned that trademark smile that made her heart burst. "So that still a no?"

"It's..." She carefully took out the plastic ring and placed it in the palm of his hand. "It's ask me again later."

"Later?"

"Later." She solidified.

"So, you really _do_ like me." He teased.

"A little bit."

"Enough to marry me someday."

"I suppose so."

"Like me like me or do you love-"

"-Shut up, Dick." She cut him off as she took his face in her hands and kissed him fervently, answering his question with actions and not words. They were always well-matched in that way and both were relieved that the dam between them was broken. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. Tension dissipated into passion and while it felt revived and comfortable, there was something fresh about it. She tugged at his ruffled hair that still maintained perfection despite the craziness of the day, evening and early morning. She felt a primal desire to tussle it more.

Truthfully, his misguided (yet romantic) proposal(s) got her heart clambering in her chest a lot more than she let on. The heat and anger she focused so pointedly on now flooded south as he always rendered her when she was in a solid embrace with him. She felt a swell of pride when he groaned from the back of his throat as her hands began to roam. While she was once cold in parallel to the October wind, she now felt July hot thanks to the space heater she was currently and voluntarily making out with and also from the way he made her feel. God, he was sweet and kind and beautiful.

They'd hurt and loved each other so many times in the past that it was finally feeling like they were making the most of the time given to them. No longer would they wait for signs or declarations from the universe. They were going to make their own way and if it was anything like the way he was kissing her right now, she was fine with it. She spent the whole day and the better part of years running from him, but God, if she was going to marry somebody and have kids with somebody, a big part of her wanted Dick Grayson. The small part knew how much he could hurt her, because of just how much she loved him. But she could hurt him just as much.

It was because he was under her skin, in her heart, and even when he annoyed her, always on her mind. 

Picturing forever was too much in their line of work, but tonight? Next week? Next month? Next year? Feasible pieces of time excited her again. And she unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt to let him know that she was in full game to express her excitement as the sun rose over Gotham city.

However, to her dismay he broke it off.

"I can't do this."

She felt her heart, which she'd barely gotten comfortable enough to put on the line again, drop into her stomach.

Dick must have noticed the way she retracted immediately, because he quickly took her hands in his and kissed the tops of them. "No, I mean I want  _this_ aka you and me more than just about anything."

"Okay." She hated being confused, but was a bit relieved. "So? You just don't want to-"

"Oh, man I want that." He breathed heavily and he licked his lips almost obscenely. "I really do. We just need to wait 30 minutes."

She glanced down at his groin and he hastily shook his head. "Nothing like that! My God, Babs."

"Please clue me in here."

"I need to be honest with you, because I don't want to keep secrets."

"Very good." Great, she was nervous again.

"I made a bet with Jason that the first person to get laid in our respective ugly suits would win. The deal was we had until sunrise. I'm comfortable with losing or tying with him, because I don't want to make this about some stupid bet I made when I was sad and again, dumb, for thinking you already had a date you were committed to."

She stared at him long and hard before bursting into laughter. "So that's why you guys were acting like idiots?"

"Yes. It has been a low day for the Robins."

She wiped a tear from her eye. "I'll say."

"So you aren't mad?"

"You were honest and its been a weird day."

"I didn't want to do it." He said quietly. "I was sulking over you and Jason wanted it to stop to-"

"-Wait, what happens to the loser?"

"Loser has to wear a dress for a month over top of his superhero costume."

"Interesting."

"What?" He wrinkled his brow. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking, Dick Grayson, that you need to get those ridiculous pants off as quick as possible." She reached for his belt and his eyes widened.

"You're serious."

"He told everyone I was pregnant. Hell yes, I'm serious. Also, if I'm being quite frank, I love you and I've wanted to have sex with you all day."

"You're amazing." He said and took her face in his hands and their mouthes clashed together.

The first time is frantic and hard against the cold brick wall. All thoughts of bets, terrorist attacks, and pregnancies are far from their minds similar to the idea that anyone in the universe occupied the same space as them. Her dress is hiked up and she gathers purchase from the firm grip on his toned shoulders as he pins them both to the structure and moves them. Her name on his lips vibrates against her neck as he devours her and she cranes her head down to lock their lips as she meets his rushed pace with her own. It happens like a blur that washes over them in technicolor. 

The second time they make it back to the room and Dick bolts the door so Jason can't barge in on them. They finally rid themselves of the clothes that have clung to their bodies the entire day and hurriedly toss them across the floor like the state of the world depends on it. Considering neither fully separate from each other during this feat, it's impressive they don't tear anything. He yields control this entire time as she positions them in a sitting position. Her fingers comb through and tug at his hair as her mouth covers his in a barrage of kisses that seem to make both of them absolutely crazed. Her hair is fallen out of the pinned curls altogether and she moves with urgency and determination. Dick looks at her like she's angelic and says her name like its gospel. 

They shower together during the third time, removing the grime of the day from each other while seizing the opportunity of feeling naked wet skin pressed together. It's sudsy and louder thanks to the acoustics of the shower stall. There is more experimenting here, although all of it seems to re-establish some possessiveness of the other person. Dick finds himself experiencing a thousand thoughts all at once in a flash motion ordeal and every single one of them is about her. He doesn't mind that in the slightest as her cries echo off the bathroom tile first thanks to a healthy combination of his fingers, mouth, and finally him.

The fourth and final time of the evening/early morning is almost unbearably slow. The possessiveness and haste between them temporarily tampered from the previous times. They're finally in bed, still slightly damp from their shower, sheet tugged over their head to surround them in a space of their own. The sun is high in the sky at this point, serving as a backdrop for them as they tangle the sheets of Dick's bed. Its tender in the way Babs thinks only they can be with kissed scars, sweet touches, and quiet declarations of love interspersed with soft moans. They know exactly what the other needs and wants without hesitation, just like on the battle field. It would be scary for either of them if they were younger or dumber, but this time, the moment finally seemed right while also feeling just the right amount of wrong. They both finish around the same time as each other and they cuddle until they both drift into a sleep that feels unfamiliarly light due to sex and peace of mind.

* * *

 

Jason sighed as he pulled out his phone. All things considering, the day wasn't a total bust.

"At least neither of us has to wear a dress." He murmured to Cass as he walked her to her room.

"True. Perhaps it is better that way."

"I agree. It was a stupid bet any- WHAT THE FUCK?"

"What?" Cass asked, alarmed.

He showed her the picture, speechless. In it, was a selfie of Dick and Babs beaming as they walked down the hallway and flipping their middle fingers. 

"Oh wow." She said quietly. "You don't think..."

They went to his room and sure enough, a sock on the door was in firm placement.

"God dammit." He groaned and massaged his temples.

"You can sleep on my floor, bro." Cass sighed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just say this since the last part of this particular story will be an epilogue, but I'm positively floored by all of the positive feedback I've gotten. It was an idea I had in my head for a long time and it was such a pleasure getting the chance to not only put it out there, but have such responsive readers following it. I've given it a lot of thought and while it won't be immediate (I'm actually in the process of writing my own original novel as well as being a full time college student and working), but I am going to make a series out of this. I didn't initially write this with the deliberate intention of writing additional installments, since the story does flow and fit as a one-off, but I didn't exactly close myself off to the proposition either. I was originally fine going either way, but a combination of your support as well as my own attachment to the versions of these characters that I've cultivated has convinced me to move forward with this. I won't be posting whatever I have next with this universe until I'm 100% sure it serves a legitimate story purpose and adds to what I've already established rather than simply existing for the sake of having more. All I can say is that it's coming. Also, it'll be crazy.
> 
> Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything and I hope you guys decide to stick around for whatever other adventures I take these dorks on ~Courtney (Arrowhead Productions)


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All's well that ends well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like parallels.

_Roughly 72 hours later..._

"Tim, we were in the middle of... Relaxing. Why are you facetiming us?" Bruce growled as he strategically positioned the angle of the phone to be from their collarbones upward. Tim was a super sleuth, but even if he wasn't, he'd be able to tell they were sans clothing. He could also jump to the assumption that they'd been without clothing since they arrived at their honeymoon destination in Fiji 2 days earlier. This wasn't a thought he wanted to give much consideration, so instead jumped to the topic at hand. He reminded himself that he was doing both of them a favor for including them.

"Trust me, you're going to want to see this."

"And why are you dressed like Red Robin?" Selina asked, less disgruntled than Bruce, but just as disheveled looking. 

"Just give it a minute." He promised with a grin on his face and then waved the phone's camera in the direction of the other suited birds and bats. Other allies were present too, like the Birds of Prey, Conner Kent, and a few Teen Titans. He found that highly suspicious in its own right. All were on top of a roof that Bruce recognized to be the clocktower and stood around chatting. He couldn't help but take notice about the fact that both Dick and Jason were missing. He almost counted Stephanie as missing too, but realized they were on top of the clocktower, where she was temporarily residing as Oracle, for a reason. He also realized that his own son, Damian, had the biggest grin plastered on his face. He'd never seen him smile like that. Ever.

"Oh no. What are you doing?" He immediately jumped to concern, which after all of the stunts pulled at the wedding, he felt this was a fair assumption. "Who's looking after the city?"

"I know I'm never going to be Babs-tier at this, but I'm not a complete idiot. I know how to look at a camera. Plus she color coded and made simple shortcuts for me." Stephanie's own electronic voice filled the air. "I can't seem to figure out how to turn this damn voice off, though."

"That might be for the best."

Tim laughed. "Calm down. You're going to like this. Hey everyone, wave hi to the honeymooners!"

Everyone turned in almost perfect unison to acknowledge the couple's digital presence in ways that suited each of their personalities. 

"You guys better take it easy." Dinah Lance's voice was unmistakably loud. "Don't want any more batkids running around just yet, do you?"

This was untrue, but he chuckled anyway.

Finally, Dick dressed as Batman swooped in. Bruce knew he didn't want the part, but he looked it and was excellent at it. In his opinion, a better Batman than he could ever strive to be. Dick was too optimistic for the role, though, and didn't like constantly having to envelope himself in darkness. He couldn't help but be proud of his eldest son for taking on whatever responsibility he needed to. Bruce made a mental note to apologize to him for a few days ago when he was under extreme stress. He needed him to know that he was proud of him, that he was proud of all of them. This was much easier to see whilst naked and relaxed in Fiji.

"Sorry, I'm late. Did I miss it?" He asked.

"Nope. You're just in time, Bat Wonder." Barbara smirked.

"Oh goodie. Hi." His voice softened upon looking at her and bent down and kissed her hello, which she clearly welcomed judging by the pleased humming sound she made upon contact. It was a little gratuitous with him watching, but then he remembered that Dick didn't know Bruce was watching. 

So, his speculations that they'd started things back up again were true. They were grown adults now and would likely be in a better headspace to enter a longterm relationship. It also helped that if things went well, he'd win the bet he made with Gordon and Alfred. He wasn't known as the World's Greatest Detective for nothing. Truthfully, he wanted nothing more than his children's happiness and while Barbara wasn't one of his, he'd like her to be his in-law if they'd be smart about it this time around. He'd watched them go back and forth so often that it gave him whiplash, but despite how often they ended up hurting each other instead, he always pulled for it.

Selina wasn't as patient.

"Hey, horndogs. I don't want that bitch Vicki Vale writing a report about how Batman is stepping out on Catwoman with  _Batgirl_ , okay?"

Barbara wrinkled her nose as she looked at Dick, no doubt imagining Bruce being on the other end of the costume instead. 

"We'll try and lay low."  _Try_ was certainly the operative word, because even as they couple didn't overtly make out, he still had a gloved hand toying very low with her cape that was pressed against her back, since she was leaning against him.

"It's the honeymoon phase." Tim justified in a manner that only someone  _else_ currently in the honeymoon phase could. Conner looked as red as a firetruck.

Damian, who was uncharacteristically jovial, marched over to Barbara and enveloped her into one of the biggest hugs he'd ever seen a small boy give; let alone any hug Damian had ever given. Hell, Bruce thought he was trying out a tactic in killing her before giving her a hug. He'd given him uncomfortable side-hugs and pats on the shoulder before, but they weren't really the hugging kind. Dick hugged everyone, especially Damian, but the current Robin never initiated any of it.

She seemed just as taken back by the exchange as he and everyone else watching was, but nonetheless patted his back in response. Dick looked a little jealous, but anyone could see his heart was melting too. 

"Um, thanks?" Barbara awkwardly said even as it was still happening. She'd transitioned into a slightly more relaxed response with her gloved hand petting the back of his head while her other hand rested on his back. He looked so tiny next to even her, when she wasn't even close to being the tallest member of the Bat-Family. 

He released his hold a bit, not the least embarrassed as anyone would expect, though Bruce realized he should stop expecting anything anymore. 

"Thank you." 

"For what?" She raised an eyebrow.

"For biting the bullet and engaging in sexual intercourse with Grayson just so I could have my revenge."

Bruce almost choked on his own tongue while Selina tilted her head back and exploded in body-quaking laughter.

Barbara spluttered, at a loss for the proper words, but Dick seemed immediately offended. "Hey, what's wrong with me?"

"Don't open that door, Grayson." Damian tutted. "Do not try and make Gordon's sacrifice about you."

Dick mouthed the word "sacrifice" in disbelief while Babs still tried to gain her footing.

"I didn't do it... Well, I did but not for... You know what? You're welcome."

"Babs!"

"It's easier this way." She muttered after Damian walked over to the opposite end of the roof, eagerly waiting like a kid on Christmas.

"Why would I enjoy this?" Bruce massaged his temples.

"All right, all right, let's get this the fuck over with." Jason's voice boomed as he joined them all on the roof, red dome shining in the moonlight. However, this was not where Bruce's eyes fell. Instead, they landed on the floral pink dress that his second oldest son donned on top of his usual gear. Even though his face couldn't be seen, he could feel the anger and frustration radiating off of him like heat. His body language was like that of a bear that was not to be poked, but was possibly getting the medicine he deserved the entire time.

Selina was back to cackling while he felt chuckles of his own escaping.

Upon realizing their presence, Jason snapped his head towards Tim. "Are you kidding me, Replacement?"

"Hey, it was all surrounded by their wedding. They had the right to see the results."

"Stop filming!" He pouted as everyone had their phones on record. Bruce just knew that Clark was going to have a field day over in Metropolis. Hell, Buzzfeed was going to have a day and a half too. 

"It's a little late, but here is that flower girl you were missing at the wedding." Damian beamed as he narrated his own recording. 

"I hate you all."

"Give us a little twirl." Steph's electronic voice boomed.

He flipped off every camera he could see to cover his bases.

"You know, I'm glad I didn't win. I don't think I can work that dress the way you do." Dick chuckled.

"You're damn right you couldn't!" Jason quipped back and then turned to Barbara. "I blame you. I was trying to set you up with a good time too."

"You were trying to set me up with a teenager!"

"... True."

"And you told everyone I was pregnant."

"... Also true."

"Hate to say it, but you deserve this." Cass smiled softly. "Looks good though."

"Yeah, well... It's only like a month."

"Plenty of time for pictures."

"Oh fuck off that's enough for tonight." He grumbled as he went to leap off the roof.

"Hey, Miss Todd?" Steph's voice echoed.

"What?"

"There's a robbery on 7th and I think you're the woman for the job."

Bruce didn't know what was going on, but he didn't want to know either. As Jason leapt into action dressed like a Raggedy Anne doll and everyone else burst into wheezing laughter, he realized it probably didn't matter anyway. It was good to see them seem normal for a change and laugh together like the best friends that they were. He hoped they held onto that and this night.

As he hung up and glanced over at his wife, who was still recovering from her own laugh attack, he smiled and realized he'd had more than an alright day. Not only did he get to walk away married, but his family was at peace (well, close to peace) too. Silently, he hoped to continue expanding the family too.

Oh, if he only knew what the next 9 months would be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, guys! Short like the prologue and covering all the bases. Hope you all enjoyed this as much as I loved writing it. Stay tuned for future installments (: ~Courtney


End file.
